From Dawn to Dusk
by ZeldaMoogle
Summary: Hilarity Ensues when two friends find themselves in the middle of a young-adult fantasy novel plot cliche that involves five very familiar warriors and a nasty cult that will do anything to get their hands on the armors. Adventure and whirlwind romancing abound. Caution: language and graphic situations, including detailed depictions of mental illnesses. / IN REWRITE
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to the 100,000+ behemoth of a work that has completely taken over my life for the past two weeks. I'm going to be straight with you all: This is a collaborative and _unashamed_ self-insert fanfiction **with the caveat that real-life things have been changed.** Obviously. Since it's a work of fiction. And to protect privacy. As such, I'm not telling you _what_ has been changed, so go ahead and try guessing, but you won't get any answers. My friend and I have written this _entirely_ for fun and felt like sharing, so we hope you get as much enjoyment out of it as we have had writing it.

One other important warning: Mental illnesses and other triggering situations appear in this story (PTSD, anorexia, purging, self-harm, imprisonment, parental abuse, cult material). Neither I nor my co-author will accept flames, _period_. Show some respect for people who live with these things on a daily basis. As always, though, _constructive_ criticism on the basis of the plot/style/etc is welcome.

Now, onward with the fun stuff! Cliches, fluff, action, and humor abound with only a dash of the absurd to add some spice. Let the Hilarity Ensue.

~ZeldaMoogle (and friend)

(P.S - Fanfic . net hates certain characters, so in the text conversation in this first scene, I've had to change the little lessthan3 hearts to indicated hearts. Bah humbug...)

(P.p.s - Rating dropped from M to T, but the above warnings still apply. A/N's before each chapter will provide additional warnings if necessary.)

 **UPDATE:** We've been noticing a trend beginning to grow and would like to clarify a misconception: These characters are self-insert, NOT OC's. As a result, they are not up for adoption. While my coauthor and I are flattered there are those of you who want to use our characters, these characters _are us_ and as a result are not for use by anyone but us. Obviously material belonging to the original creators is free to anyone (the Ronin, Warlords, Mia, White Blaze, etc.), but all other characters in this story are off limits. However, if you'd like to use our specific headcanons (autistic Rowen and Sage in particular), please feel free. Thank you.

 **UPDATE 2:** FDD now has a rewrite! Find us over at [fanfiction url]/s/12213945, or click on my profile for the new-and-improved version. ^_^

* * *

 **From Dawn to Dusk**

 **(And Everything in Between)**

 _Chapter 1_

I pulled my phone out of my bag after class, wiping the sweat off one hand and opening up Tessa's conversation with the other. She'd gotten to the computer some time while I'd been in self defence, and of course, more boy ramblings were the first thing on her mind at ungodly hours of the morning— it was barely past eight am in Japan.

A message full of kanji and a profound apology— she'd forgotten to switch her keyboard back to English, yet again—prefaced another gushing mini novel about Sage Date, the golden haired, violet eyed boy who was just a few months older than the both of us, filled out in a ramble that confirmed why she was not a poet but got the point across. He was cute and nice and supportive and everything her current boyfriend wasn't, leaving her torn between cheating, dumping him long distance, or passing up on Sage because she was taken.

 _When she really shouldn't be_ , I thought for probably the tenth time that week. She wasn't even talking to her boyfriend and he was still in her head, influencing nearly everything she did. Hopefully this prolonged period of no contact would get her to come to her senses.

'Dump your boyfriend long distance already,' I replied.

She popped up as typing almost immediately. 'But I can't! That'd be just… wrong. Breaking up over text.'

It was my sworn duty as her best friend and self appointed older sibling to get her safe. 'That's what you do to abusers, sis.'

'*siiiiiigh* I know I know but'

I snorted and shoved my sweaty clothes in my bag, pulling out a pear to sustain me for the half hour bus ride home. That was one part I disliked about having moved out: busing took an infinitely longer time, I didn't have my license nor could I afford a car, and I was soaking wet. This school didn't have showers and I didn't want to travel any farther than I had to— or go to a gym, for that matter.

'But nothing. I /know/ you can handle yourself physically, but with him convincing you to give in every time you stand up for yourself, text is the only way you /can/ break it off'

She was silent for a long while, long enough for me to catch the bus and settle down in my choice of empty seats. Nine thirty pm buses had their advantages for tired legs, even if being alone could get creepy. There were only three other people on the bus, and I could've sworn I recognized one of them.

'Sorry sis,' I said, hoping my tone was softer. 'But I hate how much he's hurting you'

'I know *heart* I just...'

'Need more time to think'

'Heh. yeah. Nooot that hunkasaurus is helping matters any D8'

'Actually he's helping plenty he's letting you know how you *should* be treated'

'*blushes* aw shucks, sis… Alright, how's this. I'll talk to the bf as soon as I get back and tell him it's off. I'm sure Sage… Well, I can get his number and stuff. Maybe it's not entirely a lost cause just cuz I come back.'

I rubbed the bridge of my nose in complete and utter exasperation. At least she was agreeing to break it off. 'Make sure your brother or someone is there to make sure he knows you mean business, okay?' I tried to lighten the mood a little more. 'Or I can come down and tell him to fuck off.'

'Heh. Will do… Maybe I can convince Sage to come back just for that. He'd totally do it, too, bushido warrior code and all. 8D' She sent a new message after, having read my second. 'LOL Thanks, sis *heart* ^^'

That got me to snort. 'Have I mentioned you're terrible yet this week?'

'Yep. You, too, sis *heart* ^_^'

I glanced up around me, putting my pear core in a plastic bag. 'In more depressing news, I think I know somebody on this bus… same guy again'

'Uhoh. Did you talk to the police, yet? That's seriously stalkerish.' She sent her next comment in another message. 'Maybe you need a Sage Date more than I do...'

'Nope. Not like they can do anything? I don't even know this guy's name, he has no relation to me, and I only see him on the bus. He doesn't even follow me'

'Hmm, guess you're right… Seriously, though, /be safe/. If you have to, beg the bus driver to walk you home. You have that little alarm chain you told me about?'

'Yep, right on my gym bag. And the buses do have safe stop at this time of night… but it has to be on the route, and my building isn't. But I'm in front of a ton of buildings, so I can just run if I notice him following me that far'

'Mfff… I still don't like it. =/ *snugs*' I was about to type something in, along the lines of _yes, I know, how do you think I feel considering it's happening to me directly?_ —because my sense of humour turned jet black under stress—before she started typing again. 'Aw, crap. I gotta go, it's time for daily meditation and I promised Sage I wouldn't skip this time. Remember, if someone grabs you, kick the snot out of them, Rosey-style. Love ya, sis *hugsnugs*'

I laughed softly. 'Go flirt with your boyfriend ;P I'll be fine. Thanks *heart* Love you, too, sis'

':P *heartheartheart* *glompoofs*'

I shoved my phone back in my bag, nobody else up at this time of night to talk to. I just wanted to get home and have a shower, especially since fighting was a much different workout after a week of dance recital practice and two weeks of doing nothing. I probably should've taken a longer break between the activities, but with how antsy I was, _not_ participating in something physical was absolutely detrimental. If I didn't have to go to work tomorrow, I'd probably take Ativan that night. There really wasn't quite anything like having one of three guys crop up on almost every single bus ride I took.

It was hard not to believe my parents had hired a private investigator to try and track me down. They'd already tried the cops. When I got a call from the detective on my cell and explained to him the situation— only spilling my side after he agreed it was completely confidential unless subpoenaed— he said he'd tell my parents there was nothing he could do because I was a legal adult and had chosen to leave their care completely willingly, adding an aside to me about my bravery for doing so. I'd even submitted my apartment to a search to make absolutely sure I hadn't been kidnapped, that I really did live alone with nobody to be dependent on. They were satisfied, the case was closed, and the cops refused to take on any other calls from my parents because it was just them being overbearing and everybody _but_ them saw it.

More than once I wished I had the funds to hire some sort of attorney to go after _them_ , especially my mother, but that was just a pipe dream. It didn't help every forensic show I ever watched told me that A- cops couldn't do anything until it got physical, and B- the determined would be criminals did what they wanted regardless of whatever piece of paper you had on them. The only way I could get them away was to put them behind bars, and they hadn't done anything worthy of that. Even if my friends all did believe I should charge them, I just showed them the track records of cases like mine in court with a flippant sigh.

Maybe that's the actual reason I'd taken up martial arts, but it's not like I was going to admit that to myself. It's not like I'd get the benefits immediately, anyway.

My stop came up and I rang the bell with a yawn. I got out through the front door to put some space between myself and that _creep_ , thanking the bus driver and stepping out into the cool June air. I should have known by now to bring a coat for nights there was the potential it'd get near twenty. After sweltering hot classes and my clothes thoroughly soaked in sweat, I got cold even in this weather.

There was nobody in the bus stop and nobody on the street. Come this time of night, the buildings were half dark from the world going to bed, and not many people were nuts enough to walk at ten o'clock at night.

A car turned on its lights right before I hit the lamp post and bushes surrounding it, something that sent Dusk raising red flags. I didn't want to appear too cautious, but my other hand went near my alarm anyway as I picked up my pace.

Only to hear somebody directly behind me grab my arms and wrench them back, effectively cutting off that escape plan.

Before I could even _think_ to scream, another came out from a different direction, brandishing a knife point to my throat. Everything about this said to be quiet, to do what they wanted, to get in the car now pulled up beside me on the curb.

They shoved me down to the floor, ripping my gym bag from my hands, before getting in and putting their feet on me as the car sped away— one heavy boot on the back of my neck, two to the backs of my legs. Able to snap bones in a heartbeat, with one on my neck enough to leave me paralyzed or dead. A blanket went over my body and their feet, hiding me. The whole event was over in maybe ten seconds, twenty if I was being generous.

"We're taking you back home," one of them said.

My blood ran cold. Every single one of my worst fears confirmed.

—/—

"Tessa-chan?"

I had to resist the urge to hastily slam my laptop closed when Sage Date announced his presence in my room, instead almost _gingerly_ easing it shut. If he _ever_ saw my long, rambling, and very embarrassing messages to Alexa, I wasn't sure what I would do—melt into a puddle of blushing skin at his feet, perhaps?

Oh, the curse of wearing my heart on my sleeve with nothing to do about it…

"Hai, Sage-senpai. I'm coming."

I mused about what my best friend had told me as I followed Sage into the greater halls of the Date mansion. If I were going to be honest with myself, she was right—Michael sucked. Looking back over how we got together, I wondered why I hadn't noticed his selfishness before. I'd been hooked by his good looks and apparent interest in my college fencing career, but by the time I actually _listened_ to Alexa and started noticing things, I already doubted my own good sense.

There were still some things in which he had absolutely no control over me, however—and fencing was one of them. So when he'd voiced reservations and even something akin to hatred about my excitement to study abroad in Japan, I gleefully told him to his face what I thought of his "concerns".

We hadn't had any contact since.

 _Now Sage, on the other hand..._ I couldn't help eyeballing the broad, rippling shoulders that towered over me as I followed my host brother out into a well-kept Japanese garden. His every movement spoke of the same grace I'd seen him display on the dojo floor, every muscle controlled seemingly effortlessly. I'd have to be senseless not to realize how it turned me on (especially the traitorous heat-making cells in my cheeks—sometimes I wished my ghostly-pale skin would actually tan, then maybe it wouldn't be so _obvious_ ).

It made sparring the young man _so incredibly distracting._

Ah, well, back to focusing… Or not. I mean, he was _right in front of me_.

"Maybe I do need to meditate more often," I muttered in English. (Not that I was sure it would help my cause—Sage had a nearly perfect command of that language, too, as did many well-educated Japanese.)

If he'd heard me, he didn't make any indication of it. Lucky for me—or maybe unlucky, I couldn't decide which—we came in sight of a gorgeous fountain, filled with karp and surrounded by sakura and hinoki. Every member of the Date family already ringed the intricate marble from which it was carved, kneeling on individual tatami mats as they awaited the youngest son and their gaijin guest. While the sun had been up for a few hours already (as I knew almost too specifically that Sage had, also), the clouds overhead helped to temper what was otherwise a humid and promisingly hot day.

While I enjoyed this time I was getting, the weather constantly reminded me of my own native Virginia, and an expected twinge of homesickness helped distract me from my boy problems.

Sage politely directed me to an open mat that had been left for me before settling onto his own a few feet to my right. A quick glance around the circle told me what I'd already suspected—Yayoi, Satsuki, Ojiisama, and Okaa- and Otousan sat stock still for another moment as Sage and I got settled. Then Ojiisama shifted to what had been explained to me as the lotus position, and everyone else followed. (Well, except me. I settled for a quarter-lotus, still attempting to find some amount of flexibility that I'd never ever had.)

By the end of the next hour, I learned the meaning of silence. And a few other things, but to be honest, it was quite a bit more boring than Sage had made it sound.

Tucking the rolled-up wooden mat beneath my kimono-robed arm, I hurried to follow after my host brother as the family trooped back indoors. "So, that's meditation," I began casually.

The secretive smile he flashed my way did nothing for my poor knees. _Damn hormones, go back to high school._ "Hai. It is how we focus our energy and rebalance the self before facing what is sure to be another difficult day of training."

"Mmhm." This one session didn't have me _entirely_ convinced of that, but I was willing to let it slide for courtesy's sake. I'd been in-country a month, but was still finding my command of the language and not feeling prepared for any sort of esoteric argument yet. "Speaking of training—" I smiled shyly down at the ground, wiggling my hands within the wide sleeves of my robe. "—when are we starting my lessons on the nodachi?"

"We can start as soon as you change into your gi."

My eyes went wide, but in deference for the calm _kendoka_ walking beside me, I managed to drop my excited whoop down to a huge grin and full-body wiggle. "Hai, sensei!"

With that sort of motivation—not to mention getting to be alone in a dojo with him in that ever-so-slightly open-necked uwagi that I loved seeing him wear—I was changed and kneeling in the middle of the small practice room in ten minutes flat. There was certainly something to be said for going to a military college; it taught tons of little time-saving rituals like how to dress and undress quickly. I almost wondered if that skill could be useful in another capacity, but managed to stave off _those_ thoughts through sheer force of will.

 _Maybe meditation is useful, after all,_ I mused.

Sparring proved equally useful; the form wasn't very different from the katana or any other Japanese blade, for the most part, so I could concentrate on adjusting to the huge (wooden) nodachi's weight and size instead of my positioning. For once, Sage's deep baritone didn't send me into daydreams but fueled my thirst for knowledge, correcting minor errors in technique and encouraging more strength from blows against the padded mat he held.

When I felt like the lesson was coming close to done, I glanced down at my watch. A mere half-hour had passed! _Are you_ kidding _me?_ I already needed another shower, and while I was accustomed to Virginia (and now Japan) heat and humidity, I still dreaded the thought of more than two showers in a day. Even at school, I literally revolved my schedule around when to take a shower. Now here I stood in the middle of the private Date dojo with a ginormous wooden practice sword in two hands, covered in sweat, and it was barely past breakfast time.

"Alright, that's enough for the first lesson, Tessa-chan." I looked up to see the subtle twitch of his lips that I guessed meant amusement; sometimes it was really hard to tell, when it came from Sage. I swear the guy had the best poker face I'd ever seen, and I don't think he'd ever played a single hand. The nodachi was gently pulled from my hand without resistance. "Go towel off; I'd like to speak with you, if you don't object."

Not sure whether the sudden warmth in my face was from my practice exertions or the that's-getting-old crush, I did as he instructed. My heart was still pounding in my ears from the workout and sweat dripping down the neck of my gi when I settled on my knees across from him. At first he appeared as serene as ever—and then something in his violet eyes flashed uneasily.

"You've caught on very quickly since your arrival."

The unexpected but no less appreciated praise restarted the hot-cold cycle. My smile came out more shy than I think I'd ever felt it. "A-Arigato, senpai. Um… Is that why you offered to teach me?"

Sage's returning smile was kindly. "In a way, yes. You have much potential, and I am eager to see your first kendo match." _Again with the compliments… Dangit, don't inflate my ego, Mr. Kendo Grand Champion!_ "But that's not precisely why I brought it up."

There he paused, not seeming sure how to continue. I told myself to wait patiently and tried not to shift too much, though my knees were starting to protest the enforced motionlessness. "To be honest, I'm rather curious—there have been few others I've met who caught on as quickly as you. I find you remind me of my own early days in kendo. Perhaps… Are you aware of anyone else similar to you?"

I blinked, caught totally off-guard. Naturally, I said the first thing that came to my thoughts. "Well, Alexa. The girl I talk to on Skype every week? We call each other sisters, though we're not related, because it's almost creepy how similar we are. She's taken to dance like a fish to water, not to mention a bunch of other things. Come to think of it, it's almost unnatural how quickly she picks up stuff..."

"A little like you with any kind of blade?" he pointed out, one eyebrow raised (the only one not hidden by blond bangs) and an amused smirk gracing those lips.

It took everything in me not to focus on that teasing gesture and how it made me squirm.

"Why'd you want to know?" I practically squeaked, reaching a hand back to pull my braid over my shoulder in a terrible nervous habit.

All amusement vanished. He seemed to debate with himself for a moment—lips pursed into a line—then slowly reached a hand into one pocket. When he withdrew it, a perfectly spherical, dark green crystal came with it. I stared, entranced by the way the slanting rays fell through the shoji and danced across the translucent mineral. A very familiar kanji— _rei_ , meaning grace or courtesy—shimmered close to the surface.

It boggled my mind to consider how that had gotten there without any obvious mark to show for it.

"There is a legend passed down in the Date family," he began quietly, voice as fine as new velvet. "It speaks of an ancient power which takes the shape of a mystic yoroi. Over a thousand years ago it was created, and then lost to time—but never forgotten. Six years ago, however, it sensed the impending approach of evil, and sought out a wielder worthy of its strength and virtue, _rei_."

My lips parted into an O, awed by the connection I made in my mind. "This is that yoroi." My eyes went from the palm-sized sphere to his grave expression. "It chose you."

I almost could have laughed, were he not so serious and the proof staring me in the face. Granted, it could be an elaborate prank and with Sage's poker skills, I'd never know. But staring down into the little marble-sized crystal, somehow, I _knew_.

That was no ordinary piece of rock.

"Hai, soo da. Namae wa kourin desu."

"Halo," I murmured, hoping I got the rough English translation close enough to the original idea that he'd approve. Then I frowned, recalling what started this conversation. "But, uh, what does that have to do with _me_?" I got the impression this was a pretty huge deal—and to tell someone outside his family, let alone a gaijin?

"I've been called the greatest kendo prodigy of the twenty-first century. Ojiisama is exceptional, but there's no way his training alone could account for my steady rise through the kendo ranks. Reporters knowledgeable in the sport sometimes commented that I fought as if I'd been involved for thirty years instead of a mere ten. I have friends who have shown similar talents—and in each case those skills could be attributed to a yoroi like Kourin."

I blinked. "Wait, _what_? There are _more_ of them?"

And then the final piece clicked together, and his motive suddenly made entirely too much sense.

"Oh my God," I blurted in English. My fingers felt like sticks as I fumbled for the leather braid necklace around my neck. When I withdrew the "pendant" at its end, I glanced back and forth between it and the Halo orb multiple times. "They're nearly identical!"

I'd had the darn thing for _years_. Dad had once made a comment shortly after it showed up out of nowhere in my room—I'd found it in a box of his old things—but when he asked where it came from, I'd felt compelled to lie and say a friend gave it to me. It never seemed to cross his mind again; but I always wore it. One time I tried to leave it behind for a week-long summer camp.

We had to turn around not five minutes from the house and go back for it.

I always felt protected with it around. The little half-sphere laid perfectly flat against my sternum, the charcoal-colored tint a shiny enigma that I now realized matched Halo's deep green patterning. Fueled by a desire at first to learn what its kanji meant, I'd since stepped beyond the one word to passionately embrace the entire language.

The thought made me snort. "This little thing is practically the reason I'm even _here_ ," I said in awe.

That secretive smirk was back. "They have their ways of making things happen when they want to," Sage affirmed. "If you have a yoroi orb, then your being here is certainly no mistake."

My nose wrinkled at that. Personally I thought God had brought me here—but then again, He used lots of different tools to see that His will eventually came about. Who's to say a mystical armor orb wasn't one of them? "Aaaalrighty then… So, how do I use it?" I twisted my face up staring at my orb, trying to see if there was something obvious I'd missed in the fifteen or so years I had it.

I pouted as he returned Halo to the pocket from which he'd taken it. "We'll work on that later. I suspect yours functions a bit differently than Halo, if you haven't been able to figure it out on your own by now." Even just the one violet eye turned directly on me was far more intense than I would admittedly give him credit for. I almost shrank back at it. "What I would like to know is how much more similar to you Alexa is than you think."

The way he worded that restored my courage. "You mean, Does she also have a yoroi orb?" I rephrased dryly, tucking the necklace back into my gi. "As far as I know, no." At his continued stare—'damn _why does he have to be so intense all the time?'_ —I squirmed. "Well… I'm due to Skype her tomorrow night. I could ask her then."

His warm smile considerably lightened the dark pall that had settled around us. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to sit in on the conversation. Perhaps I could simply ask her myself, then." My eyes followed his movements as he fluidly rose to his feet, making the normally tall man absolutely mountainous. Pursuant to his good breeding, a hand reached out in an offer of assistance should I wish to join him.

I was all too happy to acquiesce.

—

I'd thought tomorrow night couldn't have come fast enough, but contrary to my perception, it certainly arrived on time.

Normally I about bounced out of my chair waiting for my computer to load Skype, but that was a little harder to do without thinking when Sage sat so closely on my left. He still allowed plenty of appropriate space between our shoulders, and the shoji to my room was shoved wide open, but to me it could have been all of a millimeter or less for how _distracting_ it was.

Seriously, I was starting to grow tired of the walking hormonal bait, host brother or no.

(Actually that almost made it _worse_ because I tended to think of him more as an actual brother and that would be incestuous. But there was a reason they called them _host_ family, right? And then I still had my American boyfriend to dea—oh Hell I give up…)

I breathed a sigh of relief when my ancient computer finally produced the desired application. Humming contentedly, I slid the mouse over to my user nickname for Alexa. Smiling at the inside joke revolving around it, I clicked to open the dialogue box.

And frowned when I saw no new messages. The last one I'd sent her in regard to this very Skypeversation (as we termed them) stared mockingly at me. "Huh. That's weird…"

I swear it was as natural as breathing for him when Sage asked—mirroring my English—"What's wrong?"

Startled, I simply waved him off. "Nothing. She's usually a few minutes early and sends a message letting me know she's ready, but I guess she lost track of time today."

Then I checked the status icon—offline.

 _Ooookay something's fishy here…_

Praying nothing compromising showed up, I popped open Chrome; the Facebook page I'd shut down last time flashed on my screen, a newsfeed full of English statuses and the little pop-up chat box that pinged with Alexa's parting shot from our convo on Thursday.

The latest activity it registered was the same as the timestamp from the last message.

I swallowed, feeling my heartbeat crescendo. "Thaaat's not right."

Sage watched curiously as I dug through my purse for my phone. "Is the connection not working?"

I shook my head vigorously, swiping at the screen and tapping in my password. "No, nothing like that. It's just...the last messages she sent were yesterday morning, Wednesday evening her time. She—" I swallowed again, mouth suddenly dry. "She rarely goes a day without sending me _something_."

It took all of two more keystrokes to see that she hadn't texted me, either. We'd made sure to get international texting and calling while I was abroad, "Just in case." Praying she had simply had a complete brain fart and forgotten every one of her social media habits, I hit her speed dial.

Agonizing seconds went by as the ringer intermittently sounded. Even Sage's unexpected hand on my shoulder couldn't garner a response from me, so intently was I praying that my friend answered.

The last concerns she'd expressed to me about her unknown stalker flashed behind my closed eyes.

My heart dropped to my stomach when the preprogrammed voicemail kicked in.

"N-No…"

"Tessa…?"

It took too much energy to drop the phone on my desk and look at him. He must've seen the tears brimming in my eyes, because his hand moved from the one shoulder to encircle my torso.

Under any other circumstance, I might've jumped for joy at the contact. Now, I merely buried my face in his button-down shirt and sobbed. "S-Something's hap-happened to her, I-I just _know_ it," I hiccuped. "S-Someone was _stalking_ her, they'd been at it for a _month_ …"

His hand curled into a fist on the sleeve of my T-shirt. "I… I'm sorry, Tessa. I'd suspected, but… I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily."

I almost jumped back to be able to see his face, staring in disbelief. "What do you _mean_ , you "suspected"? How—"

"During meditation yesterday," Sage explained. "Halo felt restless, so I traced it through what was bothering it to another armor I'd never encountered before. It was distressed and— _scared_ , almost." His free hand raked through blond locks, and for maybe the third time ever I got to see his right eye. "I thought about saying something, but since we didn't know for sure she had an armor…"

My infant anger deflated in a deep, teary exhale; almost of its own accord, my hand clutched at his bicep, a gesture that sought comfort again. I kept thinking of how I'd imagined her text voice, sounding a little creeped out but not thinking it entirely out of the ordinary. The three perps had been following her since just before I'd left the States, and with me being at least one border away there was only so much I could do.

"I should've been more forceful," I said, thinking that it sounded a little like a confession. "I should've insisted she get a knife, or pepper spray, or _something_. But she's not aggressive like me, she'd never have felt comfortable carrying more than that little keychain alarm—"

Sage pulling me back into a hug cut off my ramble. "Tessa. Calm down. We'll find her. It'll be okay." I could feel him hesitate a moment, before saying, "I've told one of my friends the situation. He'll go find her, and if she's okay he'll let us know."

Confusion wanted me to pull out of his arms again, but I was too emotionally overwhelmed to do that. So instead I spoke into his neck. "What? How? It'll take at least thirty hours to fly over there and by then—"

" _Tessa."_ He almost sounded amused by my questions. "His armor is called Tenku—" _Strata_ , I mentally translated. "He can be in Canada in fifteen minutes. If something's happened, he'll let us know and start investigating while we arrange travel over there by more conventional means. We just need her address."

A stray sniffle aggravated my nose. The thought of someone being able to do that for me—for Alexa—helped unwind my tense limbs. It was a humbling realization, too. _God really_ does _know everything_ , I reminded myself.

I allowed a few more moments to master my emotions (and to remember I should be savoring this incredibly unexpected hug— _score!_ ) before wiggling back into my own chair. "Arigato, Sage," I mumbled, rubbing the remaining salt water from my eyes. And of course completely forgetting the proper honorific in my distraction.

Sage didn't seem to notice, however, merely smiling sympathetically at me. "If you need to talk, come find me. I'll tell you what Rowen finds as soon as I know; in the meantime, you might want to start packing."

* * *

Mkay so just in case any of the Japanese is confusing...! End of each chapter, as applicable, will have translation notes. Basically, whenever you see Japanese terms in an otherwise-English sentence (or at least the honorifics), for the most part it'll indicate the dialogue is in Japanese. It's...complicated, though, because later there will be mostly-English conversations with some Japanese terms because I figure that's what the guys are used to using.

Aaaanyway...! **Translation:**

- _gaijin_ : foreign

- _sakura, hinoki_ : two types of trees, a cherry and a cypress respectively.

- _ojiisama/okaasan/otousan_ : grandfather/mother/father

- _nodachi_ : basically a 6' long Japanese sword, pretty much the big brother of the katana

- _kendoka_ : practitioner of kendo; kendoist

- _uwagi_ : the specific term to refer to the top part of the kendo uniform; the lower part (basically pants) are hakama; the term "gi" specifically means "clothes" in Japanese

- _shoji_ : paper-like sliding doors of a traditional Japanese house

- _yoroi_ : armor. (You'll see this term interchanged with the English a _lot_ in this story.)

-"Hai, soo da. Namae wa kourin desu." = "Yes, that's correct. Its name is Kourin."

 **EDIT:** -mutters about technology as she finally fixes the lack of italics in the first chapter- -goes to check various and sundry other chaps for same issue- Mkay there. Now this should read like it's _supposed_ to...


	2. Chapter 2

This ended up being a very much Tessa-centric chapter. When we wrote, we had noooo thought for chapters—just wrote as the scenes wanted to be written and putting scene breaks where appropriate. So the resulting "chapters" have come as a sort of after-thought.

Anywho—let the search begin!

(Applicable **warnings** : language, kidnapping themes. Oh, and hormones run rampant. =P)

* * *

 _Chapter 2_

I couldn't exactly be sure how Sage's friends managed getting tickets for five on the next plane out of Tokyo, but they did. Maybe it helped that I got the impression they were mostly super-rich heirs to very well-off Japanese families (I'd heard the Mouri and Koji names a few times before even flying over).

One thing's for sure—they were all incredibly _good-looking_ people. What is it with Japan and gorgeous people?

Cye Mouri was adorable. I got the feeling he was normally the shiest of the four I was meeting, but around them, that completely dissolved in laughter and good-natured banter. He and Kento Rei Faun seemed almost inseparable, which I later found too hilarious because Cye loved cooking and Kento loved eating. Dark-haired and gorgeously-tanned Ryo Sanada had no qualms joining in the merry-making, he and Kento almost getting involved in some impromptu wrestling matches before we even stepped into the terminal.

Mia Koji greeted me with a tight hug and very sincere apology for what had happened to Alexa, followed by a wish that we'd find her soon. She and Rowen Hashiba had already started going over the information I'd sent her, some old clips of Alexa talking to me in snippets of French as well as our standard English. I wasn't exactly sure how that was supposed to help, but they seemed to think it would, so it eased my nerves incrementally.

Sage made sure to stick with me all through our long, arduous flight. I'd been prepared to make this trip again at the end of my stay, but not _this_ soon. By the time we landed in Ottawa, I'd gotten little to no sleep between worrying about Alexa and the God-awful turbulence.

I already envied Rowen his ability to pop into the atmosphere and then back to earth (and I hadn't even _met_ the guy yet). Damned jet-lag was going to be the death of me.

My looming shadow apparently noticed how out of it I was, because he grabbed both his and my carry-on _and_ my purse in one hand and pulled me to my feet with the other. Even through sleep-deprived thinking, I was able to marvel at the display of strength. I'd seen Kento prop two of our suitcases over either shoulder as if they were nothing more than simple garden tools, but it seemed all of Sage's friends were nearly or just as ripped. I had no qualms about going through customs in a sleepy daze, with the four of them arrayed in a defensive square around me.

 _Wait 'til Alexa gets a load of this,_ I chuckled to myself. _Even if she's ace, I'm pretty sure she has eyes enough to know_ gorgeous _when she sees it._

Checking out a rental car proved way easier than I'd thought; I guess Mia really planned for everything and had the reservation waiting. Cye was just a few months past his 21st birthday—we'd just celebrated Sage's not two weeks ago—so no one looked twice when he took the key and his international license back from the rental kiosk attendant.

Cars had always dropped me off to sleep almost supernaturally easy. In my condition, I had not an inkling of resisting that siren call now. Sage still stuck close to me, so I got to fall asleep against his shoulder on the back bench of our mini-van while Cye navigated to the hotel with Ryo's help. Kento elected to take the driver side bucket chair, and that was the last thing I remembered for a while.

I guess I didn't even wake from my sleep of the dead when we reached our destination, because I next came to consciousness with my face buried in a fluffy hotel pillow. Soft voices filtered into my cotton-stuffed ears from some unknown distance away, and sunlight stretched its fingers into my eyes. With a groan, I rolled over and burrowed deeper into the pillow, wishing I could just drift back to sleep.

Then my brain finally registered that I was _not_ in the Date mansion, and everything that had happened came rushing back. I hadn't thought I could shove my face any further into the fluffy comfort I now hugged, but apparently I thought wrong.

Of course, that made it a _little_ too hard to breathe around new sobs and tears that I tried valiantly to stem—but I couldn't help it. My big-sister-of-my-heart was missing, had been stalked, had told me she'd suspected her abusive mom but there hadn't been anything I could do and just _thinking_ about it almost depressed me—okay, Hell, it _did_ —and even though I found myself wrapped up in so-ridiculous-I-had-to-be-living-a-novel levels of adventure with hot guys who could use mystical armor powers, I still felt a complete wreck.

I was so wrapped up in my pity party that I didn't hear someone come into whatever room this was. The first inkling I had that I wasn't alone was the warming of my orb against my chest, and then a soft hand on my bare shoulder. If I'd been able to pay closer attention, maybe I would have realized that that wasn't Sage's shinai-callused palm on my skin (wait a minute, when had I changed into my PJs…?).

Instead, I unthinkingly rolled into someone's lap and hugged them around their considerably skinny torso.

 _Wait, Sage is_ way _more built than that…_

And I looked up into some of the most incredible midnight-blue eyes I'd ever had the privilege to see.

The boy didn't seem to know how to handle this unorthodox greeting. "Uh, ohayoo gozaimasu."

"O-Ohayoo…" Then it finally hit me how I was not very decently clad and wrapped around a complete stranger. Not to mention still softly sniffling, the salt not yet dry on my cheeks from copious tears and eyes probably a shade of red a tomato would be proud to wear. I jumped and crawled backward into the headboard as if scalded by hot water. "Gomenasai, gomen, gomen, gomen—"

He lifted his hands placatingly, and I was struck silent by how long and slender they were. _Archer's hands_ , I thought. Come to think of it, his entire build screamed tall and lanky and twiggy. A mop of dark blue hair just a shade or two lighter than his eyes barely stayed in place behind a blue headband (guess that was his favorite color—and it _worked_ on him), though one thick piece fell between his eyes like a horse's forelock.

Sage? Sage who?

 _...Damnit._

"Are you alright?"

I blinked at the sudden shift to English. And I'd thought Sage had a flawless use of my native language… If I didn't know better, I'd say this guy was born in the US. "S-sorry—yeah, I'm—you kinda startled me, I was expecting someone else…"

The back of my neck joined my face in turning beet red; I massaged it self-consciously, unable to look him in the face. _DAMNIT what is wrong with me and talking to cute guys? I can't crush on one without it being obvious, now I'm crushing on_ two _and I haven't even known him for thirty seconds!_

 _I'm doomed._

He must have seen the panic on my face, because he smiled nervously and stood— _holy crap he's taller than Sage!_ —and hurried to the other side of the room. That gave me a moment to see I was in a one-bed portion of what I guessed was our hotel suite, the bathroom conveniently attached for my privacy. I got a glimpse of the adjoining living room through the open door and heard the other guys in serious discussion before Rowen came back with a glass of water.

Right, Rowen. _That_ was his name.

I was going to _kill_ Sage for not telling me how attractive all his friends were. Damned kendoka, keeping a secret like that. I about died of a heart attack, and the way I saw it, he owed me one for it.

"Thanks," I whispered, carefully avoiding touching his skin as I took the glass. Oddly, it felt good to say that one English word; I'd been using "arigato" for so long now it was almost second nature, and had had to think about not saying the Japanese instead.

An _un_ expected pang of homesickness hit me, and I was grateful for the excuse to chug a few gulps of lukewarm tap water.

"Feeling better, now?" he asked, forehead still creased with concern.

I couldn't let the poor guy keep thinking he'd upset me. I smiled, trying not to revert to shyness. "Yes, thank you. Um…" Screwing my courage to the sticking place, I shoved a hand out for him to shake. "Tessa Schildknecht."

The complete absurdity of my German last name helped to relax my smile into a grin. I loved seeing people react to the nearly-unpronounceable cacophony of syllables—nine times out of ten, or ninety-nine times out of a hundred, people completely screwed it up.

To my utter shock, he just grinned and clasped my hand in a firm shake—repeating me exactly. "Rowen Hashiba. Hajimemashite."

My jaw dropped, but not the handshake. "How in the—"

I didn't think his smile could have gotten bigger, but it did. "I've studied six different languages since the time I was five. After a while you start to get really good at mimicry and sounding things out."

"Yeah, and he's got an IQ of 250, big whoop." Kento's voice had my hand jumping from Rowen's in a split second. We looked up to see him leaning casually against the doorjamb, a long-suffering expression of amusement on his face. "Now c'mon, you've met the fifth member of our little gang, and our self-proclaimed strategist needs to get his skinny ass in here and start planning."

"It's not like you all weren't doing perfectly well on your own," Rowen retorted, though he stood and moved toward the living room anyway. "Figured _someone_ had to check on Tessa to see if she was awake."

That got an eyebrow raised at him. "What, afraid someone might break your record for length of time spent unconscious?"

I could barely see Rowen's eye-roll before a swift motion ended with Kento being put in a headlock. "Nope. Just trying to be courteous, is all. Besides, I thought we were almost done planning; she'd have needed to get up soon anyway."

He kicked the door shut behind him with one foot, Kento's vociferous protests not drowned out in the slightest by the thin wood. A flood of emotions came over me—all of them so strong that I was only able to bust out in uncontrollable laughter.

Once I finally managed to get myself back under control, I went through my regular morning routine, throwing in a rare, irregular morning shower to get the travel and sleep gunk off my skin. I might be fascinated by travel-via-plane, but it didn't mean I _liked_ feeling nasty and sticky for thirty-six hours. Something in me desperately wanted to consider my new boy-situation while I had some time alone, but the hot water washed it all away and helped to remind me why I was even here in the first place.

 _First, Alexa. Then I can figure out what the hell my hormones are trying to tell me_.

I emerged half an hour later, fully dressed, to see that the guys had all their stuff stacked neatly by the door. Somehow my suitcase had made it over there, too, except the toiletries case in one hand and my rumpled PJs in the other. Shrugging and chalking it up to the guys having made a decision, I simply stuffed the excess articles where they belonged before turning to the assorted males sprawled about the living room/kitchenette.

"So, what's the plan?" I directed to no one in particular, hands on hips.

"Once Cye finishes cooking lunch—" Kento started.

"We're going to retrace Alexa's steps—" came from Ryo next.

"Starting from where I left off," Rowen amended.

"To try to piece together what exactly happened—" Sage finally got a word in.

"And then track her to wherever whoever took her," Cye finished, tossing it over his shoulder almost nonchalantly.

I blinked. "Do you guys always finish each other's sentences?"

"No," came the five simultaneous responses. Five annoyed glares shot about the room; if I had had more of a sense of humor, I would have jumped everywhere trying to avoid the lasers that followed their paths.

" _Anyway_ ," Ryo emphasized, stepping forward as apparent de facto leader. "We'll grab some food to hold us over, head out to the apartment, and try picking up Alexa's trail from there. Unfortunately the perps have a good three days' lead on us, but hopefully they don't know about or underestimate the power of our armors."

My agitation must have been obvious, because Sage stood and approached. "We'll find her, Tessa. Have faith."

 _Have faith…_ That was a funny thing to say, coming from him—I was pretty sure not a single one of the guys were Christian, but Sage certainly knew I was. A newfound respect for him welled up in my chest at the consideration. I simply smiled in response.

"Hey, Cye, you got that food done yet? I'm STARVIN'."

The reaction was immediate and as unanimous as their earlier reply to me. " _KENTO!_ "

—

Half an hour later, we pulled up to Alexa's apartment complex. Bright sunshine beat down on us as our menagerie of American-looking Japanese boys and one actually-American girl spilled out of the minivan. A sense of awe and some other unnamed feelings washed over me.

I'd always said I would come visit her, someday. I never thought that day would come so soon—or under such circumstances.

Four of the five fanned out, Ryo and Kento following Rowen to where they could climb the rear balconies to the rooftop. I was still skeptical exactly _how_ they proposed to slip into her thirteenth-story window without announcing the armors' existence to the sprawling metropolis, but Rowen assured me they had a few tricks up their sleeves. Cye wandered around inspecting the swimming pool, parking lot, and road, while Sage simply closed his eyes and remained stock still.

 _Wehlp, I feel totally useless, now._

"Did she say where she was last you spoke with her?" he asked me quietly.

I'd been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I had to suppress a small jump. "Um… She was on the bus on the way back from self-defense class. Said the same guy who'd been following her for a month was on it, too. If I had to guess, I'd say they planned to jump her after she got off."

Without explanation and without opening his eyes, he began to walk away from where we'd parked near the outdoor pool, making for the next building northward. My jaw hung loose as he easily navigated the treacherous ground, and then hung a little looser when Cye appeared out of nowhere in front of us. "Haven't seen a trace of her. It's just like Rowen said—the only possible clue is tire marks on the pavement where she would have passed by from the bus stop to the apartment."

Sage nodded, eyes still closed and posture taking a thoughtful demeanor. "I can feel it… The path is in fragmented pieces and worn over with others' passing. But even without meditating to confirm it, I can feel her fear."

My fist clenched reflexively, despair roiling through my heart. Poor neechan… I wished I could have been there to stop it. The thought only made me feel worse, knowing there was no way I could have been, even if I'd known ahead of time. Even had I skipped my trip to Japan and instead come up here... Who's to say they wouldn't have waited 'til I left? Or just taken me with her—and _then_ where would that leave us.

"Can you trace her, Sage?"

I opened my eyes to see that Sage had, as well, frowning. "Maybe. It's a few days old, but the strength of her emotions should give us something." His eyes unfocused, staring off into the distance opposite the climbing sun. "They went southwest…"

And that was when I began to really understand exactly how large Canada was.

—

I stubbornly spent a majority of the seven-and-some-change-hour-drive in one of the bucket seats, refusing to acknowledge what boredom and being stuck in a car with five hot guys demanded I think about. Sage, Cye, and I traded off driving, seeing as we were the only three with licenses valid in North America. Ryo, Kento, and Rowen helped, though, deciphering maps on phones and on paper whenever the rest of us needed a nap or to rest our eyes. The trip probably took a little longer than it should have, what with the numerous stops to switch drivers—especially for Sage to meditate whenever we dropped off the trail—and fill Kento's (and Rowen's) stomach(s).

Rowen certainly didn't brag about it, but he _definitely_ had an appetite to match Kento's.

At last, we reached the Greater Toronto Area. Almost for the first time in the whole drive, a soft smile relaxed my deep frown—I was thinking of the relatives I knew lived somewhere around here, though I'd rarely met any of them except my dad's goofy cousin. The phrase _"And it went_ everywhere! _"_ in the most flamboyant tone I could muster flitted through my mind, eliciting a chuckle at how that cooking disaster had turned into a family classic.

"Cye, take the next exit," came the sudden and alarming hiss from Sage.

I glanced sharply from the window to see him half doubled-over, one hand to his eyes and the other braced against the back of Ryo's seat. "Sage—"

"I'm fine," he growled to me. No one else said anything, and Cye simply obeyed the order as soon as traffic allowed.

It didn't take long for him to pull off the exit into a gas station parking lot, the only sound to break the silence being the engine's hum. When no apparent explanation was forthcoming, Ryo asked, "Do you sense something?"

 _No duh, Sherlock_.

Sage simply nodded. I was shocked to realize he was shaking ever so slightly. "There was a hand-off nearby." He finally straightened himself with some difficulty and pointed through my window, indicating somewhere in the opposite direction of the highway we'd just left. "Something spooked her energy; for me to feel it from here..."

I had to choose between staring out the window—which made my gut twist painfully—or finding something in the van to pin my eyes on. I settled with the pocket of the seat in front of me, desperately trying to block out images of my friend terrified and hurt, not knowing what might happen next...

A gentle touch on my shoulder pulled me out of the downward spiral; I looked behind me to find Rowen offering a soft smile. At the same time, my peripherals caught Sage shifting to face me. "She's fine, Tessa. I would be able to feel if she had been badly injured."

And my hormones started warring with each other again. AKA, "I could do nothing but maybe vaguely nod my head yet mentally I wanted to scream at the tension threatening to eat me from the inside out."

This was one of those few, few times I envied Alexa her demiromantic orientation.

"Should we get out and see where it leads?" Kento asked dubiously.

I could have kissed that man for breaking the awkward silence—and I completely would not have minded because he was one of three in the immediate vicinity which I was NOT crushing on.

"No," Sage said, turning frontward to speak with him. (I breathed a small sigh of relief, but Rowen's hand tightening on my shoulder negated that.) "They continued a ways from here. Let's get closer to the city before stopping for the day."

—/—

From the light I could see from the air vent in the blankets, it was almost daybreak, a time I normally did not ever see unless insomnia was hitting me _particularly_ hard, or I had a red eye flight somewhere— or, what qualified as a red eye flight for me. We'd been driving all night.

The boot on the back of my neck pressed down, forcing an arch and getting my trachea against the carpet of the car. "Now listen here. We're going to pull over, get you in the middle seat, and you're going to go meet our friends at the rest stop. You'll be completely quiet. They'll get you whatever you want— you're probably hungry, aren't you? They'll get you some food."

I didn't have room to nod and didn't dare squeak, although anxiety had done a significant number on my appetite.

"And you're not going to try anything."

He eased up pressure, allowing me to reply. "Yes, sir."

I periodically said nobody knew how to lie like an abuse victim, and lord knew I could keep such a solid story that nobody would believe it wasn't true. My lack of facial expression in day to day helped tremendously— most of the tell tale lying signals were me in a good mood, and lies required a whole different skillset.

They let me up and showed me my bag. "Figured I'd play with your phone a little bit. Battery's dead."

 _Of course_.

Before I could reach for it, the man pulled it back and unclipped my alarm, folding it into his hand. "You won't be needing this."

 _That's what my voice is for, idiot_.

People who'd heard me scream said I should be cast in horror movies. I had the perfect combination of pitch and sheer volume, my voice carrying for a dozen feet in regular speaking. If I got into the right situation, and there was the right circumstance, it would get me out of trouble.

Dusk hummed patiently under the surface of my skin, keeping my anxiety down as they let me out of the car towards a new one fifteen feet away, almost completely hidden in the dark. Another man got out of it and started walking towards me for the handoff. However I was already half jogging around the trunk towards the station in what looked like an excited rush to get a break. I left behind hissed commands to get back here and car doors opening to catch me, but they underestimated my speed. By the time they were standing I was already inside.

I grabbed the first thing in reach on my way to the cash— thankfully it was nuts it would be somewhat familiar— and got my credit card out in _full_ sight of the cameras and cashier. They went on the counter and she scanned them immediately, just as the bell rang.

A moment later, the man from outside was behind me. "You sure you want that, hun? We should get going."

I glanced up, flashing the card so the cashier knew what I was paying with. He couldn't rip my hand away unless he wanted to appear abusive. Both of us knew it. "I'm hungry."

"C'mon, let's just go."

I inserted it into the machine. "I'll just be a minute. Go out and wait in the car."

"You know you've walked past the rental five times since we've been traveling, you'll forget."

I entered in my PIN, letting my hair cover the side of my face and using my thumb to press the keys under the cover of my hand; I didn't want them to leave a false paper trail to muddy my tracks. "It's nearly bought, you're just whining."

He huffed. "You're so stubborn. Had you just listened in the first place we could be on the road by now!"

I exhaled softly as the transaction read 'approved', trying to hide my triggered nerves from his raised voice. Still, I managed to smile at the cashier when she handed over the purchase— a transaction small enough most people normally paid by cash. But I couldn't afford to _not_ leave a paper trail.

The receipt was timestamped for 4:54 am, in a place I had no business being, at a time I never had contact with the outside world unless I'd had a long string of communication before. The cameras would mark I was alive, unharmed, _and_ with a man leaning over my shoulder. I looked up directly at the camera to double check the range, hoping beyond hope he'd be dense enough to follow my line of sight.

He glanced up before grabbing my arm and tugging me away. I'd pushed him too far. The rising sense of being In Trouble made it difficult to think.

He ushered me out of the store and nearly ripped the bag out of my hands. "You shouldn't be eating that."

I held my arm out as far as I could so it was out of reach. "I'm _not_ _part of them_ anymore."

"You were one of our brightest," he growled. "You belong with us and you know it."

"I don't know how you found me," I hissed, flexing my arm and ripping it out of his grip with what little self defence I had learned. "But you will _never_ take me back."

He didn't grab me again, them always having some idea of personal boundaries and how to manipulate situations to make others feel safe. "You wanted to be caught, didn't you? Your soul craves coming back."

I laughed, a single bark, staying firmly in place and crossing my arms. "I had a guy ready to slit my throat and you call that 'wanting'? You do know how stupid you sound, right?"

His eyes narrowed. "You don't have a choice."

"Gee, ya think?" I pulled open the bag, munching on the nuts without moving away from the door. I was still in sight of the cashier, still in sight of the cameras. Every sound was another potential kidnapper, but so long as I stayed _right here_ , they couldn't touch me without making an even bigger scene than I already was. I trembled at how much I was disobeying them and I knew I would be in a world of hurt for going against them the minute I was alone with those damned cultists but I knew how kidnappings got solved and that was the single thing on my mind. The whole time I studied him, memorizing his features should I be asked to identify him. Should I be _able_ to file a police report. Anxiety threatened to overwhelm me again at his glare.

I had no way of knowing if they would kill me on their way if I kept resisting, or if they'd kill me regardless of what would happen, but I felt Dusk's draconian growl deep in my chest and stood my ground.

"You're exhausted," he said softly, but his face did not match his voice. "C'mon, you can sleep in the car."

"I already slept." Not a whole lie, enough to pass it off as truth.

"I can get you something else at the next stop, something more substantial."

I finished the nuts and grabbed a pen I kept in my gym bag, writing my name on the tiny price sticker and walking over to the garbage. My hands shook to the point it was barely recognizable as my handwriting, but it was clearly my name. One more step. Out of range, out of safety.

Somebody else grabbed my hand over the trash and pressed a knife into the back of my wrist, hard enough to scrape. As if it needed the touch to be intimidating. Immediately I froze, the blade burning the back of my hand in an all too familiar fashion. Dusk retreated into me, not having the strength or willpower to try and combat the dark shadow taking over my whole system at seeing _that_ again. My voice was caught in my throat from trying not to scream. I knew these blades I had felt these blades I had hoped to never see one again.

He smiled. "You're going to go with him, and you're going to go right now."

I swallowed, hard, contorting my hand to tuck the wrapper between the plastic lining and the wooden holder. Tears pushed up to my eyes at the spreading contact; fire was faintly visible around the edges of the knife. Somehow, I managed to speak. "I was going already."

"Sure you were."

My voice turned pleading on its own accord. _Make it stop please make it stop I'll do what you want._ "Let me go, then."

He did, the knife releasing and leaving an angry fan of red, but not enough to bleed. The flames likely would've stopped anything from coming up, if it was just light. It wasn't purple, this time, meaning the fire was different or it was simply one of their warnings, not an actual intent to cut away. I almost wished I had the self destructive tendencies to jam my hand into the blade and leave my DNA behind, but my hand was shaking so much I couldn't do anything past gross motor skills.

I couldn't take my eyes off my hand and the trash can and that small piece of metal. It had control over me and I didn't want to incur its wrath again.

He shooed me forward with a threatening poke in my direction, back into his accomplice's grip. I jumped back like a scared cat and quickly followed orders, having to consciously put one foot in front of the other to keep from collapsing on the ground. It would draw attention to me which meant they'd make it worse which meant I'd see more of those blades before the authorities could even arrive. If anybody was even watching. Nobody ever watched this cult.

The first man loaded me up into a new car, the back seat again, ordering me down once we were out of sight for the cameras. There was a blanket already there. The script had been set in the previous vehicle. I nearly swore multiple times as my trembling body refused to unfold it the first try. Before I could get barked at for being too slow, I managed to curl up under the thick fabric.

Hopefully they didn't know how much power I drew from the dark.

—/—

I could have _killed_ Kento for suggesting we split into pairs.

Rowen instantly volunteered to go with me. Somehow the guys had no objections to that, though I saw Sage shoot a narrow-eyed look at his friend that I totally did not understand. _Maybe he's finally getting protective of me, now we're in the middle of a duck hunt and my best friend is the duck._

That thought didn't comfort me, so I wrenched my attention back to the plan. Ryo and Sage would drop off myself with Rowen, and Kento with Cye at two different locations near where Alexa's trail had gone cold. They'd go to a third likely spot for the hand-off Sage had described, and the guys would holler over the phone or their nifty telepathic armor link if they found anything.

In the meantime, it was good ol' fashioned police work for us.

We'd been wandering through some nameless suburb for more than two hours already, Rowen insisting on stopping at any and all convenience stores we came across to see if anyone recognized Alexa's Facebook profile picture from my phone. So far, no luck, and I was getting grouchy and irritable in a way that normally only happened a week at a time. My feet were starting to ache (as used to marching as I was), it hadn't taken five minutes to be coated in sticky sweat _again_ (not that I wasn't familiar with _that_ , either), and Rowen's damned muttered musings were starting to cut through my already frayed nerves.

I tried to shove my hands further into my capri pockets, wishing I'd chosen a loose pair of shorts instead with pockets that actually fit my whole hand so I really _could_ jam my hands in deep. My shoulders came up, my head went down, and my feet began uncharacteristically shuffling until I spotted a welcome bench out of the corner of one eye. Not caring if Rowen walked on without me, I dropped heavily into it and stared at my sneakers.

"Tessa?"

Damn. Did Strata give him a special "Tessa's in distress" sense, or something?

I resolutely kept staring at the ground, not watching to acknowledge him even as he sat on the bench beside me, the faint rustling of his backpack sliding from his shoulders to fill the space between us. Grateful for that much, I finally muttered, "Let's take a break for a while. We're getting nowhere."

He rummaged around in the backpack for a few minutes before shoving a water bottle under my nose. I stared at the plastic contraption as if it had grown a mouth and was trying to eat me. "Drink. It'll help you feel better."

I'd always been terrible about drinking water, even during exercise when I had a convenient Camelbak strapped to my shoulders. _Hope this doesn't become a Thing—him forcing water down my throat every hour._

My sense of humor decided to rear its ugly head. I continued to eyeball the water dubiously. "How do I know you haven't poisoned it, or laced it with some sort of anesthetic so you can drag me off to God-knows-where when I fall asleep?"

The guy apparently couldn't take a joke—when I looked up to see his reaction, he was staring at me in surprise. "Why would I do such a thing?"

There was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to keep tugging on his chain. "Well let's think about it: You were way too eager to take Kento up on the pair idea because it meant you could be alone with me, and I've known you for all of maybe a day. Since I'm friends with Sage and you know he'd kick your ass to Kingdom Come if anything happened to me, you'd have to be sneaky about any sort of plan to get me alone."

If there had been any crickets around and the time were about twelve hours later, it would have been utterly silent. Rowen didn't seem to know how to respond to my implications, which was all well and good to me.

It was about time I got to play with the guys, instead of them playing with me.

 _OHkay Tessa time to turn away from_ that _wordplay._

Seriously, sometimes I scared _myself_ how R-rated my muse could get. And I live with the darn girl in my head 24/7.

Finally Rowen just dropped the water bottle in my lap and fumbled to close the velcro pouch on his backpack. "C'mon, drink up, and we'll go tackle that gas station across the way." (Was it just me, or was he forcing a cheery demeanor to cover up the faint blush growing on his nose?) "If we don't find anything there, we'll call in to the guys that this part of town is a bust."

I shrugged, unscrewing the top and taking a _very_ long, _very_ tasty pull from the chilled water. _Fair 'nough._

And then we stepped onto the premise two minutes later.

Rowen's spine immediately went ramrod-straight, his feet screeching to a halt half a step later. Whatever it was that stopped him in his tracks, the moment I came level with him, I felt it too. Energy arced up and down my spine, an invisible tremor that made me shudder. Frustration, anger, terror, despair all tugged at my body—though judging by the way Rowen stared at nothing, and didn't move a muscle, he was feeling it more strongly than me.

It took longer than it should have for me to find my voice, practically all the air having vanished from my lungs with the force. "R-Rowen? What…?"

He finally shook himself out of the trance, seeming just as disturbed and breathless as I was. "She definitely passed through here. I've let Sage and the others know." His hand took my wrist in a grip that brooked no argument. "C'mon. Let's find out who's seen what around here."

The place was tiny—no more than three inside and two outside racks of food and other convenience items. Two registers were manned by one bored-looking cashier, an older woman probably in her forties with early gray hairs worming their way out of her temples. On the other side of the doors (which mirrored the ones we'd come in), three paint-chipped pumps stood empty except for a shiny red sedan filling up.

I could see why this place would appeal to Alexa's kidnappers—there couldn't have been more than two or three security cameras.

The woman perked up all of a micro-decibel when we approached the counter.

"Excuse me, ma'am."

Once she saw we had nothing from the store in our hands—and possibly the fact she had garnered Rowen's attention—she roused herself to speak. "What can I do for you?" she replied, smoothing her wrinkled cashier's shirt.

I had to resist the urge to mock-gag. "A friend of ours went missing, and we were wondering if anyone's seen her."

That was my cue to open my phone to the ready-loaded Facebook page. "Do recognize her? She would have probably passed through with some tough-looking guys about four days ago."

The "tough-looking guys" was a bit of a guess on my part. But it couldn't hurt to add it, considering the odds.

Hope leapt into my throat when the woman's eyes sparked to life. "Oh, yeah. Couldn't possibly forget _her_. I was wonderin' when someone would come asking."

"Really?" I squeaked, hands jumping to grab at the counter. "Oh _please_ tell me she's okay, I've been worried _sick_ —"

Rowen's tight squeeze on my shoulder brought the train to derailment. He smiled politely at the attendant, otherwise ignoring me. "Would she have happened to purchase anything, or said anything about where she was going, Ms. Evellyn? If you can remember anything, it would be _very_ important to us."

 _Huh? How'd he—_ Then I looked at her nametag and mentally slapped my forehead. _Duh_.

The way she practically twittered at Rowen nearly _did_ make me sick, this time. "Oh, of course! Here, let me see if I can dig up some old receipt—I think she got something very small, almost not worth paying with a card…"

Another squeeze of my shoulder thankfully drew my attention away from Evellyn as she bent to search for it beneath the counter. The smirk and wink he directed at me brought my thoughts crashing back into the gutter, damn him.

"Stay here. I'm going to poke around outside. If she got something, maybe she left us a clue elsewhere."

 _Smooth-talking sonofabitch. How dare he do that and then leave me here by myself…_

There was no extra time to stew over that, though, because Evellyn straightened at the same moment that the little bell dinged above the portal. She glanced around in bewilderment, then pouted at the door swinging shut behind Rowen. I cleared my throat noisily before she could lament his "disappearance". "Is that the receipt?" I asked, sickeningly sweet.

"Looks like it. Bag of peanuts, far too early in the morning for someone like her to be out on her own. Some big man was harassing her as she tried to buy it—gave me the creeps."

I almost snatched the receipt from her. "Thank you! Much obliged," I chirruped, digging for the five dollar bill I knew I had in the outside pocket of my purse.

What? I'm annoyed, not unpolite. And after Rowen's example, how could I let him show me up? Or maybe I'd been hanging around Sage too much…

I found Rowen sitting—of all places—cross-legged against the wall, a _laptop_ —of all things—propped on his knees. He stared intently at the screen, fingers typing away even faster than I could manage.

And that's saying something, for how much I wrote stories on the computer.

"What are you doing?"

The casual response floored me. "Hacking into the security footage."

"You're WHAT?"

A callused hand over my mouth cut the screechy tone short, another pressing down onto my shoulder from behind. My heart leapt into my throat, thinking I was being attacked—

"Don't worry about it, Tessa," Sage soothed, his voice velvet in my ear.

 _And there go the raging hormones, THANK you very much, Mr. Studmuffin._

I guess I didn't mind the restraining if it were _Sage_ coming up behind me.

Then Rowen grinned a very savage, very feral, very _dark_ grin that said whatever he had found was going to face the death of a thousand arrows. "Bingo."

That purr made my knees go weaker than they already were. (I was kinda glad Sage still had his hand over my mouth, or I may have blurted something I'd later regret.)

I swear, between the two of them, I was going to need knee replacements before twenty-five.

"Whatcha got, buddy?" Kento queried casually, leaning on one arm against the wall above Rowen.

He didn't glance at him, but at me. "Footage of her walking in alone, being harassed by a guy in black, and then being lead out that door." He nodded to the one I'd just stepped through. "She held her ground for a while—ate the peanuts, took something from her bag—but when she walked toward the trash can—" He pointed at the mentioned object, a mere eight inches from his knees. "—The camera lost her."

"I think I know why," Cye said. Sage finally released me (though I simply hadn't noticed when he'd dropped his hand, apparently), and I turned to see the brunet holding up a very nasty plastic wrapper. After a few seconds squinting at it, he turned and held it out to me. "She wrote her name on it, then had the good sense to jam it in the container instead of completely throwing it out."

Pride swelled in my heart for my friend. She always had said she watched "too" many cops and forensics shows.

"Give 'em Hell, Alexa. We're coming."

* * *

 **Translation:**

- _shinai_ : bamboo "sword" used in kendo

- _Ohayoo (gozaimasu)_ : good morning

- _Gomenasai/gomen_ : Sorry

- _Hajimemashite_ : "Pleasure to meet you"


	3. Chapter 3

In which the Ronin-plus-one bust Alexa out, and a few things start to make themselves apparent.

 **Warnings** : anorexia/eating disorder material, implied assault aftermath.

* * *

Chapter _3_

It wasn't difficult from there for Sage to follow her trail. Whether because it was more fresh now than it had been at the start, or her emotions were growing steadily stronger—or maybe she was even starting to exhibit some armor powers—it didn't take another twelve hours before we found ourselves in the countryside where we thought the cult had brought her.

All that was left was to scour the area.

Which meant back to striking out on foot, of course.

This time everyone except me went on their own. I didn't even get a choice.

"You're the only one with no experience using your armor," Sage had said in no uncertain terms.

"We'd all feel much better knowing you're with one of us," Cye explained more gently. The others nodded, Rowen's eyes in particular intent on my downcast expression.

I suppose it could have been worse, though.

Sage could have let Kento go with me.

So I spent the next three hours tromping around rural Toronto-area with Hot Stuff, trying vainly to stave off how very alone we were and how very good looking he was. Perhaps it was only the sheer absurdity of how I'd been thinking similarly about Rowen twelve hours earlier that kept me from spiraling helplessly out of control.

Or perhaps suddenly hearing those delicious three words from Sage did the trick.

"Cye found her."

This lead to another three hours of brainstorming and reconnaissance. By that time I was so frustrated from exhaustion and battling terrible thoughts that I immediately declared myself part of the recon group and stomped into the darkening woods. Part of me thought it was incredibly reckless to do so, even laden down with my usual pocket knife, keychain light (if needed), and bracelet of 550 cord.

Oh, and I snatched Sage's tanto on the way out.

 _Finally, some time to myself_. A soft breeze fingered through my loose hair. I inhaled appreciatively, stretching limbs and back sore from being cooped up in a car for ungodly amounts of time in the past few days. The moon was bright and full, nearly eclipsing the billion stars scattered across the rest of the sky. I was grateful for the illumination as I struck out from our makeshift campsite beside the minivan. My stepmom had always chided me for wanting to walk in the dark; but Dad had taught me better about letting my eyes adjust to the dim light rather than considering it pitch-black.

I found a sturdy fallen log near the edge of this band of trees and carefully hunkered down behind it. Bright orange pinpricks competed with the moon a hundred yards from this hiding spot—the artificial light of a rambling house surrounded by moonlit pasture. The cult _would_ choose a cozy ranch as their hideout; if the circumstances had been different, I'd probably have wiggled with joy and romped my way to the fence to pet some Quarter Horses.

As it was, I found myself wistfully imagining how I could steal one or two or the whole herd from right under their noses.

Those thoughts turned in a new direction when I found my hand idly smoothing over the plain scabbard of Sage's tanto. I looked down, turning the weapon over in my hand to inspect the designs faintly visible to my sharp eye. A thrill at holding such a fine piece hummed through me, touching on something deep in my core and setting my armor half-sphere warm to the touch.

Puzzled, I withdrew the necklace from my scoop-necked shirt and held it in front of me, contemplating the crystal intently. "What is your secret?" I murmured, letting it twist to catch the moonlight. "How do I use you?"

Its silence mocked me.

—

All thought of what to do about my armor evaporated with the morning dew. I watched anxiously from behind the same log as Sage and Kento approached the ranch porch down a long gravel driveway. The plan was for him and Kento to test the outer defenses, then get through them with force if need be. Cye and Ryo waited in a flanking position by the barn; by now, hopefully, they would have taken out the two "ranchers" who'd gone in to "feed the chickens".

Sage had insisted I stay at a safe distance, arguing— _again_ —that I had no armor to protect myself from the revolvers we could see on the outer guards' hips. I had had enough and told him off, explaining how I was _more_ than qualified to be out on the front line for _multiple_ reasons, first of all being that I was one of the few faces in our group which Alexa would recognize. Furthermore, there was the fact that my mother was a cop, and I was more than familiar with firearms; should I get my hands on one, I'd be more deadly than I was with a rapier or sabre. And, oh, along _those_ lines, _he_ himself had trained me in a few different additional blades and knew _just_ how capable I was, so the fact he was treating me as if I were defenseless was totally _bogus_.

And to think I actually _liked_ his gentlemanly ways.

So we'd compromised. Since Rowen was supposed to serve as our emergency evac anyway, I'd stick with him to form the opposite flanking party. Once Sage and Kento took out the initial resistance, us other four would close in on the side or through the main entrance to help take out whatever we couldn't see inside. Hopefully, that would put me close enough to the fighting that I could be right there when we found Alexa.

It actually kind of puzzled me that everyone agreed I should be the first one to find her, if it could be helped. I was too happy with that victory to do more than shrug it off, though.

For once, Rowen and I sat in silence, eyes trained on our friends as they hailed three guards sitting on the porch. Immediately they rose, their demeanor far more hostile than any sane country rancher. They fanned out below the steps, the middle one shouting a challenge, but Sage and Kento didn't change their trajectory. Thankfully, by the time the guards thought maybe to draw their revolvers and started to move a hand that way, Sage and Kento were already within twenty-one feet.

And any cop's daughter could tell you a human can cross that distance faster than you can draw from a holster.

Especially superhumans wearing bulletproof armor under their street clothes.

"Well, if Alexa screaming her head off didn't prove it before, that just did," Rowen commented cheerfully. I grinned back as Sage and Kento made short order of that obstacle. But then I almost yelped when he swiftly rose, a hand under my arm yanking me with him. "G'on—get in there. Alexa's waiting for you."

My eyes got wide. "But—"

His eyes twinkled with mirth. "I'll be right behind. Sage and the others are in front. _Go_."

It didn't take any more prodding—I took off like a shot for the house, which had erupted into a discordant symphony of yells and limbs slapping into more limbs.

The chaos left in Sage, Kento, Ryo, and Cye's wake made it easy to figure out where they went. A couple looping turns through one room, back into the hallway, into a demolished living room, and then through what looked to previously be a kitchen put me back at the stairs at the end of the hall.

There I heard the very shrill, very distinctive, " _Where is she_?"

A final turn around the doorjamb next to the stairs put me in a bedroom behind Sage's wide torso. Three men had been knocked out cold on the floor, and one very familiar, very thin, very defensive Alexa stood in their midst.

Not caring if I bruised him, I elbowed Sage aside and swept the too-frail frame into a tight embrace. "I'm here, Alexa. I'm right here, and Sage and I and everyone are getting you out of here."

Her long nails dug into my shirt and nearly through the first layer of skin, clinging just as tightly to me. I could feel her whole emaciated body trembling, trying to hold back emotion and—probably—sobs. "I know, I know, it's okay, you don't have to talk. But I might go to a military school, but I'm still not fast enough with extra weight. You need to let Sage carry you, okay? Can you do that for me?"

She nodded against my shoulder. Relief flooded my muscles, and Sage was right there to take her from me. I made my glare the most meaningful I'd ever conjured. "I swear to God if you drop her—"

"I know, burn in _youjakai_ forever, got it," he grunted, accepting Alexa's weight as if she were no more than a feather. She clung just as tightly to him, and my heart sank at how kitten-like and frightened she acted.

Ryo and Kento appeared at the bottom of the stairs as we turned that way. "Coast's clear, but we better get a move on if we don't want more company," Ryo reported.

"Cye's starting the car—should be down here in about sixty seconds," Kento added.

They preceded us through the house, cautiously double-clearing each room, the porch, and the barnyard before letting us pass. Then without warning, all three sprinted toward the end of the driveway, leaving me coughing in their dust. "HEY! Guys, I can't run that f—EEEEEEE!"

The scream that came from my throat was one of the most embarrassing I'd ever created. All I could see for a split second was some six-foot, blue-black thing vaguely shaped like a man before its arms pinned me to it and we rocketed into the air.

"Relax, I'm not going to drop you," came a too-familiar voice dripping with amusement.

I craned my neck back—despite the wind whistling past—to glare at Rowen. " _What the Hell were you thinking? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"_

The bastard just _grinned_ at me, but I was way too emotionally absorbed right then to realize how close those lips were. "You said it yourself, you can't run as fast as us. So they're getting Alexa to the car, and I'm going to get you out of the danger zone, then we'll rendezvous a predetermined distance from here. Mission accomplished."

A frown. "You guys could have clued me i—aaaaaaw _crap_."

I wasn't one to really be afraid of heights. I was on the high ropes course staff at school. I'd once climbed myself into a tree when I was four. I was fascinated by planes and flight in general.

But people are _not_ made to fly, and that was a _hell_ of a long way down.

"Rowen!" I squeaked, screwing my eyes shut and feeling my stomach somersault. "Put me down!"

If anything, my demand only encouraged him to tighten his arms around me. "We're almost there."

I loathed that cheery tone with every fiber of my being.

We stayed that way the rest of the flight, me trying desperately to meld into his armor (which I hadn't even gotten a good look at yet—no fair!) and him pretending like it didn't bother me. By the time we landed feet-first on the hardpacked dirt road in front of our minivan, I couldn't decide whether I'd enjoy skewering him on the end of Sage's nodachi or setting him on fire better.

But first I had to let go before either one could happen.

—/—

I tried not to whimper at the car stopping, my body not wanting anything but to be still. The seatbelt dug into my neck as I tried to curl up in the corner of the minivan, Sage on the very opposite side after having put me in the single darkest, closed in space they had at the time. A familiar hot pink object ended up at my feet when another, black haired boy came in and plopped my still packed gym bag in a place I'd know where it was.

A few moments later the car door grated open and another, much more human weight landed beside me with a huff. Different hands, unfamiliar but gentle and soft on my shoulder, stroking my hair, and soon I heard Tessa's voice hushing me, letting me know she was here and it was okay. I uncurled from the ball I'd gotten in just enough to let her press into me, just enough I had as much of her against me as possible. I tried to open my eyes and see her, but I had no energy for eye contact and everything was too _different_ for me to even consider pushing myself. My hands gripped what parts of her I could reach.

She kept a smooth, even voice as she told me about how she got there, who everybody was, and how they'd found me in the first place. I half listened, part trying to memorize every word she was saying and part wanting to ignore what was going on in the hopes it was all a very long, very stretched out dream.

It was also extraordinarily difficult to pay attention to _anything_ while my body felt like twisting inside out, just to stop the constant muscle cramps and hunger.

She seemed to pick up on it; I heard her talking to the guys, and a few minutes later the car stopped again. The door opened and soon a chilled piece of plastic was against my hand.

I looked down to see Tessa holding a bottle of orange juice there. Once I'd acknowledged it she opened the cap and handed it to me. I took my first cautious sips before the car started, something I had plenty of time to do as a new member of the group joined us, screwing the cap back on to prevent anything from spilling in the jolt of being back on the road. I kept being cautious about it, feeling my stomach want to revolt at putting something inside it while also calming down tremendously upon having calories I could easily absorb.

In the hour and a half it took us to get back to the hotel, I'd drunk half of it. I probably would've only drunk a quarter had Tessa not insisted I keep at least _trying_ to take more sips. Both of us knew I needed something, but I felt I'd used up all my ability to fight over the previous week.

"Need some help getting out?" Tessa asked, voice just as soft as before.

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

Both she and Sage— I'm sure if I'd been looking, the rest of the guys in the car, as well— raised an eyebrow at me. Still, they left and let me crawl out on my own, me shrugging off any attempts at an arm around my shoulders or my waist. Even if it _was_ Tessa beside me, I didn't want anybody to see me needing help to walk. While I knew I'd promptly collapse once we got into the room— the elevator made my blood pressure drop like a stone, to the point I nearly blacked out momentarily— at least I was acting normally where people could see.

Ryo let us in with his key and vanished into one of the rooms. Tessa and I rounded the corner to see him drop my gym bag by the door, only to turn and look at me. Without saying anything he moved out of the way to let me have a clear path; I was obviously not hiding how bone-deep tired I felt very well.

Before I could really process what I'd done, I was curled up in the middle of the bed, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

It didn't take long for Tessa to lay down, herself, curling up around me like the protective dragon hold she kept saying she'd give me when she got the chance. I turned to face her, not quite wanting to deal with the crowd around us. I was also _frozen_ , body not able to produce anywhere near enough heat after a week of relapse. Her warmth was a balm, me trying to absorb as much of it as possible.

"Alexa," a very gentle voice from eons of practice said. I thought I'd heard his name was Cye. "If you feel up to it… I'd just like to make sure you're alright."

"How?" I murmured, not quite able to figure out what, exactly, he meant.

"Just a very light physical exam. Vitals. You'll barely have to move." I could've sworn I heard a smile in his voice. "I'm an EMT in Japan."

Well, that didn't leave me much of a choice, did it? I pushed myself up— Tessa moving up with me to make sure I had some form of physical support— and almost automatically offered my wrist for him to take a pulse as I settled against her shoulder.

He did so with one hand while gingerly touching the finger—and palm— shaped bruises on my forearm. I sighed and tried not to pull my hand away. "That's as far as they got."

Realizing what I'd implied, he relaxed a fraction (as did my pillow). "Alright."

He did a similar bruise check on my legs, the skirt I'd been forced to wear rumpled against my body to the point he could see up to midway up the backs of my thighs without touching it, but the only real marks there were under my knees from kneeling and the boot prints from a week ago. He pressed on each, my assumption being to gauge their severity.

"There might be one on the back of my neck…" I murmured, remembering what had put those bruises on my legs in the first place.

Tessa helped me turn so he could pull my hair back and check; even his soft poke was enough to draw a wince out of me. That was the confirmation I needed that the pain in my neck wasn't just my shoulders being tense with nothing to alleviate the anxiety drawing them out of their sockets.

His hands went over the curve in my back and I knew he was going over bones— I could feel each bump as he pressed on it, trying not to curl up more as he inadvertently manipulated my spinal muscles. I never could stand up straight when I was this hungry, and eventually that froze my spine curved until either I relaxed, got enough food and water in me, or both. His hands went to my glands, next, then down my neck and the visible ridges from my trachea. His thumb rested in the hollow above my collarbone, gently going over the red mark there. I didn't want to tell him what had caused it. Even just remembering it was _there_ threatened flashbacks to a sword resting against skin.

"Can you look at me? You don't have to make eye contact." I heard a click and tensed, him almost immediately saying, "It's a pen light. It won't be in your eyes when you open them."

I opened my eyes, not wanting to but not feeling like I had a choice— he was an EMT, this was a medical exam, and even _I_ knew I needed one— but stared at the light on my hand as a delay. Once I determined just how bright it would be, I turned my face towards him completely. He checked my throat, first, and I tried to ignore his wincing at my paper-white tongue.

He turned to Sage, standing behind him like a shadow. "Get her some water, will you?"

I was already tearing up by the time he shone the light in one eye, and when I blinked— trying not to full out _flinch_ — after the light hit my other eye, the tears spilled out. Him going over me helped remind me it was real, every bruise and every restriction and every so-called 'treatment' marked somewhere on my body. I forgot they existed and I forgot what had happened and I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to fall apart yet. Not like my body was giving me a choice. I _wanted_ to hold out till the end of the exam, but when he tried to look at my eyes again, I simply teared up more and shook my head.

Cye clicked the light off and stepped back, letting me turn away and curl back into Tessa. Her arms went around me, one going to my hair and partway hiding my face in the process. I didn't know if that was intentional or not, but I was thankful.

"Not your fault, Cye," she said to him, in reply to what I assumed was the expression on his face. "She's… been abused for a long time. Just let us be for a while."

I forced myself to speak over a lump in my throat, trying to make it less personal for him. "Medical." I wanted to get out the word 'abuse', but speaking that word often took more energy than I had at the exact moment.

I didn't know if he heard, but she snuggled me tighter, having some idea what kind of toll that simple exam took on me simply because it came from a trained professional. She was careful about both bruises and dry skin as she stroked my arm, encouraging me to let my emotions out. Murmuring about how I was safe, now.

Before I could really unfreeze the feelings I'd locked up for my own security, I heard pills rattle in their container, the soft thumping of it on the bedside table.

Tessa's voice was almost comically deadpan. "Where the hell did you get that and how did you know?"

I heard a soft laugh from one of the guys, but didn't bother figuring out who. "Her name's on the bottle. I found it when I was digging through her place."

I couldn't tell whether to be relieved at knowing I had my anti-anxiety medication, or if that triggered a deep reaction from my privacy being routinely violated around my parents. My too worn to process brain settled on 'both', drawing out a sob that was both relief and pain the guys had done that for me.

And once I started crying at this intensity, there was absolutely _no_ stopping the tidal wave.

Tessa heard it all. I had no filter, and I didn't particularly _want_ to have one. I just wanted to tell somebody the story to tell myself it was real, to hear it in my own words and to maybe try and clear the horror out of my system. Try to remember what had happened and why it had happened and make some sense of the monsters that had dominated my upbringing and were trying to dominate my adult life.

The one thing I didn't tell her about was the most plausible reason why they'd taken me, the one thing I wanted to forget even existed and I could just pretend I was too lost to have any sort of reason behind it— they were abusers, this was established, that reason was good enough. Dusk stayed under the surface, hiding like it always did.

When I'd finally stopped crying for long enough that Tessa could get a word in edgewise, other than murmurings about how I was still lovable— how _she_ loved me even if they didn't— and how it was senseless, something that never should've happened, and how much she was here to make sure it wouldn't happen again, she murmured, "Rowen brought you your Ativan."

Not picking up her implications in the slightest, I simply responded, "I heard."

This time, she was more blunt. "Want to take it?"

I nodded against her chest. "Please."

She reached around me and grabbed the bottle, opening it up because I'd expended every last ounce of strength crying. She tipped one pill in my hand and I grabbed the water Sage had left, taking a sip before sticking it under my tongue so I even had saliva to absorb the medication.

I grimaced as it started to dissolve. "Tastes like a postage stamp."

She smiled, going back to stroking my hair. "Helps, though."

I nodded. "I'm not going to be up long."

She smirked in pure amusement. "Might want to change into PJs, first."

"I don't…"

Before I could finish my sentence, she hopped out of bed and went to a _very_ familiar suitcase in the corner, pulling out the exact pair I'd had laying out at my place. "Rowen packed you some stuff."

I blinked, another wash of tears threatening to come out, but this one I kept inside. "Thank you."

Her smile had the smallest tints of sadness. "Don't thank me—thank Wonder Boy. He was the one who leapt that ginormous building in a single bound to get it."

Processing nicknames I hadn't heard before was apparently out of my capacity. "Who?"

"Rowen."

I took my PJs from her and tugged off my clothes, not caring if she saw me. I'd been in whole gymnasiums full of girls changing from various levels of undress, considering what happened between numbers in recital. Even my embarrassingly bi self handled it without issue, and I knew Tessa was straight. Not like I could've gotten up somewhere private to change anyway. My movements were already sluggish as Ativan knocked me out unusually quickly— I really hadn't slept well in a very long time. That was the only reason medication would have _this_ fast an effect.

I remembered hitting the pillow, but that was about the extent of it.

—/—

 _Now that_ she's _sleeping…_

The toll of the day slammed my body with the force of a typhoon. Not bothering to stifle or conceal it, I stumbled over to my own suitcase for the same PJs I'd worn last time. I vaguely noted the boys having a heated conversation in Japanese from their room across the way (the living area separated us, thankfully), but I didn't care enough to try listening in.

I had far more pressing concerns—like the fact my contact lenses were turning my eyes into the Sahara Desert, my teeth and hair all needed some TLC, and my face had become Sweat Central. But first, PJs (not that I had to wait for Alexa to finish changing, herself. That was another of those military school perks).

Staring at my face in the mirror as I let the water heat up, I pondered what she'd gushed to me along with those tears. No, not pondered—I was _haunted_ by it. The downside of having too vivid an imagination; I could practically _feel_ everything they did on _my_ body, though it was only words in my ears. I splashed a little too much water in my face, scrubbed a little too roughly at my teeth (my gums bled with the force), and winced far more than usual dragging my brush through the knots in my ponytail.

I was too tired to even put it into a braid for bed. Matter of fact, I decided I needed to feel the long strands through my fingers and yanked even the ponytail out.

Stepping back into the bedroom, I could still hear the guys discussing whatever it was that had become more important than sleep.

And I could still see the horrifying story etched into the back of my eyelids.

No way was I going to sleep without nightmares, tonight.

All conversation ceased the moment I swung the door open. Silence reigned as I delicately pushed it closed again and sighed, a bone-deep sound that had me scrubbing at my face to stay awake.

"How'd she take to the Ativan?" Rowen asked quietly.

I snorted. "Out like a light."

Out like a like that hadn't been switched on in years.

I was too tired to react when Sage suddenly appeared on my left. "How are _you_ holding up?"

My sleepy brain also didn't process the usual "ohemgee" response. When he lifted his arms for a hug, I practically collapsed against him. "She told me everything they did to her…"

Sage immediately bristled—I could feel it in his muscles. Despite that, I wanted to just fall asleep right where I was, propriety be damned. And it wasn't even because one of my two crushes was holding me so protectively.

I was just _that_ tired.

Someone cleared their throat. Loudly. " _Well_ , uh, we were just trying to decide what our next move is," Kento practically coughed.

I managed to raise my head enough to see Sage's glare. My hand slid a fraction of an inch up his chest ( _oooh flat pecs_ —yeah I was definitely wiped out), recapturing his attention. "I can stay awake long enough for that," I assured him. As if to prove the point, I reluctantly pulled away from his embrace, plunking myself between Ryo and Cye on the floor. It seemed the safest spot, with Rowen on the couch next to Kento and Sage standing over the proceedings. "So, what's the consensus so far?"

"We have a few options," Ryo spoke up. "First is coming up with a plan to counter the cultists, but it requires either using Alexa as bait and-or knowing why they wanted her in the first place. Second is taking her back to Japan with us, but I think we've all agreed that would be incredibly disruptive to everyone involved."

"So far the best option seems to be staying put," Cye mused, scratching at the back of his neck. "But that will involve quite a lot of financial resources and risking the cultists tracking us this far."

"Which, considering how they took her in the _first_ place, I wouldn't put past them," Rowen muttered.

I frowned. "Well number one is totally out. No way are we putting her back in danger like that," I refused flatly. "Number two… It's something. At least a good fallback plan. I agree that staying put is a bad idea, too." A thought occurred to me; I licked my lips idly, wishing I'd thought to bring Alexa's extra water with me. "Why not go to the US?"

Everyone looked at me like I'd grown two extra heads. "What? I don't see anything wrong with that."

"That's because you're _from_ the United States," Kento pointed out helpfully.

That managed a tired grin out of me. "Exactly. Why not go crash at my place? It's not here, it's not Japan, and it's safe. Plus I know the area way better, so we'll kind of have a home field advantage. Either Sage, Cye, and I can trade off driving and it'll be a piece of cake, or we can take a train to DC and get a new rental down there. My dad could even pick us up if we needed."

Meaningful glances were exchanged. Moments of silence passed, long enough I started to suspect I was being left out of something Very Important.

And then Rowen looked me square in the eye. "Alexa's autistic, correct?"

The complete one-eighty in the conversation did not compute. "Uh...yes?"

His tired smile actually seemed understanding. "Let's let her wake here, then make the final decision in the morning when she's working on a good night's rest. Save the panic of not knowing where she is or where we're going."

I had no clue how he'd figured it out, but the logic made way too much sense to my taxed brain. My glasses came off, other fist rubbing at each eye alternatively. "Okay." The word was more a whisper than an agreement.

Everyone quietly began standing, filtering toward their claimed sleeping places. Kento left Rowen the couch as Ryo and Cye followed him into the bedroom. I opened my eyes to suddenly find Sage crouched in front of me, Rowen a watchful sentinel from his perch behind the blond's shoulder.

"Think you can make it back to your room yourself?"

I really wanted to say yes—really wanted to avoid the drama of letting one crush pick me up while the other stewed jealously—wait a minute, what was I even _thinking_ , Rowen spent way too much time picking on me. There's no way he actually liked me, too—hold on, that implied I thought Sage liked me in the _first_ place.

Thumb and forefinger pinched the space between my eyebrows, my other hand expertly flicking my glasses shut. My "no" was barely intelligible to me, hardly more than a grunt in the negative. So I didn't protest when Sage carefully gathered me in his arms and lifted, merely tilted my weight towards him so I wouldn't slide off.

I was asleep before my feet touched the mattress.

* * *

 **Translation:**

- _tanto_ : Japanese dagger

- _youjakai_ : in the English version of the series, it's translated as Nether Realm. Correctly/literally, it'd be "demon world".


	4. Chapter 4

Here we go, people. Reached the top of the roller coaster—time for stuff to hit the fan. (Also, a purely Alexa chapter!)

 **Warnings:** stuff hitting the fan. That's it! (For once...)

* * *

 _Chapter 4_

Unfortunately for me sleeping, even Ativan couldn't hold off biological needs or the lingering echoes of another anxiety attack. While the medication had lowered my hunger pangs to actual pangs, instead of the fight or flight reaction that made it impossible to eat without risking throwing up, they had absolutely no effect on my actual hunger levels. I knew I should be thankful for that, but I would've much preferred to never need food again at that point.

I shifted in bed and pried my eyes open— only to see Tessa at our door, looking at somebody in the living room. She didn't move a muscle in the moments I watched her, obviously trying not to draw attention to herself, indicating she was spying.

My boy crazy little sister was sharing a hotel suite with not one, not two, but five attractive boys, one of whom was Sage Date, and I would never hear the end of it. I might be bi, but I had a tad more self control than she did.

Of course, if we were sharing a room with five attractive girls, she'd be saying exactly the same thing about me.

I turned over to not interrupt her and tried not to groan. My temperature regulation was completely shattered, one spot on the bed sweltering hot and the other ice cold. The wild fluctuations didn't help my stomach and only served to bring my anxiety back because I couldn't get comfortable. I wondered how long I'd been out… and more importantly, how long Ativan would last this time. If I was lucky, it would last thirty-six hours. If not, I could have as little as twelve.

Thank God I'd just refilled my prescription recently, with thirty pills this time.

I heard Tessa move from her spot by the door and simply curled up tighter, trying to quell guilt I was disturbing anyone. Hopefully I could pretend to still be asleep.

She sat down on the bed next to me, and I should've known better than to think I could've fooled her.

"Alexa?"

I grumbled again and pulled the covers up to under my eyes. My "What?" came out half muffled and probably growly, me far too tired to be any semblance of polite.

I could practically hear the anime sweatdrop forming. "Just...wanted to know if you were awake. No rush, though." She very cautiously put a hand on my shoulder, tone evening out. "We're going to let you get settled and taken care of before anything else."

"Tell that to my stomach…"

Of course, she knew exactly what to say to entice me into speaking. Or, at least, get a reaction. "I hear Cye makes world-famous pancakes. With fruit and maple syrup."

"Mmmrph." I pulled the covers down. "Juice first?"

She chuckled softly and patted my still covered in blankets shoulder. "I'll get that order in to the chef at once."

That was able to draw a smile and some semblance of a laugh out of me. "I'm not moving."

She got up and left, leaving the door open if the lack of a click was any indication. I pushed myself up on my elbows when I heard her come back, taking the glass with a thankfully only lightly shaking hand. The minute I noticed, the trembles stopped, and I was able to drink without any trouble.

Unlike yesterday, a few sips did not make me want to heave. I downed the whole glass in a few long drinks, still pacing myself but relieved my stomach was demanding more instead of simply rejecting everything out of fear.

"Feel better?"

I nodded and put the glass down, able to uncurl my body slightly. "If the pancakes aren't ready now, I'll have another glass…"

She chuckled, smiling more than I'd seen her smile in a while. I hadn't realized how worried about me she'd been. "You can have as many glasses as your stomach desires." With a flourish, she got up and practically skipped out of the room. I pushed myself farther to sitting as she chirped out 'Morning, Sage!' in sight— this time holding a jug.

He smiled and shook his head, but even from here I could see the twinkle of happiness in his eyes that she was bouncing. I kept glancing between the two, staring at both of them, really, and noticed how much his eyes lingered on her. As if making sure the mood would stay.

She plonked the container down on the bedside table and poured me another glass, which I took and drank about as quickly as the first. Part of me knew I shouldn't be relying on liquid calories, but when I was too tired to digest, they were very welcome.

A commotion in the living room stopped me midway through pouring a third glass. Both of us looked up to try and figure out what the cacophony was, which sounded like somebody defending themselves with their voice somewhere between alert and woken up from a dead sleep. Sage and Cye made no effort to help whoever it was, Sage with a smirk visible. Cye shook his head and vanished back into the kitchen.

Apparently, this was a common occurrence.

Once everything had died down, Sage very flatly said, "You might want to put a shirt on, Rowen."

Well that likely explained what Tessa had been looking at. Knowing her, she'd developed a crush on Rowen in all of a week. And if he had any sort of muscular definition like Sage did… well, I probably would've been spying, too.

Rowen said something in Japanese I couldn't understand the actual meaning of, but from the tone— and Tessa's beet red blush— I knew it was very much an insult. I shook my head, resolved to stay out of it, and finished pouring my third glass.

Although, I was feeling better. My sarcasm came out. "You're lucky I was already awake, boys!"

Ryo and Kento practically jumped back, coming to the door and apologizing despite my handwave and comments about how it was fine, I was just teasing— I hated making jokes others potentially didn't understand, even if the apologies did feel mostly like exaggerated formality and they showed no signs of hurt. Sage was behind them, reminding me of my own reaction to group joke antics from his simple headshake. In the background Rowen muttered about how you shouldn't wake people up from dreams. All of that was interrupted by Cye forcing his way between Ryo and Kento, a plate of steaming hot pancakes in his hands.

Apparently, I'd relaxed enough that my stomach growled in response to food. I stretched my arms over my head, looking for a clock. "How long was I out?"

Ryo answered. "Fourteen hours or so?" He jerked a thumb towards Tessa. "She was out for twelve."

She pulled a face, somewhere between a glare and a pout. "Nothing wrong with that! Just because Sage the Early Bird Date was up five hours ago doesn't mean I have to be."

I rubbed my face and ripped a pancake up to eat it with my hands instead of waiting for cutlery. "And I was drugged, so I have an excuse."

Cye picked up on the thread of implications, reverting back to the voice he'd used last night. "How're you feeling?"

The deep purple marks on my arms were hidden by my long pj sleeves, but I could still feel the ache in my muscles and, as always, was worried if this relapse had pushed me into organ damage. I always did walk the line and couldn't scrounge the courage to get as many tests as I'd need to know for sure. Living in unknowns at least allowed for the possibility I was better than I thought.

"Better, I guess…?" I ripped off another piece of pancake to munch on. "I don't know."

Sage stepped forward, drawing an orb out of his pocket. "I might be able to help, but…" He held the deep green crystal out for me to examine. "Do you know what this is?"

I swallowed, debating how to respond. Nobody could lie like an abuse victim, but my lies usually required planning. The more time I spent contemplating, the less comfortable I felt hiding what I did know. I could see the energy pulsing within the orb, and I felt it sync up with what lay beside my heart.

"It's armour."

The whole room went tomb quiet. Sage leveled me a steady and very intense look with his single uncovered eye. "How do you know?"

My eyebrows went up a fraction of an inch. "You know already, don't even try and kid me right now."

"I can't know for sure," he said calmly. "Unless you tell me."

I sighed, fighting my mind on everything I'd been told about what would happen if I did this, and knowing it was likely all a lie and actively keeping secrets would hamper more than help. Instead of answering verbally and risking my voice getting caught in my throat, I simply closed my eyes and clasped my hands in a sphere, drawing the power from my chest into the hidden space between my palms.

With a final kick to my mother's voice screaming at me to not do this, I opened my hands to reveal half of a perfect sphere, the colour a deep purple mixed with heavy amounts of grey— the sky in the final stages of sunset, before the world gave way to black.

It pushed me to speak more than my own mind. "Mine is named Dusk."

Tessa's jaw dropped, her pulling out a leather cord I'd seen around her neck and revealing what it held— half of a crystal sphere, in a nearly solid grey colour. Only, I could've sworn I picked up the smallest tint of green mixed in. I swallowed.

"M-Mine's Dawn…"

I looked to Sage for some sort of guidance— and in part to accuse him of bringing up what had every mark of a giant, world-shattering conversation when I'd not even started to recover— only to notice him glancing at Rowen. When I followed Sage's eyes, I noticed Rowen's glare, but I'd learned to read even the subtlest of expressions. There was a storm of conflict in that gaze.

Tessa kept talking before I could feel anything regarding the silent debate going on in the background. "I'd meant to talk to you about this over Skype, but...obviously that didn't happen. Sage said this is my armor orb. But for some reason it isn't a full sphere like theirs."

I held up my half of the sphere, noticing that the symbol had shifted— so it was now near the edge. There seemed to be almost a phrase on there, with only the smallest hints of a second part. Dusk was swirling more than I had ever seen it, faintly glowing, even, which it hadn't done no matter how much power I'd drawn from it. Not when I wasn't actively using its energy.

Maybe… I had never drawn all I could've. It was the last thing I wanted to think about, but it was the only thing I could think of. And for once, I couldn't shut it out.

She voiced the words I was afraid of saying. Although she squeaked as she did. "Why do I think they're the same…"

Rowen cleared his throat before anybody could move, or, if I was honest, either of us could break down in tears. "Because you are also two parts to a whole— and it recognizes that."

My voice felt more like a breath. I was back to being tired, not able to process this so just going along with it until my mind could figure out what was happening. "I always wondered if there was another half to this…"

Tessa, however, was very much caught up in the enormity of his implications. "R-Rowen, what are you talking about?"

Sage put a hand on her shoulder in silent support.

Rowen still had a storm in his eyes, but now that he'd started, he couldn't stop. "I did some research— dug around some hospitals and asked some questions. You, Tessa, had a note on your birth record that you had caused your mother complications. She'd given birth to a twin two days before with no trouble, but you were in danger of death by asphyxiation." He turned his attention to me. "You and Tessa are twins. And not just any twins, but twins born on an astrological cusp."

It was true— she was two days away from pure Scorpio, I was two days away from pure Libra. Our personalities always did reflect that, our astrologies creepily similar, especially since we were born in the same city, although I'd been a home birth. I knew I should have a twin, but I'd always heard she'd died the day after I was born. I'd always used that, plus the two day difference, not wanting to think that my mother— our mother— would be in labour for well over the safety cap of forty hours to deliver a second child so many days apart. I didn't want to think she had that high a disregard for life. Never had, and I still refused to believe it despite the overwhelmingly large body of evidence saying the contrary.

I knew I was compartmentalizing, knew I was refusing to process— one glance at Tessa about to fall apart confirmed that. Sage was already opening his arms for a hug, glancing up at Rowen to make sure he got out of the way of her aggression. He most certainly wasn't the first who'd told somebody to do so.

She clung to his side a few moments before looking at me, voice dry as autumn leaves, "Well, we did always call ourselves sisters— guess we were more right than we thought."

I quirked a smile, not able to really feel any emotion behind the movement. "Guess so."

She sighed and flopped back against Sage, curled up in his arms because she always did need hugs when she was upset. I looked up to see Rowen's eyes back to storming, but this time it was very pointedly directed at Sage and the girl he had against him. Sage had a similar look in return. Meanwhile, the other three were at various points between them, awkwardly glancing between the two and each other.

Great. Another wrench in her love life. Some days, I swore she had enough relationship drama for the both of us. Making up for how I hadn't had a date in three years, I guessed. Tessa was incredibly lucky Sage's last name was not pronounced the same as a romantic date, otherwise I would never stop making puns. Knowing me, I'd still find a way.

Rage kept bubbling up under the surface, mostly directed at… our father. How this whole thing could've been avoided if he'd just taken me with him. If he'd fought harder in a divorce, grabbed both of us when he ran— I didn't even know the story past my mother's version that he abandoned us. And I didn't have the energy to turn my thoughts away from 'he abandoned me'.

Tessa had finally gotten enough of the silence. "So… now what?"

Sage rubbed her back. "Now we teach you how to use these armours—" he gave a pointed glance at me. "—Correctly."

I didn't think he realized how much he touched on a nerve. I laughed with nothing but bitterness, the only thing I could do. "I learned how to use it in a cult. Wouldn't surprise me if I've made more mistakes than I can count." I swallowed, fighting off a flashback. "It… it burned when it came out. They said a great evil was coming, six or seven years ago…?" I dragged a hand down my face, needing a hug as much as Tessa but I didn't want to ask and I wasn't sure if she wanted to touch me. I wasn't sure I wanted to touch her, for all the conflicting feelings I had about being actual blood family. I liked knowing where I stood with people, and this had thrown the ground out from under my feet. I shoved the lump in my throat down by speaking. "They said I was their only hope and I had to learn how to use it, regardless of… anything."

"Six or seven years ago?" Ryo said, having not moved from the wall near my door and watching the whole interaction. He glanced at Sage. "That was…"

Sage sighed. "The Dynasty War."

I scrunched my eyes shut. I always preferred it when they were completely and totally wrong. It was easier to make everything wrong. I felt the lies creeping back up, and I didn't want to reevaluate if they were lies all over again.

Sage continued after a moment's thought. "Ryo, get the others packed and ready to go— we should talk about this on the road, away from potential eavesdroppers."

Ryo nodded and headed out, ushering a still-lingering Rowen out of the doorway after Rowen shot Tessa a look I couldn't figure out.

I felt a certain amount of panic rise up. "Where are we going?"

Tessa must've heard it in my voice. "Oh, damn! I'm sorry, Alexa, in all the confusion I completely forgot—we'd talked about a few options, but wanted to hear your opinion first before making a decision." She became a touch sheepish. "And I was totally going to let you eat and shower and clean up first…"

Sage squeezed her shoulders both to reassure her and gently cut off the potential for a continuing ramble.

I was glad somebody was there to take care of her when I couldn't. My reply was a simple shrug and finishing off the pancake I'd started. "You're not the one who got injured and potentially needed an armour healing…"

She frowned. "Don't blame yourself, Alex. None of this is your fault." She looked down at her hands, lip between her teeth. "Um… One of ou—my suggestions had been that we go to my house. But… I'd understand if you'd feel uncomfortable there." She looked up at me through her lashes, eyes quietly pleading. "We don't have to go if you don't want to."

I tossed Dusk's orb half in the air, addressing the first comment. "Tell that to the cult who decided they needed a sacrifice and I was the perfect candidate because of this thing." Anger I'd seen before flashed in her eyes; the promise of revenge for my sake. I smirked. "As for where we end up, anywhere is better than here, and so long as I don't have to talk to him for a few hours after traveling, I don't care." Mentally I added on, it'd be nice to get some answers from him.

Her relief was obvious, at least to me— and likely Sage, considering she sunk deeper into his grip. "Okay. Then we'll take the first train to DC. Unless, of course, you prefer being stuck in a car for ten to twelve hours."

I barked out a laugh. "Train to DC it is."

—

Before we did anything in regards to leaving the city, Ryo— and eventually everyone else— insisted I file a police report in Toronto saying I'd just escaped kidnapping and captivity. Sage kept the bruising at its full darkness until we left the station and I'd gone through another physical exam, this one more invasive but because I was around strangers, I managed to hold myself together. Somehow. I said who I thought was behind it and I said where I was from, pointing them to the trail I'd left as proof I wasn't lying, where the security footage was, and as many details as I could remember about the men, the cars, and the trip. The others filled in where exactly they'd found me, Tessa handling why they'd not gone to proper authorities in the first place— emergency measures, along with her stepmom being a cop. I told them where I was going and I'd be in touch; there was no way I was staying in this city.

The experience left me so raw we stayed in the parking lot of the police station so I could break down again. Reliving the past week had lead to reliving the past fifteen-some years, snatches from when I was four to as recently as six months ago coming out in one long ream of proof for why I thought my mother was behind it.

I didn't have any objection to Sage fading the marks as far as he could in the car, just wanting at least some of the pain to stop. He eased muscle aches, as well, making it so moving wasn't painful. Even with trusting him, having a healer manipulate my body slowly but surely pushed me back to the edge of another flashback. He stopped, I calmed down, and we continued executing our escape plan.

I stayed quiet through a frenzy of driving, ticket bookings, and waiting around at the train station. Thankfully I had my ever-present sweater to hide what bruising was left. My capris covered the purple on my legs past one on my ankle, which I could easily explain away. I might've just filed a police report, but like hell did I want to make that public.

Although it would be a very solid reason why I'd skipped out on a week's worth of work, and I'd likely need coworkers as witnesses for my absence, especially considering how little contact I had with the outside world. The thought made my stomach flip flop and I made a note to ask Rowen to use his computer. Absolutely no sense in putting that off any longer than I had to. I could read the news stories now— 'cult kidnaps former member to re-recruit them, on orders of the victim's mother'.

Rowen had shown us some of his research in the quiet moments, when I could handle it— Tessa had called him Kenda as an inside joke— but I knew there was more. I wanted to find out one thing and one thing only, and when he exited the sleeper car, I had the perfect opportunity to follow.

I trapped him outside the bathroom after he'd left. "I want to know everything you have about the divorce."

He rubbed his forehead and sighed, storm still in his eyes. He gestured back to the compartment. "It was messy. And considering the way Tessa's not really talking to me right now, I think we'll want to discuss specifics elsewhere."

I looked back. "She can get tongue-tied around cute guys. Sorry." I swallowed and set my jaw. "I don't… want her to know, yet."

The flicker of interest he had at my first statement was shoved down with the weight of my second. "Know about how bad the divorce was, or the role your mom has in the cult?"

His voice was about as sharp as mine was. I expected nothing less. "What choices our dad had to make. She's… already thinking of him differently. I don't…" I rubbed my eyes. "I don't want to make it worse than I have to."

He softened almost immediately, but deep down I knew it was more for how protective I was of her than any direct care for me. "You two really are sisters at heart…" He inclined his head. "Alright. C'mon; if anyone asks, we're talking about how I managed to find the birth certificates in the first place, or I'm teaching you how to hack the train cameras."

I smirked. "If you have time, can you teach me how to do that anyway?"

His reply was an equally evil smirk. "It'd be my pleasure. Gods know the world needs more white hats."

We walked into the compartment, Ryo, Kento, and Cye all playing a game— I saw Rowen's attention perk towards them, only for Cye to notice.

"We want to actually play, Rowen, not watch you beat us to a pulp."

Ryo waved a hand. "If you wanna play, ask Alexa if she wants to risk going up against you."

I snorted through my nose. "Pretty sure my IQ's above 140, so. I've got a few MENSA members in the family."

Rowen, however, simply raised an eyebrow. "And mine's 250. Your point?"

I poked his chest. "Play a game against me and you'll see."

He rolled his eyes. "Later. First I want to see how you do hacking."

I raised an eyebrow at his perfectly executed scheming look and kept up the ruse. "Figure out how I strategise, eh? Well two can play that game…"

Everybody looked at the both of us, nearly glaring. Kento spoke up, first. "Are you serious? C'mon man, it's hacking—"

"Although it does come in handy," Cye said, cutting Kento off. "And you did say you were a white hat…"

Ryo finished up the conversation. "But do you really have to do this now?"

I looked between the three of them, wondering if I should make a comment on how they'd done that and deciding against it. They all eventually shook their heads and went back to what they're doing.

On the other side of the car, I spotted an almost eerily quiet Sage with Tessa curled up against his side, sound asleep. This week had been rough on the both of us, but she wasn't quite as used to handling this level of intense situations as I was. I could disconnect from my emotions— it was unhealthy as all get out, but it helped me survive— while she couldn't. I was thankful every day she didn't have PTSD like I did, and she was actually processing her emotions instead of shoving them so deep under the surface I didn't even know they were there.

But it was excruciatingly painful seeing her feel so much turmoil.

Rowen lead me to the next car over, one we still had but was currently empty. He pulled out his laptop— the one I'd used to email work once we'd gotten WiFi on the train and let them know I'd gotten kidnapped and would be sporadically in and out for the next undetermined time— and opened it, me (im)patiently waiting for his browser to start up. He clicked a bookmarks folder titled 'manhunt', then 'records', and finally 'court'. I noticed other folders, including 'medical' and 'school', but that was more a footnote for another day.

"It was messy," he said again.

I kept my retort of 'you mentioned' in my throat, not wanting to hurt anyone else in these moods. I wanted a statement I didn't already know, not the same introduction twice.

He pulled up one pdf, dated all the way to '94, all of eight months after we'd been born. "This is the earliest record of your dad trying to divorce her I can find."

"Which means it's likely the first."

He smiled oh so softly at the compliment but didn't respond to it, instead pulling up another pdf. "And this is the last."

I scanned for the date. '96. "Nearly two solid years."

"And there are dozens of documents."

I swallowed, rubbing my face. I knew my mother, I knew her tricks, I knew the cult's tricks. As a result, I could guess exactly why. "She kept changing demands, didn't she."

It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes," he said softly. "The affidavits gave me a headache, reading through the contradictions."

I smiled at his light tone, but barely able to muster any energy. "I've grown up with her. I'll probably make sense of it." I laughed despite myself. "It helps I actually understand legalese."

"One language I haven't learned."

He gave me his laptop and let me click through. I scanned the documents until I found the witness statements, making notes of every abusive tactic— isolation, the lack of witnesses on dad's side, the giant list of witnesses on mom's; gaslighting so subtle that not even the lawyers seemed to pick up on it, although I wondered, in hindsight, if that was magic influence; her traps for him.

Tears welled up and I handed Rowen back his laptop all of halfway through reading them. He set the computer aside completely and placed a very gentle hand on my back, careful in case of more bruises, to draw me closer. "I know. It's hard. My… parents are divorced, too. Separated when I was eleven. It took me a long time to understand."

"He had no choice."

Rowen sighed in empathy. "It was about to go to trial, and with…"

"Her," I said softly. "And the courts. And the setup."

He nodded. "I'm sorry, Alexa."

I had been trained out of self pity, trained to shove it down and not give into it and generally continue going forward with my life— but I couldn't help the next words out of my mouth. "Why me?"

Rowen was about to answer, only to apparently think better of it and draw me into a proper hug. "Let me know if anything hurts."

I bit back an 'everything does', instead just letting out another sob and feeling the mask I'd been keeping up crack.

The session didn't last long, me refusing to cry where people could hear and potentially come in, especially somebody who was dealing with too much in her own life and really shouldn't be allocating energy to take care of me as well as herself. I scrubbed my face, pulling away from Rowen's hug and peeking around him for the laptop.

He got the hint and gave it back to me. I flicked through his bookmarks, this time, his system surprisingly efficient and organizing everything in places that made sense to me. A few moments later I had our hospital records and birth certificates up, a veritable army of tabs that documented a timeline of the first two and a half years of our lives.

"Her name's very… English," I said, almost to myself. "That almost… doesn't make sense. It fits with what the cult wanted, but my mom wanted other criteria."

"Bilingual?" he offered. "Tessa said you spoke French."

"First language from her side." I rolled our names around in my mouth, murmuring mine in two languages and trying to figure out how to say hers but drawing a blank. Either I didn't know enough, or the name was Anglophone and would always stand out in Quebec, or even Ottawa.

Our mother was French Canadian and had told me multiple times how hard it was to find a name for me, because it had to be five letters and it had to have an A in it— preferably bookended, like mine— and it had to fit in French. She wanted special-with-a-capital-S children, and that was the cult's way of guaranteeing it.

Minus the French, Tessa's name almost fit all criteria. I stared at the birth place on my certificate— quite literally in the cult, and I'd heard my story multiple times. She'd told me what name she would've chosen for a twin, but it wasn't even close to my sister's name.

She said she'd compromised with my biological dad and he'd picked my middle name, but that name was French, as well. What if she had compromised, but in a different way.

Because in English, our names fit together like gloves. I'd had weird coincidences before, but in this case, every single coincidence had ended up relating to something.

"He named her." Another statement.

"Could be," he said quietly. "We won't know until we talk to him."

I flicked to the birth records. "He checked our mother into the hospital, too. And it was an emergency C-section. Just like she'd told me." Only instead of a surviving birth two days later, it was a C-section stillbirth the day after mine, that cut the muscles and made her lose her figure and sent her on a road of constant dieting and exercise. C-sections didn't cut muscle, simply pushed them aside, but it wouldn't be the first time she'd lied about something medical. I shoved the other memories down and focused back on this puzzle.

Everything clicked into place so hard I pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, torn between rage— at our mother this time— and utter heartbreak.

"She would've hated Tessa…" I swallowed. "Made her life worse than mine. I had some protection because she liked parts of me, she had control over parts of me, but… with dad protecting her…" Tears pushed their way up again, but I flicked to one more tab— the last divorce record. "If… forced into a choice… and he could only take one…"

Rowen took the computer away from me and gently closed it, knowing I couldn't absorb much more of this in my current state. He was so furious I felt it physically, his movements stiff and a faint growl in his throat. Maybe this was all he could take, too.

I curled up on myself and cried again, his hand on my back but his attention fixed on the girl in the other compartment. It was impossible for me to feel hurt at his favouritism, because I was used to hearts laying in other places. If this wasn't intimately personal, I would've felt the same and only focused on her.

As it was, I had no idea what to feel.

"I'm going to curl up in bed," I murmured. I threw a half-hearted smirk over my shoulder. "Beating you will have to wait."

He chuckled, mostly to try and keep up with my attempts at lightening the mood. "I can take a rain check"

I got up, stretched, and rubbed my face. Not for the first time, I was thankful I was a so-called 'pretty' crier. Hardly anybody ever noticed when I'd just sobbed my eyes out. True to form, nobody did.

Before anyone could say anything, I plopped on my sleeper bunk. "I have a headache." To be fair, I actually did.

"Talking to Rowen that long'll do that," Ryo shot back.

Rowen stuck his tongue out at him in a routine that felt familiar for them both. "You just don't appreciate true genius when you see it."

Cye smiled, voice soft as per usual. "Go on, pull a Tessa. We won't judge."

I glanced at her when he mentioned her name, seeing a very protective Sage with a pillow in his lap, her head on it, his hand on Tessa's shoulder as if to make sure she was there. She was still sound asleep, and he looked halfway there.

I curled up and faced the wall, able to hide a few more tears coming out that way. I didn't know when I'd stop crying, but I hoped it'd knock off soon. This was getting ridiculous.


	5. Chapter 5

Surprise! A bit early on the schedule, this week. I'm going out of town quiiite a bit and a ton of sudden, out-of-the-blue life things hit, sooo I figured I'd squeeze this in before things got TOO crazy.

This is a bit of a shorter chapter, and somewhat narrative dense (not as much as some chapters, though...!). Just a little Tessa snippet, all of two scenes. Consider it a bit of "downtime"...in some ways. ;)

 **Warnings:** None! Except spoilers for the series, haha.

* * *

 _Chapter 5_

To be honest, I'd been pretty proud of the way I'd handled things so far. I barely batted an eye when Sage had produced Halo, I'd been single-mindedly focused on getting Alexa back from a dark-magic-influenced cult—okay, maybe not _entirely_ single-minded. But then the object(s) of my distraction had only reinforced the feeling of living in one of my young-adult fantasy novels. All in all, though, I'd felt like the cool, calm, perfectly poised (except when my raging hormones surfaced) fiction heroine.

And then Rowen hit us with _that_.

What was I _supposed_ to do?

I knew I still cared for Alexa as I'd always done. It still hurt and angered me that they'd done those things to her, essentially _tortured_ her to the point she was almost permanently emaciated and fighting with herself to get the proper nourishment she needed. There was still no way that any of this was her fault. And almost the second I'd heard her tell that tale, way back close to when we'd first started IMing about more than plots and character development, I'd sworn two things.

I would do everything I could to help her heal—on her own terms—and I'd make those bastards pay.

And then I learned the prime culprit was actually my _own_ mother.

That seemed to set me off the most. I could understand any anger Alexa felt toward my— _our_ —father, believing the lies her mother had weaved about him abandoning them. Dad had rarely talked about my biological mother, though; he'd been remarried since I was six, and that was that. Once in a blue moon he'd mention that last he knew, she was in Canada—narrated tales about the cousin of the famed cooking incident and a few other relatives I'd never met—but I'd caught on early that it hurt him to talk about it. I'd wordlessly hug him (whatever part of him I could reach, at the time), and the tight squeeze I got back confirmed my resolve to leave the matter be.

 _One day, maybe I'll track her down,_ I'd thought. And I'd daydreamed about what she was like, someone kind and lovely to match my father.

Then she fell into my lap at the center of some of the most gruesome acts I'd ever heard described.

I had to feel a little sorry for the cops that got on the receiving end of my sharp answers to their stupidest questions, when we made a detour for Alexa to file a police report.

Past that, however, I did hardly anything to help start us on our trip. In the hotel, it took all my dazed energy to pack my suitcase and remember to brush my teeth; I didn't even put my hair in a braid again. Anger had been practically the only thing bouying my energy levels at the police station. Then, once he'd finally made good on his promise to heal Alexa's bruises—at least partway—Sage let me drop my head against his arm. I was only dimly aware of Rowen claiming the bucket seat catty corner to us so as to share the evidence he'd gathered...if we wanted (which got a sardonic "Look, Alexa, a real-live Kenda!"). With Cye manning the wheel, we quickly arrived at the train station—I heard someone ask about what to do with the rental—someone else got tickets—and then I was staring at the inside of a sleeper train.

Fascinated as I was (I'd never been on one before), the tiny mattress was calling my name, and for the next five hours, I was out like a light. When I came to, it was to Kento and Cye's soft whisper. Dimly, I heard air moving softly and rhythmically near my ears; warmth surrounded the upper half of my body, which I'd snuggled closer to in my sleep. A heavy but not unpleasant weight rested on my arm and shoulder.

The whispers stopped. A soft click heralded use of the door, so Kento and Cye must've left. Curious as to where the others were—I hadn't heard Ryo, Rowen, Sage, or Alexa, although we'd had to get two compartments to fit us all—I groggily rubbed my eyes and stretched.

My extended arm bumped into flesh and muscle. Startled, my heart hammering in my ears, I held my breath and cracked an eye open.

Turns out I'd fallen asleep in Sage's lap.

Cue predictable blush that I could feel all the way to my collarbone.

In the next five seconds, though my lungs slowly upped their demands for air, I forced myself not to move a muscle. Once I'd determined he had also fallen asleep, I relaxed again and just studied him. From this angle, I could actually see his right eye, the one always hidden by long bangs. Why he kept his hair styled like that—except during a kendo match, when he could hardly be seen through a _men_ anyway—I didn't know, but it had been slowly driving me nuts. He expertly turned away any subtle questions or quips I made about it, so I was still as clueless as ever.

Maybe that was what drew me to him, an aura of mystery and "don't touch me" that just made my curious kitty go mad.

Of course, that gave curious kitty a thought. Those bangs were just within reach, if I only stretched a little bit. It was oh so tempting to play with them, since he'd never know as long as I didn't wake him up.

I should have known Sage was a light sleeper.

One hand casually met my wrist as my fingers came level with his nose. Startled—again sucking in and holding my breath—I glanced at his face to find both violet eyes staring at me. I gulped, suddenly having an inkling regarding the answer to my question.

I'd thought one eye was intense enough, when he showed emotion. Two was nearly overwhelming.

"You're finally awake."

That voice—! _Ugh,_ Tessa _, you are so terrible._ I swallowed, unable to force air through my vocal cords. His voice was still very much half-asleep and velvety and husky and I didn't know what I was going to do with myself except stare.

He still hadn't let go of my hand. "Have a nice nap?"

"Uh…"

Somewhere, a little voice in the back of my head was saying I should probably sit up. Do _something_ to break the spell. Something had shut off communication to the front part of my brain, though. I blamed the damned Sandman.

The weight on my shoulder and arm, I then realized, was Sage's arm. Now he lifted it so his hand could smooth over my sleep-tangled hair.

"Did I die and go to Heaven?"

It took a second for my sleepy mind to realize the horror of what I'd just said. (If Alexa could read my thoughts, I had no doubt she'd make some exasperated comment about how boy-crazy I was.)

Sage chuckled, my body vibrating from the sound where my back pressed against his abdomen—which, I noted dreamily, were pretty rock hard, even relaxed as he was. "No. We're still on a train to Washington, DC."

I could hardly think over the blood rushing through my ears. Somehow that answer turned out to be what shattered my paralysis; my wrist pulled from his grip, my torso lifting from where it'd wedged against him, and then scooting a good three feet away from him.

Instantly my skin missed the radiating heat from his body, but my blush still more than made up for that. But _damn_ did my mind go to _very_ vulgar places when I realized the sleeper car was empty but for us and Alexa's sleeping form on the top bunk across the way.

Coughing to try and rid the pain in my chest (I hoped it was just my lungs from not really breathing right but suspected something else), I asked, "How far out are we?"

Other questions wanted to come flooding after, but I resisted. "Still a solid seven hours." He glanced at the curtained windows, which left the room in comforting but very tempting hues of dark blue and grey. That told me what Sage confirmed, anyway. "It's almost sunset."

"Where're the others?"

I hoped he didn't notice how almost desperately I'd said it. "In the other car. Alexa came in about an hour ago and said she had a headache, so they moved their game of _go_ there." That smirk restarted the butterflies, damn him. "Rowen's probably kicking their butts, now, if they let him play."

That imagery got me almost giggling, just a very quietly amused sound. But the mention of Rowen sobered up my thoughts _very_ quickly. Sure, I was alone with Sage now—but when I'd been alone with Rowen, despite our quarreling, I'd still felt incredibly attracted to him. I'd almost crushed on him faster than I had Sage, and I didn't even know him as well.

...Yeah, my life was definitely turning into a young adult novel. Hello, love triangle! All it needed now was for Rowen and Sage to be fighting over my attentions.

As if summoned, I heard the latch snick open. To my relief, however, it was only Ryo who carefully poked his head inside. A smile graced his face when he saw us upright. "Oh, good. We were wondering whether anyone was still alive in here."

I felt like a woman let out of prison with those words. "Yep! Perfectly hunky-dory, nothing to—OW!"

Being nervous and moving too quickly had always been a recipe for disaster where I was concerned. Normally not too clutzy on my own, if an outside force applied itself, it was pretty much guaranteed I'd hurt some limb all to pieces in some fashion or another. Of course that had to make me wonder how in the world I didn't hurt myself worse during fencing or kendo practice...

This time, it meant my skull meeting the hard metal of the top bunk-rack. (And I'd grown up with a bunk bed; you'd think I'd know better by now.)

Over my repeatedly hissed "owowowowowowow", my eyes screwed shut, and the hand pressed with practiced pressure to the throbbing wound—which I knew from experience would only hurt _more_ once the initial numbing rush of damaged tissue wore off and the pain finally registered—I felt Sage's huge arms pull me back to him. The little voice in the back of my head deflated helplessly, shrugging as if to say "Oh well, I tried."

I could hear the wince in Ryo's voice. "That looked like it hurt."

"Way to understate the obvious, Ryo." I kept my eyes tight shut and hissed again when Sage determinedly pulled my hand away. His voice had the tone of one who'd tended wounds so many times the motions became mindlessly practiced. "Let's see now… Looks like it'll just be a nasty knot, but better safe than sorry."

I felt his hand replace mine over the wound, and then bright green light filled the darkness behind my eyes.

Mentally, I gasped, recognizing not my body but my _spirit_ flooding with Halo's power. Faster than half a second, it collapsed inward to focus on my skull, and then I could catch a glimpse of Sage's true aura. Blinding white, crackling with electricity, and rippling with living energy that embodied every creature ever known to man, it contained all the intensity of his eyes and then some.

If I could have come up with words, then, it would have been to say that I think I felt his barriers completely dissolve. Suddenly I wasn't looking at Sage, the person, whom I knew—but rather I knew certain parts of what Sage was in his being. Time distorted as it was had me thinking this took hours, but in reality a mere thirty seconds had passed.

Everything sucked inward on itself and spat me back out. Returning so abruptly to the external world drained me, leaving my body collapsed against Sage's in the circle of his arms. I had nothing left in me to protest when the blond carefully rearranged me on the mattress—a faint thought in my mind of relief that he wasn't touching me anymore, simply standing looking down at me.

I thought maybe I still felt headachy because of the lump, but now it registered that all of that pain had vanished. Embarrassingly, my voice came out in a croak. "What…"

His fingertips brushed my forehead as he hushed me. "We'll talk later. Just rest, for now; Halo's healing is apt to be draining on the patient."

 _Well, can't argue with_ that _logic._

Of course, he and Ryo departing, closing the door and leaving me and a blissfully obliviously sleeping Alexa, would mean my mind got to wander, again. It was too awake to sleep, but my body too tired to do more than lay there, so I resigned myself to all the terribly awkward and fantastic daydreams Gwen (the little muse in my brain) decided to throw my way.

But before that, there was whatever had just happened to consider—and not the typical "ohemgee Sage touched me" thing, either. That healing… I'd felt Sage, on a deeper level than I thought I'd ever have had the privilege of getting to know him. And there was something else there, something more than the surface-level protectiveness and impenetrable shell that hid his emotions.

It took my addled brain a few minutes to decipher. _...Either I took a hell of a whack to my head, or I just figured out that Sage likes me._

The thought sent giddy thrills racing around my brain. But then the question became, in what _way_ did he like me? That was what was bugging me—what I'd felt under the surface of his emotions. He'd already proven himself to be nothing short of multifaceted in his ways; this healing only confirmed that notion to me. And I'd gotten to see… What _had_ I seen? Affection, a desire to shield and comfort…

But he was...confused?

Well, I know _I_ certainly was.

I frowned, confusion growing more when I felt a brief pulse of heat on my chest. My fingers fumbled with the covers, my clothes, and the leather braid for a few moments before the armor half-sphere came into view.

The sudden green light didn't quite blind me in the deepening dusk, but it was enough to cause a wince. Once my eyes had adjusted, I stared open-mouthed at the little crystal.

"Hello," I murmured. "What have we here?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Alexa's very-much-awake voice muttered loudly, "Oh _hush_ …"

A glance up at her bunk revealed a pale purple-grey glow against the wall behind her (or, correctly, in front of her, since she was still turned away from me). It occurred to me that perhaps whatever was bothering Dawn had alerted Dusk. "Alexa…?"

I could barely make out the subtle shift in her posture that said I'd gotten her attention. "Mmhmm?"

"Is Dusk…?"

The sheer strength of Dusk's glow outshone Dawn's two to one as Alexa held it aloft for me to get a better look. A pout turned my lower lip down at the thought that that _so_ wasn't fair. "Do you know what it's reacting to?"

"Sage's healing, likely," she intoned flatly.

I was very glad of the darkness that hid my new blush, wondering how much she'd heard or sensed of our encounter. "T-That's probably why Dawn is suddenly so active, too. I've never seen it do anything like this before." Even I could hear the faint tinge of awe in my voice.

Her voice turned so soft, I almost couldn't make out the words. "That's about how bright Dusk was, when it initially woke up."

If the mood hadn't been so melancholy, I probably would have punched the air and yelled " _Alright_!" As it was I smiled up at the previously-offensive metal railings of the bunk above mine. "Well, guess that makes figuring out how to wake up Dawn a problem of the past."

Should have realized I'd opened myself up to her very amused taunting. "Just took your boyfriend sweeping you off your feet. It's even green to match."

I don't know how the boys didn't hear my incredibly vociferous, almost-shouting protests from the compartment next door.

—

For once, my butterflies didn't have anything to do with one of the guys.

Driving these roads again—even though I'd only been away a month—was strange. Not only had I quickly adjusted my brain for kilometers and left-side-dominance while in Japan, but these were my old stomping grounds. So many memories assaulted me that it was hard to focus on the road signs. What bothered me wasn't that the memories came back, though.

It was that now they had become tinged with a bittersweet taste that put me in a very subdued mood.

That made me thankful for how almost everyone else in the car had dropped off to sleep. One thing was for sure—after the excitement of the past week, combined with all the rest we were getting during the long travel, we'd practically be bouncing off the walls of my small house.

Of course, that only reminded me that Dad had no idea he'd soon be scrambling for space to house five very grown men and a daughter he hadn't seen in nearly twenty years.

"You're rather quiet," my copilot observed cautiously. "Penny for your thoughts?"

The smile that came to my lips matched my mood. "Just...memories."

" _Aah_." That affirmative sound Rowen made hit an automatic switch in my brain. When he continued in Japanese—though very cautiously—I hardly noticed the difference. "Thinking about your family?"

A nod, followed by a pause; then, "I remember one of the first times we came down this road. Late at night, heading back to our new house after visiting my grandmother in Maryland. We'd tried to cut around DC, but of course night driving in an unfamiliar area and before commercial GPS on every single electronic device threw us off." My smile was more nostalgic this time. "We got an impromptu tour of the monuments at night. It was really quite spectacular, a nearly-full moon meeting with pools of artificial lights set to illuminate everything on the ground level. I'll never forget it."

He chuckled, and somehow that sound dissolved the worrying ache in my chest. "I bet you'd love seeing it all up close."

I risked taking my eyes from the road to give him a curious, confused look. "Tenku does let you fly… Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

That smirk—I swear one of these days those boys would have to get it copyrighted or trademarked or something. It was eerie how similar they were. "Would you like to dance among the stars with me sometime?"

"Are you asking me on a date?" I shot back playfully, one eyebrow arched while vainly trying to ignore the heat in my face.

My heart sank in the few moments of silence that he didn't answer. I got the sense he was fighting with himself before finally saying, "Only if you want it to be."

The cheerful way he said it was obviously forced, but with how things were at the moment, I certainly wasn't going to press the issue.

After all, I still had a violet-eyed blond on my mind. Speaking of…

A quick glance in the rearview showed me the rest of the car, Cye and Ryo passed out in the captain's chairs and Kento following suit next to Sage. Alexa stared out the window on the right side, chin cupped in one hand with a braced elbow supporting it all.

Unnerved to find violet eyes quickly meeting mine, I turned back to the drive.

"Alexa asked me about your parents' divorce."

Back to English, and further surprising with the sudden topic change. I guess he really was feeling as nervous as me over the way the last conversation had gone. "Oh?"

I got the faint impression of a nod from out of my peripherals. "She wanted to know why things ended up the way they did." He waited for some response from me, but none was forthcoming. "Would you like to know—"

"—Know why Dad took me instead of her?" I finished, surprising myself at the bitterness in those words. "Maybe. Honestly, it's not that important. It's done, over, and we're here now, so why dwell on it?"

Ooooookay. Where had _that_ come from?

Rowen apparently wondered the same thing I did, because when I brought the car to a stop at a light just off our exit, he leaned toward the dash to get a look at my face. I resolutely did not grace him with a glance. "It's your history, Tessa."

(Oh _damn_ him for the way my name came off his tongue like that and sent shivers down my spine…)

Oblivious to my plight, he explained, "It may not end up being something that's all that important to you, but Alexa was really eaten up by it. And in the end, she understood why, even if it still hurt." I dared a glance to see that he had hooded his eyes, now a color deeper than night. "She was angry for what your mom did to the _both_ of you. That woman would have done even more terrible things to you than she did to Alexa."

Familiar guilt stabbed my heart. With a glance in the mirror to double check Alexa's attention was elsewhere, I said quietly, "Yeah, well, she didn't, and Alexa got stuck with all of it. You didn't have to watch from a distance as she _ran away_ from all that, didn't have to be helpless with the need to physically _be there_ for her…" My voice faded off around the growing lump in my throat. The last thought in that string finally choked out, "You don't know how it felt, to scour every form of contact we had looking for a trace of something that would tell me she was still _alive_ …"

"I do, actually."

That sudden interruption set me back on my proverbial heels, quiet as it was. Another glance showed me he had turned his eyes toward the skies out his window. "We haven't gotten a chance to tell you about the Dynasty War yet. You'll probably get the whole story eventually, but…" He sighed. "At one point, we all decided to follow the guidance of an ancient monk who'd created the armors, and go back to where we'd found them. I was in Amanohashidate, practicing with the hankyu, when a female _youja_ got her hands on me."

Memory flashed through his eyes as he searched for words to continue. I simply waited, using the silence to concentrate on the road and remember what turn I should be looking for next. "I'd later find out she wasn't a _youja_ at all, but that's beside the point. She told me Sage, Cye, and Kento had all been captured; I thought it was simply a mind game trying to make me panic, but it turned out to be true. When I rushed over to Mount Fuji to warn Ryo, she was already there again. She produced proof of the others' defeat in the form of the Halo ken and Torrent yari.

"You can probably imagine how that felt—sitting at Mia's table with their weapons between us, wondering how Ryo and I alone could tackle the whole _youjakai_ on our own and if they were even still alive." The faint click of the turn signal echoed loud in the new silence; he glanced out of the corner of his eyes to see my deadpan expression. "Still don't want to know what Alexa and I pieced together?"

I mulled that over, slowly. We were less than five minutes from the house… "Maybe after she meets Dad," I whispered. "Then we can hash everything out once and for all."

To my relief, he bowed his head in acceptance. "Hai. As you wish."

True to my estimate, we pulled into the gravel driveway shortly after. Turning the car off, I twisted around to announce our arrival, only to find fifty percent of the occupants still snoozing away. Unable to resist the chaos it would cause, I lifted the keyfob up to Rowen in a sort of salute, then directed it at the back seat. "Pst, Alexa."

"Hm?"

I held up the keyfob meaningfully, fingering the little red alarm button at its base, and raised an eyebrow to match a very devious smirk.

Whatever she muttered, I couldn't make out, but she plugged her ears anyway. Grinning, I hit the magic button.

The looks on the Three Stooges' faces when they jumped out of their skin, still-half asleep, stuck with me far longer than the deep, ab-aching belly laugh that overcame me.

Though I'd enjoyed the impish antics, the law of unintended consequences came back to bite me in the butt. I'd pulled the car up to the house so the driver faced away from the little side door we always used as the main entryway. The short burst of sound I'd allowed the car alarm to emit was far and away the best calling card I could have hoped for.

If it had been deliberate.

"Tessa…?"

Dread wrapped a fist around my intestines at the way Kento dragged out the vowels in my name uncertainly. Everyone had stopped unloading and opening and closing doors; silence hung heavy as a wet drape in the humid summer afternoon. I slung the strap of my purse (in my hand) over my shoulder and scurried around the front of the van to see what had him so worried.

My father stood on the stoop, a look of bewilderment on his stubble-coated face. I gulped when his eyes finally found me and the dismay turned to stern authority.

"Uh, hey Dad." The expression on my face could have been an anime sweatdrop for the sheepishness I felt. "I'm home."

* * *

 **Translation:**

- _youja_ : demon


	6. Chapter 6

Ohhey, I actually had more free time/access to internet than I thought I would! =D

In which Conversations start being had, and there is Fluffiness. (There's quite a lot of that in the next few chapters, come to think of it...)

 **Warnings:** Just fluff! Some rough conversations-mentions of PTSD and distorted eating-but nothing seriously in-depth.

* * *

 _Chapter 6_

I stayed in the car. _Firmly_ stayed in the car. Kento, Rowen, Ryo and Cye had gone out to unload, Sage lingering behind in a not so subtle encouragement to get out and join everybody.

I'd be introduced as her friend from Canada— he'd never talked to me, but he most certainly knew _of_ me— but that would be temporary at best. Somewhere in my mind, I had the thought that if I stayed in the car, I could put off the inevitable. I didn't know if he'd recognize me on sight, considering I'd somehow inherited a nearly perfect 50/50 split in my parents' genetics, so any story could be out the window the minute I moved a muscle.

My anxiety was very quickly inching its way up, knotting my stomach and drying my mouth to paper. I peered out at the confrontation happening between Tessa and Dad, which just sent my unease even higher. I _hated_ confrontation, especially when there was such a large risk of things going wrong.

So long as I didn't move, I didn't have to realize how much I wanted to throw up.

Sage rested a hand on my elbow. "You'll have to face him eventually."

"I know."

He tugged on my forearm, firmly but gently. "I'll be right here."

My lip trembled, eyes scrunching shut, but I managed to unbuckle my seatbelt and follow him out of the van. True to his word, he waited by the door as I reached it, hand out to brace me if I so desired.

Tessa _had_ always said he might as well be a prince, for his level of manners. This just proved her point.

I ignored his hand, preferring the solid grip of the door for how weak my muscles were. I didn't want to deal with the potential jolt as I dropped down, because even somebody as strong as him would waver under weight— regardless of how light I was.

His hand went to my lower back, instead, stabilizing me. My legs very much didn't want to cooperate, but I was not going to let anyone carry me unless I was physically incapable of walking. Hopefully my leg would hold up for long enough, considering the pain centering itself on my left Achilles tendon and hip flexor.

The minute I jumped down, Tessa turned and brightened oh so slightly that I was finally out. "Hey! Feeling alright? You're going to bunk with me, if that's alright; it's kind of a tight squeeze, the house is a bit small even with just me and my brother…"

There was her motor mouth. She got _rambly_ when stressed out. "Okay. I'm not taking up much space."

I could see the flash of sadness in her eyes at my implications— that I'd be curled up in a ball most of this trip— but it only lasted a moment. "Thank you for the help, Sage. It means a lot."

His arm went a bit more around my waist as a demonstration of how he was here to help me, but I guessed it was mostly for her— and perhaps he could sense the pain in my hip. Hopefully I wouldn't need him.

Sage stayed close to me as I walked up to shake her dad's hand— unable to call him mine at this exact moment— and I said my name as clearly as I could. My eyes were trained for any microexpression that betrayed what he felt— any signs of realization, from his eyes to neck, and even the grip he had on my hand.

Nothing.

It was tempting to break the illusion with 'didn't you have a daughter by my name?' but my voice was in my throat and my bravery had been used up getting out of the car in the first place.

He said his name with a small smile, more than a little confused as to why Tessa had shown up unannounced with a carful of people, but that was an advantage to me— confusion led to cover.

I glanced at Tessa, if only to not study the man in front of me. "Mind if I just go inside? I was out like a light in there."

She shook her head. "Go ahead, make yourself at home."

Ryo nearly had the last suitcase out of the car. "We'll bring your stuff in for you."

"Thanks."

Sage remained a shadow as we went inside, me pausing in the doorway and trying to evaluate the layout of an unfamiliar place. I'd seen pictures of her room but not her actual house, and now I had to navigate it while she was still talking to Dad.

I spoke mostly just to hear my own voice and ground myself. Sage was _completely_ forgotten as I peeked around the entrance and halls. "Oh-kay stairs are here she's on the second floor—" I practically bounced up to where I'd be staying, and quickly checked every room. "There it is."

Sage appeared back behind me, following into the room. "That was quick."

I parked myself on the bed and smiled up at him. "I was one of the only people in my class of sixty able to navigate B building at my college— I called it the rabbit warren because of all the dead ends."

He arched one eyebrow up. "So that's another one of your talents?"

I laughed, turning my face away and trying to hide a blush. "I just… like figuring things out. I'm good at it but…"

"It's still noteworthy." Sage sat beside me on the bed. "Did Tessa tell you about my experience with kendo?"

Now to decide how much to incriminate her. I smirked, wanting to have some fun with them both. "Around ten times."

He leaned back slightly, both eyebrows up. "Oh. Well…"

I laughed softly, going to let her off the hook. "She was _that_ honoured you wanted to give her private lessons. She's been incredibly starstruck since arriving. Kept gushing about how somebody with your rank was taking any sort of interest in her training."

The softest blush was visible on his nose, half hidden by his hair. "It's hard not to, with her skill…"

I nodded, bringing my legs up to wrap my arms around them. "She's incredible."

Sage let that stand, silence stretching out. Long enough for the guys to come in and yell, asking where we were.

"Up here!" I hollered towards the stairs, unmoving.

"Where's 'here'?" Kento shot back.

I heard Tessa's voice. "My room!"

Ryo, this time. "Yeah… where _is_ it?"

"It's America, they're on the second story—duh, didn't they teach you that in English class?" I heard every ounce of mirth in her voice, her one of the few people whose teasing I could consistently tolerate— even enjoy.

I laughed and pointed to the door. "Go get those poor boys, will you?"

Sage shook his head and went down, coming back up in short order with the others in tow.

"Nice room," Kento commented, putting my suitcases in a corner, my ever-present gym bag plopped on top.

Ryo handed off some of the bags he was loaded up with to Kento. "How're you holding up?"

I swallowed, tucking my face more against my knees. He dropped the rest and stepped forward, kneeling in front of me. "Tessa's talking to your dad, now. Rowen's with her. You don't have to be there." My stomach lurched and he must've seen the tears brimming in my eyes. "Want a hug?"

I nodded, grateful he'd asked permission, first. I dropped my knees to the ground and wrapped my arms around his neck, practically melting against him from the sheer amount of stress I was under. I'd heard Ryo's armour was Wildfire, and from the body heat he radiated, I believed it. The touch acted like a much needed heating pad on my cramped, wound-like-springs muscles. Somewhere in the background I heard hushed voices speaking in Japanese, but I couldn't even begin to understand what they were saying.

He stroked my hair. "It'll be okay, Alexa. We can stay by the door and keep him out, if you want."

I laugh-sobbed against his shoulder. "I'm okay. Thanks."

He only pulled back when I did, hands on my shoulders as I wiped my eyes.

"Need anything?" Cye asked from the doorway. "I'm sure Tessa would let us use the kitchen…"

I nodded. "I'm starving."

Cye smiled at me. "We'll put this stuff away and I'll go see what I can make."

"Thank you."

The three left, leaving me alone with Sage. I was still on the floor, absolutely no intention of getting back on the bed no matter how comfortable it was. Eventually the pressure on my still-there bruises got to me and I dragged myself back to the middle of the soft mattress, practically flopping on my side and not caring my head was half on the pillow.

Sage sat on the edge, hand going to my shoulder. He seemed to have picked up how much I needed touch, as well. "Anything I can do?"

Dusk responded to the cautious poke he gave with Halo, somewhere between acceptance and a stone solid wall. "I don't know."

"If anything hurts…"

I leveled a stern look in his direction. "To be honest, I'm not sure I trust you after you gave Tessa that healing without telling her what you were doing." I turned my eyes back to the blankets. "I'm not mad you healed her, I've just…" I swallowed. "People have healed me, where they didn't say what they were doing, and it's left permanent damage."

He was cautious in his words, the pressure on my shoulder lighter than it had been but still there. "It… might not be permanent. If—"

"I don't want to."

He paused, seemingly chastised by my tone of voice. "Alright." His hand returned to resting against my back. "I'm sorry, Alexa, for causing you that stress. If it makes you feel any better, I normally ask."

"That does." The question became why he hadn't asked that time, but from the way he kept looking at her— and at Rowen— gave me some indication. I didn't want to ask why. Not directly.

I changed the topic, instead. "One of the first times Dusk came out was during one of those healings. I just… wanted it to stop. They kept chastising me for how 'hostile' I was, after that." My voice was so steady, I wondered about my own sanity. "But I knew I was right."

Sage's grip tightened on my shoulder, apparently having guessed at what 'chastised' meant in context. "The armours always protect their wielders. Dusk should be no different."

I quirked a smile. "I joke how it's… my guardian, of sorts. It takes care of me better than I take care of myself." My face returned to neutral. "Reminds me what's the past, and what's the present. Even _it's_ been struggling lately, with how… it's not the past anymore."

His next words were soft. "PTSD?"

I nodded.

"I understand."

I looked up at him, his words too _deep_ to be simple commentary. I should've known the minute he guessed I had it, because most people didn't. I was careful, wording statements so they weren't obviously triggers, weren't obviously _symptoms_ , but after one simple statement, he'd guessed.

"During the Dynasty War," he said softly. "I was captured multiple times, by a Warlord of Darkness. He—"

I sat up. "You don't have to tell me." Realizing how sharp that had been, I looked down. "I… I know what it's like, feeling like you have to tell it and how it can bring everything back."

Somehow, he picked up on the implications of my words _again_. "You don't have to tell me your story, if I tell you mine."

I rubbed my face and made a mental note to tell Dusk to keep things private, now that it had other armours to communicate with. He put a hand on my other arm. I looked at him, quickly absorbing every single ounce of protectiveness in his exposed violet eye. It shone like Dusk did when it was trying to be lighter, only more intense. From the set of his mouth, I knew he was worried.

"Flashbacks…?"

I swallowed and nodded, looking down. "They've been trying to come out all day…"

He gathered me in his arms and I felt Halo more than anything radiate out safety, an unspoken agreement that nothing would get through them to hurt me. I curled up so I could hear his heart and stabilize my own, everything about this week making the beat too much and too hard. His breathing was another thing to use as a metric— deep and meditative. I absorbed both rhythms and found myself calming, slowly. Normally breathing exercises never worked, but following a person did.

Of course, the problem was now I didn't want to _leave_.

He drew me closer, a smile very much in his tone. "Your turn to fall asleep in my lap?"

I blushed and hid my face. "I probably won't."

To my surprise, his grip didn't waver. "Take all the time you need."

—/—

I was absolutely not ready to talk about this.

"Ok, Tessa, what's going on here?"

Yup, _so_ not ready to have this conversation. But it had to be done.

It didn't help that I could sense Rowen radiating defensiveness. Dawn had been way too focused on sensing everything in a twenty-five foot radius since we got here, thanks to Sage's little healing trick poking the armor into wakefulness. The way it kept jumping at new things resembled a half-awake month-old puppy, and it was taking way more energy than I had patience for to keep it in check.

Dad kept talking when I didn't immediately offer the answer. "You're supposed to be in Japan right now, young lady, not traipsing back here with five boys in tow and some girl from Canada you've only ever talked to online."

That instantly set my nerves on edge—not helped at all by the answering spike in raised hackles from Rowen. "Just give me a sec, Dad; it's been an exhausting week, I _just_ stepped in the door, and I have a headache."

Hopefully the sharp tone didn't simply get a scolding for being disrespectful. Luckily, either he actually cared, or Rowen's death glare did the trick, because he shut up for a few moments.

I waited to talk 'til the Three Stooges had rounded the corner from the kitchen to the stairs with practically everyone's suitcases. Rowen surreptitiously nudged me with an elbow, a gesture that I gathered to mean "sit down, take a load off". Slowly, I obliged.

"Okay. Dad, you—uh—might want to sit down for this, too. It's going to get complicated real quick..."

The way he mirrored how I'd sat only made me more nervous for this, exacerbated by the wary glint now in his brown eyes. It was hard to think that this man who'd nursed my boo-boos and made me horsie-shaped pancakes had ever married a woman like Alexa's ( _our_ , damnit I had to keep reminding myself) mother, and then left my twin behind.

 _Maybe I should've talked to Rowen when I had the chance._

Good thing he'd decided to stick with me. Couldn't hurt to have a genius in my corner.

Now, where to start… At the beginning. That's a very good place to start. (And there goes the Sound of Music in my head. Better get talking, quick.)

I lifted the orb necklace over my head, setting it none too ceremoniously on the kitchen table. A faint green glow hummed through the normally charcoal mineral, a fact which Dad immediately picked up on. "Did you get an LED put in your necklace, sweetie?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, Dad. Just turns out that this little do-dad I've never been able to go anywhere without is in fact a mystic artifact that really actually belongs in Japan, when I think about it," I chirped, the upbeat tone dripping with sarcasm. "But if I had to hazard a guess, you wouldn't need _me_ to tell you about that, now would you?"

Now that I was on a roll, there was no going back. I'd thought before—imagining this conversation—that it would be a pretty civil back and forth, a conversation instead of a monologue. Of course, I conveniently would forget about the German temperament that I'd spent twenty years living with. Rowen's awe and tiny hint of _fear_ pulsed through me from Dawn as I laid into my father.

"No, you wouldn't! Because you knew about it from the start. But you never did like talking about Mom, either. I loved you too much to want to bring up something that clearly hurt you so much, so I never pressed—I never asked more than about when you got married, or when I was born. _Speaking_ of being born, you decided to lie to me about that, too. I've grown up my whole life knowing I was your daughter, that Liv is my stepmom, that somewhere out there I had a biological mother but that was all I knew—and then I went to Japan.

"Oooh, yes, and something tells me _that_ wasn't by accident _at all_." I tapped my forefinger against the perfectly smooth armor orb, the nail making a very pleasing _tink_ against the glass-like structure. "Nope, I'm pretty sure Dawn here _wanted_ me to go. It wasn't just my curiosity about what this kanji meant that launched my fascination with Japanese—it's where the pendant belongs! Hold on, excuse me—not pendant. _Armor_."

I finally paused for air, practically gulping in one huge breath just to expel it sharply through my nose. If Alexa had been there to witness this, I'm sure she would have called it my angry dragon snort. Rowen stood still as a statue at my shoulder, waves of some emotion I couldn't place rolling off his connection with Strata. That made me rub tiredly at my face; I really needed to have a conversation with Sage about meditation techniques to bring Dawn to heel.

Dad didn't make a sound, though I'd expected some sort of angry retort to my tirade; after all, I'd gotten my temper from his side of the family. Cye chose that moment to pop his head around the corner and ask, "Tessa, would you object to my using the kitchen? Alexa could use a few more calories…" He trailed off, noticing the incredibly tense atmosphere and Rowen's warning look. "Neeeevermind I'll just be busy unpacking…"

I almost could have chuckled, were I not so involved in taking my father to task. Part of me was a little afraid of _myself_ right now; the other half, well, the other half was where this was coming from. A little itty bitty part of me was suspicious that Dawn had something to do with this, too, but, again—too busy to worry about _that_ little detail just then.

Luckily, Rowen took up the thread of conversation before I had to. Words seemed to have fled me, all of a sudden. His hand fell softly to my shoulder as he started. "I helped Tessa track down her records—birth certificates, medical files, the divorce papers. All of it. Turns out the friend from Canada she's known for years was born two days before her, on the other side of the Libra-Scorpio cusp. To the same mother." He stared fearlessly down at my father, whose jaw had gone slack. "The armor which had chosen them split with their separation. Without even realizing it, you'd taken an entire half of the cult's power with you when you ran from them and your ex-wife."

While the thought had crossed my mind, I hadn't yet heard it verbalized. I looked up at Rowen with something akin to surprise, letting those words and their implication sink in. _Dad…didn't abandon Alexa? He was simply fleeing from the cult?_

I really needed to sit down and have a nice long chat with my neechan.

Motion in the corner of my eye turned my attention back to Dad. He'd sighed heavily, propping his forehead on both hands and curling his fingers in his hair. I'd never seen him look both so much older and so much younger at the same time—something of a cross between a scared teenager and an old man who'd seen too much of the world's horrors. "Yes," he whispered. "Yes, I did." His eyes—sad eyes, I finally saw, eyes filled with pain—met mine. "I only had an inkling of what it meant…I'd married your mother not truly knowing just how involved she was in that satanic organization. I was too in love with her, too blinded by it all to really see who she was on the inside." Another sigh. "The only hope I had was that the divorce would be fairly quick and painless, but...she was too manipulative. Too cunning. Every time I turned around, the demands changed. And each time I just saw how badly it might turn out for you two."

Now I was _really_ starting to feel guilty for laying into him. Dawn's pulse flashed a little brighter, a little more colorfully; Rowen seemed to sense my unease, his hand tightening gently around my shoulder.

"At last I did the only thing I could do—it was either take one of you, or lose both of you to the cult. And with the way your mother had nearly killed you right from the start, I had no choice but to be sure it was you I got." His chuckle was too dry, too harsh. "She was all too happy to give you up."

That was the last straw. This all was way too much for me to take. As my father dropped his head into his hands—even though I knew he was just as tortured by all this as me—I got to my feet and swiped my necklace from the table. Rowen's light hold on my shoulder was nowhere near enough to keep me there.

In another five seconds, I'd shoved my way through the poor old screen door and bolted for the comfort of our four-horse barn.

The ground was so familiar underfoot I could have made the short trek to my little secret hiding place blindfolded. As it stood, I was too wrapped up in feeling my chest rip open to care whether I tripped or stubbed a toe or jammed my finger on some rock, tree, or ladder—whatever happened to stand in my way, it couldn't possibly be worse than this _pain_.

I might be living a novel, but it sure hurt like real life.

In fact, it hurt enough that I didn't quite even make it to my secret place before my legs wouldn't move any further. I dimly recognized a stall door imprinting its shape into my back when I sank to the floor, face to my drawn up knees and arms crossed atop them to block out the light. Sobs that I didn't have to worry about concealing ripped their way from my throat, quickly chafing it as raw as my eyes would be puffy by the time I was done.

Alexa had often said she was a "pretty crier". I'd laughed, because I was the exact opposite. And nowhere was that more true than after a good long bawl like this one.

I nearly shrieked when I felt something touch my hair.

"Whoa, easy, easy, Tessa, it's okay, it's just me…"

 _Rowen_. I could have groaned at his impeccable timing. This was _not_ what I needed either of my two crushes to see right now.

I recoiled from him again, curling even more into a ball and trying to say "Go away" loud enough that he would hear. But another sob and a sniffle ran headlong into each other in my throat, and nothing escaped. Some weird hiccupping choke emerged instead.

This time I didn't move when he hesitantly put a hand on my head. Sensing the dissolved resistance, the hand moved carefully across my hair, much like I would soothe a frightened foal.

And then he started to sing.

It began so softly I almost couldn't hear it over my admittedly diminished crying. Once I picked up on it, however, I quickly stilled, tilting my head a fraction to get one ear out from behind my upper arm. He'd chosen a Japanese lullaby, something with long vowels and lots of dipthongs that reminded me of the night sky unveiling its splendor. To my surprise, I only knew a few words here and there; perhaps it was all archaic language from a long-forgotten era of Japan's history.

Rowen continued to sing even as I felt him move to sit beside me, arms encircling my little ball of tears and what I guessed to be his cheek resting on my hair. My body stiffened for a moment, but then I let my eyes slide closed and eased into the touch.

He sang so quietly and I became so relaxed that I didn't notice when he stopped. I also didn't notice that I'd unwound from my tense little cocoon, so pliable that I'd turned my face into his chest. A little contented sigh passed my lips.

"Kirei da…" I murmured.

"Arigato," he murmured back.

Then it hit me where I was and what I was doing.

All the tension came crashing over me once more. I'm not ashamed to admit I panicked and scrambled back, easily breaking through a ring that should have been far stronger than I was prepared to fight. When the dust settled, I'd crab-walked a few hand-steps away and sat staring uncertainly at a mirror, for all we had the same look on our face.

Dawn was _not_ being any help, either. If it had been a person, I think it would have cooed and wolf-whistled at me. At us.

Remind me why I ever thought it was cool to have a semi-sentient magical armor.

Finally he broke the silence, one hand blindly reaching up the stall door so as to pull himself to his feet. "Tessa-chan, gomen, boku wa—"

"Iie, Rowen-kun, gomenasai—"

We stopped again, reverting to staring awkwardly in each other's general direction.

 _Why do relationships have to be so frustratingly_ impossible _to deal with?_

I vented my irritation—mostly at myself—in a growl, scrubbing at my salty eyes with the back of one dust-coated hand. Suddenly cursing my decision to put on a skirt that morning, I shakily levered myself to my feet and made a futile attempt at patting the barn flooring from the formerly-white fabric. All annoyance quickly fled when I looked up to see Rowen acting almost _sheepish_.

I blinked. The genius, being a stereotypical genius? No social skills? No way… He'd been so confident, so poised, so in his element talking to my dad, joking with the guys, helping us break Alexa out of that ranch. No way this was that same Rowen, who'd taken every chance he could to push my buttons.

A hand came up to scratch at the nape of his neck, eyes averted. "Um… I'll just…go see if Cye wants help with dinner…"

Part of me wanted to stop him. Dawn certainly did. But I was too confused with myself as it was—making him stay would have only muddled matters, instead of clearing the water.

"You could help me feed the horses."

It was out before I could hardly think the words. Rowen stopped halfway through turning to walk out, weight rocking back on his near foot and curiously—almost hopefully?—glancing over his shoulder. My breath hitched at that possibility, before everything that feeding horses entailed came rushing out. "The grain is already scooped, but I think the racks will need more hay—that's been dropped ahead of time from out of the loft into the feed room, but if Dad didn't get to it already then I guess you'd have to do that, ladder's to your ri—" I blinked. His shoulders were shaking with what I suspected was laughter. "What?"

Those eyes that pulled me in like black holes twinkled with stars. "I said I learned six languages since I was five, but I'm pretty sure 'Tessa' isn't one of those."

After a second to digest his meaning, I rolled my eyes and laughed lightly. "Geeze, you sound like my brother." With that said, I turned on a heel and strode purposefully for the feed room. "Now come on; if you're going to help, I was serious about everything I said. Grain is easy because…"

* * *

 **Translation:**

 _neechan_ : sister

My and Rowen's conversation in Japanese basically goes like this:

"That was pretty."

"Thank you."

"Tessa, I'm sorry, I—"

"No, Rowen, I'm so sorry—


	7. Chapter 7

Part of me is really glad we got as far as we have before we started posting this. If we were up to the point (posting) where we are now (writing), and me having Life hit, you'd probably not be having updates for last week, this week, and who knows how long from now. (As it is, this is showing up early like last week, because Life!)

Anywho! Continued fluffiness, a few serious things, some other Things being noticed, and...stuff. Basically just set-up for future developments, and showing some character development. Enjoy!

 **Warnings:** Parental abuse, eating disorder (starving), gaslighting

* * *

 _Chapter 7_

I heard raised voices, I heard a door fly open, and, most heartwrenchingly, I heard a man sob.

 _Damnit, Tessa, what did your dragon temper do_ this _time?_

I turned Dusk over in my hand, feeling distress from Tessa more intensely than I had in the years previous. Funny how she'd always called herself a dragon and I knew for a fact Dusk was dragon-inspired in form. Knowing her temper, she'd have the teeth. Lord knew I needed the hide.

Cye had come in and brought dinner, staying until he knew I'd be _able_ to eat— even if I couldn't quite get down more than a few spoonfuls at a time.

I'd been left alone with Sage again, both of us on her bed. He was back to being more reserved and I was thankful, if only because of how almost desperately I wanted my barriers back. While my skin was craving touch beyond belief, I only wanted people I _knew_ to touch me, at this point. The sheer amount of different things going on made me want normalcy, and right now, the only one who could give me that was in the barn, dealing with her own demons.

My breath caught when I heard somebody come up the stairs, eyes trained on the open door to make sure her dad wouldn't come up and say something to me. I mentally tripped over the 'her', my mind not wanting anything to do with any form of blood family. In the past six months I had gone from renouncing my mother, stepfather, and forming my own group of friends-who-acted-as-family… only to discover I had more blood family. The fear from the past week made me want to have nothing to do with this man.

Even if Rowen and I had figured out he hadn't abandoned me, that it was for the best, and I was thankful he'd taken one of us— that still didn't erase the twenty odd years of hearing what a scumbag he was.

He paused at the open door, wary from what I assumed was the glare Sage was leveling on him. "Alexa?"

I swallowed and looked at his shoulder, catching sight of his mouth in my periphery. "What?"

He almost looked like he was about to step inside, but thought better of it. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

Apparently, neither of us had the energy to continue past that. He left and I sank back into the pillows, rubbing my face.

"Do you believe that?"

I looked up at Sage, who was brushing his bangs back over his eye. Shame I'd missed seeing both. "Believe what?"

"That he has nothing to be sorry for."

I tipped my head back to look at the ceiling. "I guess."

The disbelief was well hidden in his highly controlled voice, but it was there. So was teasing. "You 'guess'?"

"He was up against my mother," I said softly. "Everybody makes regrets around her. She gets her hands in just enough that you'll always lose something if you cross her. I lost my pets, easy access to any extended family— people who weren't part of the cult and I felt normal around— and a not insignificant portion of my stuff." My chuckle was bitter, but it was more amused than anything. "Having _children_ as leverage? It's almost a miracle she didn't get both."

Sage was quiet for awhile, me trying to get over a paper dry mouth so I could keep eating, but even the small amount of food I'd gotten seemed to have stabilized my system. It wasn't enough, but it was more than I'd had in two weeks. After a relapse this intense, there was no hope of bouncing back in any semblance of the word 'quickly'.

I almost wanted to submit to another of Cye's vitals exams, but I knew I was just going to obsess over them, over 'improvement'. Instead it was better to focus on how I felt and eating enough.

"Think you're alright, now?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Go to bed."

He shifted to sit on the edge of the mattress. "You said that too quickly."

I quirked a smile at his dry humour. "Yeah, well." The mask slipped. "I'm not going to be okay for awhile. But I'm okay for being alone right now."

He watched me closely, making sure I wasn't lying, before he finally stood. "Let me know if you need anything."

I nodded and didn't move as he left the room, keeping the door ajar behind him. Almost immediately another wash of tears came; he wasn't on my mental safe list for crying around, which was another reason I'd wanted to be alone. I might not be directly angry at our father, but that didn't mean I wasn't grief stricken over what I'd lost. Tessa's relatively normal— albeit full of moving around— childhood was one I'd envied, and here I found out it genuinely almost was mine.

My protective instinct came in handy during those moments. I could mollify my own feelings with pure unbridled gratitude she'd managed to escape. And he'd made sure she did.

It was impossible for me to be angry in the face of that.

Tessa came back inside some time in the middle of the night. She walked into the room to a half eaten bowl of pasta on the nightstand, the light still on, and me borderline catatonic on the bed as I just tried to process everything in a blank state that some would describe as meditation. I simply called it a total system collapse.

One glance at her and I saw the redness around her eyes. "Rough convo?"

"Yep." She closed the door, giving us some privacy— especially as she started getting ready for bed. "I, uh, kinda went dragon on Dad…"

My jet black sense of humour was back. "I guessed as much," was the first thing out of my mouth, tone unusually chipper. I shifted in bed to see her better. "He came up and apologized, after."

She winced and yanked a dresser drawer hard enough she had to catch it before it hit the floor. She muttered a few choice words before sighing. "Where's Rowen with his lullabies when I need them…"

I debated how much she wanted me to hear that, for how under her breath it was, and decided we needed at least a _little_ fun. "So, the handsome Kendo Grand Champion has artistic friends with beautiful voices…?"

If she could have turned into a puddle, she would've. I could tell right from the bright red skin visible on her neck.

I just grinned. "C'mon, spit it out. Which one of those hunks has the gorgeous voice?"

She didn't answer right away, but her getting changed was full of clothes being yanked off, thrown to the ground, and pjs practically jammed on. Her murmur sounded something like 'Rowen' but I couldn't quite tell. Not like I actually _needed_ the confirmation, considering what she'd initially said, but oh it was nice to get. A few moments later she sighed and flopped on the empty space beside me, face shoved in the pillow. "Why me?"

I chuckled and patted her shoulder, having already gotten changed some time while she was gone. "Because you are gorgeous and it's about time two genuinely nice guys fall for you at once."

She gave me a sarcastic expression of gratitude before sticking out her tongue at me, the whole show over in a moment before she was back to flopped on the pillows. "That's reassuring…" She propped herself back on her elbows, changing the topic from one piece of drama to another. "By the way. In everything that's been going on, we… haven't exactly been able to compare notes. I feel like we have a _ton_ of catching up to do and it's not because I missed ten thousand link-dumps on Facebook." She grinned at me, poking fun at where my tumblr and facebook addictions crossed over. But like her previous moods, that didn't last long. "But if you're too wiped out to handle that right now, we can save it for morning. Tomorrow's a new day…"

I didn't really have anything else to do, but _she_ looked more exhausted than I felt. I alternated between insomnia and sleep binges, right now being very firmly on the 'insomnia' side.

"Let's do it tomorrow," I said softly. "It's been a _really_ long day."

She smiled at me, every ounce of emotional exhaustion plain on her face. "Night, Sis."

By the time I'd murmured a reply, she was curled up under the blankets and dead to the world. I watched her, propped up on pillows, trying to match my breathing to hers. I grabbed my iPod— thank God Rowen had taken all my chargers when he packed my stuff— and put my earphones in, curling up in such a way I hoped I wasn't taking too many blankets. While she'd been fine the first night, I'd just taken Ativan, then. Normally I was a cover— and space— hog.

One of the many times I looked at the clock was four am. I turned over to see Tessa still completely out, curled up on her side like the wild animals she loved in the forest.

I swallowed, feeling my anxiety rise back up and stick in my throat, around my stomach like a vice. She'd always been open to hugs, and I hoped—

I wrapped one arm around her, trying not to cling like she was a teddy bear, but ended up doing just that. She didn't move, almost seemed to curl up more into me, and I tentatively rubbed her arm almost without realizing I was. I slowly relaxed as I picked up on her heart and breath— like I'd done with Sage earlier that evening— and managed to feel somewhat human again.

At least after that, I was able to sleep a little deeper. I saw seven am next, but I felt like I'd actually _slept_ that time. Tessa was still dead to the world, and I let her go in the name of not making this any weirder than it had to be.

Of course, that destroyed any and all hopes of getting back to sleep. I felt Dusk poking me, drawing my attention to the already awake individuals in the house. I normally didn't get up any semblance of this early, but it's not like anybody other than Tessa would know what my habits were. And she would understand why I'd broken them, no questions asked.

I crawled out of bed before my stomach decided it was too empty to _not_ throw up, the single most irrational piece of biology I'd ever encountered; I wanted to kill whoever came up with the concept that extreme hunger equaled nausea. Preferably kill them multiple times. Acid burns from the inside, out, sounded like a fitting punishment to start with.

A few moments later, I was down in the kitchen to the delicious smell of pancakes.

Cye smiled at me from his place by the stove. "Since you liked the first batch so much."

I was already rummaging through the fridge, perking up at the orange juice jug hidden behind the milk. "Thanks."

"How're you feeling?" He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Glasses are over there."

I went to the cabinets in the general area he was pointing, finding what I was looking for relatively quickly. "A little like death warmed over…" A _large_ glass made it on the counter with a soft clunk. "Considering I felt like _actual_ death a few days ago, that's an improvement!" Yes, as if I needed more proof of my sense of humour at that exact moment.

"Sorry to hear that." Sometimes I wondered if Cye's voice was always this soft, or if he reserved it just for me. "Hopefully these will help."

I simply let out a quiet "mhm" instead of answering with any sort of word. Nervous habit I could never seem to break, even if it did give me a wonderful barometer on just _how_ anxious I was.

He didn't continue, going back to making food, while I parked myself at the kitchen table… only to spot a large, very fuzzy, very curious tabby cat.

"Hey, Tazer."

Cye looked over his shoulder, only for his attention to be _completely_ wrapped up by the ball of fur. "Oh hi there…"

And I thought _I_ was cat crazy. I wordlessly stood to check on the pancakes he was now thoroughly ignoring in the name of letting Tazer sniff his hands and get his scent all over the newcomer— which quickly gave way to yowling.

I laughed, flipping the pancakes and smiling to myself when they were the same colour as the ones Cye had already cooked. "He's hungry like the rest of us."

Cye, once again, was primarily wrapped up in scratching the lion-like ruff. "Do you know where Tessa keeps his food?"

I shook my head. "Sorry, no." I looked down at the kitty now rubbing himself against my legs. "Knowing him, he's probably already fed and he's just trying to mooch off us."

Cye gave him one last, thorough stroke, standing just as I took the pancakes off. "Well, it's working."

Sage announced his presence with sarcasm. "Leave it to Cye Mouri to find a cat."

I chuckled. "He does this a lot?"

The nod I got in reply was enough to make me break down in a giggle fit, especially when combined with Cye's good-natured glare.

I never could resist puns. "Mad he let the cat out of the bag?"

Even Sage cracked up at that, Cye's laugh full and bright.

"You should see him around Ryo's tiger, White Blaze," Sage added.

My spine straightened, eyes widening. "Tiger?"

Cye shook his head, blush visible. "A white tiger appeared to Ryo when he was a kid. He acts more like a housecat than you'd expect for a creature large enough we could ride him, during the Dynasty War."

 _Mental note, go to Japan and meet this cat_.

Cye decided a topic change was appropriate. He looked at Sage out of the corner of his eye. "I could tell her stories about _you_."

The expressions were now switched, Sage giving an oh so understated glare in Cye's direction. I chuckled and was _about_ to pour more batter out, only for Cye to reach for the utensils.

"You can enjoy the ones I've already made."

Not about to argue with that, considering my stomach had relaxed with the teasing, I grabbed one of the plates he'd already pulled out and took three for myself.

To my surprise, Cye said, "I think I saw some maple syrup in the fridge."

I checked and, indeed, there was a decent amount there. I carefully poured it out, mostly because I'd heard multiple times just how _rare_ maple syrup was in the States, before parking myself back at the table with orange juice. A moment later, Sage had a glass of water in front of me, one for himself in another hand.

 _No wonder Tessa said he was practically made of manners_ … I tried not to let that tiny little action get to me, however, because eventually constant reminders to take care of myself just reminded me how I wasn't, and right now I'd rather focus on progress. Like the fact I already didn't have a bone dry mouth after waking up.

Still, I took a few sips of water just in case.

Cye continued having a cat stromping around his feet. "Tazer, is it?" He reached down to give the kitty his fingers. "Dare I ask about the name?"

I sputtered around a mouthful of pancakes, managing to swallow without choking. "He likes anything that makes a red dot… and her parents kinda let him know that tazers have a red dot he can play with. Her stepmom kept playing with him using the sight to get him off her back for work, and he started yowling at her when she got ready because he wanted to play. Trained her that well. He only cut it out a few years ago."

Cye's face lit in realization. "Ah! Well. He's very friendly."

I brought my hand down and made a few sounds to get him over, not realizing how much I'd missed my cats from my parents' place. Tazer ran up with a chirp in the hopes of getting food, but seemed satisfied with my petting. I murmured to him about how pretty he was, not caring that my baby voice and embarrassingly cute nicknames that only pets received came out. Especially with the increasingly loud purring all the attention garnered.

Sage chuckled. "Loud cat."

Cye, of course, chimed in. "He's beautiful."

I looked up to the twinkle in Sage's eye, expecting him to make some sort of retort but he remained stone silent. It was tempting to try and draw it out of him by making a comment, but I didn't know how he'd react. When my stomach demanded I go back to breakfast, I reluctantly pulled myself away from the cat who _still_ wanted attention.

Sage had turned his sight from a cat-obsessed Cye to me. "How'd you sleep?" he asked casually.

I shoved food into my mouth before answering, figuring with how if they were encouraging me to eat, I would do exactly that. "Alright."

He kept looking at me, and I knew he was expecting more.

I sighed, finishing up another bite and polishing off the first pancake. "Insomnia. Hence the dark circles. Well, one of the reasons."

His voice lacked softness in how I'd traditionally thought of the word, but he wasn't unkind or harsh, either. The only word that came to mind was _gentle_. "So what does 'alright' mean, then?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Do you want me to explain it how I would to a normal person, or what it means to me?"

"Both."

Of course he picked the third option. "I can function, and I feel stable. Of course, I only got maybe six hours and if I didn't get out of bed when I did, I probably would've thrown up."

Cye turned to look at me, concern plainly visible in his eyes.

I quirked a smile. "I'm okay. No tooth damage and I don't force it. Just… anxiety." I let out a single dry chuckle. "I got prescribed Ativan when I couldn't hold down water, thanks to a breakdown."

Both of them winced.

I was halfway through my second pancake and wanting _off_ this topic before my PTSD kicked back up again. I glanced at Cye. "You mentioned you're an EMT?"

He nodded. "Since I left high school. I was a lifeguard before that." He smiled at me over his shoulder. "I'm in medical school, now."

"I nearly got into lifeguard…" I laughed. "Ironically, I hated doing the safety part. Loved the swimming. Still swim like a fish when I get the chance. One of the selling features for my place was that it had a pool."

Sage jerked his thumb at a bright-eyed Cye. "You just said the right thing for _Torrent_."

I perked up, looking at them expectantly.

Cye finished off the pancake batter, a veritable mountain on the plate. "My powers deal with water. It even lets me breathe underwater, and dive to depths no human can reach."

"He had to dive nearly sixty feet to _get_ it," Sage added on. "Don't let him think he's not a fish without the armour."

I laughed, wanting to pay Cye the compliment that had been bubbling in my mind since I'd met him. "You'll be a good doctor, I think. I know I didn't show it, but I really… appreciated what you did, during that exam."

His smile was soft and grateful. "I hoped I wouldn't make you more stressed, after that…" He sat down at the table, plate going to the middle. "Rowen told us you were autistic, so I knew you wouldn't like anything unexpected."

I paused, every part of my mind caught between screaming and eerily, deeply calm. " _Rowen_ did?" Had Tessa warned them I was maybe autistic, that would've been one thing. But Rowen wouldn't have known. Unless.

Both of them frowned at my suddenly sharp tone. They glanced between each other, Sage answering. "He dug up as much as he could on the both of you, trying to find the connection you obviously had. This included your medical records."

"My… medical records." A million thoughts swirled through my head, ranging from 'how' to 'they've been digitized' to 'what _else_ does he know'. I gaped at the table, chest and throat frozen.

"Alexa?" For the first time, Cye's voice had some touch of alarm.

I said the first thing I felt physically able to. "I'm… _officially_ autistic?"

They were silent for awhile, me not watching their expressions from being too wrapped up in my own feelings. Cye, the closest, put a hand on my shoulder. "We thought you knew…"

I shook my head. "I _guessed_." When they remained silent, I continued. "I'd… been diagnosed with _something_ , but all I knew was 'atypical'. One of my friends said the only thing that came up under 'atypical' was deafness and autism, and I'm not deaf. I… I found out other stuff, that confirmed it, but…" I swallowed, hard, fighting the shut down I knew was coming. "I'd never _known_."

I could feel the awkwardness in the room, them not knowing what to do now that they'd touched this nerve. I raked my fingers through my hair and tried not to scream, my voice pushing itself out anyway. "She _lied_ to me! Said, to my face, I wasn't…!"

And flashbacks consumed my consciousness. Deep, almost five sensory flashbacks where I was standing in the hallway watching my mother's chipper denial that I could possibly be anything but just 'raised right' and how everybody should be this way, her upset at the report which she denied but I'd heard, the constant forcing to be different, backhand comments about how I needed to _be careful_ because I didn't behave capital-n-normally and if I didn't behave that way I'd lose opportunities—

The goddamned cure attempt that nearly cost me my life.

All of it flooded me, and there was not a thing I could do to stop it.

I didn't know what passed between them, but the next sensation I felt was Sage resting a hand on my hair. "It's alright to be upset." He seemed to know what my mind was doing, which made sense because he'd likely experienced these before. "You're not there. You're here. You know you're safe, right?"

I shook my head, my voice pitifully quiet. "She could still find me."

His hand slid to my neck, thumb rubbing soft circles on tense muscles. "We're here with you. She'll have to get through us, first. You can sense her when she gets close, can't you?"

This time, I nodded.

He went back to stroking my hair. "So you can get close to us when you do. Dusk will tell us if you can't. Even without our armours, all of us can fight physically. We can track you."

The memories were receding like the outgoing tide, my breathing stabilizing so I was simply crying, my shaking body returning to my control.

Sage still hadn't left my side. "Do hugs help?"

Standing up and burrowing into him seemed like a better reaction than answering. He barely hesitated before wrapping his arms around me, rubbing my back in long, slow strokes. "It'll be okay, Alexa. Just focus on us."

With him the closest, I ended up focusing there. Back to his breathing, back to his heartbeat. I was going to become dependent on him and Tessa, at this rate. Their touch calmed me down more effectively than anything.

"You get these," I murmured without thinking into his chest. "Don't you?"

His breath deepened momentarily. "Yes. I do."

"I don't very much." My tears were slowing to a trickle. "It's only… recently. Since I've been remembering." I tipped my head down, not wanting to hold it up even with help. "I repressed so much…"

"Don't forget," he said, his voice having the first traces of softness, but even those notes were deep as bone. "Dusk is there to protect you, even when you feel like you can't."

That hit a nerve in the best way possible, the final layers of tension draining away with another wash of tears. I squeezed him to say that, despite my reaction, I didn't want to let go. I may have also needed to hold on to something so I didn't collapse to the floor.

He put his hand on the back of my head, not loosening his grip. "Better?" I nodded, still unmoving. "Thank you."

"Iie, tondemonai desu. No, I don't deserve it."

I managed a small smile at both hearing him speak the language that came so naturally to him, and the kindness that he provided a translation immediately. "I'm not going to escape learning Japanese, am I?"

He laughed, and with my ear still against his chest, I felt the sound about as much as I heard it. "Between Tessa and us… I don't think so."

I tentatively put my weight back on my legs, feeling more like rubber than any semblance of bone and muscle. He'd supported my weight effortlessly, and he kept his arms around me in case I didn't regain my footing in an instant. Of course, I didn't. I tipped uneasily, my legs apparently having forgotten how to exist. But with his grip, it was impossible for me to fall.

When I looked up to thank him to his face, I realized I could see his other eye peeking through his bangs. I softened just from the compassion within. Part of me couldn't help thinking that he didn't mean for me to see it. "I'm okay, now."

He smiled back and it reached both of those eyes. "Good. Think you can finish eating, now?"

I nodded, pulling back slowly as my body got used to holding my own weight _without_ a ton of adrenalin coursing through my system. His grip loosened at the same pace I went, ensuring that I wouldn't collapse. Which I nearly did multiple times.

When I _finally_ reacquainted myself with my surroundings, Sage and I were alone. I sat back down with a deep exhale, exhausted but, at the very least, calmer than I'd been in months.

Sage took his previous place across from me and pulled out Halo. "If you want…" He tapped the crystal in front of him. "I could teach you how I work with Halo, to keep my PTSD manageable."

I smiled. "I'd like that." The smell of pancakes finally got to me, and I returned to the now cool dish. "Only if I can do the same for you. To be fair." I gave a small laugh. "Who knows, I might've figured something out you haven't. Although I doubt it, with how much you work with your armour."

He took Halo back, seeming to be purposely avoiding looking at me for a few moments. "I'd like that."

And I didn't want to admit just how much _I_ liked the softness in his voice.

—/—

Waking up in my own bed, in my own room, _not_ recalling how many other members of the opposite sex were in the house, made me realize just how badly I needed a shower. Travel gunk, again, and the remnants of barn detritus.

So I reluctantly emerged from the Cave of Blankets, dragged a towel out of the linen closet, and plopped myself under the showerhead for a solid fifteen minutes. Normally I disliked dealing with showers at the beginning of the day, but I consoled myself with the thought that I could always go for a briskly cold rinse before bed, after an estimated twelve hours of sweatiness. The fan running helped to keep the steam and condensation down, so I could actually see myself when I went to brush my teeth and hair.

Of course, the contraption hid any sounds of the rest of the house's activity. So I had no clue how many people were up (and I'd not checked my phone for the time, yet) when I opened the door to the bathroom.

It was my own house. I'd been at military school for two years, now. How bad could stepping out wrapped only in a towel be? It wasn't much different than wearing a bathrobe in a school ninety-nine percent populated by males.

I froze faster than molasses on a cold day in January.

Why did I always have to run into Rowen at the _worst_ possible moments?

He stood with a hand poised to knock on the door, but it quickly fell back to his side. Confident military girl or no, I became acutely aware of his eyes on me and exactly how I'd tucked the fabric pretty closely around my frame. In my sleepiness, I hadn't exactly grabbed a beach towel, either. My voice stuck in my throat—permanently, I feared. Lucky for me (or not), it seemed his did the same.

Ryo's shouting up the stairwell sounded like angels sent to rescue me. "Rowen! Bring your laptop down, will you?"

I saw him visibly, forcibly swallow before turning wordlessly for my half-brother's room (where we'd stuffed the five of them, since he was out at a summer camp for two weeks). My eyes followed him of their own accord, my brain still on overload from the awkward stares we'd engaged in.

If I hadn't already been in a towel, I think I'd have said he was fighting very hard not to undress me with his eyes.

It became incredibly difficult not to admit to myself that maybe I liked that thought.

My door didn't quite slam once I'd reached the safety of my room.

Poor Liv. There was no way she was going to sleep off her fourteen-hour shift with these boys around.

I took extra-long putting on my barn clothes of loose T-shirt and cargo shorts, making my braid extra messy partly because I didn't care...and partly because I cared too much. _This is way too confusing. Why can't things be as easy as in the movies?_ I lamented, frowning at my face in the body-length mirror on the back of my door. With a sigh and final cursory glance at my appearance, I dragged my feet down the stairs.

Alexa sat curled up on one end of the couch, looking very small and very haunted by something. My eyes flicked to the wall beside her to see who leaned against it—only to quickly turn elsewhere when they found Rowen. Again.

I strangled my forever-going-to-be-perplexed sigh when my eyes landed on Sage, on the opposite side of Alexa.

 _Can't a girl catch a break, like,_ ever _?_

Practically scrubbing at my face with one hand, I plunked myself down heavily on the couch beside my sister. (Just thinking of it that way threw yet another wrench in my thoughts, as welcome as this one was.) "Whatcha got, sis?"

"It's… here." She swallowed tightly. "In black and white."

The tone with which she said those very simple, otherwise ambiguous words immediately derailed all the other trains on the tracks (thank God). I peered over her shoulder at Rowen's laptop balanced on the sofa arm. Once I'd found the cursor highlighting the document she'd pulled up, I realized why she'd practically collapsed into the cushions.

Her diagnosis. The one she'd always suspected but never had a way of finding, herself.

The thought that Rowen had found this crossed my mind just long enough for me to shove it away again. "Are—are you okay?" My hand found her petite shoulder, easily covering thin skin over bony joints.

Her voice came out so flat it almost squished me, though it wasn't at all personally directed. "I don't know."

The supportive hand morphed into two arms around her upper torso, her body shifting slightly to allow me one arm between her and the furniture. "That's fine, too. With everything that's going on, you don't have to know, just yet." My muscles flexed in a subtle comforting squeeze. "I'm here for you, Neechan."

I knew she'd always appreciated quiet spoken or unspoken gestures like that. Her "Thanks" echoed with distant tears.

"Arigato."

He'd been so silent, I was caught off-guard when Sage teased— _corrected_ —her. I craned my neck to look over my shoulder at him, noticing emotions I'd never seen on his face before. The shine in his one eye had never been directed at me, and now it was trained on my twin like the gaze of a hawk.

Whatever inside joke he'd pulled, it totally went over my head; Alexa laughed, though. "I said I wasn't going to escape learning Japanese, between the lot of you."

 _Aha_. Smirking at the mental hop I made between thought and language, I simply said, "Aah. Soo da."

She rolled her eyes, but her tone was just as teasing as Sage had been. "Hey, c'mon, I don't know the language _yet_. It'd be like Rowen and I speaking in French."

"Nous pourrions faire ca."

I could have levelled the Empire State Building with the look I shot at Rowen. Alexa just giggled, the brightest sound I'd yet heard from her in everything that was going on. "He just said 'we can do that'."

He almost seemed disappointed at being ratted out. "You didn't get a translation!"

"Even though we _should_ be translating for you," Sage said lightly—a tone which belied the reminder it was meant to be.

Twice thankful for the fact the Japanese language reflected a culture that found it improper to directly call out someone's faux paus, I hide my embarrassed blush behind continuing our little banter. Directing my comment at Rowen, I explained—in a mix of bright laughter and impish mischievousness—"That's because I vehemently refuse to learn French."

He merely raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh? I bet I could get you to learn."

Oh how Gwen popped into my head with a vengeance at that _very_ suggestive tone.

That boast amused Alexa, at least. "You can try. I've been trying since we met."

The Three Stooges decided to make their entrance at that point, Ryo at the head of their mini-triangle. (I almost giggle-snorted thinking of Wildfire, Torrent, and Hardrock as the three starter Pokemon.) "Alright, gang's all rested up and present, now. Sorry, but we have to break up the little language lesson and try to get some business done."

"As de facto leader, of course, Sir Ryo of Wildfire will now call this session of Parliament to order," Rowen quipped dryly.

He couldn't hide the little smirk at his own cleverness, though. I was _onto_ him, by Jove.

"Ryo, Kento, and I were talking, and we think now that there's some distance between us and the...threat, we should start helping you two learn about your armors," Cye explained helpfully, directing it to myself and Alexa.

Alexa concurred. "Sage offered to teach me, already."

I'd known her long enough to catch the specific ambiguity of that statement. No way I'd call her out on it, though—at least not in front of the guys. Something told me that had something to do with the way Blondie was keeping an eye on her, all of a sudden...

Those problems quickly fled into the burrows of my mind when Kento spoke next. "Well, Ro? You going to offer to teach Tessa, or are you going to let Sage show you up again?"

The little smirk I noticed morphed into a narrow-eyed half-glare. "What are you implying, Ken?"

Something unsaid was shooting around between the guys, now, but Hell if I had a clue what it meant. Kento's demeanor was a little too laid back—arms crossed, a secretive smile on his face—when he said, "Well the way I see it, we've already got the morning guy teaching the dusk girl, so it only makes sense that the night owl teach the sunrise girl."

Again with the feeling of being left out, standing behind a closed door while people whispered on the other side. Rowen's expression suddenly lost the hints of hostility I'd been tracking. He didn't grin, but I had the feeling that was his internal mood. "Alright. No sense wasting time, then—let's head outside and get started."

Everyone seemed highly in favor of following Rowen's notion—except my stomach. I almost blushed, cringing sheepishly when it announced its demands to the room at large. Cue the anime sweatdrop."Uh, maybe I should eat breakfast, first."

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _Iie, tondemo arimasen_ : Basically "you're welcome", but more with the cultural connotation of "no need to thank me" (aka Sage being humble, because Sage). Literally, "No, I don't deserve it [your thanks]."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** We made a semi-significant edit to the last chapter. Nothing really major as far as plot or anything - just getting some Japanese culture stuff right. Feel free to go back and read if you like; it's in the 'language lesson' part toward the end.

And now, onward with funness (in an Alexa-centric chap)! Things are beginning to come together...

 **Warnings:** Distorted eating, assault with a weapon (implied/aftermath)

* * *

 _Chapter 8_

I took advantage of the fact _she_ was eating to snag another pancake and a half. Kento and Rowen looked like they were _about_ to devour the rest of the pile, but a glance from Cye let them know to back off until I, at least, was done. I took a spare one for later before pushing the plate towards the two very hungry boys.

"Maybe if you went to bed on time," Sage directed his comment to Rowen. "Your blood pressure wouldn't be so low and you wouldn't be so hungry."

I chuckled. "He needs to eat later at night, if he's awake."

"I'm reading."

I poked his shoulder. "So does Tessa. No excuse."

He looked up at me like he was _about_ to make some sort of banter, but turned serious almost instantly. I glanced over at Tessa to see her hide away a protective Look that had been leveled in his direction. I always did get particularly mother bear like about people eating even when they were distracted. I'd used distractions to avoid eating too much, and while I intellectually knew most people did not have this problem, I struggled to actually _know_ it.

"My parents joke God can't reach me in a book," my sister said, drawing attention to herself.

Kento took another helping of pancakes. "Pretty sure Rowen's read through an earthquake."

"Once!"

I burst out laughing. "I've slept through _lightning_ hitting my house. Beat that."

The guys all looked between each other, saying in a unison deadpan tone, "Dynasty War."

I paused, looking up at the ceiling as I added up dates. "Um… probably yes, actually."

They all stopped dead, looking at me like owls.

I shrugged. "I'd seen… ball lightning in the sky, that night. Wondered what it was trying to tell me. Dusk just hummed under the surface that I was okay. So I slept." I snorted. "Even my stepdad woke up for that, and he _thought_ he slept like the dead."

I neglected to mention how much I _liked_ lightning, just as a raw element. The dark was my home, but sudden claps of bright, burning light helped dispel what could be lurking in the shadows. Once that had happened, Dusk could take over and create safety.

I got through another quarter of a pancake before everyone finished and I was feeling on the verge of sick. Not wanting to push myself much farther, I got up with everyone else and left my plate on the table, as was my habit. I tried not to flinch at the voices in my head about my eating patterns, glad for Tessa's arm around me.

"Could you put that in the fridge, Cye? Keep it for later."

I leaned against her in gratitude.

We all made it outside and everybody looked at me, and I sighed. "Yeah, yeah… I know. 'What can you do already'."

"We wouldn't have worded it like _that_ ," Ryo said, side-eyeing me. "But pretty much."

I smirked and called Dusk to my hand, closing all of my senses to the world around me. My upbringing tried screaming at me to stop and this was a secret to never be revealed, it was too powerful and I could lose the ability— but the half sphere in my hand demanded to be let out, set free from the prison I'd built for it for unneeded security. Every one of my worst fears about showing Dusk had come true, already, and instead of being an external boogeyman, it was the very people who told me to keep it quiet.

Now, I wanted people _for sure_ on my side.

Dusk's hard shell flowed from the centre of my chest out towards my limbs, taking every weakness of my own flesh and blood away from me— at least for now, until I burned through its reserves which I almost always seemed to. I opened my eyes to the deep purple plates with a scaled pattern covering my forearms, backs of my hands, torso, and calves, with green so pale it was almost white everywhere else. Today, however, the green was deeper, and something about wearing it felt different. In a way I couldn't immediately peg.

Normally Dusk was protectively isolating, wrapping up in itself to get _away_ from whatever horrors had brought it to light in the first place. This time, I felt _connected_ , tapping into the six people around me and drawing strength from them, while they also drew strength from me.

Somewhere, deep down, I realized this was how wearing armour _should_ feel like.

Tessa pulled out Dawn, eyes flickering between the colour of my subarmour and the orb. I did the same, lifting my hand so the two surfaces were next to each other in my line of sight.

"They're the same," we said all of a half second apart.

Followed almost immediately by a resounding, " _Out!_ "

I stayed quiet, both of us grinning like maniacs. We opened our mouths in unison only to shut them again, me screwing up my face and her sticking her tongue out.

"You first," I whispered.

Her reply was just as quiet and soft. "Never."

I managed an honest to God genuine smile at her, but before I could explain the inside joke of how we so often thought the same thing at the same time that a single three letter word— short for "outta my head"— could send us into fits of unbridled laughter, I noticed the air of horror that blanketed the space.

All the guys were _fixated_ on my armour.

I looked down where they seemed to be focusing, and a wave of nausea hit me instead of a flashback.

 _The scars_.

"You're… _burned_ ," Ryo said through a tense throat and jaw.

I nodded, left hand going to cover one of the particularly bad marks on my right deltoid, pulling my shoulder forward to close myself off. The black-red splotches on deep purple stood out like a neon sign when anyone first saw me, but for my own sanity I forgot they were even there. I had a certain amount of pride in the marks— Tessa had once said scars were proof of life, and she had no idea how much I held that phrase close to my chest— but having them freshly examined made me self conscious all over again. They weren't supposed to be there and I only had a tentative grip on memories threatening to spill out the moment my focus wavered.

Tessa closed the space between us and pulled me against her, closing me off farther. She didn't ask. She never did.

"What _happened_?" the voice was Kento's, from somewhere behind me. Meaning he got to see the long, narrow burns on either side of my spine, along the lengths of my shoulder blades. The place my mother called 'deadbones'; them cramping was supposedly a sign you were too wrapped up in death and depression. "Our armours have taken _hits_ but they _heal_."

 _Please don't remind me._

"Unless…" Cye, thankfully, spoke up with an addition. "It was poison."

Now I could reply, with a solid statement to build up on instead of nebulous questions. "Not… not exactly wrong." My hand lowered so I could get an arm around my sister, using her once again as a security blanket. "The—the cult had swords, they'd use to cut away 'bad energy', especially after… especially after you'd challenged them." I quirked a dark, bitter smile, one side of my mouth pulling up far more than the other. "Safe to say I challenged them a lot."

Dawn broadcast Tessa's _growl_ ; I'd always known she was fiercely protective of me, but seeing her anger on Skype and feeling every ounce of protective rage she had towards those that hurt me were two _completely_ different things.

Sage stepped up and placed a hand on my shoulder, Halo communicating with Dusk to not startle me. "Can I at least… investigate them?" He paused, gauging my reaction. "Please?"

I nodded against Tessa's shoulder and pulled her tighter, bracing myself for the flow of energy no matter how gentle. Dusk kept Sage at arm's length, only able to sense the armour, barely able to brush to the marks left on my mind and soul from the swords' flames. He found other, deeper wounds that hadn't left scars but were still festering, pulling on the armour every time I pushed myself too far.

His deep, smooth voice touched my consciousness— through Dusk. _'May I?'_

I'd heard telepathy was possible. I'd had potential brushes with it, where I was uncannily good at guessing what was running through a person's mind, or somebody had done something almost exactly as I thought it, but actually hearing somebody _else_ in my mind brought me to a pause.

 _'_ Sage _?'_

 _'I'll teach you how to control this, don't worry,'_ he said in reply to my swirling emotions. ' _I want to at least_ try _and heal you.'_

I swallowed. _'How… how deeply.'_

He focused on one scar, light and near the surface but still hidden because I'd forced Dusk to not reveal what had happened. The scar restricted my movements tremendously, despite its apparent size; out of all the injuries I had it was likely the most irritating. _'This one, and this one only.'_

I felt Dawn, and by extension Tessa, pull me closer and reassure me she was right here. I paused, figuring out the extent Sage had focused Halo's power, before relenting. _'Just that one.'_

He confirmed and slowly eased through the knots in my side, all of them connected to the split in Dusk's abdominal wall. Emotions rose and rolled deep within me from memories and repression, and from feeling another healer working me. I hadn't let anybody mess with my energy in five years, the risk of spiritual harm too high.

Sage seemed to sense my resistance, pulling away when the wound was partially healed. My body settled into more freedom, tension I'd not even realized was there releasing. He dropped his hand. "I don't think they're permanent."

I shrugged. "They feel close enough to it."

To my absolute astonishment, his next words were, "They're healing on their own."

Everybody else let out a rush of relief, while I just stared at him. I'd had these ever since the swords cleaved into Dusk's tough skin, the hissing etched into my memory as much as the burns were in the armour. What did he _mean_ , they were healing?

Tessa noticed my straight spine and hugged me tighter. "Told you you'd get better."

I wrapped my arm around her, turning away from Sage to absorb what was going on. "I never thought…"

 _Maybe… I just needed a family_.

To my surprise, Sage's voice responded. _'You simply had to find your twin sister.'_

I pulled back from her and leveled a look at him. "Okay, you're teaching me how telepathy works, right now."

The amusement in his single violet eye made me me even more annoyed. "As you wish."

—

I swore I'd made ten steps _back_ with Sage teaching me, him pointing out ineffective or flat out self destructive techniques that were practically second nature to me by now. I'd have to unlearn them before I could find myself actually unlocking Dusk's potential— all the while trying not to flinch every time Sage pointed out something else I could improve on, just waiting for an explosion that never came. Even the indirect commentary got to me, my triggers too heavily pressed to not be affected by any and all critique.

After all of an hour of that, he switched to showing me how Halo could read his dreams and brighten when he became too afraid of the dark. In return, I told him how Dusk would snap my triggers in half and leave a rush of empty space I could use to breathe.

I wasn't sure whether to be relieved or heartbroken when he said he'd try that.

Regardless, I was exhausted after we finished. He sent me inside, me walking past the others watching Tessa and Rowen arguing. I rolled my eyes upon hearing her dragon temper again, shooting a mental prompt at Sage. _'Go help her, will you?'_

He didn't respond past a ripple of amusement, and I severed that depth of connection shortly after. I very much liked my mind being my own, no matter how many times I wished people could read it. I wanted some time alone, and the perfect place was upstairs in bed.

Apparently, Sage's involvement hadn't helped. Tessa came into her— our— room shortly after I did, flopping back on her mattress, hands on her face, groaning. "I'm gonna _kill_ Kento for suggesting we train with our opposites. Rowen is SO stubbornly frustrating!" I propped myself up on my elbow, which was apparently more than enough acknowledgement to get her to continue her ramble. "And the Three Stooges just sat there and _watched_ it all! Sage tried to tell Rowen to find another way of working it out, or at least not to _yell_ at me, but he's so—so— _gah!_ "

Her next murmur was in Japanese, and from the tone she said it, I didn't want to ask her for a translation.

I snorted and flopped back down. "So pick your poison. Know nothing and learn it correctly but get through the frustration, or know a lot but ninety percent of it is wrong and have to unlearn before you can get close to doing it right."

She deflated with a sigh, hand moving to rub her eyes with two fingers. "Everything's just moving so fast… We might be safe here and all, but this past week's felt like two days, tops." She chuckled. "But at the same time...gosh. I must be suffering from the military school bubble. It feels like Sage and the guys have been around for _ever_."

I wasn't quite sure what she meant with 'military school bubble', at least, not in this context, but that was easily ignored for the rest of the sentence. "It's… been interesting." A burst of laughter pushed its way out, dry and harsh. "I haven't had a chance to think, yet. I… don't even know it's sunk in. Everything, I mean."

"Me neither…" she whispered, even softer than normal. "But, well, I guess we gotta start somewhere." She pulled out Dawn and started at it like she was dealing with a troublesome horse, not saying anything. I could practically feel the demands rolling off her.

I kept my voice even, mostly because I didn't know what tone to use. I _tried_ to lighten the mood, but I didn't know how well I succeeded. "How did it go, anyway? You mentioned wanting to kill him but that doesn't exactly tell me much."

If looks could maim— or inanimate objects could be wounded— Dawn would've been beaten, burned, and left in a ditch. Her eyes narrowed and she muttered in Japanese, which I was very much certain I didn't want to hear the translation for, especially since the likelihood it was directed at Rowen was almost guaranteed. "We were trying to figure out how to get Dawn to absorb and manifest, like you and Dusk with the subarmor. But it just doesn't seem to obey me—all I get are unhelpful puppy frolicks and butterfly-chasing." She pushed her lips together. "Though I guess the latter's to be expected, with the way _my_ brain works… Anyway, he kept telling me just to 'reach for the light in my soul', or some mumbo jumbo, but I had no clue what he meant—you'd think he'd be a bit more articulate for a genius! Or maybe it's just the fact he's a guy, I'm lucky I had Liv and Dad to teach me to shoot and stuff because many guys just think "let them put a few rounds through it, they'll figure it out" when in reality I REALLY need to be told they _why_ of how things work because my brain is just _not_ mechanically inclined."

I knew her well enough that I could tell when she was sulking, even if she sounded angry. Her syntax was too chopped up, her sentences too sharp, and now that I could hear her talk, I could hear what was best described as despair— at not meeting expectations— clear as day.

My fingers ended up laced behind my head. "Wish I could help a little more. I… kinda had a few _extra_ things pull Dusk out, so it's not like I just calmly reached for it…"

She closed her eyes and swallowed. "Y-Yeah. By the end of it, Rowen finally said he suspects it'll take some high-stress event to really meld with Dawn…" She rubbed her eyes and I wasn't sure if the lump in my throat was my own worry or hers.

"The armour protects you," I murmured, mostly to myself. "The more I think about it, the less I think Dusk hurt me so much as _they_ did, and Dusk had to use more power than it really should've to pull it out."

"That's what he said—they _all_ said that. But. I'm just." Her nerves were starting to appear, lip trembling. "I'm so used to having to protect _myself_. I've been the Teflon Kid my whole life and now when I need it the most…" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm _terrified_."

"C'mere." I wrapped an arm around her, drawing her close and encountering no resistance. I rubbed her back as she cuddled into me. I'd worked with armour, and I could often explain things in ways that made sense to her, but getting the wording right always proved a challenge. "It… might help to think of Dawn as part of you, instead of an outside force. Dusk isn't this thing in an orb, for me, but it's an extension _of_ me. Basically the difference between a guardian angel and whatever strength's in your heart." I chuckled, taking the metaphor further. "In a way, we're our own guardian angels…?"

She smiled, a strained motion accompanied by trying to match my laughter. She cupped Dawn in her hands and stared at it, almost meditative in her concentration. "That's...a bit harder to do than it sounds. I've been so...alone, most of my life. Except for this. I never quite knew _what_ exactly it was all about. It was always just that much too far out of my reach." Her voice gained a sad edge, but it wasn't completely directed at herself. "And I never _needed_ it, like you did." She shook her head. "Now I do, and I haven't the faintest clue _how_."

Well, at least that gave me something to work with. "Where do you feel strength? Like. What do you draw from when you're scared?" Almost as an afterthought I felt the need to add: "In your own body."

If I didn't tack that onto the end, I knew exactly how she'd reply, and it wasn't the answer I was looking for.

Just as I thought, she paused and searched for an answer deeper than religion. "Well...whenever I'm feeling particularly righteous, or needed, and aggressive, I...tend to get tense along my shoulders and down my spine." She gave out a smile, wry and amused. "It's like I can _feel_ a dragon trying to sprout wings, or like a cat arching its back to hiss and spit its threats."

I'm sure both of us felt her orb half warm as she spoke. I smiled and simply stated, "That's where you need to reach for Dawn."

Her face screwed up in puzzlement, hands going over the crystal absently. "Reach for my back…?" She shrugged one shoulder, seeming to think about it for a few more minutes before stating, "Alright." She turned her head and raised an eyebrow, looking at me out of the corner of her eyes. "So? You and Sage. Spill."

I matched her expression, hiding how completely in the dark I was about the apparent topic change. "What about him?"

She clarified, sitting up to match my position on the bed. "I told you about our sparring match. What about you? Make any progress?"

Relief broke out with another soft laugh. "For a minute, I thought you were asking me about boys, not armour." I shrugged, ignoring her worrying smirk. "I'm doing everything wrong, past how I use Dusk to help my PTSD. According to him, I'm really self destructive and keep pushing myself too hard…"

All amusement dropped away, her own knowledge of me coming to the surface. "You do have those tendencies, sis. We've gone over that already…" She paused, seeming to only register part of my statement now, if her widening eyes were any indication. "Wait, he knows you have PTSD?"

I sighed, deeply, leaning my head back and thinking of earlier. "He and Cye accidentally tripped a full flashback session this morning. Lucky them." I rubbed my forehead, getting my sarcasm back under control; Tessa's hand made it on my shoulder, massaging what muscle was in her reach. I somehow relaxed under her touch. "Sage managed to talk me down, at least."

She relaxed oh so slightly in relief; I guessed she'd winced when she heard just how I'd gotten triggered. "Wow, he's even better than I give him credit for." Her smile was small and soft, but very much there. "I'm glad he was able to help you, even if you don't feel like you made progress"

"Says the girl who's beating herself up for not understanding something she's literally only starting to work on now…" I said, side-eyeing her with a verbal poke to not be so hard on herself.

She pouted, playing along, only to stick her tongue out. "Yeah, well, I was kinda hoping my super fancy fencing and kendo skills would come in handy… Guess that was a little too much to hope for, huh?"

I smirked, quite large, at her exaggerated to the point of parody sorry. "When working with armour? Yep. The things love having a mind of their own. They're worse than characters."

"This isn't the first time I've wondered why I ever wanted superpowers," she muttered wryly, hands going through her braid to undo it. Her tone and posture were very much self deprecating, her knowing full well she just got what she asked for.

I thought of power, responsibility, and comics almost immediately. "Spiderman comes to mind."

She laughed, mood lightened enough the sound wasn't strained. "While that's certainly applicable—nah. I prefer Wolverine, myself."

"Oh?" I said casually, hiding absolutely wicked intent. Until I gave her an oh so teasing Look now that she'd left herself open for _this_ one. "I thought you'd mention one of the resident superheroes in your house."

Almost immediately, she melted into a mortified puddle trying very much to become one with the plush mattress. She went so far as to slide down her pillow leaning against the headboard, hands over her face, obviously trying to disappear. "Don't remind me"

I snorted and ignored the pleading in her voice, driving the point I'd been making for months in _again_. "If you're resisting them because you're taken, need I remind you what you said last week…?"

She parted two fingers just enough so one eye was visible. Her "Nuuuu…" was almost inaudible, between the quiet of her voice and the hands near her mouth. She hid her eye again. "It'smorecomplicatedthanthat."

I poked her shoulder. "Yeah well you've been refusing to deal with it because of him, so once he's out of the way, that's one less emotional tangle to deal with."

Her snort was best described as draconic. "Considering I haven't even _thought_ of him since I knew you were missing, I don't think that's really an issue."

I raised an eyebrow at her weasel-wording. "You're still together with him. It's an issue."

She sighed, heavily, the weight of everything about that scumbag crashing down. "Alright, alright…" Her hands fell from her face, landing in the covers with a thump. "Now, how to let him know I want to dump him, since I haven't had any sort of contact with him since I left…"

 _About time_. I leaned back against the headboard, giving her no room for argument. "I don't know, but whatever you pick, I'm coming with you."

She narrowed her eyes to the point I thought she _was_ a dragon. "You just said I should have my brother with me or something. I think any one of the guys would be happy to volunteer to pretend to be my half-brother. Besides, after all we've been through the past week, I feel _way_ more than capable of handling some not-so-Badass Normal dweeb."

I looked at her flatly, fighting an eyebrow raise. Apparently, I'd kept my protective instinct more under wraps than I thought— despite the threat to come over and tell him to go away in much nastier words. "And the only reason I didn't volunteer to be with you is because I had a fourteen hour train trip between the two of us, but now I don't, so I'm coming."

She looked like she was about to argue, but I refused to back down. Eventually, once she realized it was futile, she huffed. " _Fine_ , sheesh, I thought you're my sister, not my mom…" She was mostly kidding, and I'm glad I knew what kidding looked like for her, and I really hoped that she meant her stepmom and not our biological mother. Something must've amused her, though, because she laughed through her nose. "It's not like we're years apart—just two days—but that still gives you Older Sister Syndrome, huh?"

I grinned and nodded vigorously, stuffing any thoughts about my abuser away. "I've been acting like your older sister nearly since day one. What do you think?"

Her grin was sideways, and oh so sly. She was hinting at something with her expression but I couldn't even begin to imagine what. "Speaking of older siblings… Is it just me, or are the guys kinda taking that on themselves, too?"

I laughed. "Even Rowen's older than us by a few days. I think it comes with the territory." The minute I looked at her, I spotted the blush beginning to form on her cheeks and trying to control her look down and away from my gaze. I rolled my eyes. _Hard_. "Tessaaaa… another crush? Already? _Seriously_?"

She was particularly apt at making what we had described as the 'anime sweatdrop face'. "I can't help iiiiit…" she whined before rolling onto her side and stuffing her face in a pillow.

I poked her shoulder again. I might've been embarrassingly bi, but I was also embarrassingly demi. The thought of having crushes on anybody but people I knew extremely well was so alien I couldn't even comprehend it. "You're ridiculous and boy crazy and _how_ are we related?"

She shifted her head to the side so one eye was visible, no longer buried in the pillow. Once again, I was reminded of my conversations with Sage. Had he really rubbed off on her _that_ much in six weeks? "Twins separated at birth. Haven't you read those psych studies?"

I whacked her back with my fingers, grinning. She curled up to get away from me with a laugh that was on the verge of a cackle. Everything died down with a sigh. "But really, what'm I gonna _do_?" She lifted herself off the mattress to go on her back, landing down with a flop.

It was worth a shot to ask, regardless of how well I knew her. "I'm guessing asking them is out of the question?"

"Entirely," she said, snapping the flat reply back immediately.

Despite myself, I rolled my eyes, softening to try another tactic. "Who do you feel stronger towards?"

She paused, mulling her feelings over. I saw her flip back and forth between the two just from the way her head shifted side to side every few moments. Eventually, the back and forth got to her and she moaned, hands going back to her face. "I don't _knoooooow_ …! Sage's got that hair and those shoulders and you should see him in kendo but Rowen's just so _tall_ and blue is _so_ his color and my _God_ that _voice_ —!"

"You emphasized four words when talking about Rowen, and none when talking about Sage." I glanced at her extremely still frame, trying not to feel a tad smug I'd once again identified her syntax. My voice was soft but my words weren't. "If that means anything."

She squeaked as if trying to say something, but her voice seemed caught in her throat. Eventually she managed to softly get out, "I've always been fascinated by flying and the stars…"

I chuckled, letting some of my pride in myself show. "I see that meant something."

She whimpered, curling up in a ball and burying her face in a pillow again. "Why are relationships so hard?"

"No idea," I said, almost tossing the statement into the air. I gave her a glance before she could speak. "And don't ask me what to do about this. I just have the one long distance relationship."

She glanced back, flatly, tone every inch sisterly annoyance. "Out."

I barked a laugh and shoved her as hard as I could, both of us dissolving into laughter on the bed.


	9. Chapter 9

Another all-Tessa chap. Some funness, some business. Overall, we had fun with this one. I think you'll see why by the end.

 **Warnings** : Nothing noteworthy.

* * *

 _Chapter 9_

The blood pulsing into my ears almost drowned out my cell phone's ringer as I waited nervously for Michael to pick up. I suppose the fact we hadn't spoken since I left for Japan essentially counted as us dumping each other, but I still couldn't rest easy until the situation had been properly resolved. If I didn't find a way to do this soon, and let the ball drop, it'd bug me for the rest of my life.

And I knew him well enough to know he'd jealously cling to me, otherwise.

I couldn't decide whether I was relieved or heart-broken when he actually picked up. "Michael Ballard, who's calling?"

The arrogant prick. I should have noticed the thinly-veiled superiority in his voice long ago (thrice-accursed hormones were going to be my early death, I swear…). "Michael! It's Tessa."

I could just see the deadpan expression on his face during a pause which lasted no longer than a heartbeat. "Oh, Tessa! Been a while. How's Japan?"

There was only thin, practiced enthusiasm in his tone that any child could pick up on. "Well, that's just the thing, really—I'm back in the US for a short time. The kendo group I'm with is having an international competition. Soooo I figured I'd call and see about inviting you to an event, or something, while I'm in the area. I think it'd be kinda cool if you could meet my close friend on the team; she's never been to America before." I mentally crossed my fingers, hoping he'd take the bait. Though it physically hurt to say it, I layered on the innocence to sweeten the deal. "I really did miss you over there. Kendo is great and all, but the guys are nothing like you."

 _Because they're a thousand leagues over your head_ , I added to myself.

For a moment I thought I actually heard a purr behind his response. "Oh, that might be neat. Would you like to get dinner and a movie? It would have to be tomorrow, because I have to meet Dad to discuss a proposal for the family business Monday."

I pulled up a mental image of the calendar in my room I'd finally changed to reflect the new month, since I happened to be home. Tomorrow would make it Sunday, July 5th; with a start, I realized I'd almost completely forgotten it was Independence Day today.

"Tomorrow's wonderful," I confirmed, trying not to let the squeak in my voice betray my real intent. "Can you meet me in Nova? That's the closest theater to us."

"That should do," the pompous ass decreed. "I'll be in the parking lot at noon; we'll do lunch, then go to the two o'clock matinee. I'm sure your new friend won't mind if we make the movie a _date_."

I swallowed my anger with a will, though Dawn's new wakefulness made that more difficult than normal. "I'll be sure to let her know."

My words came out weak even to _my_ ears. How had I let this _kid_ order me around for so long?

Damn hormones.

"Excellent!" My lip twitched with a suppressed snarl at the entitlement dripping from that word. He sounded like some British lord from the old King Arthur movies. "I look forward to seeing you again."

And he hung up without allowing me a moment to respond in kind—even if I had _wanted_ to.

All the adrenalin and fight rushed from my system in a bone-deep sigh as I locked my phone screen and set it down on the ground beside me. I leaned back tiredly on my hands, letting my legs unfold in front of me and rolling out the ache in my neck from having sat cross-legged for the entirety of the conversation.

I'd decided to take the phone call out to the front yard (opposite side of the house from the side door we used) for the slim margin of privacy it offered. This section of lawn overlooking the main pasture had always felt safe to me, a quiet haven hardly disturbed by any traffic on our tiny country back road. Dusk had fallen beneath night's cloak before I'd scraped up the courage to face Michael again—even over the phone—and everyone else was in the kitchen bugging Cye while he helped Dad with Independence Day dinner.

Or at least, I _thought_ that's where everyone was.

"Rough talk?"

My gasp got sharply cut into a quick inhalation, eyes jumping up to see Rowen had squatted beside me. I'd been so engrossed in my musings and watching the stars come out that I hadn't heard him approach.

I pulled my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knees, hands wrapped in front of my ankles. "Why do you always sneak up on me like that…"

I caught part of his shrug out of the corner of one eye. "Habit, I guess. I've always had to walk softly, ever since I was a kid." Dawn sensed him eyeing me when he paused. "Mind if I sit with you?"

When I shook my head in the negative, he carefully settled his lanky frame on the thick grass. Instead of immediately talking again like I expected him to, however, he simply leaned back as I had just moments before, head tilted toward the sky. Silence closed in around us—the kind of solitude one only experiences in the sleepy rural areas like my house, where thousands of sounds drifted on cool night air if one only had the ears to listen for them. Crickets in the thicket near the fence; a lone owl cooing for its mate; the horses snorting and swishing their tails at nighttime insects… I found myself relaxing as the evening life filtered through my body, eyes sliding closed meditatively while my thoughts wandered.

I felt so relaxed by the familiar environment that it didn't even bother me when my mind led me back to the conversation that instigated my being in the front yard now. Dawn perked up at the small change, and I allowed myself to ponder what it could sense from my silent companion. Even though I hadn't yet managed to connect with my armor as the others had, it was enough. A simple thought spilled Dawn's observations—the faint, slow pulse, the carefree yet intent study of the stars, the mere shift in weight to ease a stiffening joint.

And then, a small hint of something buried but that wanted desperately to reveal itself. Dawn was only strong enough to brush the surface before the anomaly was quickly pulled under once more, lost in the waves of Rowen's mind.

"The stars are so different here," he murmured, barely disturbing the peace.

If he'd noticed my inadvertent prying, nothing gave it away. I hummed in agreement with his statement, opening my eyes to glance heavenward. None of the lights had yet been tripped on this side of the house, so each star glimmered like opals in a necklace. Despite going into its waning phase, the moon still projected a soothing glow that softened all angles made harsh by daylight's illumination. It was one of the reasons I so loved the night—things stopped conflicting with each other, became more restful as if truce had been called to an unnamed war.

"Y'know, it's really funny—" Rowen turned toward me slightly at the sound of my contemplative tone. "—my armor may be Dawn, but I'm not an early riser by choice. I actually loathe waking with the sun, as pretty as it is. I'd much rather sit here and watch the stars come out."

He hummed thoughtfully, turning back toward the sky. I dared a glance at his moonlit profile, wondering what he thought of that. "Maybe it's not an affinity for your preferences which drives the armor's choice, then, but more a commonality with your soul." There was a moment's hesitation. " I meant what I said earlier, about reaching for the light. There's...something there, in you, that shines even in the middle of space. Kinda like a star."

The small, encouraging twist to his lips only made my blush that much deeper. I tucked myself tighter into my ball, suddenly far more shy than usual. "You sound like Sage..." I muttered, risking another sidelong glance at him.

His smile morphed into a secretive smirk and my stomach bottomed out. "Why don't you go ask him, see for yourself? I'm not the only one who's noticed."

Somehow the thought that not just one but _many_ people had noticed something which I'd never ever use to describe me turned my blush into a world-record. My whole body warmed over with the implied praise, though I still had no real clue what he meant. "N-No, I believe you, though I honestly can't see what you'd mean by that. I'm nothing special, just a sword fanatic with a penchant for being overly obsessed with storytelling."

"Tessa-chan."

There went the language switch. And there went my brain, sending shivers down my spine with how much I realized I loved hearing him speak Japanese. _Especially_ my name. He may have studied five other languages, but so far I hadn't heard a single one that fit _him_ as well as his native tongue.

Slender fingers crossed my face to the opposite cheek. Remembering my discussion with Alexa earlier, I didn't resist the gentle nonverbal command to look at him. I also had to remind myself to breathe when our eyes met and I saw how intently he studied me.

Guy had a stare like Sage's when he wanted to.

"Everyone has some quality unique to them that no one else can mimic. And no one is perfect all the time—we each have our strengths and our weaknesses." His eyes never wavered from mine, fingers still light on my skin. "But sometimes we get so wrapped up in everything we think we do wrong that we make it impossible for ourselves to objectively see what good we bring to those around us."

I swallowed and attempted a weak smile. "Sounds like an awfully complicated way of saying 'Take the damn compliment,' to me."

Air expelled through his nose in an amused snort, my snarky humor bringing a lopsided smile to his lips.

The moment was broken by a long, sharp whistle and the distinctive _boof_ of exploding fireworks.

My excitement came out in a gasp, a jump, and pitching forward onto my hands and knees in the direction from which the huge pyrotechnic had originated. I hadn't seen a true fireworks show in what felt like _ages_ , and though it _was_ July Fourth, I'd not expected to see any from our quiet neighborhood. There was a fleeting afterthought centered around the fact they were interrupting the cloudless view of the stars, but I didn't care at that moment.

There were plenty of other cloudless nights, and there was only one Fourth of July.

Amusement finally edged through my overwhelming kid-on-Christmas-morning feeling, passed from Strata through Dawn to me. "Enjoying the view, I see."

Nothing could mitigate the toothy grin. I released a carefree laugh and rocked back to my knees, then rose and kicked off my sandals. As more fireworks shot overhead, a natural energy I hadn't felt in too long propelled my feet into a joyous dance to music only I could hear. I didn't care how awkward I probably looked—I'd always loved moving to a phantom rhythm that made me feel _alive_.

And for a moment, I forgot every care I'd felt earlier that day. I went to sleep late that night with visions of stars, fireworks, and Rowen's gentle smile spinning through my dreams.

—

I was still running on a euphoric high the next morning when I sashayed down the stairs to breakfast—no earlier than nine-thirty, as per the norm. Cye, of course, already stood at the counter fashioning us gourmet food. Sometimes I had to wonder if he took it upon himself to do all this because he wanted to, because he couldn't stand letting someone else ruin the meal, or if the others had unanimously elected him Team Chef.

 _Hmm, what would that make everyone else…_ That thought occupied me all through chowing down on the most heavenly scrambled eggs I'd ever tasted. By the time Ryo, Kento, and Alexa had all filed their way into the joint kitchen-dining room, I'd decided the following:

Ryo was Obviously the leader. Not to say that the others didn't take on similar duties at times, but the serious final calls usually went to him, so far. Not to mention he had a knack for herding cats, as Liv would call it—that skill which made counselling at summer camps a breeze as opposed to a nightmare.

Cye, as previously stated, was the cook, and seemed to share joint Team Medic duty with Sage. I eventually slotted him in that primary role because of his gentle demeanor and general concern for any living thing within a mile of his presence. I didn't think he could have hurt a fly if it didn't bite him first.

Kento clearly served as the simultaneous comic relief and brawn. His default tended to be goofy, loud, and good-natured, but I'd seen the way he practically smashed the cult's door into twigs. He could be a bull in a china shop when he wanted or needed to be, that was for sure.

Then there was Sage. At first he was a bit hard to place, even though I'd known him the longest. Eventually I took a page from TV Tropes—literally—and designated him the Lancer. One never had to look far from the big situations to find him right in the middle of it. If Ryo wasn't handling something, or too busy with one thing to get to another, Sage invariably stepped up to the plate. His epic poker face seemed to make negotiating and charming his way into whatever needed doing as easy as breathing. He would back the others up in a heartbeat, but he never seemed afraid to say his piece, either.

The end of my musings—surprise, surprise—coincided with the arrival of the last team member. _Rowen… Of course I'd have to make him the Nerd._ I frowned, carefully following his sluggish movements out of the corner of one eye. _But that's not all he is. He can be loud and stubborn, not to mention lazy about sleep. I get the impression friendship means a lot to him, though—he seems to go out of his way not to mess with a delicate balance._

A disturbing realization came to me. Well, only disturbing because I didn't quite know what to make of it. Rowen was an astrological Libra just like Alexa, though a full-fledged one instead of a cusp. I was still learning to make heads or tails of the whole thing, thanks to her, but the way I'd worded my thoughts reminded me of something she'd said.

'Libras need balance,' she'd said in one of infinite Facebook convos. 'When we don't know how to find it, we get a little… antsy. Jumping from one end of the scale to another. We just want somebody to tell us it'll be okay and we're doing the right thing.'

Every back-and-forth we'd had since the moment I glomped him in the hotel room flitted through my mind. He'd swayed between a certain brusqueness that grated on my temper and the gentle comforter who'd shared stargazing and fireworks with me last night. I distinctly recalled the surprise at realizing how nervous and tongue-tied he'd seemed when I jumped away from him in the barn, the awkwardness that caused me to think he might actually be a stereotypical nerd.

So… What was my final verdict?

I couldn't quite answer that. There was something I was missing that could tie everything together, like the lost cover to a puzzle that told the assembler what it was supposed to look like.

 _Aaaand here comes a headache…_ I thought, massaging my creased forehead. _Time to change the mental topic._

"So I hear you're going to the movies with Michael this afternoon," Dad so very _helpfully_ reminded me.

 _Aaaand that headache is_ not _going to go away anytime soon_. "Yes. What of it?" I confirmed tersely.

He gave me a very parental 'I don't know what's going on but I'd like you to tell me because I love you' look as I drained the last sip of milk from my glass. "Alexa mentioned she's going with you." Hesitation, mulling over words and how to string which ones together. "Did you consider maybe making it a group endeavor?"

My face went completely neutral, eyes half-lidded. "You'd probably say differently if you knew I'm not going out to have a fun night, but to dump him."

I pushed my chair back and stood as his surprised eyes followed my trek to the sink with empty glass and plate. "You're right, I would—I'd ask you to take your brother with you. But seeing as he's out at summer camp…"

I should have listened to the little suspicious whispers Dawn pointed my way.

"I'd feel better if you took at least one of your friends with you."

The kitchen went quiet. I shut the water off and stared out the sink window, not actually seeing anything because I was turned inwards. Dawn hummed with the room's energy—Alexa smug with I-told-you-so relief, Kento and Ryo more than likely sharing a telepathic mini-conversation, Cye stealing another glance at me to see how I'd handle this, Sage dividing his attention between me and Alexa, and Rowen…

I got the very distinct impression Rowen was drilling holes in the back of my skull.

More to calm my nerves and temper than anything, I turned the sink back on and started scrubbing dishes. "I'm just going so as to say I'm not going to take crap from him anymore, Dad—not jumping into to a gang fight. Besides, ask Sage there how I handle a blade; you know I always carry a knife. If he wanted to...do anything _untoward_ , he's not going to get the drop on me." I risked a peek over my shoulder. "Neither Dawn nor Dusk would let that happen, either."

So it was a tiny bluff, since Dawn hadn't yet done more than make watercolor paints and warm fuzzies.

Naturally Alexa would side with our father, simply because it supported her logic. "We don't have to be _next_ to you. Just… nearby."

It was getting really hard to combat their insistence. I only hoped Rowen didn't decide to jump in the mix—Lord knew I'd be doomed then. "He'd get suspicious of that."

I was grasping at straws and Dad knew it. He'd always been able to see through even some of my strongest arguments. _Guess that comes with the territory_. "It doesn't matter what he thinks, it matters to me that you stay safe. We all thought he was a decent guy at first; he duped us all. You don't need to take that on your shoulders."

My jaw clenched, teeth lightly rubbing against each other. Did he really have to do this in front of everyone at the table so I couldn't think straight? Knowing him, and the fact he knew I'd have trouble coming up with on-the-fly rebuttals, I didn't doubt he'd intended that in the first place.

Stubborn pride would have won out if I hadn't felt Alexa's very pointed _'I want you to be_ safe _'_ from Dusk, and Rowen's hand on my shoulder. I looked up almost pleadingly to see that his expression mirrored mine—in the opposite opinion. "You already said you'd be coming with a friend," he whispered. "What's the harm in one more?"

The thought _'One more who's a boy who's obviously not related to me, that's what_ ' crossed my mind, but I chose not to voice it. Instead, without entirely thinking it through, I said to him, "If it's you, none."

So I found myself trailed by not only Alexa but Rowen when I hopped in my Ford Explorer to go meet Michael.

The forty-minutes-with-traffic drive was spent in silence. Dawn had done the mental equivalent of laying down for a nap, Rowen staring out the window behind me and Alexa looking bored in the passenger seat. I tried hard not to get wrapped up in thoughts about how this might go down or where I would go from here; my second 'bodyguard' was all too present right then to entertain that notion.

Spotting Michael's bright red Camero sent my stomach flip-flopping like the pancakes Cye liked to cook. I tried not to let Alexa or Rowen see my hand shake as I put the SUV into park and climbed out. Considering I didn't plan to drag out the confrontation, I left my purse and phone behind. "This shouldn't take long," I said, forcing a breezy attitude. "Wait here."

"If he tries anything, I make no promises," Alexa growled, unbuckling her seatbelt.

The second occupied seatbelt clicked off, and the rear driver side door swung open not a half second after mine. Rowen reached around it to grab my arm, the penetrating stare again trained on me. He wet his lips, swallowed, then finally said, "Be careful."

I nodded and walked across the five parking spaces separating my vehicle from Michael's. This early in the day, no one had yet arrived for the afternoon showings; other than a few clearly-illegally-parked cars, we were alone. He'd chosen to wait on the far side from the standalone theater building and nearer the mall complex next door, where I assumed we'd 'go to eat'.

My hunch proved correct, because when I'd come within loud-talking distance and he exited the vehicle, the first thing out of his aristocratic mouth was "C'mon, the food court is this way. We can talk while your _friends_ catch up."

That got my hackles up faster than seeing his fancy sportscar. My arms crossed over my chest, a hip cocked sassily. "You really think I came with friends because I missed you _so_ much, don't you?"

I guess Dawn was making me feel a bit cocky. Or maybe, like I'd said to Alexa, it was having dealt with all the crazy stuff in the last week.

Nevertheless, it made my inner dragon grin to see Michael's feathers ruffled. Dark brown eyes narrowed a fraction, a hand on the hood of his car going white-knuckled with tension. "Now, babe—"

" _Don't_ you 'babe' me," I hissed, the volume escalating as I stepped forward threateningly. "I am _not_ your babe, nor will I _ever_ be. You treat me like a dog, to come when its master calls and eat every rotting _scrap_ tossed at its feet. I am my own person, not your pet; I am _sick_ and tired of it and refuse to let you control me any longer."

My chest collapsed on a sudden chill when his demeanor morphed from placating boyfriend to something I did not entirely recognize. "So this is what they're teaching you in Japan—how to insult one's superiors and significant others?"

The temper warmed me again. Blind in my rage, I stomped up to him and shoved a finger into his chest.

"What I've _learned_ is—!"

I couldn't get four words out before he'd snagged one arm around my neck and put his other hand to my face. Rough cloth chafed the skin of my nose and mouth; in the middle of a breath as I'd been, I got a gigantic whiff of some nasty-smelling chemical.

I'd done too much research for stories—had talked to Alexa too much about that research—not to know chloroform when it was used against me.

My immediate thought was for backup. Dawn roared to the forefront, a single word containing all my rage and panic exploding with it.

 _"ROWEN!"_

There was the dim recollection of continuing to squirm, to fight the anesthetic as I'd once done in a hospital as a frightened child. My limbs sagged as he wrestled me toward the forest.

Darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

Oh how I love me some cliffies...! =D Of course that means this chapter is significantly longer than the previous (twice as long, in fact!), but I think it's very much worth it.

And some good news—we're almost to the end of writing! WOOHOO! And we're (read: I am) just soexcited with the content I can't stand waiting to upload another chap, haha. So that kinda explains why there've been like two updates a week. Thisissomuchfun! ^_^ Mkay now down to business...! Lol

This one is definitely a doozie. Majority from Alexa's point of view with a scene of Tessa thrown in, plus a _lot_ of heavy-hitting character development and hurt/comfort. Definitely pay attention to the warnings on this one! **We're rating it M for some content which is slightly more graphic than the rest has been.** Detailed descriptions of self-destructive behaviors and the after-effects appear. A summary of the scenes, free of triggers, will be available at the end. So if any of the warnings below make you uncomfortable, feel free to scroll straight to the bottom of the page. (We love you. *heart*)

 **Warnings:** Purging; self-harm (scratching); OCD-type-anxiety and its after-effects including catatonia and meltdowns; weight loss; imprisonment

* * *

 _Chapter 10_

I bolted out of the car, Dusk already forming in response to Tessa's panic. She hadn't called me but like _hell_ I'd let that stop me. I practically vaulted over the hood, using a single hand as leverage— thank God for gymnastics— before I crashed straight into arms so immovable they might as well have been iron. Rowen was in subarmour, himself, but instead of going to _help_ her, he was holding me away.

"Let me _go!_ "

He practically threw me back just in time to feel a distinctly _magical_ explosion. I froze in my tracks. He must've known it was coming; I was so focused on _getting her_ I'd not seen the preparation. He leapt to the ground beside me, both of our subarmours skidding on the pavement from the momentum.

The minute my shock was over, I jumped to my feet only for him to snag me despite my squirming. I _knew_ these attacks and these explosions. They were _safe_ now. But even Strata's weakest layer was too much for me to break through, Rowen's arms around my waist in a vice grip. It did not help he was six inches taller than me.

"That's our _mom!_ "

The energy signature was unmistakable. I knew her power inside and out, having literally grown up trying to break her curses. Despite the dulled connection I still felt Dawn _somewhere_ out there, but the bubble around it was thick and toxic to everybody involved. The burns on Dusk ached in memory and I didn't care. The only thing on my mind was preventing _her_ from getting any.

Rowen shoved me back with a hand on my shoulder, stepping in front of me to block my way, every muscle tense. His voice was just as heartbroken as mine. "It's _too late_. They've got her."

My adrenalin dropped down in defeat, enough to bring Dusk's power back into an orb. "We _have_ to get her back."

His response was immediate and determined. "I can follow her."

I grimaced and raked my fingers through my hair, feeling caught between a rock and a hard place. If he stayed, we'd have to track her using primarily my connection with a risk the trail would go cold, meaning she would be there longer and potentially not leave— either alive or with her mind in tact. If he went, we'd have an exact location and could find her much faster, but he could be captured. I knew what they did to armour. Even a fully-fledged one like his wasn't safe.

I also knew that the longer I waited to make up my mind, the farther away they got.

" _Don't_ engage," I growled out. "They've made it I can't access Dusk, before. And you've seen what they did to it. But _go_."

He gave a tense nod, taking that information in, before stepping back. "Call Sage. He'll come pick you up and you can follow. I told him what happened."

His armour unfolded and I didn't have any ability to appreciate the dark blue steel before he took off like a shot.

I pulled out my phone and clicked Sage's contact. It barely had a chance to ring before he picked up. "Get over here. Now. Tell Dad the car broke down or _something_."

Sage was surprisingly good at masking his voice. "Alright, see you soon."

It'd taken us forty minutes to get here. 'Soon' was relative. I turned on the ignition and got the AC going in order to get away from the summer heat in Virginia at noon, although I was always cold so it's not like I needed the air that low. Anxiety dropped my temperature down farther, but I didn't want to add heatstroke onto my list of medical problems. My eyes were practically glued shut as I traced Rowen's every movement, keeping what attention I could on Dawn.

Only to notice a disturbing pattern along the edges of their trail, one I'd felt before but so rarely I almost didn't want to believe it.

Thirty minutes later, the familiar van pulled into the parking lot. I turned the car off, yanked the keys out, and locked the remaining door to keep it safe. By this time I was practically swearing as I confirmed _exactly_ what was going on.

I leapt into the van, parking myself in the empty seat by the door and slamming it shut. "They're manipulating spacetime."

Sage simply narrowed his eyes. "Then let's keep up."

I yelped when he floored it.

"Sage drives racecars," Ryo said in a surprisingly calm tone. "Don't worry."

"Yeah," Kento added with a small laugh. "He won a race two years before he was legally able to drive."

"Not helping, guys!"

At least that explained why they'd made the drive ten minutes faster than we had. The whole atmosphere in the car was grim, nobody wanting to break the silence that we were doing this for a second time in as many weeks.

We were already on the highway, two hours out, when my phone rang.

I swallowed at the contact name. "Hey, Dad."

"Hey…" Our father sounded about as awkward as he did the previous night, something that did not help my nerves. "Is Tessa's phone dead? I tried calling her and got no answer. I thought you'd be home by now."

It took almost superhuman effort to keep my jaw from trembling. "Michael took her. We're tracking her down. It's… our mom's behind it."

There was dead silence on the other end of the line. "He did _what_."

"Kidnapped her."

"Please tell me you called the cops."

I bit my lip to hold in a string of profanity. "They're manipulating spacetime to get as far away as possible in as little time. The cops won't look far enough and we need to get there _now_."

"What do you _mean_ —"

"Look." My own voice surprised me, sharp and tense and _dangerous_ beyond belief. "They just kidnapped _me_ last week, that's why I'm even here. Our mother _tracked me down_ for the sole purpose of getting me back under her spell. Now we've just found out Michael was involved with her for the sole purpose of getting Tessa to manipulate _her_. I lived in that goddamn place for _twenty years_ and I know exactly what they're capable of. And I promised myself, the minute I found out how abusive she was, that I would _never_ let her hurt anybody else again. I fully intend to—"

My monologue stopped dead when I heard the background chatter of Rowen's voice cut off right after 'going', and the only thing I could get out was a loud, bloodthirsty, "That fucking _idiot_!"

Another growl silenced Dad's demands to know what was going on. "They just got a _second_ armour we seriously have _no time_. We're already on our way there."

I hung up before I said even more I'd regret, trembling hands getting my phone on the floor before I threw it out the window in pure rage.

Panic had already consumed the car. Kento was swearing as loudly as I had, and I heard Sage snap 'shut up' in Japanese— automatically translating it over the armour connection— but he quickly realized it was futile, instead speeding up our already barely-legal mileage. Cye was stone silent and pale as a ghost, Ryo reliving what I hoped _wasn't_ a flashback but I knew those eyes from the mirror well enough to know it probably was.

He was the first to speak. "You're _sure_ they got Rowen?"

I swallowed and jammed my fingers through my hair again, pulling a few out by the roots in the process. "I told him not to fucking engage with them and I told him they can negate armour powers to the point sometimes I can't even pull up Dusk and if he's there and if he was going in then they had more of an upper hand than Rowen probably realized."

My previous insult towards him rang through my head again. Ironically, it was our mother who kept saying the higher the IQ, the lower the common sense.

Sage was icily calculated when he spoke. "Nether Spirits."

I looked up, glare practically demanding an explanation.

Ryo swallowed, hard, and provided it. "During the Dynasty War, we ran across some _youjakai_ spirits who could block us from using our armor. It took an ancient monk's power to break that influence and allow us our armors back. So the fact they were able to prevent you from calling Dusk…"

" _Used to._ "

They all paused.

I set my jaw, one fist pressed against my hand as if I'd just caught my own punch. "I've lived with them for twenty years. You build up a resistance."

Kento's grin was dark and feral. "Alriiiiight—let's go raid some Nether Spirit cult hideout."

—/—

Shivers brought me from oblivion back to life.

I lay on something not soft but not stupid-hard, either—from experience, I judged it to be a little like a pew bench or maybe even my school mattress. Some draft was blowing air down my body to cause my goosebumps; artificial light clawed at my eyelids.

Entirely too uncomfortable to try going to sleep and maybe waking up back at home, I crawled my way to a sitting position. One hand went to my head while the other rubbed at my nose, still tingling from the effects (and _awful_ smell) of the chloroform. I hoped they hadn't needed to use too much, as embarrassing as that would be. I'd hate to experience the worse side-effects of the chemical.

The hinges of a rusted door squeaking finalized my waking up. Tense for a fight—hearing voices growling and snarling at each other—I forced my eyes open to see what was the commotion.

A too-familiar head of blue hair stumbled into the room, whirled for the door that slammed in his face, and spat countless Japanese curses.

Too many emotions to process crashed into me. "Rowen?" I asked in disbelief.

His expression went from fury to tired concern in an instant. "Gomen, Tessa… I screwed up."

Guessing at his meaning—he'd apparently gone after me, alone, and wound up right where I did—I sighed and slumped against the wall behind the rickety cot I'd woken on. "Iie, Rowen-kun. _I_ screwed up." I couldn't look at him, too full of shame to meet his eyes. "I should have listened, I shouldn't have gotten that close, I should have realized there was something _wrong_ with him—"

Rowen sitting beside me and drawing me into his arms cut me off. But _damn_ he was as strong as Sage when he wanted to be. "No, Tessa. It's not your fault. None of us could have known he'd be working with the cult."

Fear overwhelmed me, the same terror I'd spoken to Alexa about. _So, that confirms it; they really_ did _get me_. I buried my face in Rowen's sweater and hugged him so tightly I don't think someone with a crowbar could have separated us. His arms wrapped just as strongly around me, fingers of one hand twisting in the hair that had somehow gotten loose in the time I'd been unconscious.

"I'm glad you're here," I finally managed to get out.

I got an answering squeeze. "The others should be on their way. I was keeping an eye on your trail for them; Sage had to drive out to pick up Alexa before they could start this way."

My feelings warred between being glad I'd picked the flier of the group and dismay over having not brought a second driver. Eventually I mentally shrugged and chalked it up to hindsight being twenty-twenty vision.

At least the cavalry shouldn't be too far behi—

"The only catch is that your mother apparently has time-space continuum-distorting powers. So they could be days out."

And there went my Big Damn Heroes hopes. Tears finally sprang to my eyes and tracked down my cheeks, disappearing in his sweater. I asked the only thing I could of him that would help me feel better.

"Will you sing? That lullaby from last time," I explained. "It's soothing."

I felt more than heard his tender chuckle. Rather than saying yes, he simply started humming.

Somehow that kept thoughts of my biological mother from haunting me for at least a little while.

His voice was just starting to scratch with hints of going hoarse when I finally felt calm enough to let him stop. He'd shifted sometime in the first few minutes so that he now sat with his back wedged into the corner where the bed met the edge of whatever room this was; he'd held me the entire time, and once I'd glued myself against his side I was _not_ moving anywhere else.

"So, where exactly are we?" I asked, voice very small.

"Appalachian Mountains, probably northern Pennsylvania." My heart sank—that was easily seven hours from my house. "Looks like they turned an abandoned school into a military training complex."

 _That_ was encouraging. Alexa got the ranch—I got the military compound. Somehow, though, that seemed twistedly fitting.

I yawned, rubbing one eye with the back of my hand. The draft returned, and with it my shivers. Rowen's hand scrubbed up and down my arm, having felt the tremors. "Cold?"

A nod. He gently sat us up, carefully wormed his way out of the cardigan he'd pulled on over a light blue T-shirt, and pushed it into my hands. "This should help. It's getting on toward sunset; judging by the decor in this place, I'd say it was built before ice even existed."

I wanted so badly to refuse it, to put on a brave front and deny him the chivalrous act, remind him of his low blood pressure—but only for a split second. I knew how bitter mountain nights could get, even in the summer. And though I wasn't normally so bad about the cold, that was when I could make quips about simply putting on more layers. "Arigato…"

It didn't take long after I'd pulled it over my button-down 'safari' shirt (as I called it) for him to hug me again. Dimly my brain registered the fact that I should be incredibly content with this arrangement, but where exactly we were and the circumstances in which we'd gotten here completely overpowered that.

For once.

A thought hit me. My hand fisted in his shirt. "Rowen, what're they going to do to you?"

One shoulder shrugged; it was too nonchalant for my tastes. "Guess we'll find out."

I pushed upward to get a look at his face. "But you're Japanese, and the blue hair, and your name—they won't like any of it—"

A finger to my lips stopped me. Part of me wanted to be incredibly mad that he didn't seem to be taking this as seriously. "We'll be alright. I can speak French, if that will help, and they'd probably just alter our appearances anyway if they didn't like it. I'm not sure the name is such a bad thing—after all, look at Michael. His name doesn't fit the bill at all."

Maybe he had a point. "Well...just in case?"

His sigh lifted his entire torso, but the smile on his face was placid and indulgent. "Alright." After a few moments' thought, he said, "Y'know, my mother always called me Touma-kun. Spelled any number of ways, you can come up with a five-letter English variant that almost matches you."

I tested it on my tongue, both in English and Japanese, before deciding that I preferred the original. Mollified, I regained the space against his side from which I'd propped myself up. "I like that name. It suits you."

That I spoke so freely about my liking something about him probably attested to how emotionally a wreck I was. Thankfully, Rowen didn't seem to care. "And I think Tessa suits you."

I didn't have the energy to blush, but I managed a small smile. "Thank you."

A faint corner of my brain thought that maybe I should make more of an effort to recon our cell. Having my ear pressed to Rowen's chest, listening to his heart and breathing, made wanting to follow that difficult, however. With a mental shrug, I decided to allow myself at least an hour of worry-free relaxing with him as my watchful guardian.

He tightened his embrace around me, cheek resting on my hair. _"I won't let them hurt you."_

My eyes snapped open again. The thought had been so powerful and so clear that it rang inside my head with Rowen's exact timbre. A quick poke at Dawn revealed the cause—and I could have jumped for joy. The armor's energy coursed through me with my sudden understanding that it had finally manifested.

His mental voice sounded more deliberate this time, though there was a hint of something sad beneath the surface. _"Congrats. You're officially a yoroi bearer."_

That made me happier than I should have had a right to be, considering the whole "kidnapped by a cult" deal. Not only had Dawn finally showed up, I could unashamedly cuddle my now-number-one crush. (Of course the half of my brain that was actually reasonably processing things wondered if maybe I wasn't deliberately pulling a little of the Damsel in Distress card, but Gwen hushed that up right quick.)

Rowen's breathing abruptly became shallower; his cheek lifted from my hair, and I got the distinct impression he was staring at me. I almost didn't want to peek...but all of a sudden things felt a lot more awkward than they needed to be. When I sat up just enough to look him square in the face, I had to gulp.

I had never seen his eyes burn like stars before. In my mind, Gwen growled like a happy tiger about to pounce its prey.

For a moment, there was sheer silence. Even Dawn couldn't reach Strata to figure out what its bearer was thinking. Goosebumps prickled on the skin of my arms that had nothing to do with the freezing cold air. My already-thundering heartbeat nearly leapt out of my chest when his hand cupped the back of my neck; I swallowed, hard.

He barely had to lean forward to kiss me.

I melted, eyes fluttering shut.

Before we could have any more time to process what just happened, though, the creaky door banged open.

Rowen reacted with the speed of a warrior's honed reflexes, both hands pulling my body to his as the too-short kiss disengaged. Strata dropped all the defenses that had been shoved up between us, and now Dawn could feel the typhoon of protectiveness, anger, and loathing that crashed together in his mind with crystal clarity.

The sheer depth of what could only be described as _love_ beneath it all made my head spin like a galaxy.

 _"It's Michael,"_ Rowen informed me.

That roused enough anger in my draconic soul to burn down a continent-wide forest. It fueled my swift scramble from his protective arms in order to stand and face my abductor. Fists clenched, I took a martial stance and narrowed my eyes at him.

"You've got some nerve, coming in here to gloat about h—" I paused, blinking. My ex-boyfriend seemed completely changed from the dangerous kidnapper I'd seen hours before. Those doe-eyes stared at me almost...heartbrokenly? He shook his head sadly, one hand going to his forehead in a disbelieving gesture.

"Oh, Tessa, darling, how you _wound_ me," he explained, voice soft as a new lamb. I couldn't come up with anything to say, instead listening with a growing feeling of horror and dread. "I thought you were better than _this_. I treated you like a princess—I never did anything to disrespect you or hurt your feelings or shatter your dreams. I even gave you my blessing when you began your overseas trip." The hand at his head dropped to level an accusing finger at Rowen. His volume dropped even more dramatically—sounding almost _broken_ at a soul-deep level. "And _this_ is how you repay me? By not having the courtesy to tell me the _truth_ about why you wanted to break up with me?"

My stance wavered; my leading foot dropped back, as if shoved there by the guilt worming through my heart. That accusation had been _exactly_ what I'd wanted to avoid. "T-That's not true, I never—I wasn't—I couldn't—I waited 'til I came back to tell you—"

"That you were _cheating_ on me with some blue-haired freak?"

"N-NO, that's not—"

Rowen offered a telepathic arm, stabilizing me. _"Don't listen to him, Tessa. He's trying to throw you off-balance."_

That sense of love gave me new courage. I took a breath, steeling myself for what I was about to say. "As far as I'm concerned, I broke up with you today...whenever our last conversation was. Ask anyone I knew in Japan—ask my _sister_. They'll all vouch for me when I say I did _not_ cheat on you, that in fact that was the _last_ thing I wanted to do." Hiding my grimace, I amended, "To _you_."

Michael seemed to mull this around a few moments, then smiled. It was so sickeningly sweet as to roil my empty stomach. "Well. I suppose you're not so unfaithful as I'd feared." His arms expanded in a gesture that obviously meant I should hug him in repentance. "Will you come back to me? You know how your mother thinks of me—I'm sure I can help you smooth things over with her."

I chanced an uncertain glance over my shoulder at Rowen. Every fiber of my being told me to go to him instead, to spit in Michael's face and let my defiance speak for itself. Dawn felt barely recognizable to me for how it seemed to meld with Strata's powers, drawing additional strength from the older armor.

Reluctance was plain in his nod and telepathic voice. _"Placate him. Hopefully that will buy us and the guys some time."_

So I dragged my feet to Michael, giving him the stiffest, least-contact hug I could get away with.

I shuddered with revulsion and horror when he whispered, "You've got to be careful with him— he could turn on you on a dime. You know _I_ would never do that.

"I will protect you from him."

—/—

By the time ten pm rolled around, everyone was exhausted from adrenalin having worn off and the only emotion permeating the car was grim, resigned fear. I kept everything inside to not make the atmosphere darker, shoving triggers away in the name of getting work done. It had only gotten worse when Dad called again, half an hour later; I told him the general area where she was just to placate him while also minimizing possibility of police involvement. We'd not made as much progress as we wanted on the drive, me muttering a few choice words at the holiday weekend traffic. There really wasn't any option but to pull over and stay in a motel that night; there was no sense in exhausting ourselves needlessly and _all_ of us getting caught.

Despite my best efforts, they must've seen _something_ in me, because when we split up into two rooms, Sage ended up in mine and immediately claimed the bed by the door. My heart dropped as I realized what he was doing, putting his body between me and any intruders to make sure I wouldn't be kidnapped again and taking the biggest risk.

His hand on my shoulder temporarily stopped the spiral of negative thoughts. "The armours are bulletproof and they're not about to shoot through the door." Before I could move to check, he went over and knocked. "It's reinforced with metal. Besides, it'd be shooting blind. And it would draw attention to themselves."

I nodded and made my way to the other bed, legs not able to support myself much longer. I sank down on the edge with my head in my hands, elbows on knees, and just tried to breathe.

He sat next to me on the mattress, one hand on my upper back rubbing soft circles, staying silent but otherwise letting me know he was _there_.

I finally dropped my hands from my face, staring at the floor. "I'm okay."

His hand slid off my back and something about his tone indicated he knew I was just saying that, but I didn't want to talk about it. "Alright. I'll be in the bathroom if you need me."

I nodded but otherwise stayed stone still. He was slow in gathering up what he needed, seeming to delay leaving and give me time to break beforehand. I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad sign that I didn't feel like it _at all_. My emotions were perfectly locked down to the point I wasn't even sure they existed.

I knew this was dangerous on some level— especially as my whole body seemed to _itch_ — but at least I could somewhat function right now.

The door clicked shut and I heard him turn on the shower, which only reminded me how much grime was on my skin. Oils and dirt and fear sweat felt like it was a coating everywhere, flaring up acne and making my very existence miserable. I could not remember the last time I had cleaned myself off.

I reached around and dragged my nails up my back to scratch that phantom feeling, from the bottom of my shoulder blades to neck, and immediately knew I had made a _very_ bad mistake.

My skin wanted to split open and my nails gave it momentarily relief. Every part of my mind screamed at me to keep going, to turn my skin into a crosshatch of red and broken pimples and _peace_.

With Tessa and Rowen captured, my own kidnapping threatening to come roaring back to the surface, and my childhood one step behind, I didn't have the energy to resist.

I was so wrapped up in scratching— my calves would be covered in scabs tomorrow, so would the backs of my thighs, my chest was bright red, and I was working on digging out the large, excruciatingly painful acne on my back— that I didn't even hear Sage come out.

" _Alexa_?"

My hands left my back like they'd been hit with hot water, hair dropping in front of my face to hide. I'd told people I self harmed, but not him, and nobody had ever caught me after a particularly bad session, let alone _during_. My freshly opened wounds _stung_ as my clothes settled back on them, easing how much my heart hurt at being caught red handed.

I looked at my nails. _In this case, literally red handed_.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "So, so sorry."

His fingers lightly brushed my shoulder, attempting to rest there but him not wanting to press on any potential wounds. He moved to kneel in front of me, the smell of his body wash still hanging around him. I refused to look at his face and the emotions I knew would be there.

He gripped my wrist and used his other hand to carefully touch my blood smeared fingertips. "What…" He swallowed, seeming to rethink his train of thought. "How badly did you hurt yourself?"

"Don't ask." I scrunched my eyes shut. "I'm not bleeding _much_ , though."

He sighed, and I recoiled at the sound. His free hand immediately went to stop me from pulling my legs up, holding me in place as a way to let me know he wasn't angry. "No, Alexa, it's alright… Look at me, please."

I shook my head.

He brought his hand back up, gripping one of mine in both of his. "You've done nothing to be sorry for."

"I _hurt myself_."

"You're in pain."

His simple words floored me enough I _did_ look at him, immediately seeing the tears brimming in his eye, corners of his mouth trembling.

He picked up on my growing guilt before it had a chance to fully manifest. "It's only because you're hurting." He swallowed again, one hand squeezing mine, voice actually showing signs of strain. "I promise."

Any resistance I had towards crying a few moments ago completely broke down. I slid to the floor and practically dissolved into Sage's chest. His hands stayed on my shoulders for fear of pressing on anything; I moved one hand towards my relatively unhurt mid-back, his arm readily snaking around me to pull me close. His clothes and skin radiated the smell of cherry blossoms and crisp, cool air, all wrapped up with well oiled wood.

It, combined with his protective hold, calmed me down almost as well as Ativan did.

"You should clean those," he said into my neck. "A shower will help you feel better, too."

I blinked, slowly, realization dawning. "You haven't asked to heal them…"

"Do you want me to?"

I shook my head.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was curling up around me. "That's why."

A part of me I hadn't even realized was tense melted into his care. The part of me that never knew how people would respond and how much I would have to keep reaffirming my boundaries. He enveloped me and put a hand on the back of my head, letting me stay against him as long as I needed.

Eventually, I managed to pull away and gather up my things. My knees felt carpet burned on still-there bruising— I hadn't eaten enough for my body to actually heal on its own— and every part of me _stung_ , but the overwhelming desire to peel my skin off had faded to manageable levels.

A few moments later I was in the bathroom having my own shower, surprised at the lack of pre-existing steam. Of course Sage had cool showers; from the way Tessa talked about him, he'd be the type to dive into an icy stream for meditation. He probably wouldn't even flinch at the famed Canadian polar dip.

The thought of him diving into the ice-cold water and being just fine among the shivering participants was all too amusing. It was a welcome distraction from rubbing soap over protruding bones. I knew I'd lost weight over the past month, but not _this_ much. I could pinch the tops of my hips, there was so little around them on either side. I stubbornly refused to look in the mirror and see my ribs, even though I couldn't help but notice the dark shadows on my abdomen from the growing hollows.

He was laying in bed by the time I got out, cloud of musky, stout-scented steam following me, Halo softly glowing on the bedside table. "I hope you don't mind the extra light."

I shook my head. "If I can't sleep, I'll just get Dusk to darken my side of the room. Or something."

I didn't know who I was kidding with the idea I'd actually _sleep_ tonight.

Sage watched me crawl under my own covers, seeming to study me. "Are you going to take anything?"

"We're leaving early, right?"

He nodded.

"Yeah no not a chance." I rubbed my face. "Ativan knocks me out for at _least_ eight hours, and it fogs me up all day. Everything else doesn't work. Chamomile tea _might_ do something, but when I'm this stressed all it does is take the edge off at best."

"Ah." He turned over and clicked off the bedside light, Halo's glow nothing in comparison. "Let me know if you can't sleep."

"I will," I murmured back. I made sure the telepathic link between everyone was very much closed before adding, _unless you're sound asleep._

I lay on my back, trying to focus on his breathing as he slipped into unconsciousness, but the day was catching up to me. My stomach twisted in tight knots— I'd not had lunch, and an attempt at dinner had resulted in me nearly violently throwing up after just a few bites. My body was locked in fight or flight, there was absolutely _nothing_ I could do about it short of Ativan, and today was a day I didn't want the side effects. I'd need to be sharp tomorrow, which meant I needed to stay away from anything that would impact my performance long term.

That didn't mean I wouldn't have needed it.

I grabbed my iPod, thankful for Halo's steady glow so I wasn't fumbling in the pitch black. Music helped ease my stomach so it wasn't contorting in pain, my single softest playlist easing my eyes closed. I wasn't quite sure when I fell asleep, but I sure knew when I woke up. The music was over and my anxiety was through the roof, dryness in my mouth spreading to my throat.

I coughed.

Only to mentally swear.

My muscles were frozen half heaved, another cough threatening to rip its way out. I eased out of the covers and into the bathroom, continuing to glance at Sage asleep in his bed. I shut the door and turned on the light, falling to my knees and letting my muscles move how they wanted.

The bile was _incredibly_ thick as it came out, concentrated and slimy enough it stayed behind in my throat, burning the already tender lining of my esophagus. I'd barely drunk anything all day and now I was going to pay for it in the form of not being _able_ to purge.

Another set of coughs. I had to hack up the remaining bile and winced as the intense smell went up my nose, stinging everything it touched. With a burst of strength I went to the sink and downed half a glass full of water, feeling the moment it hit my stomach with yet _another_ heave.

This one was welcome, the almost pure water clearing out the residual acid.

I gasped as what I thought was the last of it spilled out of my mouth, panting from oxygen deprived lungs trying to fill themselves. Lightheadedness and intense shaking made it almost impossible to think, most of my weight resting on my calves on the floor and forearms on the seat. I forced the glass of water back to my lips, taking a few cautious sips to ease my paper-like system, my eardrums so dry they felt like they were cracked.

To my shock and bone deep fear, I heaved again.

The last of my strength gone with the _fourth_ time I'd thrown up in what was likely fifteen minutes, I sank to the floor and curled up in a very tight ball. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, more self hatred than I knew what to do with swirling in every fibre of my being. First the self harm, revealing part of the depth of my depression to Sage, and now an absolutely debilitating anxiety attack when I couldn't have one, shouldn't have one, even though I knew I had too much in my mind I couldn't _remember_ any of it, the only emotion present self loathing.

I hiccupped a breath and fell onto my side, sprawled as if asleep with my eyes closed to boot, body unwilling to respond to any of my commands. I could _move_ , but nothing past small shifts. Every time I tried, I shook uncontrollably and promptly went back onto the hard floor. I couldn't even cry.

I didn't know how long I lay there before the door hit my feet. I reflexively pulled them away, letting it open.

"Alexa!"

I already had a tentative relationship with my name at best, and hearing Sage continue to say it in various alarmed and horrified tones was turning my ambivalence into outright hatred.

I groaned when he took my pulse, trying to pull my hand away but not having the strength. Apparently having caught on my voice did _not_ work, he reached out with Halo. ' _Can you hear me?'_

 _'I'm alright.'_ I continued speaking when he practically recoiled from disbelief. _'I've had these before. Just… give me some time.'_

Sage, of course, refused to listen, and he most certainly wasn't going to leave me alone. He slipped one arm under my torso, the other under my knees, and lifted. My mood dropped out from under me without the solid weight of the floor to reassure me I was real. Once I realized he was about to put me on the _bed_ , my depersonalization melded with outright panic.

He paused midway. _'What's wrong?'_

 _'The mattress is too soft.'_

I'm not sure he understood, but he relented, placing me in the small space between the beds… and laying down beside me.

I managed to find my voice. "I'm _okay_."

"No," he said firmly. "You're not."

My hands fisted in his pyjama top, knowing he was right and trying to shove those thoughts as far away as possible.

"Alexa…"

"Don't," I snapped. "Don't don't _don't_ use my name it just reminds me of _her_ I'm tired of hearing it she named me according to cult rules and now I'm going to go see her again and she _has my sister_ and who _knows_ what she could do to her!"

And just like that, everything slammed into me like a ton of bricks, the obsessions which had been swirling under the surface turning into all-consuming thoughts that I could no longer ignore. There was danger, it was real, I knew just how bad it could end up, and my _best friend_ was the target.

Sage held me close, muffling my blood-curdling _shriek_ with his own body.

I didn't think I stopped sobbing for a solid twenty minutes. The past two weeks, two months, twenty years— I couldn't determine the time period I was remembering, but it felt like the entirety of it was ripping its way out of my muscles and bones.

It _hurt_.

I ended up collapsed on Sage's chest, sure I'd torn holes in his clothing from the strength of my grip. He carefully eased his way up, seeming to relax when I was physically able to shift and follow him under my own power.

Now that my hands were untangled from the fabric of his shirt, I felt the ache of overtaxing my tendons and muscles trigger another wave of hatred. "God, I'm so _broken_."

Sage rubbed my back softly, shockingly unphased by my commentary. "Have you ever heard of kintsugi?"

I shook my head, fury too unfocused to _not_ be upset at the apparent non sequitur.

"It's a practice back home," he said, voice calm and even. "Where we repair broken pottery with lacquer that's been mixed with gold or silver, in order to fix the damage but show the break was part of its history. Instead of hiding the imperfections, correctly mending the piece makes it more beautiful. Taking the time to heal it, so to speak, to make it whole again."

His implication hung in the air, and even when I couldn't quite comprehend the depth of it, I had enough understanding for my eyes to well up with tears again.

 _'I'm still worthwhile_. _'_

"Yes," he said verbally, giving me something to hold onto with my senses. "You are."

All I could think to do was turn and look at him, feeling _empty_ but calm and, somehow, secure again. The emptiness wasn't terrifying and I didn't feel as many cobwebs lurking in the corners of my mind. I felt real, sitting on the ground with a pulse in my chest. "Thank you."

He simply smiled, shifting so he was detached from me. "Think you can make it to bed?"

I nodded and shakily got up, his hand reaching for mine when I held it out in an attempt at balancing myself. He kept the grip while pulling down the blankets I'd left in a knot.

Within a few moments I was already half asleep under the covers, Sage sitting beside me and stroking my hair. "Try to get some sleep. _Please_ wake me next time."

I doubted there would be a next time, but I nodded under his hand. He squeezed my shoulder before pulling back, heading to his own bed.

I took a breath, feeling the air sting. "Sage?"

He paused halfway to laying down, looking at me as a prompt to continue.

"My… throat." I frowned as I kept feeling wave after wave of burning pain, one for every breath. "Could you… heal it?" I conjured some moisture in my mouth to swallow. "Please?"

He came back to my bedside, fingers going to my neck. I shifted my head to give him a better reach, Halo slowly, carefully spreading out along where it hurt.

He was about to ask another question when I said, "My ears and nose, too. Anywhere it… burns."

A moment later, metal-cool energy spread along the white-hot, bile-touched membranes as Halo worked. My eyes slipped shut as it did, Sage's consciousness right on the edges of Dusk's iron clad protection, me still refusing to let him anywhere near the deeper reaches of my soul. But for once, it wasn't fearful. Just habit I didn't have the energy to break, nor did I need to.

The liquid-like relief stayed when Halo left, the last traces of my anxiety dropping away now that my body no longer hurt.

"Better?"

I nodded, pulling the covers back up to my chin.

He adjusted what I couldn't, making sure I wouldn't get cold. "Oyasumenasai. Goodnight."

The little inclusion of the language— helping me understand bits and pieces at a time in their own contexts, when _he_ was comfortable including them— made me smile. "Oyasumenasai."

He paused getting up to put a hand on my shoulder, the last touch I registered before I finally managed to slip away.

* * *

Summary

Alexa attempts to follow Tessa, but magic keeps her from going after immediately. Rowen offers to fly after and track; by the time Sage and the others pick up Alexa, she's realized her mom is behind the kidnapping and is using time distortion to move farther faster. Rowen ends up getting caught, and in discussion the guys realize the force which sometimes prevented Alexa from using Dusk was Nether Spirits.

Meanwhile, Tessa wakes in a cell somewhere in New England just before Rowen is thrown in. After some conversation, Tessa discovers that Dawn has finally manifested itself. Shortly after, Rowen kisses her-just as Michael walks in. Tessa keeps up the charade that she's still in love with Michael in order to buy her and Rowen some time.

Back with the gang, Alexa and the guys are forced to stop for the night due to heavy traffic and distance. Sage and Alexa share a motel room while the Three Stooges take another. Once in the room, the day starts catching up to her. The minute she's alone while Sage is in the shower, she breaks down in a fit of self injury that only ends when he comes out. He comforts her and lets her know he understands, respecting all previous boundaries she's put up, before telling her to take her own shower. She tries to sleep but anxiety gets the better of her again, resulting in a second breakdown in the middle of the night. Sage is once again there for her, introducing the concept of "kintsugi", repairing pottery with gold lacquer, to tell her that despite the old traumas, mental illnesses, and disabilities, she still has worth. Thanks to his gentleness, she allows him to heal parts of her injuries before going to sleep."


	11. Chapter 11

And we're back with the next installment! A _bit_ shorter than the last one, but also very packed chalk full of actiony things and important things. Next chapter slows down, but the next couple are still fairly heavy—so strap in, buckle up, and hang on.

 **Warnings:** assault, parental abuse, imprisonment, starvation, ( _heavy_ ) cult material

* * *

 _Chapter 11_

We all stood watching the complex from a safe distance, out of sight of the guards to determine a plan of action. I tried not to constantly adjust my hair wrapped up in a tight dancer's bun, unaccustomed to the weight and hoping it would stay up with just hairspray; for once my messiness and procrastination putting things away had proven an advantage— most of my hair supplies from recital were out in the open, meaning Rowen had swept them up when going through what I seemed to use on a daily basis.

The building was a dilapidated grey and obviously built in the 60s, windows open to let in as much light as possible. It was so very _not_ like the cult's preferred style of building, but various signs of renovation indicated it was about to be. The concrete slab for the old playground was in the process of being ripped up, grass replacing what had been cold, soulless stone. Brick facade and white columns were already going up around the entrance, the architecture turning church-like. A few windows were surrounded by new concrete, glass missing for archways and glints of stained glass in a sickeningly familiar colour scheme dotted one wall. At least that gave me an idea of the layout.

It was difficult to study it too long, but I had to. Schools gave me shivers, those colours in context turned my stomach, and with the darkness threatening the edges of my senses, it was enough to send me into another calculating episode where I ignored triggers threatening to overwhelm me. I could tell from the almost vacant looks Sage and Ryo held, they were similarly detached. At least it made it easy to think.

 _We'll get you back, sis. Soon._

"How're we gonna get in there?" Kento asked, watching the circling guards— and their guns.

"We'll be sitting ducks if we barge in," Ryo said. "With the Nether Spirits…"

"I won't be," I shot back. I trained my eyes back over the complex, looking for weaknesses in the outer ring. They were circling in a pattern, I knew it, and with every pass, I was closer to figuring it out. "Dusk can stay out no matter _how_ many of those Nether Spirits are around." I could feel everybody staring at me. I shot them a momentary glance, not enough to lose the current person I was tracking. "Don't ask."

"You still have to find them," Cye said, voice betraying his worry. "That place is gigantic."

I looked at the general layout of the building. It was a typical block of a school, although who knew how it was configured inside. I could see the classrooms and the ground floor hallways. Top floor had nobody directly visible, but the bottom floor had one solid path along a wall of glass. They would have worship spaces with the brightest windows, with any sort of purification done as close to them— and the dark flames they held— as possible. The other rooms would be for sleeping or educational purposes, with east facing being reserved for their morning rituals. I already had some idea where everything was based on the colours I could see dominating the interiors.

Unfortunately for me, prayer areas were often the most frequently used, with people always chanting for the 'good of the world'.

"Schools end up predictable, and they always use buildings in similar ways. I've been in enough compounds to know where to start," I murmured, taking in every detail of the scene I could. "I figured out Tessa's place in five seconds. I'll give myself thirty for this."

"You won't have backup," Sage said quietly. "Not armoured, at least."

I smirked. "Leave _that_ to me."

Everybody paused. Ryo sounded almost hopeful. "You can…?"

When I finally determined I'd gotten as much as I could from our vantage point, I turned to look at them. "Had to." I took a deep breath, looking at all their worried faces, putting on a smile mostly for their sake. "You'll feel it. Once you do, give 'em hell."

With a two finger salute, I jumped down and took off.

—/—

 _This is just too much_ , I bemoaned, staring at the door long after Michael had shut it behind him.

Rowen approached hesitantly; I could sense him raise a hand as if wanting to place it comfortingly on my shoulder, but then wavered in midair. _"Daijoubu ka."_

My shoulders pulled forward, chest curling in on itself, hands crossing to hug my opposite elbows. "Wakatenai…"

Michael's parting shot rang through my head like a cannonball across the prow of a ship. I didn't even notice my trembling until Rowen crossed his arms over mine, chin resting perfectly atop my head as if it had been made to go there. Had I really never noticed how _tall_ he was, before? The man was practically a giant tree.

That thought helped me relax a fraction.

Until I remembered what exactly it was Michael had interrupted.

The conversation had to be had _some_ time—better now while it was fresh. Unfortunately, when I went to pull out of his arms, I underestimated Rowen's strength and how badly he didn't want to let me go. "Tessa, talk to me. We can't afford for either of us to stew over things right now."

I gave up my squirming. "Then tell me why you kissed me."

Those words were less demanding than they were weary. If I'd had my way—how I'd imagined something like this going down—there would have been a slow romantic evening under the stars with the right atmosphere and plenty of time for discussing whatever this was between us. Instead, I was frightened out of my mind as the captive of a vindictive cult-following ex-boyfriend and trying to learn the extent of my newfound abilities on the fly, which would of _course_ include telepathy.

 _I really need to stop asking for all these damn superpowers_.

Because, really—I'd always _liked_ telepathy. Until I finally had it with no clue how to block my private thoughts.

Speaking of thoughts… Rowen was patiently waiting for me to stop so he could actually answer my question.

 _"That's better,"_ he told me, the hint of a humored smirk in his tone. I mentally stuck my tongue out at him. Then he lowered his face to my ear, nose brushing against the sensitive skin, and I discovered I quite enjoyed that. I liked feeling his breath tickle it even more when he said, "I think I might be in love with you, Akatsuki no Tessa."

I turned myself around in his arms. "And I love it when you talk Japanese to me, Tenku no Touma."

He took that as an invitation to kiss me again, more confidently than before. _"Translation: You love me, too."_

Maybe I _could_ get used to this telepathy thing.

As much as I was thrilled with finally having this out in the open—and returned!—Dawn quickly reminded me where we were. I groaned and pulled away to rest my forehead against his collarbone, all too clearly feeling Rowen's disappointment. Swallowing more to force down my body's sudden demands to get back to kissing him than anything else, I muttered, "Ugh, what the hell are we _doing_ …"

This time I was sure his tightened embrace was to comfort himself as much as me. "Seizing a chance while we have it." The unspoken _Because this might be our last_ reverberated in my skull, an unpleasant reminder of Michael's threat.

"They're going to… They're gonna turn us against each other."

The deep growl in his chest echoed through my bones. "Never in a million years. I'll be _damned_ if I let some cooky cultists do now what six years ago the entire Dynasty couldn't." He drew back just far enough to catch my gaze. "And I meant it when I said I won't let them harm you. To the extent I'm able, with or without Strata, I _will_ defend you."

If I'd been a stereotypical Damsel in Distress, I probably would have swooned at such a proclamation. As it was, all I could think about was the likelihood that any attempt at violence might end in his death. Burying my face in his shirt seemed to be the best way of blocking out those images, so I did. _"Please don't die…"_

He all but returned the gesture, nose pressed to my hairline. _"I won't. I promise."_

—

Even with Rowen curled protectively around me on the cot, I didn't sleep well. I shouldn't have expected anything less, considering we were locked in what amounted to a cell surrounded by Nether Spirits and dreading an intrusion by our captors at any second. During too-frequent moments of wakefulness, I found myself wishing yet again I'd been able to have more training on how to turn _off_ the majority of my connection with Dawn. Rowen had tried giving some pointers before we settled to at least attempt sleep, but the armor was too restless for us to make any serious progress.

The likelihood was fairly high that it was the reason for how bad my nightmares were, and thus how disturbed my slumber.

Mid-morning came and went, but still no one showed up. Though wary of what that might mean, we agreed to try for some more shut-eye, saving our strength until either some cult encounter or the others came to break us out. I managed to ignore my irritable tummy demanding breakfast fairly easily; not being an early bird, I'd skipped food after morning formation at school more times than I could count in favor of another half hour to snooze.

My watch read twelve o'clock before anything significant happened. Dawn's mild anxiety spiked to something reminiscent of a hissing cat or a dog with its tail between its legs (apparently, it couldn't make up its mind). The sudden icy knot that used to be my gut had nothing to do with hunger.

Rowen was immediately alert at my single word. _"Mom."_

I'm not sure how Dawn knew, but it did. Perhaps the contact it'd had with Dusk was enough to recognize that particular energy signature when it felt it.

By the time she entered the room, Rowen and I were sitting side by side—he between me and her, subtle though it was. Oddly enough, her appearance was incredibly anticlimactic. I'd almost been picturing something more Maleficent-y, but instead a woman dressed in polo shirt and shorts stepped over to a tiny table near the entrance to set a tray down on it. If I had to guess, she looked to be in her late forties (although her head of silver hair said otherwise), about the same as my stepmother.

Only, my stepmother wasn't the evil one in this Cinderella story.

"Ah, Tessa! I'm glad to see you awake," she greeted, clapping her hands together. She cast a disparaging glance around at our little cell, merely a tiny cinderblock room that had at one time been who-knew-what. "I'm dreadfully sorry for your accommodations. Had I known this was the room they'd prepared, I'd have at least made sure it was up to par."

The upbeat demeanor completely threw me for a loop. On an unrelated note, it occurred to me I didn't even know her name—she'd always merely been "Alexa's mom" or "your mom" or even "that woman". Among the _nicer_ terms applied to her, anyway.

"Oh well, the situation will soon be remedied." Her eyes rested on me, accompanied by a too-gentle smile, then shifted to Rowen. "Now, how about you introduce me to your new friend, here."

I quirked an eyebrow up at her. Here came my Snarky Bastard side. "Maybe you should introduce yourself, first—that'd be the polite thing, seeing as I've never actually _met_ you."

A faint downturn of the lips was the sole indication she might be displeased by my flippant manner. She sighed sorrowfully, tsk'ing. "Oh, dear, I see we have _so_ much catching up to do… Honestly, it wasn't very nice of your father to keep you from me all these years." The motherly smile she directed at me only inspired revulsion. "I am really quite pleased to see how you've grown. Michael's told me _all_ about your excellent fencing career—I only wish that _horrible_ man I've rescued you from would have allowed me to support you."

 _"Grab a bucket, I think I might puke…"_

 _"Sorry, fresh out. I'll hold your hair back, though."_

 _"Gee, thanks, Ro, that's_ so _encouraging."_

With that telepathic banter to bolster my spirits, I answered my mother. "I, uh, appreciate that. I wonder if he's told you I'm actually studying kendo in Japan this summer, too. My instructor says I've picked it up incredibly quickly." My hand rested on Rowen's shoulder—barely reminding myself in time to not use that name for him. "Touma here is one of my teammates."

The mental snerk he made nearly sent me into giggles. _"Sure you're not mistaking me for someone else? I'm not blond."_

 _"Just go with it."_

He rose and offered a traditional Japanese bow. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

I could have kissed him (again) for how well he acted that greeting.

"Likewise." The statement was too breezy to likely be true. Her attention quickly reverted to me. "So now I've had the opportunity to meet you—at _last_ —I think we should celebrate. I heard that no one had thought to bring you some breakfast, so I had the cooks make up something special just for your lunch."

That got my stomach's attention, but when I glanced at the tray she'd brought, my heart sank. _"There's nothing on there I like except maybe the rice,"_ I pouted to Rowen.

 _"How in the world did you survive Japan as long as you have?"_

 _"Shut up, I just don't like certain vegetables. And where's the meat? Ugh..."_

I stared down at the plate as she pulled the table in front of us, oh so helpfully. The only things missing to turn the dish into something from East Asia were noodles and a pair of chopsticks. I could practically hear my stomach whine at the ungodly number of I Don't Eat That vegetables mixed into the rice. If I didn't say something, I'd probably end up spending the rest of the day dissecting every green and orange plant that didn't resemble a carrot or a piece of broccoli.

 _"I'll eat what you don't. At least one of us can keep up our strength…"_

Telepathically, I snorted—much like a dragon, again. _"It's not like I need that much, really, not compared to you. How'd you even_ get _that tall, anyway? The average Japanese is practically my height."_

"Is something wrong, Tessa?"

With the thought that my name should never ever come out of that mouth again, I blurted, "I don't eat any of these vegetables."

Rowen mentally winced. _"Smooth move, Tess."_

The whole room's temperature dropped probably five degrees; Dawn shuddered and ran for cover behind Strata. Again I was glad of Rowen's cardigan, and ironically blessed his low blood pressure for making him wear one most days.

"Have you even tried them?"

I had to lie. "Yes. I don't like them."

More icy silence. When she spoke, it was in an almost pitifully hurt tone. "Why do you feel the need to lie to me, dear? I'm only trying to help."

And roar went the dragon. I leapt to my feet, brushing against the table so that it wobbled to the point of nearly falling over. " _Help_? You call this _help_?" I began to list the infractions off on my fingers. "Stalking my sister, _arranging her kidnapping_ , torturing her because she won't do _exactly_ what you say—not to mention perverting God's word in some of the most _profane_ ways I have _ever_ heard— _then_ blaming my father for _running away_ from you and "requiring" you to KIDNAP ME?" My eyes narrowed to slits. "That is _definitely_ not the Webster's definition for "help". Somehow, I don't think it's in any _other_ dictionary, either."

I hadn't thought the room could get any colder. The woman stared expressionlessly into my eyes, not moving a muscle. When she spoke, it was with a light command. "Michael."

My insides twisted when my ex immediately stepped into the room; he'd obviously been waiting all along. He didn't say a word, simply eyed me with such an air of the lion cornering its prey that I physically stepped back.

"A change of scenery might be in order. The energy in this room's far too aggressive to do anything."

Rowen immediately put himself between me and Michael. "She's not going anywhere without me."

She hardly even acknowledged him as she turned and walked for the door. "If that will make you _happy_."

Too many things to follow happened at once. Michael pulled his hand from his pocket and tossed what I thought must be sand at Rowen. He immediately started shaking and grunted in pain, slowly dropping to a knee as my mother passed _four_ large men who entered carrying short strips of dark blue silk.

 _"K-Kousa Sand,"_ he managed to tell me. There was a memory—the Dynasty War, I guessed—a blue-haired girl towering over his prone form and three other armored figures face-down a distance away. _"Don't let it touch you!"_

Dawn rose up in me with a growl; snowball's chance in Hell was I going to let them harm him. All the cold air sucked from the room to center between my shoulder blades, and next thing I knew I felt a bodysuit settle over my now nonexistent civvies. The men were coming at us too quickly for me to admire the subarmor, however. I _needed_ to step around Rowen, but the table was in my way—

His mental growl stopped me in my tracks. _"No. I'll survive. Just don't get hurt,_ please _."_

Well, when he put it like _that_ …

The subarmor stayed on, though, even as I watched helplessly while they bound Rowen's hands together. By the time they yanked him to his feet, he seemed completely normal again. Michael nimbly sidestepped the four men as they roughly shoved Rowen into the wall, separating us.

My ex's fingers under one tricep dug painfully into the muscle—I realized there was no armor plating there, simply a breathable spandex-like cloth. His eyes roved up and down my armored body like I were a particularly tasty cut of meat. "Come, darling. I think you'll find my blade collection quite fascinating, with _your_ interests."

The blood nearly froze in my veins. Alexa's full-body sobbing jumped to the front of my mind, images of swords and fire and damaged subarmor that reflected a wounded soul coming to life with no large part of my considerable imagination. I wanted so badly to wrench my arm from Michael's iron grasp as he directed me through the school to what appeared to be a reclaimed principal's office. Rowen's calm-like-a-lake thoughts—beginning to center on the logistics of how we might possibly escape this predicament—helped to ground my otherwise volatile temper.

 _"Well,_ some _interior decorator has been quite busy,"_ I quipped to him as the new arrangements unveiled themselves.

I'm sure—had these been much different and purely academic circumstances—I would have been utterly (maybe sickeningly) fascinated by said decorator's taste. Some sort of massive _green_ bonfire had been lit in an equally-massive chalice-like brazier at the back of the principal's office. By the size of the room, I guessed they'd knocked down a few extra office walls, too. The bulletin boards which normally would have held calendars and sticky notes with important reminders were instead plastered with images and icons which I had zero interest in examining further. Blue and purple practically dominated the color scheme, although plenty others sprouted here and there around various crystal pieces (if I had to make a guess at the wedding colors, I'd have said pink was the accent). Many held colored candles, though the significance was completely lost on me...aside from the fact lapis and amethyst again made salient appearances.

Suddenly, the blue silk wrapped around Rowen's wrists made a hell of a lot more sense.

As Michael shoved me toward the altar (again bringing to mind wedding imagery…), I began to notice a horribly corrupted resemblance it had to regular church altars. No wonder Alexa had such a difficult time with God—whoever had founded this infinitely-damned cult looked to have merely modeled the pomp and circumstance of Christianity without bothering to research the actual meaning behind things. There were even portraits of Jesus spaced among other people posted on the bulletin boards.

A spike in Rowen's observations drew my attention to the flames. I could practically feel his eyes boring holes into the wall behind it, though I myself didn't notice anything there.

 _"What is it?"_ I had a hunch, but…

Rather than answer, he gently guided me through a very short process that mimicked Strata teaching Dawn a golf swing or a kendo kata. I nearly gasped when two very ghostly, very _evil_ -feeling apparitions revealed themselves. _"Nether Spirits_. _"_

I gulped. There was hardly any time to contemplate their grotesque form before Michael swung me around to face him. Two more men I hadn't noticed appeared from nowhere, this time with purple silk at the ready. Panic engulfed me at the thought of being restrained—I might have a few fantasies, but I still was a wild animal at heart that didn't like the idea of cages.

Elbows flailed, feet shuffled, Rowen's alarm and snapped mental growl at the men to " _Get_ off _her"_ —then a thin point rested at the hollow of my throat, and Dawn told me to stop before I sliced the lightweight metal of my breastplate in my thrashings.

Michael's voice was the sharpest I'd ever heard it, his face cold as winter stone. "Stand still. You need to be purified. You'll feel better in a few minutes."

But I knew Dawn certainly wouldn't.

Rowen was practically steaming like Mount Fuji about to erupt as unfriendly hands bound mine, moving me into a very specific stance in front of the altar. If I'd been a horse, I'd be trembling, head lowered, lathered in sweat from fighting wranglers' lassos, wanting to run but too weak to move a step. Heck, I was already partway there—just needed the mane and tail to complete the image.

 _"Rowen, I'm scared."_

 _"I know; me, too."_ Strata wrapped around Dawn, a protective bubble that shut out the Nether Spirits' influence. His telepathic presence steadied my body as if he were directly behind me, his voice close in my ear. _"I'm here with you. Stay strong,_ koibito _."_

Michael's eyes narrowed as the men stepped a pace back. When I returned the look, I hoped mine held no hint of the despair I'd felt. His next words were directed to Rowen; a thrill of fear shot down my spine when I realized he must have sensed our connection. "You _dare_ stand in the way of her progress?" His face appeared almost _dismayed_ , next, back to addressing me. "You're willing to be tied to this Hell on Earth?"

I simply remained silent in my defiance. Rowen's eyes went as cold as deep space, voice growling to match. "I will stand in the way of _any_ who dare to harm her. _Especially_ you."

That garnered Michael's attention; I could feel Rowen's intent to draw him away from me and wordlessly begged him not to, before he got hurt, but he was determined to keep his promise. The blade gleamed wickedly in the light of the fire behind us as it turned toward him. "If I didn't know _she_ needed more help, I'd say your insolence is a sign of possession."

Rowen drew himself up to his full, not-inconsiderable height of six-foot-one, towering over Michael's five-foot-six. He looked every inch a warrior worthy of his armor. "I am the bearer of the Tenku yoroi. There can be no possession in me. _You_ are the one who is possessed."

Michael snarled as if simultaneously horrified and gleeful about this discovery. "So you _both_ have those armours! You're _all_ misusing it! God had a plan for those half orbs, and it is _not_ being fulfilled!"

"How _dare_ you think to tell him what its proper use is!" I snarled in return, stepping forward. I felt my guards tense with the motion, a silent warning not to attempt going to Rowen's side "He has seen far more of them than you—nevermind the fact that the armors _didn't choose you_. You. Have. No. _Right._ "

"The armors choose their bearers for a _reason_." Rowen kept his eyes on me as he said it; I sensed some unnameable emotion in him, the best word I had for it being _pride_. He then glared back at Michael, voice rising to a righteous yell. "And it is NOT to be controlled by others!"

His guards closed ranks around him—two with their hands on his arms, one pressing down on his shoulders, the last taking him by the scruff. Worry gnawed at my heart as the now-flaming Nether Sword rose to hover parallel with Rowen's chest. The embers flared a bright white that hurt my eyes from where I stood. Michael slowly lowered his arm, the blade following an imaginary line downward to the floor.

The moment it started moving, Rowen's jaw clenched, his shoulders hunched forward, and he suppressed a sound of such obvious agony my soul quailed to hear it. Not a split second later, a sharp cry passed my lips— _pain._ White-hot burning like I would imagine standing in the middle of a bonfire must engender, licking at my throat and zinging down my spine. It wasn't simply a physical sensation—I felt Strata and Dawn struggling to maintain their connection, Rowen's own hurts and suffering echoed to me despite the mental equivalent of radio static.

Over the ringing in my ears, I heard Michael almost _cooing_ with a frosty-rimmed bitterness. "The armor weighs you down. This resistance against the Power of God is not natural. You'll be freed, later."

Another kind of fire ignited in my chest—bright yellow-orange flames the intensity of a small sun. "Leave him alone!" Heedless of anything less than a need to stand with Rowen, I lunged forward. My guards quickly snagged me by the shoulders and arms, abruptly halting my momentum. I squirmed, I kicked, I pulled with all my drained strength, but to no avail.

The sword swung away from Rowen. Michael flashed me a dark grin—and then sliced the air between us.

We both screamed.

When next I could breathe, or think straight, I realized all the oppressive weight of the Nether Spirits had settled over me. My whole body shook again, back to the exhausted wild horse I'd imagined before. Horror constricted my throat.

Rowen's presence was _gone_.

The moisture which had been pooling in my eyes now spilled down my cheeks. A weak breath whistled past my teeth, and then a gut-wrenching sob forced its way out. I barely noticed Rowen slumped in his guards' grip, head bowed and jaw tight.

I wished desperately I could read what he was feeling.

Predictably, Michael affected a triumphant pose. "Crying means the toxic energy is leaving you."

 _That prideful bastard._ More sobs found their voice; I clenched my eyes shut and turned away from the sickening sight of how he'd _broken_ Rowen. My chest ached hollowly, and not just from the crying I had no strength to hold back.

 _"Tessa…"_

Was it actually him, or was I just hearing phantom voices in my head because I already missed him that much?

Michael's footfalls echoed over my quieted blubbering. I only forced my eyes open again because if Rowen couldn't be in my mind while the inevitable happened, I at least wanted to be able to see him. It was a small blessing that my ex-boyfriend didn't stand so as to block my view. Our eyes met; I must have gotten good at reading him in just twelve hours of being together, because I could easily see the helpless resignation there.

 _"I'm sorry…"_

My heart sank even further. _I really_ am _hearing phantom voices..._

Michael began intoning commands at an almost-outdoor-voice volume. "You've been possessed by humanity! Allowed yourself to give into toxic anger that only harms those around you! Your father has taught you wrong, making you give into temptation! Archangel Michael's power working through me, his loyal servant, shall free you from this curse!"

I refused to look away from Rowen, even as I braced for the agony to multiply exponentially.

A pale green streak jumped into view in my peripherals. The sharp clang of metal against metal gave way to acidic hissing. Dawn practically leapt right out of my skin with joy.

And Strata. I could have sensed Rowen's relief from outer space. (I nearly laughed with _my_ relief at sensing his presence embrace me once more.)

My sister's _smirk_ , lip curled like a wolf. "Go to Hell."

Deeper pride and affection than I'd ever felt for her before welled in my heart. Alexa stood tall and _powerful_ in front of me, body angled like a fencer's at Michael so that one hand inclined protectively toward me while the other turned a forearm to the blade's downward slash. The look on my ex's face was almost comically horrified at the idea that someone had pulled a Big Damn Heroes on him.

Then electricity thundered through the blade toward him, arcing wildly into the rest of the room and making a beeline for the brazier. It was followed instantly by a black-out.

Her command _"Run!"_ echoed through my skull as if she'd yelled it in my ears.

I didn't take more than three steps before familiar arms pulled me to his armor-clad chest, an arrowhead making ribbon of my silk bonds. As if releasing those also released my emotions, I felt a new surge of relieved tears. Through my attempts at stemming them—we still had to get out of there—I managed to curse his armor for getting between me and his heartbeat.

He pressed his face to the crook of my neck and shoulder, though mindful of the helm which guarded his brow and cheeks. _"Thank the gods…"_ Reluctantly, he disengaged the tight embrace. _"We have to go."_

I nodded, wiping stray tears from my eyes. The same arrow he'd used to free me went to a bowstring, then rocketed through the ceiling in an earth-shattering explosion. Debris rained down on us; Rowen shielded me with his body, arms wrapped tightly around the middle of my back.

 _"Hang on tight,"_ he ordered.

At the same time I latched my hands around his waist, I heard another clang—the distinctive hiss of that cursed blade biting into subarmor—and a roared, "FUCK _OFF_."

She finally got to keep her promise to me regarding my now-ex-boyfriend.

 _"Rowen wait! She's in trouble!"_

Bright flashes of more lightning outlined Rowen's body. _"Sounds like she's got things pretty well in hand, to me."_

 _"But—!"_

 _"She can handle it."_

 _"But she's my_ sister _, we can't just leave—!"_

"Keep going!"

Rowen didn't need to be told twice. Strata launched into the air; I had just enough time to glimpse Alexa bolting hell for leather from that room, an ugly new slice bubbling on her bicep to match the first one on her forearm.

"OHkay I'm _really_ getting tired of the Damsel in Distress thing!"

"I dunno, I rather like this…"

"SHUT UP AND PUT ME DOWN."

I should've remembered what I'd learned so far about getting what I asked for.

Whatever Alexa had done to dispel the Nether Spirits' barrier around Rowen's armor, apparently it wasn't one hundred percent effective. A pair of them came charging up at us from below, long narrow faces with gaping mouths wide in a silent scream which reminded me of that one famous painting. With my attention focused downward as it was, I was able to give my ride a tiny head's up.

"INCOMING!"

Unfortunately the warning wasn't fast enough for him to get a solid grip on me. A barrel roll evaded the first Spirit, but the next twist to avoid the second dislodged hands made slick with armor metal.

I'm not ashamed to admit I screamed. Though whether in terror or a free-fall adrenaline rush, I couldn't say. I'd always been curious to know what parachuting from a perfectly good airplane would feel like; I supposed this was it. Strangely, it had almost the same sensation as I sometimes got from flying in my dreams.

As I thought that, my headlong plummet abruptly slowed.

 _"Rowen?"_

Startled, I opened my eyes. The ground stared up at me from probably one hundred feet below—still coming on quickly, but at an angle like paragliders or landing aircraft flew.

 _"Tessa, look behind you."_

I expected to maybe see him with a fist wrapped in the back of my armor. I did _not_ expect gossamer energy-wings shaped like a dragon's. My eyes bugged out.

 _"Guess our armors are more similar than I thought,"_ was the only stunned observation I could make. Another one occurred to me. _"Uh… How do I land?"_

He gave me the impression of a raised eyebrow. _"How do you drop from a high place without injuring yourself?"_

 _"Touche."_

Focusing my thoughts on the wings rewarded me with a single flap, turning my momentum just enough to get my feet below me. Another glance over my shoulder showed Rowen catching up, not a Nether Spirit in sight. By now the earth was less than fifty feet away—close enough to hear a marrow-chilling "You selfish _bitch!_ "

 _"By the_ gods _, your mom has a mouth to match your sister's."_

 _"I'd hazard a guess and say it's the other way around, Ro."_ The moment my knees hit dirt—absorbing the landing through my ankles first—I sprinted toward the loathsome voice. _"C'mon, we're going to be late for the family reunion."_

* * *

 **Translation:**

 _Wakatenai:_ negative mood of "wakateru"/to know; essentially, "I don't know"

 _koibito_ : love/lover/sweetheart, basically


	12. Chapter 12

This ended up being another Alexa-centric chapter. Next one will have a little Tessa, but this particular arc turned out fairly Alexa-focused.

Enjoy!

 **Warnings:** Assault and aftermath, parental abuse, distorted eating

* * *

 _Chapter 12_

I'd had dreams like this. Nightmares, really. Running through a mostly abandoned place only to be trapped by somebody with enough venom in their heart to kill me. Dusk normally woke me up for them, but not before I was drenched in sweat and shaky for the rest of the day.

Only this time, I had nothing to wake up from.

Lightning around a core of fire warmed my hands. "The only selfish bitch here is _you_."

She'd gotten her sword. The crystals on the hilt glowed and to hold off flashbacks I reminded myself she _needed_ those crystals to go against me. Part of my brain whispered I had Dusk which made it an unfair fight, but it quickly shut that down. The only unfair part was how she'd trained me to listen to her.

PTSD was still right under the surface, crumpling my chest and making the fire flicker. I took a step back only to freeze at more Nether Spirit presence, their black tar trying to wrap around my wrists and ankles to hold me in place. I sent out another flare, them scurrying back but making it I was nearly on my knees from exhaustion. My lack of food for the day was catching up to me. The two attacks I'd just done had taken their toll, leaving me with nothing left to fight.

 _Damn her_.

A momentary lapse in watchfulness and I couldn't move my feet. In my quickly rising panic, that same black tar caught my wrists, holding my arms slightly away from my torso. It didn't burn, it never did, but instead dragged me down into the mental prison she'd built for me years ago. She'd praise me for showing passion so long as it wasn't anger, and did everything she could to quell _that_ feeling. Faced with no way out and her sword raised, drawing energy from a Nether Spirit above my mother's head, I had no choice but to listen. To be quiet. To not be angry.

She stepped forward and leveled the blade down, length sparking with green-white glow and the point almost resting against my chest. "It's for your own good."

A shout pierced the air, sky-blue lightning cutting between us and dissolving the blackness before anything more than embers could reach me. My bonds snapped with the offshoots.

I backpeddled into an armoured chest, an arm wrapping around my shoulders and a sword slipping under hers to block the strike. Any panic-stricken attempt at pulling away was cut short by a tightened grip. Dusk unclenched and almost immediately retreated to burrow into my saviour.

 _'Sage…'_

"Get _away_ from her," he growled, attention not wavering from my mother. She practically leapt back at being confronted, sword falling to her side, like she'd not done anything wrong. His hold was firm and protective, keeping me up even though I was still halfway fallen backwards. His blade cut in front of my vision like a warning, daring her to cross him, and gave me something to focus on. It crackled with residual lightning from what I could only gather was his strike.

Even as Ryo, Cye, Kento— and out of the corner of my eye, Tessa and Rowen— circled in, fully armoured, all with the same fierce protectiveness as Sage, my mother held onto her facade of a hurt deer. I could only stare, hands around Sage's forearm like he was a security blanket, terrified of what she'd do next.

"Are you really going to let these people get between _us_?" she crooned. "I'm your _mother_!"

Anger flared. I didn't have to listen anymore. I got my feet back under me, using Sage's arm to pull myself up. At this point, I was pretty sure his hold was the only thing that kept me from launching at her. "You _never_ were! Get out of my life!"

Just as I thought, the facade dropped, eyes ice cold and lips pressed together so tightly they looked like a knife edge. "Fine. See how everything falls apart when I'm _not_ there to protect you!"

Before anybody else could leap at her, she vanished in a flash.

The bubble of exhilaration I'd felt collapsed so quickly I lost my footing again. Sage's sword echoed _far_ too loudly as it landed on the floor; a moment later he gathered me up in his arms so I didn't have to stand on my own. I returned his hug on reflex, _needing_ someone to hold onto.

 _'I've got you. It's okay.'_

Too many emotions hit me at once and I could only nod to let him know I'd heard.

Tessa's touch was surprisingly firm on my shoulder. Before I knew it, she was the main person hugging me, Dawn trying to scout every part of Dusk out of palatable worry. _'Are you okay, sis?'_

I nodded again and pulled back, eyes going to her shoulder and the light plating over her vital organs, the colour distribution the reverse of mine— deep emerald and pale lilac. I'd always associated her with that exact colour green.

Sage picked up his sword— his _ridiculously long_ sword— at commotion outside. The edge was pointed towards the door, maintaining his protectiveness. There was the very distinct sound of sirens piercing the air. "We need to get out of here."

I looked up at him and noticed that, in his armour, his eyes were visible. I hated to admit part of me relaxed at being able to see both of them.

Tessa slapped a hand to her face, beginning to walk with the group. " _Please_ tell me Dad and Liv didn't call the locals."

"Power down," I hissed without thinking. "If they did, I don't know _how_ they found us. I never said where we were."

There was a moment of reluctance before everybody returned to street clothes, me wincing as some of the Nether Spirit energy Dusk hadn't had time to absorb hit my bare skin. I'd felt the burning sensation in subarmour, but it was much more intense now that Dusk couldn't physically protect me.

We ran out of there only to come face to face with two cops, startled by our presence and reaching for their holsters in defence. Immediately one of them barked out, "Freeze! Hands behind your head."

Not for the first time, I was glad I'd developed the ability to do what I was told _without_ launching into a meltdown no matter how much I wanted to. Halo stayed close, reinforcing me so I didn't knuckle down.

Tessa, of course, knew just how to talk to cops. "You want the story in a nice little package? Here: I got kidnapped by the cultists that live in this compound, my friends came and got me, and all I want to do right now is get some food, sleep for twenty-four hours, then have a nice long day of doing absolutely nothing. No, I'm not going to give you a statement yet, and if you want to corroborate my story, just check the Virginia missing persons reports. Pretty sure Trooper Olivia Schildknecht was the filing officer. Yes, I'll spell that for you."

The officers slowly relaxed, me staying absolutely frozen until I noticed everybody else dropping their arms. The movement turned to hugging my elbows, holding myself together. Sage's hand went on my shoulder, Ryo coming up on my other side and putting one on my mid back.

Rowen stayed glued to Tessa as she talked to one of the officers, hands on her shoulders, her wearing his sweater. I heard an exasperated, " _Yes_ that's my stepmother" in what otherwise looked like a heated conversation.

Finally the cop said, "Alright, miss. Don't leave town without coming by the precinct to give us a statement."

Now excused, she walked over to us. "No, I just spat out everything I knew you'd want before you could even ask, but I'd be dumb enough not to at least stay _one_ night." She snorted and sighed, tipping her head against Rowen's shoulder in an obvious display of how tired she was.

Cye took one glance at them before jerking his head towards the van. "Get in the car. You two look about to collapse."

They didn't need that instruction repeated. I caught Tessa muttering to Rowen that she was starving, while they were still in hearing range.

My heart sank again, threatening to take my whole body with it. That simple statement brought back many comments I'd made, and I could just _imagine_ how our mother had treated her, regarding food. She always did follow one too many pseudoscientific ideas about what 'should' be eaten and not. With me officially diagnosed, I feared I knew _exactly_ what my sister had been given.

Ryo walked after them, his own protectiveness rising at the thought two people had gotten captured. He threw a glance over his shoulder when he noticed I wasn't following, about to say something along the lines of 'you coming?' before he froze, eyes widening. "You're hurt!"

Right. The stinging on my arms. That was still there.

Sage _immediately_ turned me towards him with hands on my shoulders, scanning over my body. His gaze landed on the streaks of blood on each arm, the one on my right dripping from the corner of a diagonal slice across my forearm, the other running down from a few inches above my left elbow. He pulled my sleeve up nearly to my shoulder, revealing the length of the wound itself. Thankfully I had not worn a sweater, the outside heat more than enough.

 _'Don't tell me I bled on my shirt…'_

 _'_ That's _what you're worried about?'_

He turned to look at Cye, only to be beaten to the punch by him already nearby with the medical kit. My eyes slipped shut on their own accord; Sage's grip tightened.

"Let's get you sitting down."

I nodded and went to the passenger side, him opening the door. He quietly directed me to sit on the edge of the seat facing him before carefully cleaning and bandaging the cuts. I barely flinched as the disinfectant worked, and I couldn't help but think of my self harming session the night before raising my pain tolerance for this.

I wished he wouldn't notice, but from the way Halo reached out to me, I knew he had.

"I'll drive," he said once he'd finished. He nodded at Cye. "You can keep looking at Tessa and Rowen in the back."

Cye looked like he was _about_ to protest, pausing his vitals exam on Tessa to level the closest thing I'd seen to what could best be described as a stubborn glare at Sage. One glance back at his patients, collapsed against each other, and he relented.

It did not escape my attention that Tessa was in Rowen's _lap_ , his sweater still around her shoulders.

I poked her telepathically. She very quietly replied, _'Tell you about it later; I'm bushed.'_

I couldn't say I'd heard that term before, but I got her meaning loud and clear. I dropped the topic and managed a smirk at Sage. "So _that's_ why the idiot got himself captured."

Sage matched my expression and shook his head. "Leave it to Rowen…"

He lightly tapped the outside of my knee as an indication to get in the car completely; once I had he closed the door and went to the driver's side. Everybody else climbed in the rest of the seats, two patients and one paramedic in the back where Cye had some hope of reaching. I'm sure that was made significantly more difficult by Rowen _still_ refusing to let go of Tessa.

After taking both their pulses, Cye asked, voice just as soft as when he spoke to me, "When was the last time you ate?"

Her voice was _far_ too quiet when she replied, "Uh… Breakfast yesterday?"

Sage startled me out of my drained, halfway to shut down state with, "Any requirements for where we go out to eat?"

"Smoothie," I replied, silently grateful he'd remembered my restrictions. "Or fries. Preferably both."

He looked back in the mirror. "Tessa. Heard that?"

She snapped out of it just as much as I had. "Huh?"

He relayed my requests and she said a few places. We stopped at the first one we found on the list, three of us going to grab a big enough table while the other four went to order. Part of me felt bad for letting the guys pay for _more_ stuff, but they all assured me it was perfectly fine.

Sage placed the banana and strawberry smoothie in front of me before giving everyone else their orders, keeping his single violet eye on me as I took a few sips.

With Tessa back and me too exhausted to be anxious, I didn't feel like throwing up anymore. Halfway through my drink, I was even able to steal some of Sage's fries, sitting just a few inches away.

He chuckled. "Should I get you some?"

I blushed. "Maybe a small…"

He shook his head at me before getting up and standing in line.

Tessa gave me a telepathic poke almost identical to the one I gave her.

 _'What?'_

She simply gave me the impression of a disbelieving Look. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.

 _'I barely ate yesterday, myself,'_ I looked up in thanks when Sage returned. _'He's just happy I'm… okay again.'_

Something was under her concern for me, but she kept it down and I didn't want to pry. My absolutely empty body seemed to absorb food like a sponge, and I had to admit my only thought was _finally_.

"We'll have to stay here, tonight," Tessa said after she was nearly done and somewhat more energetic than she'd been before eating. "The cops want statements and we haven't given any."

I groaned. "And I'm probably going to have to tell them about _my_ kidnapping…"

"Yay international investigations," she muttered, every inch sarcastic.

I snorted. "I thought you _wanted_ to get involved in intelligence."

Rowen perked up; Tessa simply rubbed her forehead. " _In_ intelligence. Not the person intelligence is gathering _from_ …"

Rowen continued his interest. "Intelligence like the FBI?"

She blushed and nodded. "First, though, the Air Force." It was nice to see her regular, impish grin again. "Then...the world."

At least I'd found a way to break the exhausted vacuum of silence around the table; the guys asked her more about her major, her future plans for the military. I was quite content to listen and not participate in the conversation, glad to have some semblance of normalcy, only for Ryo to casually ask, "What about you?"

I blinked. "Uh. About what?"

Kento laughed softly. "Anything. It's not like we've had much chance to talk since we got here."

I rubbed my nose. "I work from home in advertising, had the job a little over a year— yeah I know I graduated at nineteen I just started young. Took a few university courses in anthropology and linguistics before deciding that if I was going to spend my time studying, I might as well go to college and get something a _little_ more fun than a straight up business degree. Picked advertising, which was close enough."

Kento narrowed his eyes. "Hey! I took a year of business."

I leveled him a raised eyebrow.

He blushed. "And I dropped it because yeah it's _really_ boring. Figured I'd just work for my family at the restaurant we own."

I tilted my head to the side, expecting him to continue, only for Ryo to laugh softly. "Yeah, leave it to _Kento_ to get even more involved in food."

"I'm sure business helped." I jerked a thumb towards Sage. "Kinda like how this guy is minoring in business for the dojo, I take?"

Kento nodded. Sage seemed almost quietly impressed that I remembered that little detail about him in side conversations on Skype. "I take it you remember I'm in sports education, too."

I nodded.

Ryo looked a little crestfallen. "I'm the only one of these guys who didn't go to university at all."

I shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that. I only have a three year college degree. Couldn't hack university for the _life_ of me. Way too much reading and not enough doing."

Ryo chuckled. "Yeah, sounds about right… that was high school for me. Toughed it out thanks to these guys."

Cye snorted. "I don't think Rowen would've let you hear the end of if had you dropped out."

Kento jerked his thumb towards the aforementioned member of the group. "Yeah, Mr. I'll-get-my-PhD-eventually is pretty big on education."

"I'd think," I said, glancing over to him. Tessa was quietly curled up against his side, his arms still protectively around her. I recognized that distant look in Rowen's eyes, half paying attention and nodding along but not really listening. Tessa had hers closed.

I nudged Tessa's foot with mine, poking her to wakefulness. _'It's okay.'_

She gave me a small, very tired smile. _'I know, it's just...'_

 _'Surreal,'_ I filled in for her. _'I understand.'_

I propped my chin on my hand and turned my attention back to Ryo, giving her privacy. "I'd take you to be a zookeeper, for how you have a _giant tiger_." I promptly rested my palm against my forehead. "And I don't mean the company— do you even have that store in Japan?"

From the blank stares I got, the answer was very much no.

"I don't think we even have them down here," Tessa threw in.

I rubbed my face. "Advertising problems. Canadian problems. I always think of companies if I so much reference a slogan or name— _Anyway_ …!"

The table burst out into laughter at my expense. I promptly turned beet red, but I wasn't kidding anybody. I was grinning from ear to ear.

Everything went quiet after that as we finished, but in the ride to the hotel, the atmosphere grew tense between the guys. Tessa was too exhausted to say anything about it, but I wanted it to stop. I might've been tired and triggered and not wanting to deal with the world, but that meant I wanted the world to be _peaceful_ and I was irritated enough to show as much.

When we pulled into the parking lot, Cye turned the engine off but nobody got out.

Ryo turned to address us. "How do you want to split up the rooms? We have two, but we're not sure what you girls want and who you'd rather share with."

Tessa, still half asleep, went, "Dibs on Rowen."

His smile towards her, I had to say, melted my heart.

"One of us should still be in there with you," Sage said, voice tinged by heat. "I c—"

"No," I snapped back. "You're _exhausted_ , Sage. You drove us all the way there." I neglected to mention what happened the previous night, which made him lose just as much sleep— if not more— than I had.

Kento swallowed down a smirk and said something in Japanese, which got him the single most intense death glare I had _ever_ seen Sage give out— except maybe the theoretical one he'd given my mom, but I hadn't been watching that one.

 _'What did he say?'_ I asked Tessa, especially since Sage hadn't translated like he normally did. He seemed too appalled at disrespect on multiple levels to do so.

The connection was foggy from sleep, but I heard her chuckle. _'Basically, 'buuuuuuurn'.'_

Well, that was helpful.

"Okay," Ryo said. "I'll be with you three, then."

Sage stopped his death glare and relented with a small sigh. He said nothing verbally, but Halo reached out to me. _'You'll take Ativan tonight, I hope? I'm sorry for Kento— he can be insensitive, sometimes.'_

I knew exactly what he was implying, and I hid my surprise he still hadn't translated with simple acknowledgement, choosing to drop the topic. _'Yes. I'll sleep.'_

 _'Good.'_

Now that the tension had passed, I was too tired to decipher anything else. We all climbed out of the car and went into our respective rooms, getting ready for bed despite the barely-started sunset. It had been a very long day.

I was incredibly thankful Rowen had packed so much of my stuff. It was this little constant presence in the past weeks, something familiar and routine and I could have comfort every night by reaching into a suitcase full of things I loved.

Rowen left the bathroom and his eyes immediately fell to Tessa asleep on our bed. He went over and gently stroked her hair, tucking it behind her ear and making sure she was soundly— peacefully— asleep.

 _'Rough night?'_ I asked softly.

He simply gave the impression of a nod.

Ryo indicated I could get ready for bed next and I gladly obliged. Thankfully I was used to hiding how little sleep I got. I tugged off my clothes the minute the door shut, catching my first glance of my skin since I'd scraped it.

I'd done a number on myself, that was for sure.

I twisted my spine to see the whole of my back. The corners of my nails had scraped still-present red lines, the areas around my shoulder blades looking like I had chicken pox from the number of scabs. My chest had a few raised marks that hadn't bled but had most certainly swollen, and one more pick would do it. I didn't want to look at my legs, but from experience I knew they would be even worse. Relapses ruined the skin there, first; cravings always used the ingrown hairs and pimples that developed when I wasn't taking care of myself.

And, of course, I had the two cuts for today, hidden by bandages; I wondered how they'd heal.

Sage's comments about kintsugi floated back into my consciousness. I rubbed my face to try and hold tears in, still not quite grasping the concept behind it— depression had thoroughly sunk in, leaving me unable to feel much— but so grateful at least somebody else believed it.

 _Maybe I should've asked him to heal them…_

Before anybody could make a comment about how long I was taking, I left. Rowen was laying down on the bed, body turned to watch Tessa sleep as if to make sure she was still there. Ryo gave me a concerned glance on his way to the bathroom and I flashed him what I hoped was a stable smile, him not needing more worry. I saw that look in his eyes and knew what it meant.

With how it had eased upon being able to protect us, I was glad he'd ended up in our room.

 _'Cye?'_

I hoped I didn't alarm him with the mental poke. If I had, his voice didn't betray it. _'Yes?'_

 _'Do my bandages need to be changed?'_

He mulled it over a few moments. _'How long do you plan on sleeping?'_

 _'As long as I possibly can.'_

He laughed. _'Probably a good idea, then. I'll be over in a few minutes.'_

Cye showed up just as Ryo was getting out of the bathroom, a flare of concern in his eyes. "Something wrong?"

I shook my head. "I just need these changed."

"They'll probably need to be changed every twelve hours," Cye said, opening up the medical kit. "And with her wanting to sleep…"

The concern faded, replaced with amusement. "Good call."

Cye was about to start on my forearm, when he looked at my long sleeved pjs and the open neckline, revealing bare shoulders. "I'll need access to your bicep."

"I— oh." I felt the blush all the way up to my ears, now acutely aware of the three young adult men in the room. Changing around girls was one thing. Changing around presumably heterosexual guys was very much another. "I'll be right back."

As quickly as I could, I grabbed the shirt I'd been wearing earlier, with my bra for good measure, hopped into the bathroom, and came back out in something that was polite for mixed company _and_ a medic looking me over. Cye made quick work of the first, most easy to access bandage.

Ryo hissed when he saw my forearm up close. "That looks nasty."

It was a slice that went diagonally across the outside of my forearm, deep enough the skin had separated and I felt just on the verge of needing stitches. I looked at it, once again having a minimal reaction to the disinfectant. At least it hadn't cut the vein resting just under my skin.

Rowen's voice was so quiet, I almost didn't hear it as he lay on the bed; his only movement was rubbing his chest. "Better her arm than Tessa's shoulder."

Cye paused. Ryo looked back at my sister still sound asleep. "Yeah… I'd say so."

"Does it hurt?" Cye asked, more concern in his voice than normal; now that I looked, there were the faintest traces of _something_ in his eyes. Not quite haunted, but not quite alright, either. "If you need something for the pain…"

I shook my head. "I'm fine. I think Dusk is blocking it out." I let out a dry chuckle. "I've also danced on a sprained ankle that was sending shooting pain into my shin every time I landed a jump… and I did two or three in the number."

Now Rowen turned to look at me, jaw slack. Everyone was silent in reply to my declaration.

Cye cleared his throat. "Well. If you say so."

Ryo's eyebrows went up. "Damn. I mean, we've fought when we could barely stand, but we had our armours to help us out."

"You didn't even _have_ _armour_ ," Rowen said, pushing himself up. "And you're _alright_?"

I looked down, trying not to shrink back under his scrutiny. My mouth was dry again. "Y-yeah…"

Ryo looked back to Rowen. "You _felt_ it?"

Rowen kept staring at me. "Before she saved us, the blade was _inches_ away from my chest, and—"

 _'Stay quiet,'_ Cye said to the three of us, voice sharp with concern. _'Tessa needs to sleep.'_

That seemed to be enough for Rowen to calm down, although he stuck to the telepathic link. _'I could barely_ stand _when that Nether Sword was inches away from my chest, Tessa cried out_ despite _me trying to shield her, and both of us screamed when he sliced the air between us and temporarily severed the armour link.'_ He shook his head, unable to understand. _'And you're refusing pain medication after being_ cut _.'_

Ryo slowly looked me over. _'How...'_

My jaw trembled, and had Cye not switched us to telepathy, I would've for being unable to speak. _'_ Don't _ask. Just. Don't. Trust me, you do_ not _want to know.'_

Dusk swirled with a knot of emotion I didn't want to process, triggers I'd wrapped in duct tape, shoved in a safe, and thrown into the bottom of my consciousness threatening to be dredged up. Tessa stirred— her first sign of waking since she'd passed out— and I was able to slam the lid back down on the trapdoor that hid the basement of my skeleton closet. Ryo and Cye helped, their own worry for me making me want them to _stop_ feeling that way. I got a padlock on the gate and shoved an encyclopedia set's worth of weight on top of the whole ensemble.

Rowen got up and went over to her sleeping form, sitting on the bed and stroking her hair until she settled back down, any residual tension gone from her body. The backs of his fingers brushed her cheek as a final gesture to let her know she was safe.

Cye gently took my bicep in his arms, encouraging my body to turn towards him so he had better access. As he unwrapped the bandage, I felt the need to say, "That was just a glancing blow. Shouldn't be as deep."

They didn't seem as put at ease by that as I'd hoped. Cye got to my skin, frown almost immediately forming. His grip tightened as he turned my arm over to see the whole thing. "Still pretty bad…"

I cast my eyes down, able to look but no longer wanting to. "Turned to run, he made a blind swing for me and got lucky, I guess." I laughed bitterly. "Told him to eff off."

"More like roared," Rowen replied. He shook his head, gaze settling back on Tessa, still relaxed. "Whatever you did in there… thank you. For saving us."

I continued looking down. "I can tell you what I did. Just not why. But I will only say this once."

 _'You can tell us all here,'_ Ryo said to the three of us. He kept an eye trained on me. _'If you're up to it.'_

I sighed, opening up the connection to the other two. The tricks I pulled were too useful for me to stay quiet about them any longer than I had to. _'Hey, guys?'_ I waited until they both acknowledged before continuing. _'Wanna hear what I did to break the Nether Spirit influence?'_

 _'Go for it,'_ Kento replied, almost relieved at hearing my voice.

Sage simply gave the impression of a nod, and I could've sworn I felt concern that I was still up, first of all, and that I was going to tell a story that, from my tone, would likely be emotionally charged. Part of me wondered if he hadn't sensed at least a little of what had just transpired.

Before I could say anything, Rowen piped up with thankfully limited context. _'She might as well have unleashed a Thunderbolt Cut while she was still in_ subarmour, _frying the electrical and letting us escape without much incident.'_

Silence so thick you could've heard a proverbial pin drop. It was only broken by Ryo saying, ' _What the hell?_ How _?'_

I snorted. _'Resident fire and lightning witch, at your service.'_ At no response, I simply continued. _'Nether Spirits… are only tentatively tied to earth. I learned a few years ago that if you can find the weakest point— basically where it's connected to the person using their power— you can sever it with a single sharp snap. Of course, my mother's access to them is a little_ bigger _than average, but still. Nether Spirits_ hate _being named, and whenever they're summoned, they_ always _have a name. Once you find it, they're powerless.'_

 _'So if we run into them again,'_ Rowen began. _'If we can sense out their source, we can stop them?'_

Kento sounded frustrated. _'That'd mean being able to access our armour when they're around...'_

 _'Which is much easier said than done,'_ I replied. _'Dusk knows how, but I don't know_ how _it knows.'_

 _'Then how did Tessa use Dawn?'_ Rowen threw in. _'She was in it before we ever knew you were there.'_

I rubbed my forehead. _'I don't know. Brightness? Influence from Dusk? She could've drawn from me before I came in.'_ My hand dropped away. _'I'm sure there's_ something _there, but like hell I can find it right now.'_

 _'Go to bed,'_ Sage said firmly. Sounded a little like payback for me telling him to rest. _'We'll probably need to talk to her to find out for sure.'_

The connection dropped away, and despite Cye being finished bandaging my injuries, he still had a hand on my shoulder. For once, he didn't sound like the gentle medic I'd grown used to in these situations. He sounded like a deeply concerned friend. "We owe you, for that."

I snorted. "Kinda paid me back already by saving my life. Twice."

Ryo smiled wryly, not quite able to hide how much he hated they'd had to save me that often. "And we wouldn't have been able to without your abilities."

I shrugged and stayed quiet. I wanted to quip that growing up in a cult was good for something, but my next thought was how I shouldn't need that skill in the first place. I kept solid weight on that trapdoor.

Cye squeezed my shoulder and stood. "If you need anything else, let me know."

I nodded. "Thanks."

He shut the door behind him and I gathered up my pj top, changing back now that I didn't have to be _as_ decent. I walked out and went to my bag, reaching for the familiar pill bottle tucked in the corner of my suitcase. I was going to need a refill by the end of summer at this rate.

Ryo's watchfulness didn't go unnoticed, and I didn't want to ask what he thought about medication. He looked so worried about me and I didn't know why _exactly_ he was, nor did I want to know. I had a guess it related to the day I'd had, but my brain wouldn't leave the potentially personally-hurtful possibilities alone. I'd been resistant enough to medication, and talking about it just put me on the defensive. The pill hadn't started working yet, and with my current baseline level of anxiety, I just wanted to shove any more conversation away.

The two boys wished me goodnight. I told them not to go to bed too late before curling up against Tessa under the covers.

If the only thing making today good was getting her back, I was going to keep her close.


	13. Chapter 13

In which characters are developed, questions are asked, and (some) Amusement Ensues.

(In other news—we're almost through writing! Ohmygoodness! O.o But have no fear—this may not yet be the last you see of this troupe. ;))

 **Warnings:** Descriptions of (parental) abuse, mentions of physical abuse; flashbacks/intrusive nightmares, torture material, cult material

* * *

 _Chapter 13_

The silk burned, this time. Cold flame melted channels into my skin. Agony had pushed out all my tears; my throat felt bloody from screaming.

Michael stood at an angle with his back to me, Rowen on his knees held down by more silk tied to rings in the floor. I couldn't feel him—couldn't feel any part of Strata _anywhere_. I nearly vomited with the terror when I realized Dawn was gone, too.

My ex's blade had grown as large as him. Angry red marks streaked the blue bubble around Rowen purple, as if with blood. His bare chest had been scored with shallower gashes to match the ones in his aura.

"You have contaminated the armors," Michael proclaimed in that same loud tone. "They must be removed from your possession before the Earth can ascend and always bask in God's glory!"

Rowen never moved even as the huge sword plunged through his chest.

My eyes snapped open with instant awareness, heart hammering so hard it shook my entire body. I could hardly get a breath through my twisted esophagus, mouth and lips dry as the Sahara. Dawn's aura shook like a puppy in its first thunderstorm—faintly I felt Strata echoing it. That alone was nearly my sole indication that I wasn't still in the nightmare.

Before my mind could even begin to process more than that, Rowen was at my side, kneeling by the bed and arms reaching almost desperately to gather me to him. Awkward as the positioning was, we still managed to end up with my arms clinging to his neck and his pressing my head and shoulders to him. Our armors practically fused for comfort, Dawn's glow dimming with sadness as it felt the extent of the Nether Sword's probing influence in Strata.

It took endless moments before the adrenalin slowed, ceasing the tremors in my muscles. Before my throat could relax, Rowen swallowed and quietly confessed into my neck, "I've only known you a week, but already I couldn't bear to lose you…"

That only reminded me that we still needed a serious talk about this—I had no idea what to call us. Best friends? Boyfriend and girlfriend?

Lovers?

I fervently hoped the guys hadn't read me through Dawn's too-open telepathy when Cye asked, _"Everyone alright?"_

Dismay overwhelmed me when the realization actually sank in that—somehow—we'd woken the rest of our posse. All I could do was burrow deeper into Rowen's arms, wishing desperately to block everything else out until I convinced my body he was still here.

Still _alive._

—/—

I knew it was bad when Tessa had been able to wake me up from a drugged sleep. She'd shoved me so hard I wondered if the dull throb on my back would leave a bruise, but thinking about it was nearly impossible right now. I sat up and swung my legs over the edge of the bed, snatches of memories I knew would haunt me behind my eyelids.

Sage's voice filtered through a haze. _'Nightmares?'_

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. _'I don't know.'_

Tessa must've heard, her scared-rabbit consciousness responding on reflex. _'R-Rowen.'_

Dusk flowed out as much as it could, trying to ease her stress. _'You, too...'_

She flicked an acknowledgement, Dawn curling up around Strata. Rowen's armour did the same to hers, desperately clinging to her presence. With my emotions suppressed I couldn't feel overwhelming guilt at what I'd done, but I most certainly felt twinges. They had likely not felt each other through Dusk's filter, which had been my original intent, and with how much they'd drawn comfort from each other beforehand— I tried to settle myself with the knowledge their connection _actually_ getting severed would be infinitely worse, and I had allowed them to sense each other again just moments later.

Kento reached out to all of us with more compassion than I could spare; despite that, his protective instinct was particularly strong in a very memory-fueled way. _'I wondered if you guys would have any… I got one. Felt it through the armours, too.'_

Sage gave the impression of rubbing the bridge of his nose. _'So did I. To both.'_

Cye was next. _'And me.'_

My thoughts weren't anything that I'd call _clear_ , but the next few snatches were everything from past sleepless nights to the hollow moments where Dusk could barely save me from nightmares, only for me to fall back into them. Nether Spirits liked to _linger_. The bastards.

Something about that conversation sparked a realization in my sister. _'The armour… Strata. Strata's hurt.'_

I turned my head to see Rowen perched on the edge of the bed, arms still encircling her, her hand on his chest, near his heart. Both of them looked equally desperate for the other, barely able to move past what they'd experienced just hours previous.

I prayed to any deity that would listen to spare them PTSD. _'Sage? You healed my scars...'_

Before he could really make a conscious thought past uncertainty, Rowen put up a wall. I looked back at his form, eyes closed and soul crying out for nothing more than a moment alone where he could protect the person in his arms, just to ease the time he hadn't been able to.

 _'Want my spot, Rowen?'_

He hesitated a few moments before nodding. I got up and moved to the empty space on the other bed, him shifting with her to properly sit down. I could tell from his face he wasn't leaving her that night.

The general situation established and me thinking a little clearer, the snatches of memory solidified into a narrative that I'd been through before. Trapped in the dark with no hope of resisting. Thank God I was too drugged to shake.

Sage still hadn't left my consciousness. _'Think you'll be able to get back to sleep?'_

My sense of humour could quit any day now. Even my _mental_ voice was far too cheery for the topic at hand. _'I've still got Ativan in my system, so probably! I make no promises on sleep_ quality _though.'_

Ryo sat beside me and rubbed his face, eyes back to haunted. His presence enveloped all of ours, Wildfire stretched thin as it tried to ensure everyone was safe just to comfort its wielder. _'I'm pretty awake, after that…'_

Cye, thankfully, seemed to know what to suggest. He seemed just as shaken as Kento, reaching out to the others to soothe his own nerves. _'Maybe we should all sleep in the same room, tonight.'_

There was an unspoken implication that in the same room, the currently triggered members of our group would have a visual means of making sure everyone was alright, increasing the sense of control when none of us felt we had it. After sensing Kento and Cye, I wasn't sure just how many triggered members we had.

Kento perked up, lightening the mood slightly. He seemed just as relieved as Ryo at the thought. _'Dogpile? Haven't had one of_ those _in awhile…'_

To my surprise, Sage replied the fastest. _'We'll be right over.'_

It didn't take long for the others to come in with blankets and pillows for everyone. I had my knees drawn up on the bed, sitting in a ball. I smiled at the four boys looking between the floor, each other, and the one empty space left on the bed.

"Feel free to take the empty spot," I said, smile only growing as they blinked at me. "I'll stay curled up right here."

Sage tilted his head to the side. "You're alright with that?"

I shrugged. "Wouldn't have offered if I wasn't."

Hopefully nobody would be able to pry how much I wanted company out from under Dusk's protective shield. They were all safe, and I kept trying to reassure myself I didn't need to see them. To keep them where I could easily shatter any Nether Spirit influence. Take the hits they couldn't. Protect them with enough self destructive tendencies at least they would survive.

I watched Kento go to one of the larger clear spaces on the floor, him the shortest but most sprawling of the lot, shoulders broader than Sage's. Cye followed close by, within physical proximity of his friend, which only left Ryo and Sage to argue who'd sleep on the bed. My eyes began to pull shut again and I tucked myself under the covers, Sage walking by to the space between beds a moment later. Ryo's weight eased down beside me and once everyone was settled, I clicked out the light.

Halo was _much_ brighter than it had been yesterday.

I watched Sage try to get comfortable, his movements practiced and careful. He adjusted the orb so it was more under the bed to not disturb the rest of us; with the light shining in his face, I could see how fixed his eye was on the source.

 _'You okay, Sage?'_

He turned to look up at me, bangs falling away from his other eye in the process. _'Why do you ask?'_

 _'Halo.'_ I shifted so my head was pillowed against my arm. _'And you said you had a nightmare.'_

He returned his attention to the armour. _'It was just dark in there. I'm fine. You, though…'_

 _'Hm?'_

His eyes were back on me. _'Cye said you refused pain medication, despite...'_

The only thing I could do was keep a casual tone; it kept my mind off that trapdoor of triggers. _'Pain medication doesn't work for me all that well. A few bad experiences make me leery to try it. I'd rather not make myself sicker.'_

 _'I'm sure he'd have_ something _,'_ he replied, tone matching mine. _'At least until you see the police and they take them as evidence.'_

 _'Dusk does a pretty good job blocking pain,'_ I said softly, trying to reassure him. _'It's just a dull throb.'_

His neck tensed. _'You shouldn't even have to feel that.'_

I was about to reply, only to notice Halo's glow was brighter, throwing Sage's face into almost daylight level lighting. I backed down instantly. _'Sage… it's not your fault.'_ That seemed to hit a nerve. He quickly looked away, tension in his neck spreading up his jaw. I pulled Dusk out from under my pillow and reached it down to him. _'Here.'_

He looked up and blinked at the softly glowing purple stone. _'What?'_

I smiled softly. _'Dusk can help you sleep. It doesn't_ glow _like Halo does, but it evens out the tones in the room. Makes it so the shadows aren't so dark without needing as much light.'_

Sage cautiously lifted his hand and let me place Dusk in it. He put the stone beside him before reaching under the bed and pulling out a much dimmer Halo. _'It might be able to dull your pain. Not heal it, but...'_

I took it from him and felt the crystal warm under my touch, spreading out reassurance I was safe. Just that alone did exactly as he said. _'Thank you.'_

 _'And thank you,'_ he replied, somewhere between cautious and gentle.

I took the sweater I'd used as a support for my chest, dragged with me when I switched beds, and bundled the still glowing armour in it— only to freeze. _'Are you alright, without…?'_

I saw him nod in the light Dusk cast out. _'I'm alright.'_

For once I believed him.

I settled back in bed, cautious of Ryo now asleep at my back. Halo took on a pulse like a heartbeat against my chest, a slow and even rhythm that Sage always seemed to maintain. I curled up even tighter around the bundle, wanting as much of that feeling as I could extract. It relaxed me so much, I wasn't sure if Ativan was the force sending me back to sleep.

—

I woke up to an arm around me. The minute I shifted, however, Ryo jumped like a scared cat and sat up.

"I guess you didn't mean to do that?" I said, one eyebrow raised at him.

His cheeks were as red as his armour. "No, I didn't."

I propped myself up on an elbow. "Heartbeats help, if you're worried. I… kinda slept with my parents till I was like. Thirteen."

He laughed softly. "Well, glad you don't mind."

Now it was my turn to sit up and take in the room. At first glance, we were the only ones awake; Tessa and Rowen were still tangled in each other, Cye's breathing shallow, and Kento sprawled in a position nobody would keep when they were conscious.

I peered over the edge of the bed and paused upon seeing Sage's eyes closed, him on his side, streaks of purple visible between his fingers as he held onto Dusk. I'd heard plenty of stories about the inhumanly early riser from Tessa, her making the odd joke it's like he was solar powered, his schedule was that synced with the sun.

 _'Sage is still asleep?'_

I nodded.

Ryo leaned around me, looking at Sage himself. _'That must've—'_

 _'I know he has PTSD.'_

Ryo sat back down, looking at me strangely.

I sat up myself, taking my sweater and Halo's orb with me. _'After you left, when we first made it to Tessa's place. I mentioned how Dusk was having a hard time separating the past from the present, because I'd just… gone and relived my childhood again. He was able to guess I had it, and when I confirmed, he said he had it, too. Was about to tell me why, but I didn't… I didn't want to hear it, having just relived my own.'_

 _'Yeah… I get that.'_ He swallowed, bringing his knees up to his chest. The shadows in his eyes had only barely lightened overnight. _'I have it, too. From not being able to keep them safe. He got it from being trapped in the dark, where Halo's light did nothing against the Warlord of Darkness. And how his helplessness led to people getting hurt.'_

I sighed, looking at him then back down at Sage. _'Damn it.'_

Ryo put a hand on my shoulder. _'He'll be alright, Alexa. We all made it out, and you'll recover. I'll be fine.'_

 _'I'm glad I gave him Dusk, last night.'_ A smile tugged at my lips almost by its own accord. _'Seems to have helped.'_

Ryo laughed across the connection, keeping it mostly silent. _'Getting Sage to sleep past sunrise? I'd say it did.'_ He gave me a look I couldn't quite peg. _'Don't think anybody's been able to do that before.'_

I looked down at my lap, chuckling softly. _'Wonder if Halo felt the Ativan, then.'_

 _'Halo?'_

I opened up the sweater and fished out the dark green crystal, no longer glowing now that the room was light. _'We traded.'_

He glanced between me, Halo, and Sage before shaking his head. _'I know you said you were a witch… you sure you didn't cast a spell on him?'_

I slammed a hand over my mouth to keep my extremely loud laughter inside. Another hand went up, me rocking forward from the sheer intensity of the feeling. Once I calmed down, I wiped my eyes. _'Why do you say_ that _?'_

He had apparently been serious with his previous statement, because he said his next in the same tone. _'He_ never _gives up Halo, for_ anyone _. The only time he's ever spent the night without it is when I discovered I had PTSD and he said it would help…'_

And almost instantly, my heart broke. _'He must've been_ really _worried about me, then…'_

Ryo's eyebrows pulled together in a small frown. _'Yeah… he must've been.'_ He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes. _'How_ are _you feeling?'_

Halo went back in the sweater, and the sweater went back to my chest. _'I don't want to talk about it.'_

I didn't know if I ever would.

As if sensing my distress, Sage stirred. Not wanting to take advantage of his kindness, I reluctantly offered Halo back to him.

He blinked sleep out of his eyes before focusing on the armour. "Did it help?"

I nodded. "I'd ask if Dusk did, but apparently you never sleep past sunrise."

He laughed softly at my teasing, replacing Halo with Dusk in my still-outstretched hand. "Yeah. It did."

Everybody else started stirring, me paying particularly close attention to my sister and her apparent new boyfriend. He murmured to her in Japanese, drawing her out of sleep. She stretched and sounded very much like a cat, groan staying in her throat and ending like a purr. Rowen smiled and kept murmuring, which simply got her curling back up into him and sighing contently with another sleepy mrow.

It was the definition of adorable.

I studied Rowen for a few moments, paying attention to his smile, his hand rubbing her arm. His eyes spoke volumes, the dark blue a type of caring and compassion that indicated honesty. He was a friend of Sage's, with all the guys checking off boxes for being genuinely _good people_.

As much as I'd wanted her to get together with Sage, I was happy to see the shine in both of their eyes as they stayed close, still wrapped up in each other but out of love instead of fear.

"So… breakfast?"

Cye groaned. "Kento…!"

I swung my legs out of bed, now that I had the space to do so. "We need to plan out our story, first, I'd think." I rubbed my arm. "I probably need to change these, too…"

The mood darkened at my words. I tried to tell myself it would have to come up, regardless. In everybody gathering up their stuff and clearing the floor, I caught Rowen's face get _too_ close to Tessa's for anything other than a quick kiss.

I came out of the bathroom in a short sleeved shirt that showed both bandages, the one on my forearm four inches, the one on my bicep closer to seven. Apparently Halo had helped more than I thought, because they were officially throbbing after just a few minutes away from it. Dusk could only hold pain off for so long, and it had never dealt with anything this deep or intense. It probably didn't help the bandages were hours old and damp against my skin. The room was quiet, Cye and Kento having left. Sage, to my surprise, stayed behind.

He had his eye trained on me. "Cye stepped out to get his things in the other room. He'll be back in a few minutes."

That seemed to get Tessa's attention. She turned and looked at me, wincing at the extent of the bandaging, especially on my bicep. I saw her eyes flick to Sage against the wall, him in a place to watch all of us.

I shook my head and plopped myself down where I'd been sleeping. "I need them as evidence, right now."

She sighed and looked down at her hands. "Oh. Right…"

Rowen took the one closest to him and laced his fingers between hers, garnering a small but very real smile.

Cye and Kento returned shortly after, Cye already holding the medical kit. He sat on the bed across from me, holding one hand out for my arm. "How're they?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Sore. No, I still don't want pain medication."

"Alright."

I could practically feel Rowen's eyes on me, him still in utter disbelief that I could resist that. Tessa's jaw full out dropped, her not having heard my previous denial. I did not want to get questions, so I came up with a topic to fill the silence.

"We should figure out our story for the cops, before they split us up and look for discrepancies in our individual accounts," I said, tipping my head back. I turned over what potential statements they could have already and snorted. "On the plus side, the minute cultists bring up anything relating to the armours or Nether Spirits, they'll be dismissed as delusional."

Rowen replied first. "Hopefully they don't catch on to the impossible math of how we got from Virginia to Pennsylvania in under four hours."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "That would require them to admit they did that in the first place, which means revealing they can manipulate spacetime, which is usually discounted as 'impossible' by the general population."

He rubbed his face, Tessa chuckling at him. She leaned into his chest. "Maybe we should cover the story from the start— see what holes we need to fill or gaps to bridge that don't involve the armours."

My eyebrow went up higher. "Well hole number one is how you got caught."

He shrugged. "Simple— she needed a big brother figure to back her up, so I went; they couldn't afford letting me fight back, so they jumped me, too."

"And I was there but farther away so I couldn't get there on time, because we wanted as many people there as possible to be witnesses." I rubbed the bridge of my nose, recalling the past six months. "If they ask why, I have far too much evidence for _that…"_

My sister curled up, halfway to hugging herself; Rowen rubbed her back in slow strokes, soothing her.

"They're going to ask why you think they'd want to kidnap you," Ryo brought up. He was beside me on the bed as Cye worked, apparently having decided I needed the most protection from both physical and emotional injury. It seemed to ease his nerves, at least.

"Twins born on a cusp," I said. It was the first thing that came to mind, charts I wanted to forget floating behind my eyelids. "That group just _loves_ astrology, so with us perfectly balanced within one…" I shrugged. "It's not like they can mention the armours, regardless."

Tessa was thinking straighter than I was, apparently. "I'd probably just tell them it's because my parents are divorced and my mom got jealous that Dad kept me away from her."

Rowen's arm went around her upon hearing how _small_ her voice was. His grip was still desperate to keep her close and safe. She leaned against him, drinking in the comfort.

"That, too… especially if we brought up how we're twins and she's already kidnapped me." I was still fuming over what I'd learned about that separation. "I wonder if we can pull up the divorce records and get her pegged with a contempt of court charge. If you actually _read_ her statements, she changes information under oath."

Cye, who'd been quiet as he bandaged my arm, replied to my muttering. "That's certainly a possibility."

Either Rowen had heard, or he'd guessed I'd gone on a tangent. "But maybe we ought to focus on one thing at a time." He squeezed Tessa's shoulders. "We'd need to check the statute of limitations on something like that, anyway."

So he'd heard. I ran my fingers through my hair, pulling it away from my shoulders so Cye didn't have any in his way. "Probably best to leave that with my case."

We stopped off to get breakfast before heading to the police station, having decided Rowen was kidnapped with Tessa, my injuries were because of a cult practice to carry swords in the inner sanctum instead of guns, we'd been kidnapped because of our astrology-obsessed mother who wanted both twins for her own twisted gain, there had been a gas explosion in the escape to leave, and I'd been overly protective but under equipped to break her out, even though I was successful.

Despite expecting it, I really had to try not to laugh at the absolutely stunned look on the officer's face when I told him _I'd_ been the one to knock her now ex boyfriend and abductor out. My one hundred and five pounds on a good day self simply replied, "I'm stronger than I look."

He gave his head a tiny shake as if that was the strangest thing he'd heard all day before returning to his notepad. "And you said you were… twins? Separated when you two were in a really bad divorce? And your dad left because you were already part of a cult?"

I sighed and pulled out my phone. "This detective. This number. Call."

And again with that look. He picked up a phone on his desk and carefully dialed, asking for the Canadian officer's name and making his voice overly loud. "Yeah, hi… I have this girl here who said she filed a report with you. Was kidnapped by her mother a week ago, her friends broke her out, one of them being her twin sister who she didn't know existed because of a divorce and a cul—oh." He cleared his throat and listened for a few minutes, ending with a borderline _chastised_ "Very well" and hanging up. He turned his attention back at me. "It appears your story has checked out with them."

I was able to keep my 'told ya' inside my mouth.

Tessa and Rowen were still giving statements when I left the interrogation room; I reached out with Dusk to give them extra support. I hoped my sister was alright without anybody physically there; the past couple of weeks were enough to catch up with anybody, and she'd never had to deal with anything even close to this magnitude.

Ryo passed by, his name next on the list of witnesses to interview. He nodded towards me, almost wicked gleam in his eye.

It was nice to see him amused, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out _why_.

The others were all outside, waiting for their turn. We'd already been warned not to speak to each other about the case, but it's not like they could monitor our minds.

 _'How was it?'_ Sage asked from his position leaned against the wall.

I took the empty space next to him. _'Alright. They took pictures of my injuries and I hope there's some sort of mark on those blades that any blood detection methods can pick up on, otherwise they'll have to assume they cleaned the place really well. Dusk probably knew to leave that evidence. I hope.'_

Kento gave me the typical do-I-have-to-worry-about-you-killing-me look that every writer got at least once in their lives. _'You sure know a lot about this stuff…'_

I smirked. _'I'm a writer with a special interest in forensics. Comes with the territory.'_

Cye seemed more than willing to get the topic away from the past few days. "What do you write?"

"A little bit of everything. Fantasy, realistic, I dabble in fanfiction with Tessa." I leaned my head back against the wall. "Poetry's my therapy."

Sage perked up. "Do you study much poetry?"

I shook my head. "Sadly, no. I read my friends', but poetry isn't something I actively try at. If it comes my way I read it, but otherwise I just try to get what I'm feeling out on paper when I can't think."

His next words were cautious. "My grandfather loves poetry. Introduced me to a few Japanese poets. I could translate them for you— if they're even translatable."

I smiled. "Or you teach me to read Japanese with them, since translating poetry is usually the worst idea ever."

To my surprise, his whole consciousness seemed to warm in gratitude. "That it is. I could teach you, although the metaphors and meaning—"

Kento chuckled, interrupting him. "Tired of just talking to Rowen about this stuff?"

Somehow, I was surprised that Sage took an active interest. I thought he'd just mentioned poets for my sake. "You like poetry?"

"Some," he said, crossing his arms. "I—"

"Don't let him fool you," Kento said, jerking his thumb towards Sage. "The guy practically speaks in poetry if you let him. He's even taken a few classes on it in university."

Again, Sage's glare in Kento's direction was a sight to behold. If looks could kill.

The conversation paused when Rowen left his room, and Kento was next to stand up. He patted Rowen's shoulder as he passed, the taller boy waiting by the door between him and Tessa.

"As I was saying," Sage said after clearing his throat. "The metaphors might be a little difficult to grasp, if you don't know their cultural context. And the meaning of characters can take quite a bit of understanding to even begin to translate."

I waved a hand. "I was nearly an anthropologist. It'll be fun to learn about the context. No better way to learn."

His consciousness practically glowed with happiness at how much effort I was willing to spend. I could feel the respect he had for his own culture, and nuances he'd obviously spent years studying. He noticed me paying attention, and clarified. "My grandfather was raised in Bushi culture, his parents wanting to preserve the Edo period, and he in turn taught me the same principles. He made sure I was raised in such a way any samurai would be proud."

I held back a whistle, thoroughly impressed.

Cye chuckled with teasing mirth. "Yeah, he consistently shows us up when it comes to the armours, his virtue being _rei_ —courtesy—and all. I could still tell you stories…"

As if somebody had been directing the scene, Tessa finally appeared and immediately went into Rowen's arms. Cye nodded to us, indicating Sage could go last, before getting up and going to give his statement. Rowen was the one who stepped back, Tessa walking with him, them still practically magnetized for how they refused to part.

Instead of coming towards us, the duo left to another room at the back of the station. I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose, head tipping down.

Of course, Sage noticed. _'What is it?'_

I swallowed. _'It's hard to watch them go through the same thing I did.'_

 _'What else?'_

I directed a very quiet, muttered swear at him. _'You're not going to let me leave it at that, are you?'_

His resolve was surprisingly firm. _'Not a chance.'_

 _'I can almost see it. Hear it. I_ know _what my— our mother can do, and if she's_ that _upset…'_ I swallowed, not knowing who that 'she' had referred to. I had meant it to reference Tessa, but our mother furious was a force to be reckoned with. _'I felt some of it, too, moments before I got there. I found them because they_ screamed _.'_

He was silent, a hand going on my shoulder for support.

He seemed to know I would keep talking if he let me, and keep talking I did. _'I never screamed. I never felt the need to. It'd just get worse if I did.'_

He squeezed the joint. _'I'm sorry.'_

 _'Are you alright, hearing some of it?'_ I tipped my head back up to look at him. _'Sometimes talking about it helps.'_

He glanced down at me. _'If it'll help, gladly.'_

 _'Th— Arigato?'_

He quirked a smile, small flicker of approval.

 _'I can talk in poetry, too, when I'm upset. Let me know if anything is confusing.'_

He paused a moment. _'Alright.'_

 _'My mom first turned a sword on me when I was four. It's one of my earliest conscious memories. Running up to her altar and… actually asking. I just— I wanted to be good, I guess? I wanted to do everything right. She'd talk about how that sword would help make me a better person and— I was four. I was three. I didn't know any better.'_

His voice was steady and even. _'Understandable. You were born into it, after all.'_

I nodded. _'Then… when I was eight or ten? She—'_ I swallowed. _'She started turning the sword against me as punishment, for when I spoke out against her. I didn't even have Dusk, I just… had spoken back. That was the first time it burned. She'd yelled at me until I cried. Then she took the sword and forcibly cut away something around me. I could barely see the flames, but they_ had _to have been there. She kept doing it as I grew up.'_

His hand tightened protectively.

 _'By the time they started hacking into Dusk, I was used to it. I screamed the first time, but they just said it needed to come out and the more I screamed the more it needed to come out. That pain meant I had accepted it and was too attached and I needed to learn to let go.'_ Even my mental voice quieted. _'So I just learned to take it silently in the hopes they'd do it less. My pain tolerance is superhumanly high, as a result.'_

I was pretty sure only the weight of public pressure kept his hand on my shoulder instead of around them; his desire to pull me closer was enough, and I tried to communicate that with Dusk. Unfortunately it didn't seem to be enough for _him_ , his will to defend at the same level now as it was when he faced my mother physically. Halo kept trying to worm its way into my memories, to get between me and her.

 _'Plus,'_ I added with a small internal laugh. _'It was way too fun to watch the look on Michael's face when I had no reaction. Not even sure I would've had one, just… I wanted him away from her.'_

That loosened his wound-up mood, concern flowing in to replace what I'd tried to break completely. _'You still got hurt.'_

I sighed and rubbed my bicep bandages under my sweater. Despite the heat, the air conditioning and fans going to combat it drove me more nuts than being sticky.

We were quiet for awhile, Sage eventually dropping his hand from my shoulder. He took a breath like he was about to say something, only for Ryo to leave his interview and walk out to meet us. I caught the smallest twitch of irritation in Sage's jaw before he pushed himself off the wall, going to the interrogation room.

Ryo looked around, speaking as he came into range. "Where's everyone else?"

"Tessa and Rowen went back there." I pointed to the hallway where they had gone, to a place I assumed was private. "And the rest are giving statements."

Ryo looked to where I pointed. "'Bout time those two got together. He's been trying to say something all week."

"Cannot Spit It Out?"

Ryo looked back at me and frowned, the TV Tropes reference having gone completely over his head.

I waved a hand. "Writer thing. That's the official name when people in stories can't admit their feelings."

"Ah." He sat back down in a chair. I saw the hints of a wicked gleam—the same gleam as before— and a sly grin on his lips. "Kento had money on Sage making a move… but we're all starting to think he's too proper to _ever_ do that."

I laughed. "Honestly? The way she'd been talking for the past month, I thought she'd pick him." I smirked at Ryo. "Then I saw how she interacted with the lot of you and I'm surprised she only ended up with two crushes."

He looked up at me. "Cye bets they won't tell us anything official for a while. Kento's bound and determined to get on their case as much as he can until they do, though."

I snorted. "Oh leave _that_ to me. I have a fairly strict policy of not asking, which means I tend to find things out before anybody else. Plus she told me everything that happened the moment she could _before_ we found out we were sisters and she said she'd tell me later, so…"

He kicked his feet out in front of him, lacing his hands behind his head. "So what about you? Any crushes we can tease you about, now that Rowen and Tessa are basically official?"

I let out a single barked laugh. "Oh, please. We're _total_ opposites in that regard. She'll fall for a guy in a week— literally, apparently— and here I'm so oblivious it might as well be a hashtag. Romance is not something I think about. Like, at all."

Ryo flat out deflated, arms falling to his side. "C'mon, you're kidding."

I shook my head. "Sorry. If you're trying to dig up something about my lovelife, my last relationship ended three years ago and I haven't had a date since. Haven't even been looking."

There was that gleam again. "Not even tempted by any of us?"

"While you're all _quite_ the catches…" I smirked back, trying to play along in a game I had no idea what the rules were. "Nope. I'm sure each one of you will make somebody really happy someday, but right now, not interested." I laughed as he once again slumped in his chair. "Nothing personal. It just takes me _forever_ to start crushing on anybody. I very much do _not_ fall in love on sight. Unlike Tessa."

He burst out laughing, his timing perfect for Rowen and my sister hearing the tail end of it. Kento was released from his room right behind them.

Tessa looked at a still gasping Ryo. "What's so funny?"

Ryo took another breath and finally got back under control. "We were just talking about how Alexa was surprised you only ended up with two crushes, after a week with five—"

"Obviously she has standards," Rowen shot in. "Because she ended up with me."

Tessa was _bright_ red, trying to glare at me through her embarrassment. A moment later she directed her attention to Rowen, not able to maintain any attempt at sternness while looking at him. Instead it was teasing chastisement, seemingly exasperated with his ego.

Kento decided to jump in. "Hey we could've just left you in space six years ago, y'know."

Rowen snorted. "Yeah, and we wouldn't be standing here talking about this because Talpa would've turned even the States into the _youjakai_ by now."

Kento flicked a hand. "Point."

Cye left his room shortly after, joining us. "We should probably get more food before heading out. By the time Sage is finished…"

Kento licked his lips and everyone rolled their eyes.

"He's always like this, I take it?"

Everyone nodded vigorously.

Ryo snorted. "What, you mean you _haven't_ seen it enough in the last five days?"

Tessa poked Rowen's chest. "This guy's just as bad. Just you wait."

"Says the girl who doesn't eat vegetables…" Rowen shot back, poking her nose.

She wrinkled it and attempted another glare, failing before she even started. One shove with her shoulder later their hands were together and I simply shook my head.

 _'You're_ terrible _, sis.'_

 _'Looked in the mirror lately, sis?'_

 _'I'll give you that.'_

 _'Must be a twin thing.'_

I shook my head at the ridiculousness of this whole situation, crossing my arms and trying not to press on anything. It had been hours of giving statements, and we'd be late coming home. What happened when the police station was relatively small and they couldn't take us all at the same time.

Sage finally left the room, back to quiet and I saw the ghosts in his eyes after having recounted his perspective of the story. I tried reaching out with Dusk, only to hit a wall.

Cye stood up, pulling out the keys. "I'll drive us back. You drove us here, Sage, and you could still use some rest, Tessa."

She nodded and leaned into Rowen again, Sage seeming resigned to the order. We piled in the car, Ryo sitting in the back with the magnets, Kento in the front seat next to Cye, and Sage beside me in the middle.

As we hit the highway, every one of us with some sort of food from the same place as last night, a realization dawned on me. I pinched the bridge of my nose, sighing. "Tessa…"

"Hm?"

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. "We should call Dad."

She groaned, hand going to her face.

I pressed call on the contact, licking my lips at my suddenly dry mouth.

"Hello."

"Hey, Dad," I said. "There's somebody here to talk to you…"

I handed the phone behind me, Tessa taking it. A moment later she gave a trying to be cheerful, "Hi, Dad!"

I kept an eye on her as she spoke to him, saying how yes, she was fine, and yes, they'd finally given statements— apparently the police had called them last night and filled them in— and yes, it was going to tie into my investigation across the border.

I paused when she said, "He wants to talk to you."

The phone was back in my hand, and I had to brace myself before putting it to my ear. "Yeah?"

His voice was noticeably strained. "I'm proud of you, for getting her back."

"I couldn't let her take her," I murmured, hoping he understood the purposely vague pronouns. An auditory conversation in a carful of people was not something I wanted to submit to, right now.

"I was about to drive up and help," he said. "But seems like you were fine."

"Yeah." I swallowed, wounds throbbing at the reminder. "We'll tell you about it later."

"Alright. Get back here so I can give you both a hug."

"Bye," I said, trying to get _out_ of this awkward conversation.

Before I could, he got in, "Love you."

I could only swallow as he hung up.

Tessa looked at me end the call. "What'd he say?"

I cleared my throat, taking a sip of smoothie before answering. "That he was proud of me."

Ryo looked at me from the back. "You okay?"

I smiled, but it was mostly just in reply to a swirl of emotions and him reaching out to me. "I'm just not…" My throat kept refusing to work. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

Tessa got a hand out and squeezed my shoulder before settling back against the seat.

"Hardly any of us have normal family situations," Cye said from the front. "You don't have to worry about standing out."

"I'm really the only one," Kento said, looking over his shoulder at the rest of the car. "And I put up with all these guys. Don't worry about it."

"Thanks," I said, rubbing my eyes and feeling my knuckle skate on moisture. "That makes me feel better."

The car was silent for awhile. I was half asleep, trying to keep my rising anxiety under control, when Sage reached out to me. _'I'd been about to tell you my family situation, before I got called.'_

 _'As always,'_ I said quietly, _'you don't have to tell me if you don't want to.'_

 _'I want to.'_

I was momentarily taken aback by his firm tone, but relented any protests. _'Alright.'_

He tipped his head down, looking out the window. _'Ojiisama— my grandfather— would beat me, sometimes. Part of my training, he called it. But it only seemed to happen when I became too rebellious.'_ His voice became even softer, the back of one finger brushing the glass. _'Sometimes he'd lock me in the basement, to "meditate" on my errors and the Bushido code.'_

My breath caught. _'You… too? I was never locked in the basement or beaten but—'_

 _'Yes.'_ He maintained his gaze out the window, bangs covering any hint of expression I could get off his face. _'The methods were different, but at their core, they served the same purpose. Control.'_

Halo was still closed off to me, every part of Sage's presence a wall. Physically, emotionally, and even mentally, I could only catch glimpses of what he was feeling. It was a state I knew all too well, having learned years ago how to speak about pain without revealing how much it meant, without giving others a hint for the depths of the ocean or how black the waters were.

It was a cross between self protection and vulnerability, a place where if the other side responded poorly, we could hide just how much it hurt.

When I was still silent, Sage continued. _'It was on one such punishment in the basement Halo found me. I had broken kendo code after my opponent_ cheated _, an action that could have gotten him banned from the sport for life. By taking the shame upon myself, both of us were able to continue our careers.'_

 _'And Halo recognized your integrity,'_ I added. _'So it chose you.'_

He shifted, sitting back in his seat so I could see his side. His eyes were still out the window. _'I wouldn't be who I am without my upbringing. I'm still coming to terms with that.'_

I licked my lips, trying another few sips of smoothie. _'It's… painful, for me at least. I got lucky—_ incredibly _lucky— in that I was never physically hit, or really physically controlled, but emotionally…'_

He gave the impression of a smirk. _'I was rebellious. No matter what he did, I always found ways to defy him somehow. He should have seen it coming— it's in my very name.'_

 _'It's how you stay sane,'_ I said softly. _'I had my own tricks, which she'd catch on to eventually and punish me for, but while they worked, it was so satisfying to get away with what they wouldn't let me do.'_

A nod, his fingers back on the glass. _'The only thing I can believe, maybe for my own peace of mind, is regardless of how badly I was treated, and how much there are some things I will never get over, nothing he did could actually break_ me _.'_ He turned his head to look straight in front, not enough to see his other eye, but I could see his profile. _'I can still choose who I am, what path I take, and I can use my past to help me build a future. I might always be effected by it, but that doesn't mean what they told me was right. Or that I deserved it.'_

 _'You didn't.'_

He turned his head so I could see the tiniest hints of his uncovered eye. _'Neither did you.'_

Now it was my turn to close off, pulling my arm closer. The glint of compassion was the last thing I wanted to see. I knew what I should say, that I should thank him, but I didn't want to. _'I… abuse is designed to convince you it was your fault.'_

He looked back out the window. _'I know. It's hard. Like I said, I'm still coming to terms with it. But… we both have a choice. No matter what happened, no matter how_ horrific _it was, you can still make something good out of it. So can I. And…'_ He swallowed, looking down. _'You don't have to be ashamed that something good came out of a nightmare. You should be proud.'_

I rubbed my eyes to keep any tear streaks off my cheeks. In these close quarters, there was absolutely no hiding a crying session, no matter how little I showed I cried. _'Thank you.'_

 _'No problem.'_


	14. Chapter 14

Alright, looks like we're going to be sticking with the twice a week schedule sooomewhere around Mon/Tues and Fri/Sat. Probably means we won't have a whole lot to say in the author notes from here on out, but of course if something needs saying, it'll be said.

 **Warnings:** None, this time!

* * *

 _Chapter 14_

That "interview" had been more nerve-wracking than I'd expected. Despite being a cop's daughter, I'd still never been on the receiving end of witness interrogation. And after that damned nightmare…

I was relieved to find Rowen waiting outside; though Strata had steadied me during the process, there was nothing like being able to wrap my arms around his torso.

My mind was still very much on everything that had happened, especially when Rowen immediately lead me to the break room—away from the other team members congregated in the guest waiting area—and fussed over my well-being. Mildly annoying as it was, I knew he needed the reassurance just as much as I appreciated it.

Part of me wanted to bring up our much-needed relationship conversation while I stood there, alone, with all our friends scattered throughout the tiny precinct. But even though I was certain to brood over it on the car ride home, I knew I needed another good night's rest before attempting that headache.

Of course the boys wouldn't let _that_ stand for long, though.

Alexa reminding us to call Dad only exacerbated my headache.

 _"Take a nap,_ koibito _,"_ Rowen murmured, a gentle hand drawing my shoulder into his side.

I felt a momentary twinge of pity for Ryo being stuck in the back with us—but I guessed it served him right for laughing at my hopeless romantic soft spot. Remembering that conversation brought to mind Kento's comment about Rowen in outer space, which I assumed was yet another part of their teenage struggles.

 _"Only if you promise to tell me a bedtime story,"_ I purred, snuggling up against his chest. _"You still haven't gotten around to explaining the Dynasty War."_

The soft smile touched both his lips and mental mood. Stretching his legs out between Sage and Alexa's chairs, hooking an arm over mine so as to stroke my hair, he began with the moment he saved Ryo for the first of many future times. I resolved not to ask any questions as the tale unravelled, though stray (sleep-tinged) desires for clarification were enough for Rowen to elaborate on some points.

Unfortunately, I dropped off to the soft storyteller-lilt of his telepathic voice and the car's gentle humming.

My body still must've needed the time to recover, because I only blearily noticed when the rocking rhythm changed. It ran counterpoint to another drumming pattern from something pressed against my ear.

"Tessa?"

Whatever I was pillowed on—legs hanging limply, I realized—thrummed with sound. "She's just asleep. Been out since Harrisburg."

A familiar hand smoothed the hair from my brow, a motion it'd done a thousand times before. The remorse in Dad's voice nearly made me want to grab him in a tight hug and never let go. "It was that…rough?" A bone-deep sigh; his hand leaving my forehead. "I'm so sorry."

Now I was aware enough to guess and process exactly what the situation was, but the conversation was getting too heart-wrenching. The curious kitty was back, and I'd always been good at miming sleep.

Rowen's hands tightened where they supported my back and knees. "It… I was there. She's safe and whole."

A soft rustling; I could tell Dad had clasped the taller boy's shoulder. "Thank you."

Movement again, ascending stairs with effortless steps that reminded me just how strong he was; I weighed a fair amount more than Alexa, but it seemed like nothing to Rowen. As if to bury the pleasant thrill that thought sent through me, I pushed my face deeper into the crook of his arm.

I tried not to give away how awake I was as my mattress rose up to cradle my body. Surprise jumped through my nerves when something brushed against my nose, my eyes snapping open.

Rowen smirked, his eyes filling my vision—his nose had touched mine. "You're a terrible faker."

The heat in my cheeks also stole my breath. It took a few moments of struggling with my brain before I said, "Was worth it, though."

He chuckled in his throat. My view of him shifted slightly, his lips moving to press a kiss to my forehead. "Rest. I better find you still asleep when I wake."

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Yes, sir," I answered dryly, a hint of tease to the familiar words.

There was an instant of hesitance where he remained hovering, pulled back a fraction to study me. Then the mattress creaked as he sat up, slowly drawing away—

Nightmares flashed behind my eyes.

"Wait."

I sucked moisture into my suddenly-dry mouth, fingers weakly curled around his wrist. Rowen watched silently as I fought with myself.

The request came out at a volume barely over soundless mouthed words. "Please stay." As if to compromise with the side that had won out, I clarified, "Just...until I fall asleep, again."

Dawn reached for Strata in the same way I'd physically reached for him. As if that were the key to releasing his indecision, one side of his lips pulled up in a soft smile. "Okay."

Strata circled and settled around Dawn in a perfect mirror-image of Rowen laying down behind me, an arm snaking under my neck and the other nestling alongside mine. Soft breathing warmed my cheek, his chin tucked over my shoulder. _A perfect spoon_ , I thought with a contented smile.

Before I drifted off to sleep, I decided I could definitely get used to this.

—

Warmth beat down on me the next morning, sunshine streaming through my north-facing window and demanding I face it in battle. Just like most mornings, I refused to answer its call, rolling to avoid its sword-strokes.

Something equally-warm, fuzzy like fleece, and echoing with a heartbeat met my maneuver. My hand fell across a stomach, my cheek against a flat torso—and an arm curled around me, holding me in place.

" _Ohayoo_."

I sighed, long and drawn out. " _Ohayoo_. I'm going to guess you fell asleep—true to form, huh?"

His chuckle rippled through the muscles of his chest. "I'm surprised none of the others kicked me out. Sage especially should have visited his wrath on me."

I turned my head up to raise an eyebrow at him. "Oh? Mr. Propriety got his sights on you?"

"If you didn't notice, he thinks of you as a younger sister." He returned my raised eyebrow. "But then again, you've had your eyes on him like a hawk, so of course you wouldn't miss that."

I scrunched my nose up, then scrubbed at my still-sleepy face with one hand. "If I didn't love her so much I'd curse Alexa for spilling that dirty little secret."

Again with the smirk. I should get them bottled up and sold for a fortune. "You're going to make a terrible intel officer if you think that wasn't noticed. Even innocent little Ryo spotted it a mile away."

That earned him a tongue stuck out. He'd gotten me thinking, though. "Speaking of… Is it just me, or is there a _ton_ of attraction between Sage and my sister? Not that Alexa would ever _realize_ it, she's told me before that she's as oblivious to romantic affection as I'm _not_ …"

Some duality showed up in his gaze, fingers brushing back and forth along my upper arm—I guessed he was contemplating both the initial question and my comment about romantic affection. The drawn-out silence combined with his hand on my bicep certainly didn't help my focus.

"From how much I know about Sage, I would have to agree." His fingers stilled. "But I think we might want to focus on us first, before we charge off to conquer the match-making scene."

My triumph at being agreed with vanished in a cartoon _poof_ of magic smoke. I sat up, noticing as Rowen propped himself on his elbows that we were both still in our rumpled street clothes, the blankets barely disturbed. Tapping into Dawn brought me the swirling uncertainty flowing through his mind, Strata hovering like a watchful helicopter.

"I…" Flashbacks to when he'd stumbled through the iron door, immediately wrapping me in a protective embrace—then the kiss. I swallowed. "T-That… You're my first kiss."

The words tumbled from my mouth, the sudden realization that hadn't been able to take hold over the ensuing twenty-four hours impossible to restrain. I knew that was a bigger deal in Japanese culture than American, but I'd been raised in a household that didn't really talk about relationships beyond "here's how to be treated Right, and don't have sex before marriage." It didn't exactly bother me that he'd kissed me in the heat of the moment—the thought flushed my body in a way I'd never felt before—but that shyness was going to take time to break down. (Or so I'd thought.)

Predictably, his eyes widened a fraction; he pushed himself completely upright, hands toward me apologetically. "Oh, gods, _Tessa_ , if I'd known—" He shook his head. "I should have _asked_ , I'm an idiot, this is absolutely the wrong foot to start o—"

The "kiss to shut someone up" trick was a little trickier than I'd thought. But somehow I made it work...despite feeling my boldness turned back on itself to the point of being hopelessly ensnared. It didn't help that I'd only _meant_ to halt his words before telling him I didn't mind.

Apparently my acquiescing to his deepening kiss conveyed that, especially over our armors' way-too-open connection.

The door creaking pulled us apart. Turning to view the cause of the disturbance revealed an almost _snarky_ -looking Sage (if anyone could embody that quality, I would _not_ have pegged it to be him), leaning against the hinged edge of the threshold.

His one visible eyebrow lifted, pointedly directed at Rowen. There was a meaningful moment of silence, and then he casually threatened, "You touch her wrong, you'll answer to the Halo ken. Wakateru ka."

Rowen grinned, tossed a Japanese insult at him that made me gape at the vulgarity of it, and Sage disappeared into the next room.

I rolled my eyes at him. " _You're_ one to talk about others having a vile tongue in their mouths. That's the third time I've heard you throw that nasty piece of work at someone, only one of which was _not_ Sage."

Somehow that actually got his attention; instead of spitting out another joke or tease, his eyes softened and body relaxed a fraction against my headboard. "Gomenasai. If it'll make you happier, I'll try to cut down on it." The smile flickered back. "Living with a father who's a divorced scientist that closets himself in labs all day will certainly put some very creative insults in your vocabulary."

I snickered at that mental image. "Sounds like he's a character." My thoughts swung back to our interrupted discussion. Rowen must have sensed it, because he offered an arm for me to come under. Once settled against his side again, I said, "So...do we make this official? More importantly, what _do_ we call this?" The words started rushing again, getting rambly in my whirling thoughts that _needed_ to come out. "Is this dating? Messing around? Purely physical attraction? So far it seems just to be a mash of comfort and needing someone to be there, and there's of course the shared experience of c—"

The finger-to-the-lip tactic again. His eyes searched mine, a slow and measured study as if fascinated by what they found there. That lock of hair falling between them was just begging to be pulled on, twisted around my finger and then pushed aside to plant a kiss on the skin beneath.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to shake the feeling those images conjured. Damned imagination.

"We can be whatever you want this to be."

His finger left my lips. I frowned, dropping my head against his chest again. "That's not helping." More thoughts spilled into my brain; with a will, I tried to keep them to a manageable level this time. "What would we do about our living situation? I'm going to complete my study abroad and come back here to finish senior year, then be in the military moving around for four years at _least_ , and you've got the guys and family in Japan—"

This time his hand on my hair stopped the tirade. "We'll cross that bridge if—when—we come to that. For now, let's just keep it simple."

Though my worries still gnawed me like a bone, I nodded. "Then I guess that makes you my boyfriend, officially."

A finger tipped my chin upward. "Then...you won't mind if I kiss you again?"

The teasing lilt coloring the deepened tone was impossible to resist. My heart soared, a half-smile quirking my lips. "Not at all."

It became even more irresistible when his lips brushed mine, softly massaging the tension from my jaw until I was practically putty in his hand. Dimly I recognized the fact my hormones were playing yet another dastardly trick on me, dopamine levels rocketing into space with desire surging not far behind, but this _hunger_ was so—so—

My lungs screamed for air; with a will, I disengaged, barely drawing my lips from his, eyes closed and foreheads resting against each other. To my surprise, Rowen seemed to be breathing as shakily as me. Once it had leveled out a bit—faster than mine did—he exhaled. "Damn."

Gwen ran loose in my head, hopscotching too quickly to all the Not Safe For Work possibilities. I shifted uncomfortably, swallowing. "You can say that again." Rubbing one eye with a knuckle, I confessed, "I'd always thought I was pretty good at resisting most temptations. Now I'm not so sure."

Both arms wrapped around me, and I was _acutely_ aware of every inch of our bodies pressed together, especially his face dropping to my sensitive neck. I shivered at the husky growl in his voice. "If you keep talking like that I might find myself on the end of Sage's blade, _ryuko_."

A _very_ long groan escaped my throat, the new nickname hitting just the right mix of my personality and the implications it could have in this context. " _Not_ helping, Rowen."

We sat like that for God-knew-how-long. Dawn and Strata hardly touched each other, their bearers struggling with inner demons which were certain to be let off their chains if Rowen dared drop his shield between the connections. Not for the first time I made a mental note to ask Sage about telepathy control exercises.

Feet stomping up the stairs finally broke the spell. I both mentally cursed my room being at their top and blessed the interruption for separating us. Although that was somewhat relative considering Rowen simply lifted his head to stare at whoever it was; I managed to crane my neck the opposite direction to watch out of one eye.

"Oh, good, you're still awake."

If my face weren't already bright red, it would have gotten that way in an instant. Rowen reluctantly pulled away, letting me sit properly to face my sister. "Yes, yes we are." I loudly cleared my throat, horribly self-conscious of how we'd been caught.

Alexa paused at the door, crossing her arms and… I had to snicker at the thought. _She's mimicking Sage!_ It was certainly unintentional, but I still had to stifle my laughter. Rowen picked up on my amusement and also smirked as she said, "I need to get changed. Figured I'd see if I could in here, or if I'd have to find out if the bathroom's free."

"Nope, you're fine!" Rowen's tone was definitely upbeat with a side of 'I'm trying not to let you see how relieved but embarrassed I am'. "I was just leaving."

She nodded along, obviously seeing through his facade; she sidestepped as he passed, a sweeping gesture and flick of the fingers her theatrical way of waving goodbye. Once the door closed behind him, I braced myself for the inevitable. Her wicked grin was full of teasing to match her words. "Enjoyed yourself?"

I hadn't thought my face could get redder, but I clearly saw it do just that through the mirror on the back of my door. My sister had always been far more open about sexuality, although she'd been in just as few relationships as me. There was no safe response—my throat probably wouldn't work properly, anyway. I simply smiled shyly and drew my legs to my chest.

She moved to her suitcase, pulling her PJ shirt off before rummaging through the bag. "As much as I love tormenting you, I'm not going to ask if you don't want to tell me."

That got a chuckle, and I relaxed, the dopamine finally subsiding. "Well I did promise I'd tell you, so." Despite saying that, though, I found myself wondering how to put it; I hated just blurting stuff out, but there wasn't really any sort of good lead-in to this. There was also whether to just go with the end result, or spill my guts over ever little detail.

Seeming to sense my debate, she said quietly, "Depends on if you want to tell just me or the guys, too."

I waved that off. "Rowen'll tell the guys—if they haven't figured it out already." What he'd said to me about how _obvious_ I'd been darted through my thoughts. "We're official, now that we've had a chance to talk it over."

As she rose from gathering clothes, Alexa gave me a sidelong look and a wide smile, eyes sparkling with genuine happiness for me. "Spill. Everything."

So I did. Finally getting to ramble about this to my heart's content was incredibly therapeutic—and not just working my way through the earliest feelings of both crushes, but also the most recent events. It was still quite surreal to realize I'd only met Rowen a little over a week ago.

"I guess the armors just…really fill that gap, of not really _knowing_ things about people." I started ticking stuff off. "Then there was the fact we had all those hours in the car and on the train to talk, and sharing… _that_ , together." I frowned, dropping my hands and staring at them in my lap. "I'm…not sure what I would have done, without him there to help keep my sanity. And when I'd thought Michael…"

I couldn't bring myself to finish that thought. Dawn and Strata were still a little raw around the edges from what the sword had done. Alexa came to my side to give me a gentle hug, movements careful because of her bandages. Her tone was firm. "You're out. It's okay." She got quiet; I could sense her mulling over words, a hint of embarrassment in her demeanor as she pulled away to look at me. "He never touched the bond between you two. Not enough to make a difference."

That caught my attention. I stared, thinking back to that horrifying moment when I thought I'd lost the connection to Rowen. His remorse echoed again in my mind, the words I'd thought had been a ghost of his presence now making far more sense to me.

"The bond," I murmured. Then it all clicked, and I gaped at my sister. " _You_ blocked the connection from Michael!"

My arms clamping tightly around her took her by surprise. She wrapped hers around me in return, voice sounding strained by her sense of guilt. "I'd _hoped_ you'd still be able to sense each other. Dusk acted as a filter and I made it too thick. I'm so sorry."

I just nodded into her chest, Dawn reaching out to Dusk so she could feel the depth of forgiveness in my heart. It hadn't been her fault—and she'd protected us, in the end. "I know. Don't beat yourself up over it; the end result was the same, that we're _okay_. It's… just gonna take some time. To get over the shock." My smile came back when I released her, far warmer than it had been. "And hey—something really wonderful has come out of it." I quickly amended that with another thought. "Well, two things. Dawn finally showed up."

She poked my chest with a goofy grin on her face. "And _you_ finally got the boyfriend you deserve."

I stuck my tongue out at her, laughing and reaching a hand to ruffle her hair playfully. "What do you think the _first_ wonderful thing was, doofus?"

That got a snort. "Didn't know if Dawn was the first or second thing on your list."

Rolling my eyes good-naturedly— _I'd_ thought my syntax was fairly clear—I quipped, "You're always calling me boy-crazy yet now you think I'd have put Dawn first when I had to correct myself before adding that thought on?" I chuckled to take the edge off my dry humor.

Her head tilted to the side, eyes moving the same direction to stare sightlessly at the ceiling with a thoughtful, lopsided smile on her face. "Point."

My thoughts wandered then as Alexa finished changing. With a groan, I realized I should force myself out of bed and actually do something. A grumbling stomach gave me the answer to just what that should be.

She raked me over with her eyes as I stood and stretched toward the door, mumbling nonsense. "Sure you don't want to get changed, yourself?"

I raised an eyebrow and narrowed my gaze as she shrugged on a light hoodie. ( _She and Rowen really do have quite a few things in common, come to think of it…_ ) "I'll get to that when I'm not zombie-walking toward the cereal bar."

She followed me out and down the stairs, me casting a quick glance toward my stepbrother's room. Dawn was wide awake and finally turned further outward than Strata's presence, which it now felt behind the closed door. Everyone else seemed to be congregated in the kitchen, though I could sense Ryo and Sage near the back pasture. The crisp scents of cheese and butter wafted through the hallway as we made our way toward the lunch-time gathering.

"Hey, 'bout time the sleeping beauties got up!" Kento greeted us with a huge grin. "And by that I don't mean you, Alexa," he hurriedly clarified, running a hand through his short-cropped hair.

She waved him off. "I figured as much considering I was awake before you…"

Both my eyebrows shot up. "Whoa, you were up before him?"

Rowen's voice cut in behind us, his hands resting on my shoulders. "As long as she wasn't up before Sage, the world hasn't ended _just_ yet."

Alexa laughed at that. "Nope, I was up after him. Barely."

I finally saw Dad as he stood from the table and approached. Rowen gently pushed me toward him, essentially putting me right into my father's line-of-hug. _"He's been worried sick."_

He didn't say a word at first, simply crushing me in a bear-hug that I returned wholeheartedly. Once we'd settled, I said, "I'm sorry. I should have listened to you."

"There's no need to apologize," he reassured, drawing back with hands on my arms so he could study me. "I'm just so glad you're safe."

Rowen's hand went back to my shoulder; noticing the movement, Dad glanced up, gratitude in his eyes that I could only guess was related to the conversation I'd heard last night. Then he turned—almost as if being struck with a lightning bolt of remembrance—and practically glomped Alexa. Right around her bicep wound.

A thrill of pain shot through Dusk and Dawn's connection; I winced at the hiss that passed her teeth. _"So much for not worrying Dad…"_ came fleetingly from Alexa; Dad practically leapt back as she hunched over and stepped away, right hand going to the aggravated laceration. I pulled from Rowen's grasp to support her, a palm between her shoulder blades at the same moment our father instinctively snatched at her other forearm to investigate.

This time _I_ winced, too, at the very sharp, animalistic bite in her voice. " _Don't_."

I sensed Sage and Ryo walk in the door at the same moment that Alexa yanked her arm from Dad's grasp, swaying sharply. Alarmed, Cye turned from the hopefully-pulled-off-the-skillet grilled cheeses to try to help me hold her up; before he could take two steps, though, she thumped to the floor. Dawn immediately probed Dusk to see what was wrong, Alexa's voice having been _far_ too shaky and defensive to be a normal response. My armor flickered with concern at how Dusk barely pulsed, strength exhausted by having supported her inhuman pain tolerance—among other things.

I shuddered at the too-familiar lingering of Nether Spirit energy.

Dawn almost jumped in surprise when Halo surrounded Dusk, a bubble of protection that Dawn didn't have the energy right now to worm through. I looked up to find Sage subtly inserting himself between my father and Alexa, one eye reflecting a dangerous thunderstorm.

Dad was equally thunderous. "What the _hell_ —"

Cye interrupted before either man could start a shouting match. "She took a few—uh—hits when she broke Tessa and Rowen out."

Cue the jaw drop and all the questions waterfalling from that open mouth. "She _what_? How? Let me—"

The resident EMT ignored him, kneeling before Alexa and gently pulling up the sleeve of her sweater to get at the forearm wound. His voice was level and calm. "Kento, grab my trauma kit from the van."

Seeing Dad bristle for a fight—Sage was still solidly between him and my twin—I stepped around the knot of Ronin in the hallway's mouth. "Dad, stop. You're hurting her. Cye is an EMT and Sage has medical training. Just let them handle it—they've been doing that since we _met_."

Alexa echoed my words through the telepathic link, reaching out to Dawn, Halo, and Torrent. Stress and exhaustion cut through her tone. _"I only want_ them _."_ As he peeled back the final layer of wrappings, she practically burrowed into Cye's side—a physical manifestation of how her telepathic presence felt.

Dad winced and sucked in air at the sight, his predictable "But _I'm_ a doctor!" dying on his tongue. The skin that had been angry red just yesterday was starting to turn an ugly purple at the edges, crackling and bubbling almost like a _burn_. _Which actually makes a_ lot _of sense_ , I thought wryly, remembering how the Nether Sword had ignited.

The onlookers made various sounds and expressions of shock or sympathy for how painful it appeared. Cye furrowed his brow concernedly. "Thaaaat's not good…"

He moved to the bicep bandages—gently maneuvering Alexa's arm out of its sleeve—as Kento hurried to his side with the now-familiar med kit. When he laid eyes on the nasty wound, though, he whistled. "Yeouch… Damn, that's a piece of work."

Sage finally turned his cold gaze from Dad, glancing down and behind him to see exactly what his friend meant by that. The one visible eye widened noticeably, my father all but forgotten when he knelt beside Cye.

"This might need your power, Sage," the brunet said under his breath as the bicep wound came clear of its wraps. It, too, was a nasty shade of purple, though not as badly as the one on Alexa's forearm.

He didn't answer—simply rested one hand on her shoulder above the top slice and the other under the curve of her forearm, a gentle care I'd never seen before in the movements.

—/—

It hurt.

Everything hurt.

Even Sage's hands lightly resting on me made my nerves scream in agony, something I could barely hold inside despite my jaw clenched so tightly my teeth cracked.

Dusk had worn itself out trying to combat the Nether Spirits lingering in my wounds. I almost never powered down for hours after being cut, until the bubbling stopped and my subarmour had taken everything so it would avoid my skin and stay away from a body too frail to exist most days. It had been my idea to return to street clothes and I thought I'd be alright, but I should've known that the brain fog and slowly rising skittishness was a sign it very much was not.

 _'Alexa.'_ Sage's voice in my mind reverberated deep in my consciousness. He pulled away when he realized Dusk had no walls up. _'You're poisoned. I can help...'_

The thought of relief from the past two days was all-consuming. _'_ Please _.'_

He froze, caught off guard by both my acceptance and the strength of it. _'It'll be a full healing. I can try not to overwhelm you, but—'_

 _'Do what you have to,'_ I said, too tired to snap but wanting this to be over. Deep down I appreciated the concern, the respect he was obviously showing to my past requests, but my nerves were still frayed down to a single thread and Dusk wanted to do nothing but hide. The more questions he asked, the longer I was trapped in this prison.

A moment passed and Sage seemed _hesitant_ to follow my instruction, the 180 change in my attitude too sudden for him to process. With him still frozen, Dusk tried to dredge up the strength to keep fighting, only for the Nether Spirit energy to bite her again; the sensory input quickly overwhelmed my system and sent me collapsing even farther into myself.

Halo flooded me and I felt nothing other than a sense of safety, ears filled with thunder as Sage went after the dark with the same fierce protectiveness he'd displayed in the commune. He drew me against him and _held_ me, something I'd been craving since this whole thing started back when I moved out and I didn't know which way to turn.

 _'It's alright.'_ Sage's voice sounded like it came from everywhere at once. _'Just breathe.'_

Even as the physical pain faded, it was quickly replaced by more that came from sources I didn't want to establish. I clung to Halo's presence, this time Sage being the one putting up a wall. With Dusk exhausted and easily brushed aside, that seemed to be his compromise. Despite what I had just said, he was still following past instruction, cautious not to push me too far.

I wished he wasn't. The distance between people I didn't know and too many changing relationships, from my parents to Tessa being my blood family to now her having a boyfriend and I didn't know when I'd get something I could call normal back— all of it was too much. I wanted someone there, somebody _close_ , as a constant in what felt like a whirlpool of unknowns.

Sage relented.

Deep, unbridled _care_ surrounded me. I relaxed at finally having something solid, a bond that contained so much reassurance it was alright to lean on him, alright to reach out to him, that I had no choice but to accept. The low level sense of panic that always permeated my existence when I was surrounded by too much upheaval stopped, my mind able to grasp the concept that it would be alright for the first time in what felt like months. The outside world was a dim flicker I knew I should respond to, before Sage brushed away its importance. I nestled into the space beside his heart in exhausted relief.

 _'Rest,'_ he said, voice filled with something I had not heard before. He seemed to pull me closer, as if wrapping me in a warm fuzzy blanket. _'I'll keep you safe.'_

If Dusk had any traces of resistance left, they were gone with those words. _'Arigato.'_

—/—

 _"Well_ that _cat's outta the bag, now…"_

Rowen's only response was to essentially cackle maniacally in my head.

It hadn't taken very long for Sage to go from focused healer to wrapping Alexa in his arms, eyes closed and chin atop her head. Halo's glow surrounded them both, concentrated at the exposed damage in her flesh. Their color slowly melted to match her normally-pale skin, knitting back together in such a way as to barely leave any mark to show they'd existed.

Sage was _very_ much closed off from the rest of us, whatever he was feeling shoved very deep under Halo's impenetrable shield. We certainly didn't need it to tell us what I was sure the boys already knew—the _kendoka_ was crushing on my sister.

I only hoped she wouldn't break his heart without even realizing it.

"Okay, I think _someone_ owes me an _explanation_ ," Dad quietly broke the silence.

To our surprise, it was Sage who answered. "She got those wounds defending Tessa, breaking her and Rowen out of the compound where the cult had taken them." He glanced up at Dad, eye no longer piercing him on the end of a violet blade. "Normally Dusk takes the brunt of it, but this time it couldn't."

Cye was inspecting the remaining marks, now, gently manipulating the limb in a function check. Having drifted straight off to an exhausted slumber due to the overwhelming drain on her energy, Alexa never stirred. "Back to normal," he pronounced, returning Alexa's sweater to its proper positioning on her body.

" _How_?"

The disbelief in my father's face as Kento left to return the med bag prompted my slightly-embarrassed intervention. "Uh, Dad—meet the Ronin Warriors. They have armor, too." I nodded toward Sage as he carefully shifted his arms around Alexa, preparing to stand. "His is the Armor of Halo, which conveniently comes with healing powers."

Wanting to stave off the inevitable— _more_ questions—I pointed at each Ronin in turn. "Cye is the Armor of Torrent, obviously water-based. Kento is the Armor of Hardrock, which deals in the earth element. Ryo is the Armor of Wildfire, which is also fairly self-explanatory. And Rowen—" I gulped as another thought crossed my mind. "He's the Armor of Strata…"

Hell with it. Had to come out _some_ time.

"And he's my boyfriend."

 _"You have an_ impeccable _sense of timing, my dear."_

That seemed to do it for Dad. He simply—thankfully—threw his hands up, shook his head, turning away and presumably heading for the stairs. "I'm going to go take a nap with my wife. Call me when the supernatural stuff goes away."

His amused disbelief was enough to keep that comment from really biting. Rowen chuckled as he disappeared around the corner, one arm hugging me around the shoulders. "Well that went well."

I half-shrugged. "Eh. Had to tell him sometime. No sense waiting."

I got the impression he had raised an eyebrow at me. "Naw, you only could have sprung it on him at a _worse_ moment than when his long-lost daughter shows up with supernaturally-poisoned cuts on her arm from breaking out his other daughter after a kidnap attempt that is the second in as many weeks, averted by the vigilante efforts of five not-so-well-known young males who—surprise!—have the same kind of powers he's spent his whole life associating with the cult his ex-wife—"

"Oh shut up already, Rowen." We both looked over to see Sage on his feet, Alexa cradled in his arms bridal-style (the thought made me smirk). "I think she got your point."

Ryo walked past us to take his place at the table, where he'd vacated a plate containing a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich. "Glad to know you two are official now, by the way."

Rowen's lips curled in an evil, evil smile. "Yeah, now we just gotta get these two together," he teased with a finger jabbing toward Sage and my twin.

The blond turned absolutely flabbergasted—full out jaw-drop and a blush spreading over his nose onto his cheeks. I busted out laughing, then caught myself and stifled it with a hand over my mouth. Ryo spoke up while I was otherwise occupied. "All we have to do is get Alexa interested."

I rolled my eyes. "Easier said than done…"

My host brother opened his mouth as if to protest—then wisely shut it, turned around, and carried my sleeping sister to our room.

"That's right, light boy—don't even try to deny it!" Rowen called at his retreating back. "Everyone sees it."

Things started to settle back down now that the crisis had been averted. Kento walked in and swiped two grilled cheeses from the plate at Cye's elbow. Once he'd successfully dodged the swing of Torrent's spatula, he sauntered over to get filled in by Ryo as regards the Sage-and-Alexa scheme.

Rowen turned to me, seeming content to bide his time before springing potential traps on his comrade. "Would you like to sit with them and eat, or take your breakfast sandwich outside with me? I can work with you on teaching Dawn to come to heel, since Sage seems a bit…" He cleared his throat with a smirk. " _Occupied._ "

That earned him a playful smack on his arm. He pouted and rubbed the spot in mock-injury, but his eyes were alight with amusement. I turned a sweet smile on Cye as he flipped more sandwiches onto a huge platter. "Mind if I take two for the road, Cye?"

He smiled and waved at the stack with the spatula. "Since you asked so nicely."

We stepped outside, the day already warm but promising rain toward evening if the rolling clouds were any indication. Suddenly struck by inspiration, I snagged Rowen's hand with my free one.

"C'mon—I know a great spot where we're practically guaranteed not to be interrupted."

He smirked, my heart soared, and we trotted off toward my secret hiding place.

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _ken_ : another word for blade, sword.

 _Ryuko_ : as best I can figure this is what Rowen's nickname of "dragon child" would translate to.


	15. Chapter 15

This is a short one, but slower paced than things have been and chock full of character development.

 **Warnings:** implied suicide ideation

* * *

 _Chapter 15_

Rain pounded on glass, soft rolls of thunder in the distance. I curled up under warm blankets and snuggled my face into a pillow, enjoying my absolute favourite state of being: half asleep and relaxed in a cocoon of warmth, background noise helping continue the mood.

I hadn't felt it in so long, I almost forgot I was capable of experiencing it.

Eventually I blinked my eyes open with a soft groan, scanning the space in front of me and focusing on a dark green sphere on the bedside table. Curiosity dragged me to sitting, quickly seeing Sage in a window seat at the foot of the bed, reading something he'd brought with him, if the characters on the cover were any indication.

He looked up moments after, apparently absorbed to the point he hadn't heard my movements. Something about his shoulders shifted when he saw me. "Slept well?"

I nodded and stretched my arms above my head, promptly flopping back into the mattress. "I haven't slept like that in months…"

Concern flicked through our armour connection. "I'm not surprised."

I shifted so I was slumped against the headboard in some semblance of being able to interact face to face. "Thank you."

He cast his eye down. "You'd already thanked me."

I had to resist rolling my eyes at his humility. "Yeah, well. I wanted to do it again for giving me at least _one_ good night's sleep. Even if it was only a nap."

To my surprise, the faintest traces of a pink blush spread over his nose. "You're welcome, then."

I drew my knees up to my chest, resting my chin between them. "What're you reading?"

"Poetry." He quirked a teasing smile at me. "I'd show you, but it's in Japanese."

I laughed through my nose, still blissfully half asleep and wanting to stay relatively unthinking. "Yes, I don't think showing me would have much merit. _Or_ reading it to me." I could sense the conversation about to reach a lull— an awkward one, from the way his posture was half closed off. "What's it about?"

He was about to answer, only to think better of it and run his fingers down the page. "The emotion… is fairly obvious just in the canter. I could read it to you and explain once I was finished."

I smiled, cheek turning to rest where my chin had been. "I'd like that."

He read it like an actor, voice smooth and natural in its native language. There was obvious ritual in the way he recited each syllable, but I'd heard enough readings to know when something was purely practiced, and when there was heart behind the words on the page.

This was the latter, and I let myself get swept up in it.

He finished and looked at me, glint in his eye again. "Before I tell you, what do you think it's about?"

I thought for a moment. "Hope? There's something… tentative about it, though, like it's… there but not quite? Longing, too."

"You know poetry better than you give yourself credit for," he said, seeming to trip over his tongue now that he'd returned to English. "You're right. The story is about two… friends, a samurai and the person he's been adventuring with. This poem is right when he wants—"

Tessa appeared at the top of the stairs, floor creaking under her weight. "Sage? You'd wanted me up here?"

He snapped the book shut. "Yes, come in." He gave me a glance out of the corner of his eye, telepathic voice to me and me alone. ' _Talk to her.'_

Almost before either of us knew what happened, he'd left the room, closing the door behind him.

Tessa practically glared at the mirror. "Geeze… any idea what that's about?"

I looked at my hands in my lap. "Yeah. I do."

She looked back to me, perking up that I'd have some answers for Sage's otherwise mysterious behaviour. "What's up, sis?"

I ran my thumb over the backs of my fingers on the other hand. "He… read me, during that healing. Picked up on one of the reasons I've been… skittish lately." I sighed. "Wants me to talk to you about it."

She paused, a mix of emotions on her face. A moment later she'd come to sit on the bed next to me, one leg up on it so she was perched much like Rowen had been when he was comforting her. "Shoot."

"Nothing's…" I swallowed, almost wishing we weren't face to face so I could see my words written out before I pressed send. As it was, my train of thought didn't want to form into anything that even resembled what I wanted to spill out. I settled for simplicity. "Nothing's changed, right?"

She blinked at me like I'd just said the single most bizarre statement known to man. "No! No, of _course_ not. Geeze…" She got more on the bed to _properly_ hug me, arms tight. "If that's the worst you have to worry about in all this, Mom doesn't stand a snowball's chance in Hell against us."

I let out a breath and felt like I'd just gotten my feet back under me, arms around her in a full-out _cling_. "I know you've been upset lately and this hit you hard— probably harder than it hit me— and now you have Rowen and—"

"Just because I have Rowen doesn't mean I throw away what _we_ have. I was always a sister to you before, and now I only have _more_ reason to be one to you." She smoothed my hair back, continuing to hold me. "I will always be here for you. I already flew halfway across the world, what's sitting here spending time with you compared to _that_?"

I couldn't quite keep the tears away, rubbing my eyes in her shoulder. "I know I just— couldn't shut up the voice in my head…"

Her voice softened, tone reaching exactly the right notes to get through to me. "Then replace it with mine."

Now that Dusk could actually breathe again, I felt Dawn speak in what ways Tessa couldn't. The rock solid bond we'd had before this came flooding back, strengthened by newfound warmth towards me that I'd heard was how blood relatives were supposed to be, the moment feeling more like a dream than something in the physical world. I gripped her shirt, the resulting squeeze reassuring me that yes, she was here, and yes, she was my sister and always would be.

"I'd say I don't know how you put up with me," I murmured. "But I think you'd say exactly the same thing about yourself, considering…"

She practically grinned. "What? The hetero American Christian military girl and the bi Canadian might-as-well-be-atheist witch? I've seen weirder."

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. "You're forgetting my anti-establishment tendencies to contrast your military." I leaned back against the headboard, softly smiling. "But yeah, pretty much… it's like we're a walking cliche."

She burst out laughing, not able to speak for quite awhile as she tried to gulp down air. "Oh gosh, can you _imagine_ if Hollywood got ahold of the script? It'd be like Parent Trap all over again!"

I laughed in return, just imagining the fallout. "Fantasy version! With the fans saying it _can't_ be real because twin cliches never work out this well. Ever."

"But it's Truth in Television! It _has_ to work!"

I smirked, not able to pass up the opportunity to insert my favourite writerly quote into the conversation. "'The truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense.' I think it's safe to say this very much does not. By normal people logic at least."

"Including the fact I've known Rowen for a little over a week and we're already an item, practically?" The pointed smile she wore directed at herself.

I leveled her a teasing Look, voice deadpan. " _Especially_ that."

Our copious laughter— life felt normal again despite everything, thank God— was interrupted by Kento banging on the closed door. "HEY! Dinner's ready, hurry up or I'm gonna eat it all before you get down here!"

Rowen was right behind. "Not if I have anything to say about it!"

My outrage at those two food vacuums, for lack of a better term, was very obvious in my tone. "Don't you _dare_!"

Kento responded immediately, defeated. "Aw, _hell_ naw. Sage'd kill me if I didn't leave you any food."

"Yeah, he already threatened _me_ if I so much as _look_ at Tessa wrong," Rowen responded. "I'd shudder to think what he'd do about _that_ …"

The amount of protectiveness Sage had shown towards me had apparently not gone unnoticed, and I tried not to groan at the teasing I knew would occur. That was why I tried to keep my distance in public, wanting to avoid the comments about whether or not I was in a relationship that seemed to follow me like a cloud. But with how I needed physical affection when I was upset, and how willing Sage was to provide it, _that_ would be impossible.

It didn't help I was an absolutely terrible accidental flirt regardless of any attempt I made to curb it.

Tessa rolled her eyes, standing. " _Alright_ , alright, we're coming! Hold the horses."

—

My absolutely heavenly nap two days ago made it difficult to sleep that night, no matter how tired I was. Relaxing that much made sleeping with even the tiniest bit of stress— which was guaranteed to build, with my triggers so recently pressed— near impossible. Especially the handful of comments towards Sage that made it difficult to display emotions in public. I kept hoping my short replies, blush, and closed off attitude would clue them in. Without an outlet for swirling emotions, I slept in short spurts, seeing every few hours on the clock, getting more and more awake each time. It was making it I threatened Rowen's sleep records.

4:30 am.

I tried to bury my face in the pillow to avoid the slightly brighter room, knowing from one too many sleepless nights that dawn was coming and the world was about to break out into a flurry of morning activity. It was appropriate Tessa got Dawn, me loathing the very _thought_ of getting up this early.

I didn't know how any of the guys could stand it, let alone Sage.

Dusk spread out to tentatively take in the house, trying to soak up the peace of others sleeping. My sister was beside me, consciousness tied to Rowen but both of them having recovered enough they didn't need physical contact to reassure the other. Cye, Kento, and Ryo were dead to the world, not showing any signs of waking up anytime soon.

Sage was missing from his bed, the faintest traces of _distress_ in his steps outside.

I hesitated, not sure if he wanted company, only to recall the countless number of times somebody reaching out to me had helped— if not outright saved my life. While I doubted Sage's depression was that dark, guilt nagged at my consciousness that I had to do _something_.

Especially after he had done so much for me.

With nobody conscious and nobody set to be awake for hours, I felt free enough to get out of bed. He was stone quiet, even when I reached out to him on my way past the barn so he knew I was coming. Reservations about being disturbed were on the surface, but they came more from guilt than any true desire to be left alone.

I picked my way through the trees, finding him meditating against an oak. He sat on his knees, hands in his lap, eyes appearing closed, head facing directly forward. I recognized the position from Skype— meditating in seiza. He opened his one visible eye when I came in sight. "I hope I didn't wake you."

I shook my head and sat down beside him. "I was already awake."

His attempted chuckle was strained. "I'd say you might've beaten me, but… I've been awake for awhile."

I swallowed. "Triggers?"

He bowed his head, nod barely visible. "I normally talk to Rowen about them, but…"

"And I normally talk to Tessa," I replied. "I'm here to listen, if you want to say anything."

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "You're triggered, too."

I shrugged. "Doesn't mean I can't listen. It… helps me, when I help others." It was hard not to wince at my own repetition, but that's what difficulty verbalizing my thoughts with no way of rereading it got me. I knew just how hyperaware I had to be at that point— normally I didn't even notice when I spoke. There was nobody here but Sage. I could relax.

He kept his head down, closing his eyes again, the rest of his body unmoving. The only thing different from a few moments ago was his breathing, far more controlled than the previous meditative state. "Seeing that blade leveled at you…" He swallowed, eyes opening but staying focused on the ground. "Back in the Dynasty War, I was trapped almost exactly like that— twice. The Warlord of Darkness had an ōdachi almost identical to mine, which he'd use to conjure black lightning. I was _helpless_ against him, unable to move or fight back…"

Almost subconsciously, I mirrored his pose as well as I could. "Like I was."

Another tiny nod. "In the dark, surrounded by evil, facing off somebody who said to just surrender because it would be better for everyone involved."

She hadn't worded it quite like that three days ago, but I knew what he meant— and who knew what he'd sensed.

His breath oh so slightly shuddered. "It… reminded me. Of where I used to be. I can…" He took a few more, eye completely closing. "I know what you felt."

I very cautiously placed a hand on his forearm, right under his elbow. "And you saved me before I got hurt."

"By her."

I gripped his arm a little tighter. "And you healed those."

He tensed. "But I couldn't stop you from getting them."

I stayed unmoving, trying to think of what I could say. "It might have triggered me to be there. But… I'm not triggered as I could've been. Every time I think about it, I just remember you were _there_ to protect me."

He brought his hand to mine, carefully gripping it. "I still hate seeing you hurting."

I kept my voice soft. "And I hate seeing you hurting."

He finally lifted his head to look at me, single violet eye a rolling storm of emotion. His hair acted more as a shield, pushed down to completely obscure the top right quarter of his face.

I carefully lifted a hand up. "May I?"

He glanced down at my hand, swallowing. His response was simply a nod, closing his eyes as the backs of my fingers brushed his bangs away. He opened them slowly, blinking a few times and studying my face.

I smiled, trying not to push him. "I like seeing them both."

His brows pinched together. "You… do? Nobody…" He licked his lips, casting his eyes down as if he couldn't bear to look at me much longer. "People used to run away when I _glanced_ at them. Why I even cover my eye…"

"Well, obviously I'm not doing that." I gave a self deprecating, shy smile. "I've had people run away from me, too, when I get angry. I understand."

His gaze was back on me, studying my nonchalance with pure confusion. I saw the depth of it. This was apparently the straw on the camel's back that pushed him over the edge to does-not-compute silence, eyes vacant from too much behind them. I carefully tugged on his hand. "Need a hug?"

I really hoped that wasn't the wrong thing to say.

Sage swallowed, hard, before easing himself off his heels so we were at comparable heights. I pulled him against me and encircled him in my arms as best I could, him having a six feet tall hero's build and me a five-five twig.

He rested his head against my shoulder, shifting so he was partway curled into my side. For the second time since I'd known him, his voice was strained when he spoke. "I'm glad you're safe."

One hand went to his hair, pushing his bangs farther away. "I'm glad you were there to save me."

He turned his head, forehead pressing against my neck. "You saved Tessa and Rowen, _and_ made it we could use our armours. I'd say you were the hero of the day."

Part of me was aware I shouldn't be doing this. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him _something_ that would ease the guilt he felt over not being beside me, bring up how he'd done more than he gave himself credit for considering I knew what my mother could've done to me had it not been for him— but everything that came to mind sounded too romantic. Instead of replying, I let his statement stand, leaning my cheek against his hair. Dusk flowed out and enveloped Halo, my turn to comfort him the way he'd comforted me.

Slowly, but very steadily, he relaxed. One arm wormed its way behind my back, holding me against him but more to make sure I wouldn't leave. He had his other hand on my knee for similar reasons.

As dawn reached noticeable levels, he picked his head up, body tensing and protective instinct rising. The way he turned his head made his hair fall back towards his eye, internal shields rising in tandem. I felt the hypervigilance through Dusk, Halo having opened up some time when he was in my arms, him returning to the place he'd been before I arrived.

"Relax," I said softly, brushing his bangs away again. "I can keep watch for a little bit."

He turned his head to look at me, conflicted between what he felt he should do and peace, before relenting and returning his head to my shoulder with a squeeze of gratitude. The faintest flickers of exhaustion were near the surface of his consciousness; Dusk went to them and let him know he could work on tending himself.

True to my word, my eyes scanned the surrounding forest as Sage returned to a relaxed state. At nothing, I brought my attention back to him, Dusk keeping watch for danger. Periodically I glanced up, eyes trained for shadows and armour honed for Nether Spirits, but it seemed like he'd simply been responding to ghosts in his mind.

The sun peeked up over the horizon, flooding the world with light in a way I had to admit was beautiful. My issues about being up this early faded at the apparent laziness of it, Sage finally truly relaxing after the past hour of tension.

His hand on my knee went around my shoulders, hugging me properly. "Arigato."

I smiled and squeezed him back, loosening my grip as he pulled away. "Anytime. Figured I should return the favours you've been giving me."

He smiled, a genuine, contented smile that expressed itself more through his eyes than his mouth. He went back to his knees before getting up in one fluid movement. I couldn't help but compare it to Tessa's demonstrations of her kendo skills, but his was polished by a decade of practice and better in ways I couldn't immediately place. It was the difference between watching a talented dance student and a seasoned prima. Both were good, but experience outshone even the brightest protege.

He glanced at me still on the ground, a playful glint in both eyes. "If anybody asks, I was teaching you about the importance of early morning meditation."

I chuckled, the poke at my armour being the evening one not having gone unnoticed. Deep down, I was relieved for the excuse. "Got it."

He lingered, processing what I'd just done for him and pulling away even from Dusk, before turning and leaving our little hiding spot. I only caught him putting his bangs back over his eye when he was nearly out of sight.

It was tempting to tease him about how Halo must constantly heal his eye so it wouldn't get weak, but I didn't want to press on any nerves after he'd finally gotten a break from stress. I stayed there a few moments before exploring the woods, deciding for once to enjoy the dawn— and maybe seeing what he loved about it in the process.

—/—

She would _never_ hear the end of this.

 _I_ would never hear the end of it, for spying. _IF_ she found out.

 _Curious kitty strikes again._

The scene had been pretty adorable. Scratch that—I was practically melting, myself, seeing Sage curl up in Alexa's embrace. He really did take on too many things without flinching or questioning it; and I didn't hear what they spoke about, but with the way he'd been acting lately and how _vulnerable_ he seemed around my sister, I knew it was far more than he normally shared.

But it was how he let her move his bangs from over his right eye that stunned me.

My jaw about dropped to see her smooth a hand over his hair. Though not outwardly anything _special_ , I knew her well enough to see the hidden tenderness behind the motion. I only hoped _she_ saw it. Because at this rate, the guys were right—she was a (good) witch with Sage completely under her spell.

That got me to shake my head, amused by the thought she may have known of him for longer than I knew Rowen...but it wasn't exactly a significant "longer".

It was only when I was nearly discovered—Sage's head coming up sharply like an alert deer—that I shook off that train of thought. Once Alexa had soothed him back to a relaxed state, I quietly picked my way out of the woods and toward the barn.

While that was certainly a bonus of my being out earlier than I normally rose, I'd come this way for a completely different reason.

"So?" Rowen asked expectantly as I entered the warmer-than-dawn barn. "Find out what Alexa and Sage are doing out here so early, by themselves?"

I rolled my eyes at the implied situation he'd conjured in his mind. The thought of the truth actually brought a wicked smile to my lips, though. "Nothing so serious and clandestine as you'd come up with." " _Pervert."_

He vehemently protested the mental insult, but subsided when I stepped into the circle of his arms. "But they were definitely talking." I dropped my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "And Sage seemed so _vulnerable_ ; he let her hug him, _and_ play with his hair."

That shot his eyebrows into his hairline faster than a rocket. "Well then. If we had any doubts yesterday, I'd say that pretty much seals it for him."

I nodded. Suddenly drooping with a combination of the early morning and thoughts about my sister, I laid my cheek on his chest. "I'm hopeful Alexa feels the same way. I'd hate to see her hurt him without meaning to, or even knowing how deeply he feels." A sigh. "But with how utterly _oblivious_ she's been, and is prone to being…"

He squeezed my shoulders reassuringly, a hand lifting to rest on top of my head. "I'm sure it'll work out. Even if they just need a few little pushes in the right direction."

That reminded me why I'd dragged him out to the barn—aside from helping to feed the horses (though technically it didn't have to get done for another two hours…). I tilted my head back to look at him. "Speaking of the right direction—I had the strangest dream last night. I mean normally I have a pretty easy time recalling dreams, but I felt like I was _awake_ for this one."

His head tilted curiously. "If you're looking for an interpretation, you're probably better off asking Sage."

The thought made me chuckle. "Well, seeing as he's a little _occupied_ at the moment…" I waved that idea off. "Besides, I got the impression this Ancient guy wouldn't care which Ronin I brought this to."

Rowen tensed, every muscle radiating shock. Wide eyes stared down at me as he took half a step back to get a better look at my face. "He _what_? Kaos came to you?"

I blinked once, nodding at the sudden surprise and urgency in his tone and stance. His hands slid to my biceps. "What did he tell you?"

"Uh… Well, it was about our armors—Dawn and Dusk," I clarified, perplexed. "He said they're two halves of the Armor of Balance, and that we have to be together to harness their full strength. Who _is_ he, anyway?"

"He was the ancient monk who guided us through the Dynasty War," Rowen explained, a hint of a smirk on his lips. "I told you about him during story time, but I think you fell asleep before I got to where we learned who our mysterious savior was."

If it were possible to make a literal anime sweatdrop, I would have right then. "Oh. Right. Um, anyway… This guy normally shows up when you need help, I take it?"

He nodded, his smile proud and making me blush the slightest. "He created the armors, essentially. So, what did he tell you? No, wait, hold that thought—we should gather the guys. I get the feeling we're going to need to call a meeting."


	16. Chapter 16

...We finished writing. O_o I'm still not sure what to think about this, haha. Good news for y'all, though!

Further good news: A sequel's in the work. ;) To be unveiled when this is completely posted.

Enjoy!

 **Warnings:** distorted eating

* * *

 _Something_ important must've happened— Rowen was up at eight am, albeit nursing his second cup of coffee and looking forced awake. I was one to talk; I'd had an equal amount of orange juice plus toast and jam so sweet it would send a hummingbird into a diabetic coma. Quite a few people I knew would be slowly backing away by now, namely old college classmates and fellow insomniacs who'd spoken to me after my third glass of juice at three am. My sleep deprived sugar rushes were _legendary_.

All the guys had piled into the kitchen, Cye not at the stove, for once, now that everybody had breakfast. I sat on the counter to watch everyone, Sage against a wall for similar reasons. The others were piled around the table, Tessa predictably next to her boyfriend.

Ryo leaned back in the chair, arms crossed. "So you're saying Kaos visited you in a dream?"

She nodded, hands around a glass of milk. "Sounds like it. He told me things about our armours that I'm still trying to sort through. The biggest thing I got out of it, though, was that Dawn and Dusk can fuse much like—uh—" She screwed up her face in thought. "—He said something about a Kikoutei yoroi? But it's a little different."

The guys all glanced between each other, various puzzled and interested expressions among them. I also looked around the room, but for a totally different reason.

At no forthcoming explanation, I said, "How about translating that for the one person in here who _doesn't_ know Japanese?"

Ryo laughed softly at my tone. "The Armour of Inferno. It's… an armour I wield, that takes all the guys' armours to make. It's extremely powerful and was the key to defeating the Dynasty."

Rowen looked down at my sister. "Did he say how they were different?"

She paused to think again. "Different sources, for where the armours came from. Wouldn't say where your armours were made, though."

I blinked. Was that… relief on everyone's faces?

Of course, they were so wrapped up in whatever it was they didn't keep talking. I alternated pointing each foot towards the floor, trying to use up the slow build of hyperness. "And this is important because…?"

Kento was the one to speak next. "Our armours… come from Talpa's body—the leader of the Dynasty."

Well that explained the previous wash of emotion loud and clear.

Ryo continued the story. "When Talpa first came to the _ningenkai_ , Kaos was the one to defeat him. When he did, he was left with the cursed armour the _youja_ had worn. Instead of simply hiding it, he tried to purify it by fragmenting it into nine armours. We have five of them, and the other four are now in the Nether Realm with their wielders."

"So our armours _don't_ come from Talpa. Okay." I tapped my fingers on the counter. "Did he say where they _did_ come from?"

Tessa's fingers did the same movement as mine, only against her glass. "He described them as… a sort of failsafe? About how… he wanted to make sure his powers could continue to be used in the physical world."

Sage's eye lit in realization. "That means…"

"He likely made the armours with his own power, instead of Talpa's," Rowen said, giving his girlfriend a proud look. "That explains why you were able to call up Dawn, even without any training."

Cye looked between Tessa and I. "Kaos was the one who broke the Nether Spirit influence so we could call our armours, during the Dynasty War."

I frowned, looking at my hands. "Then… why do I sometimes _not_ have access around Nether Spirits? Let alone break influence for others?"

Everyone mulled it over, Sage the first to reply. His tone was slightly different from how he normally spoke. "It might be… because you've been around them so much, that Dusk gets exhausted fighting them. That's why you…" He swallowed. "Couldn't get out, wasn't it?"

I gripped the edge of the counter, looking down. "That would explain it…" I kept pointing my feet, rolling through the motion from forced flex to toes facing the floor. "Sometimes it would happen when I thought the Nether Spirits came from one person, and somebody in the cult— usually my mom— said it couldn't be them and I needed to ask the spirit its name in a better way. Nether Spirits came rushing back when I thought I had the wrong name. Or didn't want to believe I had the right one."

He put a hand on my shoulder briefly, Halo staying against Dusk long after the physical touch was over.

Ryo turned the topic slightly away from that path. "That should mean Dawn can do the same thing as Dusk, instinctively."

Tessa rested her chin on her hand, thinking. "So, I can replicate that? Or will she have the same problems you do?"

I waved a hand, dismissing any concern. "Oh, Dusk only gets exhausted in massive attacks like that one— considering I had three separate ones in. What? Fifteen minutes? She can do one or two solid defensive flares about once every three days, I think, depending on what the Nether Spirits are doing. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Depends on how strong the initial attack on me was and how much of a reserve I have to keep fighting."

"Then we should have a small buffer before they try to make another move," Rowen said, arm almost automatically going around the girl beside him. "Hopefully we set them back quite a bit— but I don't think any of us are naive enough to assume this is over just yet."

I rubbed my face. "Well… here's the thing. _Multiple_ people in the cult have the ability to call Nether Spirits. _Hopefully_ Sage's attack was enough to basically put my— our mother out of commission, considering it's far more powerful than mine ever were, but…" I gnawed my lip, picking at a piece of dried skin with my teeth. I dropped it in realization. "She also probably wants to get away from the States to distance herself from this investigation, or to talk to somebody in mine. And I _think_ I knocked Michael out, but I doubt it considering his second attack on me. But Mom's probably gone." I sighed, rubbing my face. "It looks like all I did was set the _commune_ back, and didn't really make a dent in their individual powers. Considering what we got after." Mentally, forgetting myself, I added, ' _Have I mentioned how much I fucking hate this cult?'_

' _Right behind ya, sis.'_

I blushed, realizing absolutely everybody had _heard_ that, and generally tried not to melt into the counter. The feeling didn't last long, me picking up on the grim, resigned tone the guys had developed.

"We should probably figure out what Dawn can do, then, before they come back," Ryo said.

Tessa went quiet, Rowen giving her a reassuring squeeze with the arm around her shoulders. He tried to lighten the mood. "Hey, at least this time you won't be trying to work with an asleep armour. Might be a little easier." She replied with a weak but appreciative smile, leaning into him.

Sage turned his violet eye to me. "Think you're up to working on your armour today?"

I shook my head. "I could, theoretically, get there, but it would mean wiping out Dusk's reserves when she's just built them back up enough to feel okay." I looked back at the floor. "I wish, but I'd feel safer knowing I could handle another attack."

Cye looked at me, turning in his chair to do so. "You also had to fight off Nether Spirits for two days straight. We already know you can handle them; go ahead and take a break."

I gave him a small smile, not quite able to feel much of anything. The sugar rush was already wearing off, and I had been up for over four hours. "I can watch, though. Considering I'm the only one here who actually knows _how_ to break their influence."

That seemed to ease some tension. Rowen stood, leaving an empty coffee cup in his wake. "Since I'm _up_ — might as well start now."

I slipped off the counter. "And before we start, I should probably get more food. Something _savoury_ this time."

Everybody laughed, Cye automatically getting up. "Any requests?"

—

I sat on the porch steps with a half finished omelette in my lap, Sage beside me, the others scattered around in various vantage points. Rowen stood in front of her, already in deep blue subarmour with white accents where I had green. She stood at attention— lingering military influence— before shifting to a fighting stance. She closed her eyes, Rowen speaking to her.

"Remember how it felt to call Dawn the first time," he said. "Try to find the energy it gave you."

She nodded, breath deepening. Dusk reached out and coaxed Dawn to a place easier to get to, already knowing how to work with me and wanting to help. Tessa gave a flicker of gratitude before internally grabbing hold of Dawn, her much lighter armour flowing out in a conscientious, measured fashion, bright light obscuring her form while it came up.

It was still dragon-influenced like mine, the thin plates over her vital organs scaled and the tiniest points on either side of the chest plate looking like horns. But where I had solid, sometimes two inch thick armour, hers was maybe an inch and looked like it was built more for agility than toughness. A circlet around her forehead was akin to a crown, barely visible scaling visible there, as well.

"You'd think she was the dancer and I was the military girl," I said to the guys. "For how our armours are built, at least."

They chuckled.

She went back to a relaxed stance and looked over the plating, examining it now that she had the chance. When she turned to look over her shoulder I saw a dragon's head on the circlet, reaching down towards her nose.

Rowen came up to study it, himself, flickering a smirk almost immediately after. She blushed from what I assumed was a not safe for work compliment, before his eyes lit in realization. "This _is_ your armour." He brought a fist up to his own breastplate, hitting it with his knuckles. "You don't _have_ subarmour, really."

Once he mentioned it, I poked around with Dusk and felt whatever difference he must've picked up on. Her armour was _powerful_ , in ways what I'd accessed with mine wasn't. There was still something missing, but otherwise, Dawn felt closer to the guys' full armours than what Rowen currently wore.

Before anybody around me could make a comment about what I would have to do, I firmly said, " _Tomorrow._ "

Ryo lifted his hands, apologetic at having even considered voicing anything. "Never said we'd make you, today."

I sighed, deflating. "I'm too used to 'you should eventually do that' meaning 'now'. Sorry."

Sage put a hand on my upper back, rubbing it softly before pulling away.

"If that's armour," Kento said, "then where's your weapon?"

Everyone frowned, trying to answer that puzzle. Both Tessa and I focused along her spine, the place she'd identified a few days ago. She straightened her back, taking a deep breath. "I think I know…"

She reached over her shoulder and _pulled_ , hand fisting around what began as solid light protruding from her armour. The plates around the spot glowed, feeding the movement. Out of the brightness came a dragon's head on the one side of her fist, wings forming a hand guard on the other. A straight, double edged blade solidified past the grip. The dragon motif continued down, body etched into the metal and tail disappearing in a groove down the length.

She flicked her wrist, spear-pointed tip skyward. _Now_ she felt like the full armours.

Tessa brought it down to inspect, practically bouncing in place at having a sword in her hands. Her eyes sparkled as she turned over every inch of the metal, paying close attention to the detail. Rowen watched her, both inspecting it himself from a distance and happy to see her make progress.

"I just thought of a dragon's fang…" Her smile grew, fond as if she was talking to a friend. "That's what I'll call it. Dragonfang."

Rowen tilted his head to the side. "European style blade with Japanese armour. Never would've thought."

She frowned, looking at her weapon carefully. "I wonder…" She pushed the blade back into the armour, only to pull it out again, arm twisting to the side to pull out a much longer blade like Sage had wielded— an ōdachi. She brought it in front of her and grinned, giving a small hop. "I can make it be anything I want!"

Everyone froze, the stunned silence thick enough I felt it on my skin. Tessa did a few test passes of the blade— checking the balance, I assumed— only to sheath it and pull out an unfamiliar yet recognizable bow in iridescent green.

Rowen's eyebrows shot up his forehead in shock. "Copy cat."

Right. He'd trained a bow on my mother. _That's_ where I'd seen it before.

Sage cleared his throat. "Our weapons are tied to our armour. We've never seen any of ours be able to change."

I pulled Dusk out from my pocket. "I wonder what she can do, then."

Ryo glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "Wanna find out?"

I turned the half sphere over in my hand, poking its energy levels and feeling the trying-to-be-strong flicker in return. "Later." I ran my thumb over the crystal above its kanji with a soft laugh. "I'll probably be able to change my subarmour, at this rate. Or maybe even the full thing."

Tessa bounced at the possibilities before going back to the first sword. She did a few passes, even so far as to have one of the guys pick a scrap piece of paper so she could test just how sharp the edge was and grinning when the blade sliced through it like butter. I had to admit, I grinned along with her.

I wondered if I'd be able to hold onto that blade, myself. She _had_ always said she'd teach me a little of what she knew. I'd never held a sword before and what better one than my sister's armour blade?

"Wanna try it on me?" Rowen said, teasing smirk on his lips.

She looked shocked at the possibility before tilting her head to the side. "You sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I took a hit for Ryo in this and Strata didn't even flinch."

Ryo glared at him for the reminder. Kento shoved Ryo's shoulder and went to ruffle his hair, only for Ryo to pounce on him. I paused before noticing both of their grins, the roughhousing slotting into the "playful and healthy" part of my social interactions list. I didn't want to think of how sparsely populated it was.

Once that settled down, Tessa went after her boyfriend with the blade. It harmlessly bounced off, to our relief and the others' shock. She struck him again, to the same reaction, and Rowen called a halt.

"This doesn't even feel like a tin can's hit."

Tessa glared at him. I smirked and flicked a mental ' _smooth move'_ to Rowen.

He shook his head, looking at the place she'd struck. "I mean. Those strikes hurt, but not… This doesn't feel the same. It doesn't even feel like when we hit each other with our armours. It's almost like there's protection around her weapon. Strata's responding to something different than it normally does."

"So what you're saying is she's not hitting you, directly," Cye said from his place against the porch railing.

I pushed myself up, leaving my plate in my seat, and went over to the two. "Mmkay I'm _officially_ curious."

Dusk flared out, focusing on Strata and the hits it had taken. The armour itself felt _almost_ identical to Dawn, flowing with virtue and Rowen's spirit. However, something under the surface was different, distinctly not human. It was almost gone, almost invisible, and very much not a threat. I flicked to Dawn, feeling the lack of that source, the undertone of it reflecting what felt like the antithesis.

I pulled back, looking between the two. "Dawn is hitting the underlying Nether Spirit influence in Strata."

Something about Rowen's expression _broke_ , him glancing down at his hands. I went up and put a hand on his arm. "It's barely there, and trust me, it's not a threat. But… it is there. It's not in Dawn."

He swallowed. "I… guess I'd hoped with me using it, training it…"

I felt the rest of the guys take on a similar conflicted air. Tessa came over and wrapped her arms around Rowen's chest, ear against his heart, comforting him and radiating that she felt he was safe. His arms looped around her, loosely returning the hug. I heard her softly say, "The armour doesn't dictate how you use it. You saved me, remember? I trust you."

I went back to my seat, wanting to replenish the small amount of stores I'd used with more food. "Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. The armours are pure. I've felt Nether energy in basically every form it comes in, including trying to appear 'good', and you don't come anywhere close. Dusk— and myself— wouldn't trust you if there was any doubt."

Every one of the guys broke out in relieved smiles, showing how heavy the weight of where their armours came from was.

I took a bite and swallowed, seeing if anybody would reply. At nothing, I continued. "Kaos embedded the armours with whatever power drives Dawn, and I guess Dusk, too, if they're from the same source. That's the dominant influence, which explains why Dawn isn't hurting you off the bat. It's trained to go after _dangerous_ Nether stuff."

That got a small laugh from Cye. "Good to know."

Tessa grinned at me. "The great Snow Leopard Kavita finally makes her appearance."

I laughed. "Where do you think she _comes_ from?" At the guys' incredibly confused, are-they-nuts looks, I waved a hand. "Writer thing. Kavita's one of my characters."

Sage snorted and shook his head. "I take it she's an empath?"

I nodded. "And I made her powers like Dusk works."

Tessa pulled away from Rowen and shook her head at me. "Wouldn't surprise me if your weapon ended up being a dagger, cause of her."

I wrinkled my nose. "I personally prefer staffs, thank you very much. _She_ can handle close quarters. _I'd_ rather have some distance."

Kento grinned. "Awright. Now you're speaking my language."

"And mine," Cye said with a small smile. "Kento has a naginata— a staff with a long blade at the end— while I have a yari— a spear with three prongs."

"I saw them," I said softly. "When…"

Sage put his hand back on my back, touch lasting longer than the first.

Rowen glanced back at Tessa. "Speaking of… we should probably see how you can break Nether Spirit influence. We know Dusk uses lightning, but we don't know if you're the same as it is."

I snorted. "She'll either be the same or she'll be the _polar_ opposite. There is no in between with us. Ever."

She nodded, practically chomping at the bit to discover her armour's abilities, before tilting her head to the side. "Y'know… Each time I've called up Dawn, now— the first time especially. I thought of _cold_ , like mornings before the sun has touched the earth with warmth. I wonder if that has anything to do with it."

"Opposite!" I blurted out. "Dusk is warm."

My sister burst out laughing, the others following suit. Once I realized a happenstance in my wording, mine was the loudest. "I had to mention polar, for you being cold."

Her laughter's pitch joined mine. "As if this wasn't ridiculous enough…!"

"We need to make a list," I said, laughter dying down. "Later. For now, you need to figure this out."

—

Sometime after lunch— which I'd actually managed to eat a fair chunk of food during, now that my body was finally breaking out of constant fight or flight— I ended up on Tessa's bed in some attempt of catching a nap. She was still out working with her armour and its apparent ability to fly, but I had been up for eight hours and recovery wiped me out. Nobody mentioned how exhausting digestion was when you didn't have any energy to begin with. I tried watching out the window, but hers didn't face where we worked and I didn't want to go hunting for the right one. As much as I'd been told 'make yourself at home', it was almost impossible for me to ever believe it. I didn't want to end up sleeping where I shouldn't be.

She knocked on the ajar door, peeking in but not saying anything in case I was asleep. I stretched and rolled to the side, letting her know I was up. "Come in."

"How're you feeling?" she asked, shutting the door behind her, the hinges creaking and it landing against the jamb. She sat next to me on the bed, settling down for a conversation.

I propped myself up on my elbow. "Better. I _barely_ slept last night so I needed to play catch up."

She raised an eyebrow at me, same wicked spark to her smirk that everybody else had been wearing when they talked to me about how I felt. "That wouldn't have anything to do with a certain violet-eyed blond, would it?" The minute the words were out, she realized just _what_ she'd implied and clamped a hand over her mouth, from teasing to sheepish in an instant.

I glared at her, now knowing just who, exactly, had disturbed Sage. "How much did you see."

Her sheepishness continued. "He let you hug him and play with his hair. But ohmygoditwassoadorable!"

I sighed, trying to hide how upset I was we _hadn't_ been alone and now I _would_ get comments about that. His fear at being exposed made me flash a mental blade in warning, not wanting anybody to imply anything and scare him away. "He needed a hug. I was up. Figured I should return the favour."

She raised an eyebrow, look of pure disbelief on her face. "If you hadn't been as completely oblivious to how protective he is of you this whole time, you'd _know_ that wasn't just him needing a hug."

I mirrored her look. She knew as well as anyone how hard it was for me to understand new people. I might be superhumanly good at picking up on emotional states once I knew a person, but until then, I was clueless. "I've only been able to actually take note of his behaviour for… a week? It's not like I've figured out what's normal for him, yet."

She sighed and shrugged, disappointed. "Well then I'll tell you—he doesn't open up to people like that. _Ever_. I've never seen him so vulnerable."

The looks. The teasing. Ryo's question about if I liked anybody in the group. Sage's refusal to leave my side through anything. The depth of his feelings and the place he'd held me, so close to his heart, wrapped up in an ocean. The poem and his hesitation to tell me. The way Halo unwound, actually relaxing in Dusk's care. I _paused_ , all of it clicking into place and forming one undeniable conclusion.

Sage Date had a crush on me.

And I had no idea what I felt.

"Oh…"

Surprise passed over her face, head dropping down in shock. "'Oh'? That's all you have?"

I took a deep breath, filling my whole lungs, and rubbed my face. The idea of even a potential relationship, of navigating the waters of a whole new type of social interaction, was almost more than I could grasp. All the comments now made sense and I had made a Mistake. "I have no idea how to respond to crushes. I have no idea how I feel in general right now. Crushes just… as if I didn't have enough to think about."

She sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right…" There was that gleam, again, visible as she looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "Be honest though— he's hot, right?"

I snorted. "You're incorrigible. And yes."

She dismissed my first statement with a wave of her hand. "There's gotta be _something_ you like, right? At least start there." She sombred, stopping her teasing and instead focusing more on him. "I just… He's my host brother. Heck, he's practically my own brother, really. I don't want to see his heart broken because he's too proud to admit to himself he likes you, even if you…decide not to…"

"I _wish_ I had a crush on him," I got out. It was a safe statement that deflected just enough but tipped my hand at how conflicted I was. Not for the first time, I wanted my orientation to be different, just to avoid this exact situation. "But I am physically incapable of developing crushes in any semblance of a short time frame."

Everything about her softened, reaching out to me for a single-armed hug. "Well, I'm not going to ask you to do _quite_ what I've managed, heh." There was that sweatdrop look, again. "But… at least don't lead him on? And— maybe— throw him a bone? Just something to chew on for awhile."

I burrowed into her arms, needing the solidity of her friendship after finding the bond with Sage was different than I'd thought— despite both of them being on my 'close but unknown' list. I didn't want to think about leading him on, because I'd already resigned myself to a life of accidental flirting and uncertainty if I was getting too close. I didn't want to think about going against her, especially when she had a very big point. He was her brother. Of course she wanted to take care of him.

I shoved all that aside and focused on what I could control. "Would saying I feel like he's already one of my best friends count? And how I never want him out of my life?"

She smiled and squeezed me. "Yes, yes it would."

"Not… today, though." My laugh sounded hollow even to my ears, a downside of being hyperaware of my own body. I had to be careful how I came across, now, which meant strain and caution and scripts and, if I failed, potentially destroying the relationship. I wasn't sure what relationship I meant. "I kinda need to psych myself up for it…"

She chuckled. "No problem—take your time. I'm sure he'll wait with all the patience of a great Bushi warrior."

I thought more of Sage, of how I felt around him, and generally tried to sort out the absolute tangle that was the past week and a half. I had never felt 'I wish' this strongly in my life. My voice dropped down to barely a murmur. "The question is… will he wait long enough for me to develop a crush…? _If_ I develop one…"

Her hand against my bicep shifted to pat me on the shoulder. "You haven't seen Sage hunker down and wait for an opponent to make the first move, before. He has the patience of an elephant—or maybe a stalking leopard."

I caught that wink, her reminder about my characters making making me burst out laughing. "That… makes me feel a little better."

Somebody knocked on the door, standing away from the inch gap between the jamb and wood; my stomach dropped, hoping whoever it was hadn't heard what we were talking about. Praying dread wasn't in my voice, I responded. "Yeah?"

Why did it have to be Sage. "Cye wanted to know if you two were hungry."

I groaned, knowing I should eat but not being completely sure how hungry I was. Deciding logic beat out feelings, I said, "I should probably have _something._ "

He laughed at my almost whining tone. "What would you like?"

I pulled away from Tessa's side and stretched. "I'll make it myself in a minute. Thank Cye for the offer but I'm feeling… picky right now."

Footsteps faded away from the door, Tessa getting up to follow me. "And I thought _I_ was bad… here you basically have a personal chef, and you'd _still_ prefer to cook your own food."

I laughed softly, hiding down a whole bunch of thoughts I didn't want to face. "What can I say? I'm _really_ picky some days."

—

I had salad for dinner, exactly the way I always made it, not able to really stomach the thought of anything heavy but knowing if I didn't keep eating, I wouldn't keep recovering. Tessa and I shared a certain pickiness about vegetables, and chopping them helped calm my mind down. Cye left me a place on the counter and kept gently nudging me to continue, my own mind screaming at me how much I'd been eating lately. I wanted a sense of control and the easiest place to get it was food.

The meal itself— around a table, not something I was used to or particularly liked— I kept trying not to excuse myself from. Dad kept grilling the boys about who they were and what their intentions were, the majority of the questions going to Rowen. The pressure on them translating to pressure on my stomach and I couldn't eat more than a few hundred calories anyway. I hated any semblance of conflict, and that sounded like full-out conflict to me. My anxiety was made even worse with his behaviour as we cleared the plates off; he kept lingering, and I knew a 'we need to talk' look from a mile away.

His tone was forced relaxed, but it still wasn't enough to calm my nerves. "Would you boys mind excusing us for a bit? I'd like to spend some time with my daughters."

I nodded sharply, trying not to show my terribly contorting stomach at that simple, innocent request. Halo gave the faintest flicker of reassurance which I barely had the energy to acknowledge. Dad was too loaded as a person for any statements to be _light_. Dawn wrapped around my consciousness in the equivalent of a mental hug with no intention of moving. I leaned on her reassurance, trying to tell myself this would end up alright.

He led us out to the ever familiar porch, him on a chair, Tessa and I on a swing I almost immediately started rocking. The back and forth motion was soothing and helped lower my nerves even more. I refused to speak almost on principle, waiting for him to get to the point so I could know what was going on. I didn't want to break this.

My sister did, instead, her tone more casual than I thought possible. "So, what's up, Dad?"

He attempted a smile, the movement strained and awkward. "I just thought, maybe, now that things are kinda starting to die down… we could, well, _talk_."

My desire to fix this already, to ease the overwhelming guilt that seemed to permeate every interaction between the two of us. The words tumbled out before I could stop them. "I'm not mad at you, if you're worried about that."

He blinked, startled by the suddenness. "Uh… You're not?"

I shook my head. "Rowen found all the court documents and I read them and… I know you didn't have a choice." I glanced meaningfully at my twin beside me, the solid knowledge she was _unbroken_ close to the surface and acting as a comfort. "You saved her. I can't be mad at you for that."

He drooped in his chair, elbows on his knees and I could see his mannerisms in the both of us. "I wish it had gone differently." His eyes floated back up, seeming to be on their way to my face but stopping at my arms, where he had pressed on my wounds two days ago. He looked away sharply. "If I'd known exactly what she was capable of sooner…"

"But you didn't," I said firmly, almost feeling like a parent to my own dad. I took a deep breath, half talking to myself. "So there's no point in dwelling on it. I know you _wished_ you could've taken me. But you couldn't. Like I said—" I glanced back at him. "You saved her and that's enough for me."

Tessa smiled at him as he looked up again, trying to ease his uncertainty. "Regardless of how things have played out this far, God brought us back together, Dad. Who'd have thought my best friend from Canada whom I'd never seen face to face would _actually_ be my sister?" She wrapped one arm around my shoulders in a side hug, smile now a grin. "Things might be a bit rough right now—but we'll sure have a story to tell our kids! Right, sis?"

I managed a smile back, leaning into her. "I have no _clue_ how we didn't figure it out, considering how _ridiculously_ similar we are…"

Dad shook his head in exasperation. "Well as long as you're not _too_ similar to this one—" He gestured to the girl he raised. "—As far as her dating history is concerned, I'm completely okay with that."

It was tempting to bring up my emotionally abusive, Bible-thumping ex who'd lived in the American South, but he had never tried to kidnap me or really been part of a cult regardless what I thought about conservative Christianity. So in that regard, she had me beat.

Her reply was sitcom perfect, tormented young adult daughter. "Daaaaaad!"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Seriously, Tess—you went to dump one crazy maniac one day just to decide you'd date a crazy—different kind of crazy, but crazy nonetheless—guy from Japan who wears magic armor _and_ who—you _admit_ —you've only known for a week."

She groaned. "Dad, _seriously_ , you're gonna pick on _that_ at a time like this? You already grilled Rowen over dinner in front of _everyone,_ isn't that enough for you?"

Before this could turn into a drawn out game of concerned parent, annoyed child ping pong, I rolled my eyes. "Oh trust me…! If Rowen showed any _hint_ of the _potential_ to hurt her, he'd have to answer to me. I have been trying to get her to break up with Michael since before they were together. I _know_ what abuse looks like and Rowen doesn't qualify."

She took the opportunity to add, "And Sage—he already threatened him, too."

Dad scratched the back of his head and I began to understand where her sweatdrop look came from. "Well, that makes me feel a bit better." He smiled, awkwardness fading and replaced with affection. "And for the record, I _have_ been warming up to them— _all_ of them. It's just… a lot to take in." He went somber, lost in memory. "I'd hoped I'd put the entire ordeal with _her_ and the cult behind. To have it come back like this…" He quieted, attention turning towards me. I tried not to squirm under the gaze, uncomfortable with even this innocent appraisal of who I was. He didn't seem to notice. "I'd always wondered what you'd be like. I _am_ happy to see you, finally. Sorry if that didn't exactly come across from the beginning."

Tessa blushed, her physical presence pulling back into herself but Dawn still staying beside me. "Well, I didn't exactly give you a heads up, Dad…"

I matched her, us ending up as mirror images. "And I had just been kidnapped for a week so I wasn't exactly the most receptive person out there…"

He shook his head. "Y'know, those boys _are_ quite something. Should've known the moment you said they broke you out of the compound that they were special." His smile was even more genuine and affectionate, tension slowly easing as we talked. "I'm glad to know you have such skilled friends of incredible character."

I glanced at my sister, my _little_ sister, my too-easy-to-torment sister, and smirked. "I've only been trying to set her up with Sage since she got to Japan."

"Sis! First you spill to the boys, then Dad?" The back of her hand went to her forehead, every inch an overdramatic thespian playing the role of devastated woman. "For shame! Thou woundeth my heart grievously, dear sister."

My smirk didn't budge as I side-eyed her. "I just said I've been trying to set you up with the guy. I never said you had a crush on anyone."

Her horror went from an act to far more real, blush forming as she realized she'd just given herself away with only the gentlest of prompts. I could've sworn I heard something Rowen said about her being a terrible intel officer floating through our shared connection, me giving the equivalent of a mental poke.

Our dad burst out laughing. "Oh if you think that's a record, you should have known her in middle and high school."

"I knew her in sophomore year. Trust me, I've seen _plenty_ …" I physically poked her, now, not able to resist the teasing that actually made me feel closer to her, for once. I looked back at Dad. "As you can see, I've been acting like her older sister for awhile."

He chuckled. "So you have. She did tell me a few things about you, y'know—before this. I've always been very glad for her to have a girl friend so close to her, with her having a brother and so many guy friends most of her life."

I swallowed, feeling on unsteady ground. What he knew about me was suddenly an unknown, one I wanted to get rid of so I'd have a better idea how to act. "What do you know about me?"

He leaned back to think, crossing his arms. "Let's see… You love writing, and dancing. You two have known each other since Tessa was in—well, like you said, high school. And you work in marketing, of some sort." His smile was expectant and a tad nervous. "So? How'd I do?"

"Got the basics," I said with a small laugh. "You're missing I was homeschooled, too."

He snapped his fingers. "Ah, right! How could I forget that? Same as Tessa. Oh, and that you're Canadian."

My smile grew a little more stable with the tease. I nodded just to give him a confirmation, trying to mentally bridge the gap between the barebones basics and a laundry list of trauma, diagnoses, and baggage. It would bring this right back to guilt, for him to know what I'd gone through, even if none of it was his fault and only some of it related to my mother. Dawn's presence strengthened in my mind, reassurance that it wasn't required information. Things were going well, and I was actually holding a good introductory conversation. For once. Tessa left the choice to me, staying quiet as I thought.

Not able to shake the feeling there was _something_ missing in introductions, I asked, "Anything you want to know about me?"

He cocked his head to the side, seeming surprised. "Well… There's just so much—so many years to catch up on…" He smiled. "I guess, for now… this is a good start. It would be kinda nice to hear where you are with your life, now, and what you dream of doing next—or eventually."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, breath bursting out in the form of a laugh. "I'm a little too focused on the present to dream much. Currently living alone but I want a cat, full time job I'm on sabbatical from because of the whole 'kidnapped' thing, in marketing and research. I write a lot for clients. I guess the only dream I have is getting published? I'd _like_ to end up just… somewhere behind the scenes and well paid and…" I swallowed, mind wandering to a dream I thought half dead, at least in the sense that was my current reality. I glanced up at him, hoping the tears blurring my vision weren't visible. I gave up trying to hide the strain in my voice. "I kinda always wanted a family."

Tessa's arm was back around my shoulders, pulling me close. "You've certainly got a starting place, now."

Mentally, she poked me towards images of Sage as a place to go for _chosen_ family, something that simply got her a 'you're _terrible'_ mental shove.

Dad stood, carefully placing a hand on my arm. "You're always welcome back here. If you want—need—a vacation at any time." He gave a pointed, very amused glance at my sister. "You don't even have to give us a heads up."

Now my laughter was genuine. More teasing came to mind, her far too easy a target and me feeling a social obligation to make up for lost time. "Oh, I know what the 'no heads up' is like, considering the number of times this one here's said she's slow because she's packing, and I ask her where she's going…"

She matched my tone, both in laughter and voice. "But that's not quite the same as showing up on someone's doorstep with five Japanese boys and a daughter he hasn't seen in twenty years without telling him."

I poked her waist. "With the announcement being the car alarm."

That got everybody cracking up, the world feeling even more normal and me maybe feeling like there'd always been a space for me— with somebody I could entertain the thought of calling _my_ dad.


	17. Chapter 17

Major major character development going on in this chapter—among other things. _This is another M-rated chapter based on the below warnings._ If you'd like to skip past the particular portion which may be triggering for some individuals, read until the point of view (PoV) change (—/—), then scroll until you see three asterisks ( *** * *** ).

 **Warnings:** Suicide ideation, parental abuse, PTSD flashbacks, ABA-reminiscent treatments, biphobia (not covered in the summarized section, T-rated)

* * *

 _Chapter 17_

The conversation with Dad really seemed to help take at least _one_ load off Alexa's slight shoulders. The next morning everyone piled back out onto the lawn for day two of armor training—after her surprise agreement that she felt well enough to attempt calling Dusk's full power.

Predictably, everyone paired her with Sage as her instructor. They mirrored mine and Rowen's poses from yesterday, he in subarmor and my sister starting with the simple half-sphere. She stood with her weight on her toes, in a way appearing eager to begin but not as tense as she had been the past few days. Sage simply gestured for her to draw up her subarmor; a soft glow like the vanishing sun under the horizon enveloped her slim frame.

When it subsided, my jaw dropped.

The first thing any of us had noticed about Dusk before was how _gouged_ it was, scored over and over again with the ropey, open wounds we now knew were caused by Nether Swords. This time, the first thing we saw was the _difference_ in the two most recent lacerations. Gold of some unknown composition completely filled in the flaws, smoothing the mysterious metals into its original unblemished state. The older ones shimmered here and there with similar flecks of the substance, nowhere close to being completely coated but showing promising signs—of _recovery_.

Sage's visible eye widened, something I noted even from where I sat on the steps with Rowen. Alexa saw the look and cast a few glances down at herself, her breath catching when she realized just what had caught his (and our) attention. One of the others—Kento, I think—whistled appreciatively at the beauty in the new marks; everyone else was silent with awe.

Alexa glanced back up to Sage. "Your healing…"

He slowly shook his head. "I'm… not entirely sure that's _all_ Halo's doing…"

The less-healed gashes sparkled with shifting sunlight as she twisted an arm, deliberately catching the rays on them to get some different perspectives. Rowen and I shared a look, my eyebrow raised at Sage's attempt at modesty and hiding feelings which were all too plain to the rest of us. Alexa came across almost defensive with her retort. "If it wasn't Halo, what caused it?"

That put Sage back a bit. "Well, yes, Halo probably sped up the process on those two. But the others?" There was a brief pause; his voice dropped a few decibels. "Remember kintsugi?"

I blinked at that mention, knowing what concept he was referring to but curiosity rising at how that was involved in this situation. This time Alexa paused, considering that; her exhale wasn't quite a sigh. "So this is how my armour's just… chosen to heal?"

He nodded, seeming to struggle with a response. "I… It's beautiful, honestly."

 _"And everybody, face to palm,"_ I quipped to Rowen. Snatches of the same sentiment flashed across the armor link—though carefully hidden from Sage, I noticed.

Alexa just snorted derisively at the compliment; mentally, I face-palm'd again. "Took it long enough to start, anyway…"

Sage tried to turn the mood humorous by chuckling, but sighed at the failed attempt. "You've been through a lot. I'm honestly not surprised, really." Seeming to realize exactly what territory he was getting into, he cleared his throat and pressed on. "Anyway. Let's see about drawing up the full yoroi."

That seemed to refocus her. She nodded, licked her dry lips, and took a step back, eyes closing as her head bowed. A hint of warning from Dawn had me a little concerned as my sister planted a fist on her sternum. Something was off in her mood, something that I got to notice in a subtle twitch below her eye.

Dawn became even more unsettled when Alexa lifted her head and asked, voice hinting at confusion and embarrassment, "How do you call your armour?"

A smile danced across Sage's lips; then, instead of answering, he shifted into a kendo stance and stretched his arms out, palms cupped together. Bright green energy flared from his hands to envelop his body. Less than a split second later, the Halo armor had settled atop its underlayer, the nodachi latched perpendicular to his shoulders.

New energy—the castoff of the summoning—sparked through the armor link. Dawn perked up, even as Dusk seemed to withdraw from the contact. Alexa swallowed and muttered, "Right. Easy. Of course."

My heart sank. I'd been so hopeful she'd be able to get this, her newfound confidence this morning enough to push through whatever unknown barriers she could have toward working with her armor. Sage's motions had been fluidly practiced—now Alexa's hand moving back to her sternum was as rigid as a steel beam.

Dawn rang alarm bells that echoed to Strata. Rowen gave me a concerned glance that I caught out of the corner of my eye just as Sage noticed my sister's tenseness.

"Relax. Imagine whatever meditation helps to center you." He hazarded a step forward, one hand lifted halfway as if approaching a scared fawn. "Let me help you."

Somehow, I didn't think that was quite the right thing to say to my boiling-kettle twin.

She mirrored his step. "Just let me figure it out." The first hints of heat licked at the edges of her tone.

I hazarded reaching out to Halo, a simple touch of caution to not push any more buttons. Alexa could be very proud when she thought someone was babying her, or trying to do everything for her. And it was even worse in public, as we'd seen her demonstrate a few times already.

The fear of _Sage_ screwing up what relationship he did have with her crossed my mind—luckily _after_ Dawn had been pushed aside, Halo reflecting its bearer's determination. He didn't say anything, but I could feel Dusk touched with the edges of Halo's supportive presence.

Alexa obviously didn't appreciate it; she took another half step back, eyes narrowing with warning. Sage _still_ didn't get the hint. "You don't have to do this by yourself. You have friends here for you."

A draconic growl surfaced in her snapped "Leave me alone."

He was equally firm in his "No."

I had to warn him. This would send her over the edge if he kept at it. _"Sage..."_

The guy never twitched a muscle, an imposing tower of immutable stone. In answer to the challenge, her spine straightened into a rod, hands fisting at her sides as if to keep from crushing or punching something into a little pulp. In contrast to the earlier heat, her voice now was pure shaved ice. "Leave. Me. Alone."

 _"Ooooh, shit… Rowen, run for cover."_

I barely caught sight of Sage's jaw clenching. "Make me."

And Alexa's fury exploded—body trembling with the force of it, fists coming up to hip level (whether to defend or attack, I had no clue), eyes blazing with dragon fire. Her voice remained level as a frozen lake but just as icy, and a glance showed me both Kento and Cye wincing as they backed toward the porch door.

"Are you _sure_ you want to stand in my way? Are you _absolutely sure_ you want to try and go toe to toe with _me_?" ( _Guess she got Mom's temper…_ I thought fleetingly, mentally wincing.) "I learned how you ticked faster than you think and if I wanted to, I could put you on the ground with words alone.

"So leave. Me. Alone."

"But you don't want to."

It took a moment for my brain to process what Sage had said. By that time, Alexa had already snapped back, "I don't. Get out of my way before I do."

He didn't so much as flinch at the threat. "You won't."

This was all going far too fast for me to really process. We all could only stand by and watch in awe and fascination as the two ice dragons faced off. Sage must've been his ancestor's reincarnation or something. Date Masamune's reputation for being the One-Eyed Dragon was legendary, and Sage standing his ground here felt just that way to me.

"I—"

"You would have already, if you really wanted." He tentatively moved a half-step forward, helm coming off to let his bangs fall back over his right eye. One hand stretched out, palm up, the headgear in the crook of his left elbow. "You don't want to hurt me. You don't want to hurt _anyone_. You're giving me warnings instead of doing anything, and you're trying to hold back. That alone proves why the armor chose you. All you want to do is protect."

The TV Trope moniker "Woobie" came to mind at Alexa's tone—borderline heartbroken but firm with honesty. "I'm a monster."

Now I was fervently hoping Sage could turn this around.

"I've faced monsters. They attack first, talk later." He paused to let that sink in, then explained, "A monster would have destroyed me by now. But you're not—you're a dragon, fiercely protective and loving to your friends, a vengeful storm to those who would _dare_ touch one hair on their heads." His voice dropped further, gentling more than I'd ever heard it before; the right hand came up to briefly brush the hair from his eyes. "You are _not_ a monster."

Some tension left Alexa—fists unclenching—but I could tell she still had a long way to go toward calm, again. "You haven't even seen what I've done."

His hand come up again, reassuring this time. "I've seen enough. And frankly it doesn't matter, now. You have the strength to change everything." The open palm turned into a pointing finger for a moment—indicating the new golden scars—then reverted to open. "The proof is on your armor."

Silence finally fell, a long pause that felt suspiciously like the conversation had turned telepathic. I didn't mind, though; whatever Sage said, it got Alexa to cave. A fist moved back to her sternum, then pulled sharply away and down like yanking on a ripcord. A pale purple glow quickly covered her whole body, and when it dissipated, my jaw dropped. Sounds of appreciation and awe mirrored my expression from the boys watching.

The deep purple Armor of Dusk had a _very_ feminine feel—but still exuding that air of danger my sister had had just moments before. Its helm mimicked an eastern-style dragon's head with tall antler-like horns, the visor completing the illusion of an open maw. Pauldrons and bracers continued the motif, scaled like her subarmor breastplate had been; spines and claws protruded from the metal on the backs of her hands, her boots, and the edges of the larger pieces. The bracers especially seemed tough compared to the rest of the plating, like she could punch through a brick wall and not feel anything. A belt at her waist and a decorative skirt slit at each side to allow freedom of movement completed the ensemble.

Most noticeably, however, her scars had turned more golden than in the subarmor.

We didn't have more than thirty seconds to admire it, however; Alexa seemed to be concentrating, her eyes still closed from the first transformation. In a matter of a moment, the full armor morphed into something that more closely resembled my own, narrow plating fixed to a light bodysuit that didn't appear quite as cloth-thin as mine. Purple dominated the color scheme, still, and Dawn could feel the strength radiating off Dusk the same as in the previous suit. The magic had swept her hair up into a neat, tight French twist stuck with pins similar to my circlet.

I almost laughed at the Magic Wardrobe Change.

Instead, I sighed at the flat, nearly-dead tone with which my sister greeted the discovery that she had similar morphing powers to mine. "I was right."

At least she still sounded a little satisfied with her accuracy.

Sage reflected my sadness, his smile a little too small and weak to be completely content with the discovery. "I'll say it again—that's quite beautiful."

Cue my mental face-palm, _yet_ again. _"You gotta work with him on the whole_ trying _not to flirt thing."_

 _"Why don't_ you _talk to him, since it's your brilliant idea."_

A hint of a smile crossed Alexa's lips, but it was short-lived. A soft glow heralded her powering down to street clothes before she wordlessly turned and walked away. It didn't take long for Sage to follow suit, staring after her as if he wanted to follow but choosing the wise course of action instead. Confusion and sympathy were written all over his face, prompting me to rise and approach.

He didn't seem to notice, though the boys all retreated into the house without me. "You kinda pushed her buttons, y'know," I pointed out after a few moments of silence.

I'd not heard him quite so defensive yet as when he said, "She wasn't going to be able to get past her barriers without a bit of a push."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "That was a bit more of a shove than a push. I'm honestly a little surprised you survived her wrath."

His eye didn't meet mine, though he shrugged nonchalantly. "I've survived worse. You've known me how long and haven't figured out it takes more than that to make me back down?"

That time my eyes rolled; dude seriously couldn't take a hint, apparently. "That's not the point." I hesitated a moment, wondering exactly how much to say and in what way. "She…doesn't really do well with change. And there's a hell of a lot of it in her life right now—" The eyebrow went back up. "—including your little crush on her."

"I heard," Sage said, finally turning to look at me.

So he _had_ been eavesdropping. Cue face to palm. "Great…" I muttered. "Yeah, this kinda didn't really give her a whole lot to work with. Know what I mean?" At a slightly more reasonable cadence, I continued, "If she can't come to trust you, I can't guarantee she won't accidentally break your heart. More importantly, I don't want _her_ to come away any more broken than she already is. She's as wrathful as she is because she's so protective of others, she sometimes forgets—or even isn't really capable—of protecting herself."

Confusion rolled off Halo in waves, brow furrowing in a frown. "I…thought she had come to trust me, with the healing."

 _I wish_. Sighing, shaking my head, I explained, "She's as oblivious as a bat in a box. I only _just_ had a conversation with her yesterday to put it bluntly that everyone can see you're attracted to her, and she was frankly _shocked_. It changes everything for her—how she's supposed to react, how she may or may not feel about you, the fact it's all in the middle of so much other change that I'm actually a little surprised she hasn't pulled away from _me_ , although she worried she would have to because now I really _am_ her little sister." Realizing I'd begun to ramble, I exhaled and set a light hand on his upper arm, my smile tired but gentle. "Look, just…give her a little time. Maybe let her sit and think for a bit, then…" I shrugged. "Either she'll come find you, or maybe you can find something harmless to talk about."

He seemed pensive, considering the idea, then quietly confessed, "I sensed _some_ of her upheaval. It's why I called you upstairs, to talk to her. I just…didn't realize the extent of it."

 _So_ that _'s why…_ I nodded to his last sentence, sympathetic. "I've known her almost five years now, and even _I'm_ still uncovering hidden depths that I never thought a person could have." My brain did its ping pong magic and bounced to a nearly unrelated but oh-so-potential topic of the future. A fiendish smirk crossed my face. "Eventually, you'd probably enjoy exploring all those depths, what with you and searching for knowledge."

By the blush growing on his nose over the quirky, shy smile he shot at me—half embarrassed and chagrined, half actually considering the thought (if I wasn't mistaken)—I guessed that he understood my double entendre. "I-I already do…"

Before he could recover from the realization of what he'd just implied, and once I'd successfully muffled my laugh into a chuckle, I patted his arm. "Well then. I'll leave you to it."

I was pretty sure I left him struggling not to imagine his crush in _just_ a bit different way than he had been. (Why yes, yes I was _that_ evil.)

—/—

I found a _new_ hiding spot in the forest, in the almost non-existent shadow of a larger tree than Sage had used. In the small, secluded space, I could finally get away from _that_. On my knees, curled up so tightly my forehead practically touched earth, fingers raked through my hair and interlocking at the base of my skull. Every part of me trembled, trying to hold off the images that wouldn't stop. Her voice. I always heard her voice too clearly and now his words mixed with hers.

I was weak. I could never reach out to others when I needed them and I was too stubborn to the point of self sabotage, and I needed to be yelled at for it. I would never get anywhere without being yelled at. I didn't understand how others worked and _why are you so scared of others they just want to help_ and I wanted to spit back that she never responded in a way that made me comfortable. She'd always forced self sufficiency on me to the point where the thought of asking for help was the single most offensive thing I could do. I needed _too much_ help. I didn't know how the world worked, I couldn't intuit it unless I'd done it before, and I was a genius on paper with absolutely no common sense. She reminded me of that every chance she got. I needed hand holding and a caretaker and she was always willing to be a caretaker and I just wanted to learn how to stand on my own.

Dusk _burned_. Not in anger but in protectiveness, trying to dispel Nether Spirits that weren't there. The earth in front of me shifted to my mother's face, her immovable presence forcing me to stay in my chair and _figure it out_ while she watched. There was no looking at a different way. There was no quitting. I had no choice but to sit and think and work and melt down. That was how I always did things and it was her job to draw out a meltdown to get rid of my mental block.

And the technique had worked again.

I tried not to shriek.

My temper. My defensiveness. My rigidity. My pride. Words flung at me that Dusk had no shield against; the only thing she could do was burn and try to break the spell but there was no spell, there was nothing there past my own mind contorting in on itself and I thanked whoever was listening that we were far away from any opportunities. No cars went fast enough and no peaks were high enough. There was nothing to do but cry, sobbing until I was empty.

I stopped counting the number of flashbacks after five.

They spanned everything: from warnings not to ever use Dusk in full because she was too powerful and I wasn't trained, I was too weak, too inept; to comments about how I was obviously training her wrong because I was resisting them more; to how my temper would turn everybody I loved against me. Made them _tired_ of me. No matter how wonderful I was, my temper would destroy everything I touched if I let it out.

And here I was, already on thin ice with Sage. He'd seen the worst of my anxiety attacks— catatonia, self harm, throwing up too much— but how would he be able to stand it all over a period of time? His crush could be nothing more than protective instinct, a saviour complex for the broken, traumatized girl he empathized with through shared experience but nothing more.

He'd known me all of two weeks, maybe slightly longer if you counted awkward Skype conversations where he was so reserved it was like looking in a mirror and I didn't know how to reach through it. Now I _could_ , but just my luck every touch was a flirt and I should have been more careful not to lead him on, not to imply a future that didn't exist— maybe it did, but not in the way he probably saw it, and not for the first time I cursed the kidnapping for making me so obviously in pain I was an open book that should never be read. Every single comment directed at me was a warning that I couldn't get relationships right.

I was a heartbreaker. That's what I did, that's what I would always do. My underbelly was glass, sharp and jagged and stained with the blood of everyone who'd ever tried to touch me there. It was unnatural and inhuman and I couldn't be any other way, my heart black from bruising that never had a chance to heal, so filled with a luggage set of emotional baggage it threatened to wrench arms from sockets.

I didn't want to hurt him.

The haunting realization came down on me.

I already had.

Dusk _exploded_ in a show of sparks, snapping the darkness threatening to consume my consciousness. I inhaled and held the breath, absorbing oxygen I'd deprived myself of the more I thought. She forced my diaphragm to move, dragging me out of the worst state.

My own will to survive took over. I pushed myself to sit up, still in a ball but this time able to look around me. It was the forest, the shadows shifted from when I'd arrived, but it was still very much real. Count the leaves on the branch. Feel the earth under my hands. The present. The forest. The images that had felt engraved into the blackness behind my eyelids were nowhere to be found, adrenalin of a rapid cycle of flashbacks dissipating. She wasn't here. Nobody was going to hurt me. This wasn't the end of the world. Suicidal thoughts faded, and I clung to the words Sage had told me. The steadfast belief I wouldn't hurt him. That I had already made a choice, despite being told I was incapable of showing restraint. He had actually gotten me to calm, meltdown averted as he changed tactics in reply to my stress.

That didn't erase my guilt at snapping in the first place, or leaving as suddenly as I had.

( *** * *** )

If Sage was going to train me— as the guys were so hellbent on enforcing— then he'd need to know _exactly_ who he was dealing with. Part of me figured he'd make another comment about kintsugi, to which I would reply that until the gold _set_ , he'd be dealing with sharp edges.

And, maybe, secretly, in a place I wouldn't admit to anyone, I wanted to hear some sort of reassurance that they would eventually heal.

I didn't want to reach out to him beforehand— I still felt weak as a kitten who just wanted to hide away from the world— but a kitten got stronger by walking. Physically heading towards the barn seemed like a good option. Once I was nearly at the trees I opened up slightly; he was alone behind it, almost as if he was waiting for me. Knowing Sage as little as I did, he probably was. From my hiding place I saw him meditating as he'd been a couple of days ago, kneeling to face the forest. I took a deep breath and stepped into sight, his eye opening from its half-lidded state as I did so.

He brushed the hair away from his face, keeping it tucked back this time. I wasn't quite sure if that was a wounded look, or a compassionate one. "Feeling better?"

I nodded. "I just… needed to be left alone. I'm sorry I… snapped. For lack of a better term."

He stood and stepped forward, gauging my reaction. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I—" He swallowed, looking away and stopping. "Nothing has to change. I don't _want_ anything to change."

I froze, not able to understand where that _came_ from. "What?"

He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes. "I hadn't realized… that you wouldn't…" He swallowed, casting his gaze back down to the ground. "Tessa told me how you reacted, finding out I liked you. I… might've heard part of it."

I rubbed my face, staying exactly where I was. Collapsing wasn't an option, not trusting the ground or my now-locked knees. My feet were lead, not able to run away from another conversation that words could not express how much I did _not_ want to have. I was out of tears and needed a large glass of water if I would cry again. Emptiness turned to hollowness, Dusk wearing down again as I tried to tap into her reserves.

Halo filled the void.

Sage crossed the space between us and wrapped his arms around me, a solid support and something to relax against. I gripped his shirt and buried my face in his shoulder, his cheek against my temple.

"Please don't pull away."

He was still _open_ , like the healing, and his feelings hadn't changed. They were the same steady, deep warmth in his chest willing to take me if I was willing to receive it.

 _'I don't love you back.'_

Nothing flickered. _'You love me enough to reach out to me.'_

I physically gripped him tighter. _'I don't know when I will or if I will and you'll be caught in limbo and I don't want to hurt you.'_

 _'You won't.'_ He pulled away just enough so I could see his face, hand going up and down my spine. _'You trust me enough to open up to me. You let me heal you despite your fear. You've given me your heart as much as you can. What more can I ask for?'_

I swallowed, searching his eyes and trying not to drown in the feeling I saw deep in the violet. Now that I knew, I could sense his crush towards me clear as day. _'Me.'_

He leaned his forehead against mine, hand going to the back of my neck. _'But I'm not asking for you.'_ Everything about him was quiet, from tone to posture to Halo's ever-present connection to Dusk. _'You don't have to be afraid.'_

I still was. Of course I still was. This type of relationship— somewhere between friends and romantic— I'd experienced before, but normally I'd fallen into it after years of consistently being there and one day realizing we had no idea how we'd gotten so close. They didn't come with announcements or awkward conversations or being in another person's arms with him about an inch away from kissing me but making no move to do so.

"You'll heal," he murmured. "Like tōgei—ceramic— is repaired with kintsugi, so will you. I… almost want to call you that, if you dislike your name."

"Tōgei?" At his nod, I managed a small smile. "I'd… I think I'd like that."

He laughed softly, hand on my neck tightening. "I thought… it'd be fitting for you. Especially with how Dusk is healing."

I looked down, trying not to blush, grin, burst into tears, or all three. "One of my favourite songs is called 'Porcelain'."

That brought a degree of warmth to his smile I hadn't seen before. "You'll have to show it to me sometime."

I nodded, glancing at the light in his eyes before burying against him again. His arms _enveloped_ me, lips going against my temple. "You should sit down."

"I don't want to let go."

He squeezed me tighter, tone too soft to be teasing but too amused not to be. "It's hard to pick you up with your arms around my chest."

I switched my grip to around his neck, him bending down to hook a forearm under my knees, other supporting my shoulders. He carried me the short distance it took to reach the barn's wall, him sitting cross-legged, his back against the wood, with me in his lap. Once I'd settled against him, he returned to hugging me.

I was still keeping a certain level of distance, not quite able to comprehend what was happening. "We… can stay like this?"

He nodded. "Nothing has to change. You can still reach out to me like you are."

I swallowed. "The guys, though…"

"Does it matter?"

His innocent question sent a hand fisting against his shoulder. My eyes closed, head trying to tuck itself under his chin despite being closer to the crook of his arm. More intrusions, floating up from their vault and reminding me of all the times I'd heard something similar that _wasn't_ innocent. These particular memories had been threatening to come out for days and were now just under the surface, the seal on my PTSD already weak.

His hand went to mine, worming its way around my palm so I was holding it instead of fabric. "What?"

My voice was no more than a murmur. "I hate comments about… _how_ I'm friends with people."

He pulled me closer, letting my forehead rest against his neck. "Then I'll talk to them."

"They're just having fun, though…"

After the softness of his previous statements, I was surprised by firmness in his tone. "They'd want you to enjoy yourself, as well."

I gave up resisting Halo's pull. My defenses dropped, missing the comfort of his presence close to mine so much I physically ached.

Part of me wondered if this was what a kiss felt like.

Sage's consciousness surrounded me, warm and bright and peaceful. It wasn't as intense as the healing had been, but the lazy feeling between sleep and awake where the world felt alright, where problems didn't matter. Dusk soaked it up and radiated gratitude, pain I hadn't known existed easing away under his presence. His _acceptance_.

I returned to consciousness to his forehead against mine, hand on my jaw to hold me in place, sheen of moisture in his eyes.

My voice was barely a murmur, not wanting to break the silence. "You're crying."

"So are you."

He wiped my tears away away while I did the same for him, his hand never leaving my jaw while mine ended up resting against his neck. He pulled me closer, nuzzling my cheek before whispering in my ear. "This is why I can't ask for anything more."

That example brushed aside uncertainty, giving me a _reason_ he felt the way he did. This was enough. _I_ was enough. At my relaxation, his lips pulled up in a smile before he kissed near my ear. "I am so grateful to have met you."

Now I blushed, trying to turn my head away so he wouldn't feel the heat against his skin. "So'm I."

We stayed like that for awhile. I didn't know how much time had passed before I became dimly aware of restlessness on the fringes of our little bubble, the guys wondering where we were... and why we could possibly be taking so long. Halo closed off, cutting them out. "Let's leave them guessing." His lips met the bridge of my nose. "And when they ask, _I_ can send them shuffling back, this time."

I laughed in my chest, glad my little outburst had become a joke already. From the way he'd said it, my fury was almost a source of pride. "Don't hurt them _too_ much…"

He smiled. "Of course not." He rested my head back against his shoulder, hand on my jaw going to rub my arm. "You'd wanted to have a much different conversation, didn't you?"

I nodded.

His hand stilled. "Do you still want to have it?"

"Y-yeah…"

He returned to rubbing my arm, silent and lacking any semblance of pressure to say anything faster than I wanted to.

I ran one thumb nail under the other. "My underbelly is glass. I'm fragile. I cut people who reach out to me. I'm— I am so very sorry for that."

His hand slid up to my jaw, picking my head up to look at him again— and see the depth of emotion in his eyes. "Light through a shattered prism makes the most beautiful patterns."

I smiled. "You really are a poet."

Now it was his turn to blush, turning his face away but continuing to hold me. "And _you_ are far too good at redirecting compliments."

I laughed, leaning forward to rest my nose against his cheek. "I like making people blush."

Only _after_ I'd said it did I realize how freaking seductive that sounded. My original intent had been related to how blushing meant people had just heard something nice, that touched them enough their body reacted. But of course that meaning was almost impossible to interpret from my words.

He turned redder, glancing at me. "And this is all… platonic, for you?"

I pulled away and cast my eyes down. "Yes."

He drew me back against him. "Then it's platonic for me, too." I picked my head up in reply, and damn that gaze of his, snagging any words in my throat. He only kept the eye contact for a brief moment, however. "I… Tessa told me how upset it made you, finding out how I felt. I thought." He swallowed. "I thought you'd know I didn't want anything to change. That nothing would change."

"I… never know. Even my closest friends have to reassure me. But it's not… _just_ that." I hid my face against his shoulder, not wanting to see his reaction to _this_. "I… was never really allowed to… show friendship the way I wanted, around my mom. Especially…" I felt like I owed him, almost; that this was something he should know before getting in too deep.

As much as I could destroy others, I hated giving them the power to destroy me.

"How do you feel about your crush being bi…?"

He _stilled_ , but not exactly in the way I'd expected. It wasn't horror or anger, but what it was escaped me. His arms hadn't shifted and the only real sign of stress was an elevated heart rate.

Sage's voice was a murmur when he finally spoke. "Considering my first kiss was with another man."

I wrapped my arms around his torso, closing my eyes and trying not to start crying again with relief.

"I take it," he said slowly, "that your mother wanted to hide any indication you liked women?"

I nodded against his shoulder. "Every time I liked a girl, even if it was just as friends, I'd _always_ get _something_ about how affectionate and… obsessed, almost, I was. Even after I told her it was platonic— even with Tessa— _especially_ with Tessa— she wouldn't stop… she would even make comments about guys, but _excited_ instead of cautious, as if trying to force me straight… while still saying not to be _too much_."

The muscles in his chest tensed. "So those comments about us…"

"Triggers."

He sighed, squeezing my increasingly balled up form. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

He snorted. "I could've tried harder to hide my feelings, to keep the comments away."

Now it was my turn to let out a breath, shoving away my irritation at myself. "I most certainly didn't help, needing all this affection…"

"Is that…" He paused, debating his own statement. "Because of your autism?"

I nodded.

Sage's hand massaged my bicep, mulling that over. "So for you… touch is nothing more than comfort, when you need it."

"Well…" I could already feel a blush creeping up my nose. "I only cuddle people I _like_. I just… kept getting told it wasn't the proper thing to do, so I stayed quiet. Reserved."

I knew exactly the weight of using that word around him, and just as I thought— I felt it stab his heart. "I… understand."

"I thought you would."

His lips met my forehead, again, resting there. I wasn't sure if it was to comfort me or himself. "Is that one of the things you would have said, to destroy me? My reservation?"

I tried not to hold my breath. "It is."

"What else would you have said?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

He hesitated a moment. "Yes."

"Alright." I closed my eyes, turning my head down and switching to telepathy so I didn't have to see him and didn't have to rely on a function that was already starting to fail. _'I know how much you struggle with yourself. Your mind and emotions don't work in alignment, with you having to think about feeling before you express yourself. You believe, deep down, you'll never be good enough and there's too much evidence telling you that you're right for you to ever stop working. You overcompensate and can't let a single person get hurt, meaning you push others away in the process. You would rather act than feel, and you put off sorting out your emotions until it's nearly too late. You're scared of being taken the wrong way, pleasing everyone around you while trying to withstand being who you are even if there's a risk that will upset someone else. You hide behind too many shields, literally in the case of your hair covering your eye— not to mention your own reserved, aloof tendencies— and you know it, but your heart is soft so you feel like you need them._

 _'In short, you are far too aware of your flaws and you believe there is more truth than distortion in them.'_

For the first time in our conversation, I couldn't exactly sense what was going through his mind. I knew he was grappling with what I'd said, but the details were obscured by what felt like frosted glass. I pulled Dusk back to the point I wasn't even touching the wall he'd put up, my ability to leave another person's mind alone long practiced and a sign of just how much I didn't want to touch any nerves. I couldn't count the number of times I had figured out something I shouldn't have, only to pretend it never existed until the person brought it up themselves.

It was surprisingly easy, hiding my feelings when they expressed surprise I'd known.

Sage replied verbally, still not opening up his mind. "Arigato."

Scratch what I said about hiding feelings easily. My voice tumbled out in shock. "What?"

He chuckled softly. "You— you're right. About me. And now that I know, I can work on fixing it. On being more secure in myself." He tilted my chin up so I was looking at his face, and what I read there indicated just how genuine his gratitude was. "Therefore, you deserve thanks."

I could only stare.

The soft smile that touched his lips turned lopsided, almost in a grin. "I've guessed you knew more than you let on since I met you. We're similar that way. Only you…" He cast his eyes down, smile fading but not falling. "You're far more openly intense than I ever was. Than I am. And I realized… how alive your intensity makes me feel."

My jaw fell just enough I felt it, not enough my mouth was agape— although for how neutral my expressions normally were, the very fact my jaw _had_ dropped was the equivalent. "You… don't mind?"

He laughed, resting his forehead against mine once again. "I fell in love with it." He nuzzled my nose. "You sound like I did, when you said you liked seeing both of my eyes."

That drew a chuckle out of me, my hand going to tangle in his hair. "They're beautiful."

He blushed darker than I had ever seen. "Arigato."

Again with the accidental flirting, and this time I'd only realized upon seeing his reaction. I needed to learn to _think_ before I opened my mouth. I had to remember some things were considered romantic, and if I did too much I might—

He put a finger to my lips to stop my train of thought, having sensed the shift in my mood. "I told you. Nothing has to change. You can be like this." His next words were barely a breath, hand sliding to my jaw. "I don't want you to ever censor yourself around me, no matter what anyone says."

I closed my eyes and tears spilled out, his words reaching parts of me that had ached to hear that reassurance for years. Brushing away any personal consequences to my behaviour, at least from him, making the triggers irrelevant in part. _'I know I'll still hurt you. I always do. I just_ did _a few hours ago_. _'_

 _'I hurt you, first, not telling you how I felt and where I stood.'_ His thumb brushed under my eye. _'And just like you forgave me, I forgive you.'_

I sniffed, curling up into him and wrapping my arms around his neck. One of his hands made it to the back of my head, other pulling me closer as I twisted in his lap. A moment later I was pressed against him, my spine stretching to accommodate the hug.

God I'd needed to hear that.

I still held in _sobbing_ , something that drew his attention. Halo opened back up, giving me explicit permission to break instead of relying on anything he might've implied, and soon settled on the growing irrational fear I was trying to shove away. _'What is it?'_

I tried not to crumple at being read. _'The longer we stay out here, the more comments we'll face when we get back…'_

A wash of understanding towards my fear was his initial response. _'Do you want me to talk to them before you come in?'_

 _'Would you?'_ My relieved question was overly-eager to my own ears, something that replaced the moment of relaxation with a spike of anxiety I was asking him to speak against his friends and break the illusion I was alright and getting one of my weird quirks out in the open.

He kept me close, not letting me or Dusk pull away from his protective hold. _'It's alright. They'll understand. It won't make them think any less of you.'_

I slowly but surely relaxed back into him. _'You apparently already know me too well.'_

His laughter was soft and mostly in his chest, but it was there. _'Do you want me to speak with them now?'_

I nodded. _'I don't… want to face them until they know.'_ I internally sighed. _'I'll probably be fine once they know and clarify, too, on top of it…'_

 _'Alright.'_ His grip loosened and I pulled back, Sage keeping me in his arms until he kissed my temple again. "I'll let you know when I've told them, if you don't want to sense the conversation."

I pushed myself out of his lap, going to sit with my back against the barn, knees drawn to my chest. "I'd appreciate that."

He stroked my hair. "Rest. You won't have to face that trigger, soon."

I smiled at him, managing to hold eye contact despite my swirling emotions. He put a hand behind my neck and leaned our foreheads together, impressing his caring and love towards me one last time before he stood and left.

Dusk practically glowed under the surface of my skin, overjoyed at the attention that it had been deprived of for so long. I hadn't realized just how much being reserved and distant weighed on me. And soon I wouldn't have to worry about how I interacted with him.

Maybe now I would have the courage to deal with the rest of my uncertain relationships.

Halo flowed along my weakened resolve, a silent reassurance Sage would be there with me.

* * *

 **Summary:** Alexa experiences massive amounts of flashbacks with a heavy dose of hopelessness; Sage's words to her about how she's chosen not to hurt others, implying that he trusts her, draws her back from the brink and acts as an anchor against negativity. Despite this, she still wants to apologize and seek out reassurance that healing is possible.


	18. Chapter 18

Quick note: small tweak made to the scene in Chap 12 where Sage rescues Alexa from Mom. Don't have to go back and read if you don't want, but just letting you know it's out there.

 **Warnings:** implied sexual coercion—minor thing, really, not even sure it needs a warning. But.

* * *

 _Chapter 18_

"Checkmate."

I blinked, staring at the black-and-white-checked board in mild but not unexpected surprise and consternation. Pouting, I glared weakly at my boyfriend.

"I hate you."

That smirk wasn't quite as adorable or blush-inducing as it normally was. A split second later it vanished, replaced with concern as one finger wiggled his queen—the checkmating piece—back and forth on the board. "That's the third time, now. Either you're not as good as I thought you were, or you're incredibly distracted." His voice softened. "What's up?"

I subconsciously nibbled at a piece of skin on my lip, glancing back down at my cornered king. Rowen, of course, was right—I'd been completely distracted, and not by the board game he'd obviously intended to use as one. It had been nearly an hour and a half since Alexa and Sage's "blowout", as Kento was calling it, and still there'd been no sight of either one of them. Of course, Sage had stuck around for a little while, but then seemed to follow my advice and walked in the general direction Alexa had gone.

My glance toward the dining room window and the woods where I guessed the two of them were seemed to be enough answer for my genius boyfriend. He stretched one long arm across the table to touch my hand. "I'm sure she'll be alright. And Sage is nothing if not considerate, especially in the case of creatures and people who are hurting."

I turned my hand so we could interlace fingers, taking a few drawn-out moments to study the way his dwarfed mine. Mine was so small I couldn't grasp all five of his fingers; I had to settle for leaving his pinky and thumb out of the equation. As much as I would have liked to have been able to match his grip, there was something comforting about how easily his hand enveloped mine.

"I just…" I pursed my lips, struggling to put words to the unease churning in my chest. "I can't help…feeling a little responsible."

Rowen's hand tightened in a gentle squeeze. "Wanna talk about it?"

Dawn could sense that he wanted to comfort me, to listen and be there so I could pour my heart out. But for all we'd been through already—as close as we felt—it had still only been two weeks. _If_ that. And I'd been the Teflon Kid for so long…

The Three Stooges tromping in from their little pow-wow on the front porch derailed any conversation we might've had. Kento's smirk didn't bode much good for the object of his amusement, but it was Ryo who spoke first.

"Well, Rowen, looks like we might not need to play matchmaker after all."

My heart sank at the almost triumphant way in which he'd announced that. Cye seemed to share my misgivings, because he simply came over to the table and sat at his usual place. The muscles in my jaw tightened more when Kento laughed lightly at the sentiment.

Yes, I might have been playing a little of that myself. But after having nearly an hour to sit and think it through (while my mood steadily declined as Rowen kicked my king's butt three times in a row), I was starting to get a sinking feeling that I'd caused more harm than good.

"Tessa?"

Something in my eyes must have concerned him, because when I looked up Rowen was studying me intently. The others quieted as they noticed their 'news' hadn't caught their brother-in-arms' attention. It was a look that said he wanted to know what was going on in my head, and while he could have read Dawn easily enough through Strata, he wanted to hear me actually _talk_ to him.

Thoughts of the armors had me reaching out toward Dusk again, only to come up short for the thousandth time. I sighed, eyes sliding shut over the beginnings of frustrated tears.

The familiar sound of the screen door coming open and then swinging closed again didn't even make me look up. I already had a guess, which was confirmed by Rowen's hand leaving mine and various subtle sounds of people turning to see the newcomer.

Kento's loaded comment asking if Sage "Had fun?" _did_ catch my attention.

Halo felt ice cold through the armor connection. Sage's eye matched the sensation. But instead of defending himself, he said sharply (in Japanese), "Leave her alone. It's platonic."

Hardrock seemed aptly named; he Could Not Take a Hint. "Oh so _that's_ what the kids are calling it these days."

I'd never seen Sage look so dangerous, even when staring down my biological mother. Concerned he might actually do something physical to Kento, I stood and moved toward them. Rowen made a not-so-helpful quip about how Hardrock probably didn't even know what "platonic" meant—though I supposed that at least said he was on Sage's side.

"Your teasing isn't teasing, to her," Sage explained tersely. "It's pressure to be somebody she's not."

The guilt that already threatened to swallow me crashed over my head, my heart dropping. It took everything I had to focus on _trying_ to sort through the complicated, conflicting emotions that brought me—I was glad he had been there for her, and seemed much better able to share in her...unique experience as far as her upbringing was concerned; but at the same time mentally wincing at the realization his mere presence would now cause her conflict, thanks to my meddling. And the boys weren't making that any better.

Awkward silence filled the kitchen, each of the boys considering the implications their comrade's few explicit words carried. Ryo especially seemed to feel all the guilt that I did—according to what I'd gathered from Rowen, the match had mostly been his idea. (So much for the general characterization that he was the most innocent of the lot…) Cye seemed a bit hurt _for_ Alexa, and Kento had the decency to look properly chagrined and chastised.

This was almost too much for me to take. I always had hated awkward situations.

Sage gently intercepted me as I tried to make my way past him to the door, wanting to throw myself at Alexa's feet. "She'll be fine. She just...doesn't want to hear anything about her and me."

I swallowed back tears, suddenly, completely unsure what was going on with me and how I felt about that. Thank God for Rowen, who firmly said, "Then she won't." His glances at the other three brooked no argument. "Will she?"

Ryo simply nodded. Kento agreed fervently, throwing in "Not a peep, here." Cye smiled in my direction, a small gesture that was both sad but encouraging.

That seemed to mollify Sage, who bowed shortly. "Arigato, minnasan."

Nevertheless, I needed to hear it from Alexa. I needed to know this was resolved and everything was okay with us, what with the turmoil of the last two weeks and now _this_ throwing a wrench in the works. I'd always said there was only so long I could let the broken bottle fill—pretending to be okay when I wasn't—until it shattered and left me an angry or bawling mess that I usually had to pick up on my own. And God knew Michael _certainly_ hadn't helped in that regard.

I made a beeline for one of the two places I always went when I felt this way, wondering if maybe Alexa would search me out because of Dawn trying not to broadcast this mood, or if I'd run across her anyway. She'd always lit up whenever we talked about horses, though she hadn't had the same opportunities to be around them that I'd had growing up.

Something between a skipped heartbeat and a flickering smile attacked me when I saw she had indeed gravitated toward the large pasture. Dusk had opened up a smidge more than it had been, now almost cautiously inviting Dawn closer, like two dog sniffing but not quite touching each others' noses. She had slid through the boards to stand next to Liv's big bay gelding, though all four horses had walked up to investigate the newcomer.

The overwhelming urge to glomp her and spew out apologies at a thousand miles an hour assaulted me. Not sure she would appreciate that, though—Dusk still gave off the Hiding Something vibe—I pointed my trajectory at my own little gray mare. The hug I wanted to give got wrapped around her slender neck, my cheek pressed tightly to the fine hair and one eye turned on my sister.

Even though I'd had a hunch she felt just the same as I did, I was overly relieved when she insistently pulled me away from Zara, wordlessly, and into her arms. I gratefully wrapped my arms almost double around her skinny torso, face buried into her shoulder. Dusk immediately opened up, a flood of emotions almost too similar to (or mirroring) my own pouring through Dawn like she were a sluice. Pain. Fear. Uncertainty. Guilt. The sense that she couldn't _help_ being like she was, _who_ she was and it was something I'd always been reminded of in our conversations and I would tell her it was _okay_ to be how she was but I had forgotten and _how_. _How_ could I possibly have forgotten?

 _"I can't_ help this. _"_

I winced at the telepathic reiteration of how she was feeling. _"I know that but I forgot and I'm_ so _sorry, I really_ am _terrible."_

 _"Don't say that,"_ she begged me, arms tightening briefly in an encouraging squeeze.

That just sent another wash of feeling through my body—that I'd betrayed her, been selfish in looking out for my own and _others'_ interests instead of caring for my _sister_ like I'd always tried so hard to do. I'd inadvertently played her—our—mom, molding and shaping her response to something that was _infinitely_ personal and should have been so unique to her and Sage. Instead of being helpful I'd wound up hurting her and that hurt _me_ more than anything.

I'd promised myself, shortly after we'd started talking regularly, that I would do everything I could to keep her from hurting anymore.

And here I'd gone and hurt her, myself.

Her voice came out choked, almost directly in my ear. Dusk provided the full sense of reassurance she tried to convey, though her vocal chords had betrayed her. "It's alright. I understand."

The only movement I made was to shake my head in the negative. "No, it's not. I should've been—I should've known—" Words betrayed _me_ , then; I made a frustrated sound in my throat, arms tightening around her.

She returned my squeezing, again in reassurance. "'Should've known' doesn't exist. That's what you felt was right…" Her voice cracked, again, sounding even more heartbroken; I could feel how she felt Odd, again, and that stabbed me with another dagger of _"How could you"_. "You just… wanted to make sure _he_ was okay."

I finally turned my face out of the dark little cave it had hidden in, wanting to look up at her but not yet feeling secure enough to truly pull back. "But you're my _sister_ and I've known you for _years_ , he's perfectly capable of handling himself and I should've been looking out for _you_ because that's what sisters do but I've never _actually_ had a sister and _God_ I'm such a screw-up." Again embarrassed by just _how_ rambly I could get, I buried my face back in her chest.

Dusk was more open than I'd ever felt it; if her voice had felt heartbroken before, now I could _truly_ feel the depth of how much she hurt for me. More firmly than before, she said again, "Don't _say_ that. _Please_. Don't beat yourself up over this…"

I knew she was right. I knew this was unhealthy, but I'd always been this way and—frustratingly—I seemed to be getting more this way every day. The closer I got to graduation, the more I realized life wouldn't wait for me to sort these feelings out, and the faster those feelings would fill up my broken bottle and come spilling out. How could I afford _that_ if I were to be a military officer? I'd already felt the embarrassment of breaking into uncontrollable tears at summer training, practically in front of my whole unit. I trembled to think how that would look at my _actual_ unit, when I would go active duty.

I wanted to believe her. I really did. But it was just _so hard_ to fight.

The tears flowed unbidden, moistening my skin as well as Alexa's shirt front. Sniffles tried to keep the other residue of my crying from following it.

The strength of her caretaking instinct covered me, enveloping Dawn in a bigger hug than the one in which she held me. She sounded as choked up as me, still. "I trust you. I know you're just trying to help me. It's _okay._ _You're_ okay."

My body shuddered as the words processed, helping me unwind just a smidge. One more loud sniffle helped, and I shifted my head so I could stare past her shoulder, chin resting in the curve of that joint. After another moment, I found words to express what had me so upset. "But it's not help if it wasn't asked for… I shouldn't have tried to get in the middle of it." I snorted, my dry humor showing up at the thought of the scene I'd left behind, _before_ Sage had arrived. "Bad enough _his_ friends wanted to play matchmaker…"

"Stop saying 'should' already." It was her turn to curl up around me. "It just makes you feel worse."

Oddly, the exasperation helped me get a grip. Wincing and slowly drawing back a bit, though not quite looking at her, I said shakily, "I...I know. But. It's just…" My voice dropped a few more decibels. "It's so hard not to…" I took the moment I needed to compose my words to lift a hand from her back and rub the tears from one eye. "It's all that _ever_ goes through my head. I always over-analyze my mistakes and second-guess my decisions. I can't—I can't seem to help it, sometimes."

She finally softened, feeling not quite so tense and defensive of me. "That's why I keep reminding you, Sis." My chuckle at the half-teasing tone about always having to remind me of things got choked off with emotion. "I don't want you to keep hurting yourself like that. You did what you thought was right at the time."

 _'What I thought at the_ time _..'_ That got a mournful, long-suffering sigh. "Y-yeah… I just wish I had better judgement. Almost everything I do feels like the "right" thing to me, at the time, but then the Law of Unintended Consequences bites me in the butt."

"You are twenty years old, and two days younger than me." The teasing about our two-day age gap dragged a weak smile to my lips. "Of _course_ that'll happen."

At last, my chuckle sounded much more natural, crossed with a quiet laugh. The squeeze-hug I gave her now was far more gentle and far less desperately needing comfort. The uncertainties that swirled like the whirlpool of Naruto Strait still ebbed naggingly at the back of my mind, but I did feel much better, now. "Yeah… Thanks, sis."

I could feel her huge grin through the chin tucked over my curved neck. "I'm your older sister. It's my job."

That got me to pull back, now, eyes rolling at the stereotypical line. My teasing matched her previous tone about our age. "Everyone keeps saying that, but I have yet to see a job description that _actually_ can prove it."

Alexa laughed as my hand automatically reached up to rest on the crest of Zara's mane. The mare curved her neck around to watch me, almost as if wanting to give me a hug, herself. "I go by media. As per usual…"

I smirked, my hand rhythmically petting my horse's neck. "So what would media say about…" My unoccupied hand waved in a gesture that indicated the crazy novel we'd been living in for two weeks—and _especially_ the almost-love-triangle we'd ended up in.

She took a moment to think about that, head cocked to one side, birdlike. "For how this is turning out like a YA plot… right in line with the whole 'soulmate' thing."

That got _both_ of us busting out in belly-aching laughter, the phrase "OUT" passing between us once more and only exacerbating our mirth. It felt nice to release the emotion, an almost cleansing feeling from the good endorphins flooding my brain.

But then her words reminded me of another issue that had been bugging me—that of how quickly Rowen and I seemed to be moving. I hadn't been kidding when I'd worried about my damn hormones kicking into overdrive; and I had an idea in part of what was causing it—thank you, Mother Nature—but that still didn't help the issue. My cheek fell to Zara's neck again as my laughter died away, arm looping underneath so my hand could switch to the horse's other side. "I really hope that's true…"

Her hand found my shoulder. "More second-guessing?"

My thin smile wasn't as humored as it had been, the one half of my face twisting to press into Zara's neck again. "Not...really? More like…" I took a moment to mull over the disjointed words in my mind. "He's great. Wonderful, really. Super intelligent, _and_ cute, and seems to have a built in 'Tessa is in distress' sense. But…" I let Dawn say everything implied in the trailed-off sentence— _'We've only known each other a week and we still don't_ really _know that much about each other and I'm so giddy head-over-heels but I don't want to be foolish like I was with Michael and will it really work out?'_

Her hand squeezed reassuringly. "I get a good sense from him. He's friends with Sage, and I haven't gotten any bad vibes from any of them. It'll be okay." Gently, she prodded, "Go talk to him. You can't build a relationship without talking." Her arm shifted to grasp me around the shoulders. "We were strangers too, once."

The thin smile grew with gratitude; I returned the one-armed hug, tipping my head onto her shoulder. "Have I told you you're awesome, lately? 'Cuz you are." I said warmly, letting my eyes slide shut contentedly.

"Not in a while." I could sense the returned gratitude and warmth in another squeeze from her arm. "Thanks."

"Anytime, neechan."

—

Rowen seemed to understand the mood I was in, or felt my unease through Dawn—or maybe he was just _that_ intuitive from what he'd seen of me before Sage came in to confront the guys. However he knew, he was already waiting for me on the porch when my sister and I approached.

I was just able to see around him through the open door to watch Ryo practically glomp Alexa without actually physically glomping her, resembling a puppy wanting to make up for chewing on its owner's shoe. Kento had a similar apologetic air, but I couldn't make out the entire conversation through the screen door.

Besides, I had other things garnering my attention at that moment. Like Rowen's arms around me and his lips to my temple.

"You dad texted you about feeding the horses," he said quietly. (Not even seeming apologetic for having read the phone I'd left unthinkingly on the table. Meanie butt.) "I figured you'd like the company."

I didn't exactly relax against him, but I nodded appreciatively. No doubt it was just an excuse for our private conversation, but I was content with that.

To be honest, he handled more of the feeding than I did. He seemed as at ease as I did in the barn, already, and (of course) had the feeding chart memorized. It was practiced and easy enough for me not to even think as I opened the breezeway to the pasture for the small herd to trot in, them knowing the drill enough to slot into their respective stalls. I didn't really _want_ to think right now, my brain crowded with swarming thoughts of how to say what needed to be said.

Once each critter was munching noisily on their grain, I laced my hand through his and pulled him toward the loft—my semi-secret hiding place. The mixed dry scents of timothy and alfalfa filled the stuffy air when we emerged into the dark room, the faintest cracks of late afternoon sunshine piercing chinks in the walls' boards. Rowen followed unquestioningly as I picked between the towering stacks of haybales toward the front of the barn and swung the huge window-door open to the fresh outdoors.

I made to sit on the edge, legs dangling into open air, but he pulled his hand from mine to drag a haybale over. He propped his back against it, one long leg stretched out and the other kicked up to brace his weight. An arm reached up toward me invitingly. No words were needed; I simply sank down as if going into seiza and folded up against his side, resting on my hip with his arm curled around me. The rhythm of his calm, steady heartbeat in my ear slowed my breathing, eyes slipping shut to take in the quiet moment.

A soft breath in my hair told me he'd turned his face toward my head. His lips rested against that spot a moment later. _"What's on your mind,_ ryuko _?"_

The smile that usually elicited didn't appear. My gut twisted into knots, cheek pressing against his chest like I'd done against Zara's neck half an hour earlier. I couldn't get a coherent telepathic sentence together, instead letting the emotions swirl as they crashed against me, allowing him to feel exactly what multiple things 'it' was that bothered me. He sat quietly, just holding me, his second arm reaching around to pull my torso close while I searched for words through the roaring surf.

At last, I found a starting place. _"Dad's always called me the Teflon Kid. I've always been the bright ball of bouncy sunshine. It...takes a lot to get me down."_ I drew a shuddering breath, thinking of the numerous times I'd secretly let myself break because the cap on my water bottle of emotions was about to burst, rather than let the dam succumb to the raging dragon behind it in a less-than-ideal place. _"Or at least, that's what most people see. He never… He never saw just what that did to me. How all the moving and having to make new friends and just being so_ sheltered _did to me. He had enough hurt to deal with, getting over…"_

I paused, leaving him to imagine my father going through the aftermath of divorce. _"I just bottle it all up inside, until there's no more room and it all comes spewing out in either screaming or tears. Or both. And it's been happening more and more, lately."_ One of his hands moved to stroke my hair; a faint flicker of surprise darted through my mind when he started pulling out the elastic tie that held my hair back, but I didn't complain. _"I'm...I'm_ scared _, and all this stuff in the last two weeks… I've just been bottling that up, too, so it_ looks _like I've been strong—and I_ need _to be, for Alexa, even though she knows these moods I have the best and—"_

A thought occurred to me, prompting a sudden halt. Realizing that I'd meant to talk to my sister about _her_ but had turned the conversation so easily to how badly _I_ felt—the barriers that she had barely helped shore up threatened to come tumbling down, tears already stinging at my eyes. I tried not to sob, but a lump grew in my throat and the only way to get air _was_ to gulp it up like a fish.

Words deserted me, again. Rowen turned just enough so that I could properly cling to him, our torsos pressed together as if we could become the same being, my face fitting perfectly in the crook of his neck. My hands curled in his shirt, one on his chest and the other above his collarbone.

Part of me knew I was being _insanely_ rambly, probably the most rambly I'd ever been. But he simply waited for the waves to exhaust themselves, a storm crashing against his mind like it was a cliff-face. His fingers running through my hair—wavy from being braided all day—slowly soothed the roiling in my heart. Still, he didn't say a word, Strata as calm and quiet as the night sky it drew strength from.

 _"I—I was going to apologize to her,"_ I admitted. _"I was going to say sorry for sticking my nose in her business and making things worse, and talk to her about_ her _and instead I ended up stealing the show. Now I feel just as awful_ again _as I did talking to her and she had to comfort me for it. I should be strong enough. I didn't go through everything she's had to. But I don't feel like I'm capable of being strong for myself_ and _her but that's so_ selfish _of me to ignore her problems."_

That finally garnered a reaction. When he sat up, leaning a bit forward and cradling me so that I was practically pulled into his lap, Rowen responded, "You don't have to be strong all the time. You are only human." He drew back just enough to see my face, a hand woven through the hair at the nape of my neck. "I will be here for you, too. You don't have to save the world—or even one person—by yourself."

Despite myself, a sob escaped around the lump in my throat. Tears flowed freely, even as he kept talking and the things he said caressed my ears as sweetly as his fingers through my hair. "Just because you've been strong in life so far doesn't mean you can't break. I know why Sage mentioned kintsugi to Alexa—he's applying the physical concept of repairing pottery to the spiritual aspect of repairing your wounded heart. And you've said it yourself—you haven't hurt like she has. This is all new, for you." The heartbreak and pain in his voice now only pushed out more tears. He sounded as if he spoke from experience. "You don't have the scar tissue to help block some of the pain."

I shook my head, thoughts going to him and this crazy relationship we had. It took a few deep breaths to be able to make my voice pseudo-level. "But… You got hurt, too. I _know_ we had this conversation already and that we should just let things settle, but until this whole... _cult_ thing gets resolved—" I curled up around myself and into his embrace, feeling oh so small in the face of what we stood against. "Until there's _peace_ and we're not glancing over our shoulders for _another_ kidnap attempt…"

"Ryuko… Ryuko, hush," he soothed, rocking me gently. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't care for you. If I didn't benefit from and enjoy your company, as well. I...I _want_ you to need me."

My sniffling ceased, using his shirt to cuff the last of the tears spilling from my lashes. The tone in which he'd said that compelled me to _look_ at him, to rest my hand beneath his jaw and stare into those midnight pools that reflected so many different galaxies with the depth and complexity of his thoughts. That faint hint of desperation, of _needing_ , reminded me of the nightmares and the captivity and how it had drawn us close.

"H-How are you handling this so well?" I murmured, eyes sliding closed and forehead pressing against his neck.

Rowen's sigh brushed past my face, the faintest touch of a butterfly's wings. "I'm not, really," he confessed; his hand had since ceased moving back and forth over my hair and rested at the base of my head, cupping the curve of my skull. His thumb passed gently over the skin there, now. "I just...coped with it differently than you." A brief chuckle tinged with irony. "We're somewhat alike, really. Both needing affection but bottling up our needs for the good of others."

This time _I_ sighed, reminded of the fact I now had to go back and have _another_ conversation with my sister. Sensing the turn in my thoughts, he lifted the other hand from my lower back and traced the curve of my face from forehead to cheekbone, wiping away the remaining moisture there. "I… You should know. _Need_ to know." He glanced down. "I deliberately got caught, by the cult."

That finally jarred me out of the odd, rambly funk I'd gotten into. I blinked, the implications slowly sinking in. When it made sense, I just exhaled a dry chuckle and lightly dropped my forehead against his again. "Baka da yo."

The faint tickle of his nose nuzzling mine snapped my eyes open, having slid close when I chuckled. "But you still love me."

A thrill shot from my heart down to a very secret place at the teasing, _knowing_ words. It was a concept I was still adjusting to but the promise behind it brought all the hormonal tides back to the surface. And though I thought I should be feeling just a _little_ whiplash from the sudden mood swing, I wasn't exactly complaining.

Even when Gwen popped up and whispered that I was very much alone in a very empty, still very dark loft with a _very_ handsome boyfriend who'd professed needing me not just two minutes ago.

 _"I do. And—I'm...glad. That you were there."_

The hand at my neck wandered along my spine, then peeled off toward my hip. _"I want to always be there for you."_

I was a goner before his lips ever touched mine. My hand found the curve of his cheek and then his hairline, trailing to the top and the longest portion of his forelock. His kiss deepened as my finger twisted in the royal blue hair, playing unthinkingly with the little corkscrew I'd created. Before I really quite knew how it'd happened, I'd slid one leg around so I now straddled his abs, most of my weight resting against his torso.

His hand running down my thigh had me pulling away from the kiss, abruptly shy once more. The brief, almost embarrassed thought _'Why_ do I keep stopping him' came to mind, but it quickly retreated when I saw Rowen staring at me with conflicting emotions in his eyes.

"I… I'm so sorry, Rowen, I—"

He hushed me again, enveloping one of my hands (on his shoulder) with his own. I watched silently, perplexed, as he lifted my open palm to his cheek, eyes closing in contentment. _"I'm perfectly happy right here, if that's where you're comfortable."_

On the one hand, I was okay with that. It gave me an excuse to try focusing on all the things I still needed to say. The way my breath shuddered when I drew a long inhalation into my lungs said the complete opposite, however. Part of me—little Miss Devious Gwen— _wanted_ to explore this.

Memories of my _previous_ relationship suddenly slammed into me.

I tried not to recoil—tried to remember what Alexa had said to Dad _and_ me about how this was much different than Michael—but fear of what could be lit my instincts. It was hard to ignore the hurt in Rowen's eyes when I backed off and swung a leg over his, putting some distance between us, but I…

 _"I just… Rowen, I_ can't _—"_ The first time _he_ 'd suggested doing more returned full-force, as if reliving the moment. _"Michael—"_

"I'm not him," he reassured softly, slowly fishing a hand into the pocket of his sweatshirt. Faint blue light glowed between his fingers when it reemerged, Strata's orb cupped in his fist. My eyes fixed on it almost of their own accord, Dawn's pulse deep within my chest matching the hum and throb of its sister armor. "Don't feel like you have to do anything. This isn't about me, right now. I want you to feel safe."

Coupled with Dawn's warmth, his words incrementally unwound the knot that had begun strangling my heart. Slowly—almost cautiously—I returned to his side, positioning myself so I could watch the sun beginning its descent toward the horizon. His arms encircled me protectively, left hand rubbing up and down my left arm and his cheek pressed to the top of my head. His right hand rested on his stomach, Strata's soft light illuminating my face.

 _"I'm...worried. That we're going too fast,"_ I admitted, splaying my hand in the middle of his chest. It was too easy to play with the zipper, the opening of the sweatshirt showing bare skin beneath. A brief thought occurred to me that I guessed that was how he kept from overheating in the ridiculous summer weather. _"I just keep remembering we've only known each other two weeks, but it feels like two_ years _and despite what..._ he _did to screw me up…"_ I dared a glance up at him. _"I… I still want you, too."_

His arms squeezed comfortingly, lips planting a light kiss to my hairline. "We have plenty of time to figure that out." I got the sense of him mulling over an idea before he suggested, "I can come up from Tokyo to see you, while you're still in Sendai. And you're welcome to come visit me whenever you like. My apartment has a guest room."

For almost the first time that day, I felt a genuine smile on my face. I turned to nuzzle his chest, pulling in deep breaths of his scent mixed with hay and horse. "I'd like that."

Rowen merely radiated warmth and let the last of the tension in his body fade. Comfortable silence filled the loft, almost feeling as if the world had stopped spinning just in our little corner of it. Dawn and Strata mixed energies and then settled; if armors were actually capable of sleeping, they would have been halfway there. Below us, the horses shifted quietly around their stalls, all the grain having disappeared down their gullets long ago.

The house wasn't so distant that I couldn't make out someone opening the screen door to let Tazer in the house. Considering the lack of height and girth on the figure, I guessed it to be Alexa. That—and the realization the horses now needed to be let back out in the pasture—caused me to moan quietly and bury my face against Rowen, again.

He expressed the faintest beginnings of worry and alarm, but I mentally waved him off. "Just...horses, and another conversation that needs to be had."

Guessing who I had in mind, he nodded and carefully tucked Strata back into his pocket. "I've...been meaning to speak with her, myself," he said. "If you like, I can talk to her first while you let the horses out."

I nodded, though reluctant to leave our cozy cuddle. I let him sense my curiosity about what he had in mind, but he simply smoothed my hair back and gave me the impression that I didn't need to worry. It was a feeling that stayed with me even after he'd helped me up, picked some stray chaff from my clothes, and headed toward the house while I released the animals.

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _minnasan_ : guys, everyone; a collective "y'all" basically, but more formal than "minna"

 _neechan_ : just in case I didn't translate it before-"sister" but usually said younger to older, so more like "big sis" (can also be used younger kids speaking to older girls , but then it's more like "Miss"-see Jun/Yuli and Naste/Mia in Yoroiden Samurai Troopers)

 _Baka da yo_ : Insulting him for doing something stupid; I've seen baka be alternately bad and not-so-bad (as in English) so I won't say the precise word. Look it up if you don't know and want to know.


	19. Chapter 19

**Warnings:** Parental abuse (emotional abuse, neglect); cult indoctrination

* * *

 _Chapter 19_

I settled back down on Tessa's bed— still feeling too strange to call it 'ours', wondering right now if I would ever feel like it was 'ours'— and pulled my colouring book out to the page I'd closed it at. The guys were so absorbed in video games that they hadn't heard a cat yowling to be let in, and I had the creeping, unpleasant sensation of having to be careful I didn't disturb anybody. This is why I had chosen to live alone despite half the people I spoke to saying roommates would be better.

I hated taking up space. Especially when other people were also going to potentially use it.

The soft knock on the door made me jump, senses not wanting to process anything and every sound unbelievably sharp against my ears. I looked up and waved Rowen inside, the only greeting I could think of being 'your turn?' and that wasn't exactly what I would have called welcoming.

He lingered by the entrance, seeming at a loss for where to start. I most certainly wasn't helping matters, me having used up all ability to speak without prompting at least a day ago.

"Is now a good time?"

I nodded, mind and voice connecting again. "Before we get in awkward limbo of 'I want to talk but I don't know when'. Go for it."

He came inside and sat down on the bed, me already cross legged in the corner and taking up maybe a quarter of the huge mattress. I lifted the book slightly. "Thanks for packing this, by the way. It's… comforting."

He smiled softly, but his eyes were uncertain. "It's nothing. From where they were in your room, I knew they'd be important to you. I… understand needing comforts, when you're alone…"

I hated implications. Either he'd trailed off because he didn't want to talk about it, or he wanted me to ask. Strata's openness ended up being the deciding factor. "You told me your parents were divorced. I… remember my mom talking about how divorce meant she wouldn't have time for me, because she'd be working. Of course, that was to just keep me dependent on her and never get out of the situation, but _that's_ a long story." I turned the conversation back to his feelings. "I… take it she was right, at least with how your life ended up?"

He drew one leg to his chest, wrapping an arm around the top. "Genichirou— my biological father— never had time. My mom… had her own job, and she traveled. Never really… bothered much with me. We're friends, in a sense, but she didn't know how to be a mother. So _he_ got custody." The bitterness in his tone was unmistakable, but it was more survival anger to hide heartbreak than any true malice. "I raised myself, in a lot of ways."

"Oh join the club on _that_ one…" I flicked my wrist and tipped my head down. "For how _overbearing_ my biological mother was, she never actually tried to raise me all that much. Just wanted me _in_ her life so she could keep claiming credit for my accomplishments, but praised me for how 'independent' I was, in regards to my education at least."

His cheek twitched in a grimace. "Genichirou never even cared about me. I get Strata from _his_ side, and I found it on my own. With help from my mother, of all people, when she so happened to be visiting."

"I'm sorry," I said, keeping my thoughts about armour and parents and neglect well under lock and key. He needed to open up and I was getting _so tired_ of being the one everybody withheld things from, because they were worried about me. Dusk's truth serum like effects— me always appearing like a good person to speak to about Heavy Things— often brought out the stories nobody wanted to tell anyone.

He glanced at me and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I meant to have a completely different conversation, walking in here."

I smiled, wrapping my arms around my knees. "Go ahead. Sounds like you need to talk."

He sighed. "I simply wanted to tell you I understand. At least some of your upbringing. I didn't mean for you to comfort two people in one day, when you're already hurting."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Please don't tell me she got upset over that."

"She did."

I grit my teeth. "I _want_ her to open up to me like that regardless of what I'm feeling. I don't know if she understands how much it helps, to be trusted that much."

"She likely knows," he said softly. "But she still feels guilty over how she took attention away from you, especially when her original intention had been to talk _about_ you."

His whole posture indicated I could keep talking about what had upset me, if I so chose. He was trying to show he understood what I was feeling and how much turmoil I was under. I knew just as well that he was tormented by the events of the past week but tried to keep it hidden, taking care of others instead of himself— almost exactly like I did, and lucky us our main person to comfort was the same one. But despite myself and all my reassurance towards Tessa he was a good person, my only thought in the deepest, locked away regions of my brain was, _Like hell I'm telling a stranger, until he tells me first._

When I didn't say anything, he continued. "She cares about you tremendously and I know you care about her just as much. For… how you took those hits, for us."

I swallowed. "I just wish you could've sensed each other through Dusk, instead of outright blocking the connection like I ended up doing…"

"Pardon?"

I smirked at the surprise; true to form, Tessa hadn't told him. "I was close enough, when Michael attempted to sever your bond. Since I… _had_ to learn how to hide myself from Nether Spirits, to get them off my back… I just extended that protection to between you two. I tried to make an illusion it was severed, so Michael wouldn't even know. But it ended up breaking contact, temporarily. And it still… wasn't enough to keep you from screaming." I let out a trying-to-be-amused breath. "At least that let me know where you were."

He blinked at me like an owl, at a complete loss for words despite how his jaw tried to work. "You… blocked his strike from hitting us?" He paused again, still staring at me. "How… how much did you feel, in our places?"

"I have superhuman pain tolerance," I said, voice measured and even. "I know how to handle those attacks. I can take them. You two couldn't. You needed each other. That's all I care about."

He was firmer, this time. "How much did you feel?"

I took a moment to translate what my experience had been— adrenalin filled and reliant on a few morally dubious tricks that redirected Nether Spirit energy into something I could use— into what I thought would be comparable for the rest of the population. "It would have likely incapacitated you for the next two hours, from raw pain. If not longer, and if not unconscious."

His eyes still hadn't left me, pupils wide with horror. "H-have you ever been…"

I shook my head. "I've been building up a resistance to Nether Spirit pain since I was able to consciously form thought. They train you from the minute you start within the cult, and I was born in it, with prayers that summon the smallest licks of flame in your soul. I'm uncomfortably close to being able to summon Nether Spirits, myself, going through their rituals to reach that point eventually. I theoretically know how to do it, but I stopped a couple of initiations shy so it would likely burn me to do so. Had I kept with it, I would've been a protege and completed it at eighteen— when people are usually twenty. I quit at thirteen, but kept up lip service to save my skin."

Apparently, Strata had its own form of truth serum; I normally kept this story inside. His worry about what I'd done was simply _too thick_ for me to not try and comfort him in the only way I knew how: tell him just _how_ well prepared I was against their attacks.

He reached over and pulled me into a tight hug, concern about my present state transforming into an ache I'd been through as much as I had. There was mutual understanding through Strata, about a history he didn't want to disclose— or maybe was blocking out— all in a swirling churn directed towards his own parents and very odd upbringing.

I poked the crack in the surface, something that felt like it was breaking out of its shell. He shuddered at the touch. _'Genichirou had some… interesting practices, that I'd see while staying in his lab. I don't even remember most of them. I just know they're there…'_

I scrunched my eyes closed in sympathy. _'I don't remember much of my childhood, either.'_

He pulled away and wiped his eyes. _'I don't— I don't even_ want _to remember.'_

"Neither do I…" I cleared my throat, curling back up in a ball. "The only thing that makes it better is… protecting others. Why I say that protecting Tessa—" I glanced up at him. "And you— was nothing."

He let out a breathy chuckle, shaking his head. "Do you really trust me that much, or are you just doing that for her sake?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you want the honest answer or the nice answer?"

"Honest."

"Her sake," I said flatly. "I trust you enough to leave you two alone for awhile, but I swear to every god in existence, if you hurt her…"

He raised his hands in genuine surrender. "I understand." He took Strata out of his pocket and handed it to me. "I swear on Strata, I would never intentionally hurt her."

I took the orb and turned it over in my hands, reaching through it. Fear tinted the edges of what used to be barriers, him submitting himself to a full reading despite his feelings about them for my own peace of mind. His desire to earn my trust and protect her overwhelmed anything else he was feeling.

"I don't need a reading to trust you," I said, Dusk reinstating the barriers he had knocked down and feeling him relax at his secrets returning to their rightful place. "You've done nothing to earn mistrust."

He took the orb back, faintest tremors in his hand. "I don't want to ever hurt _you,_ either."

I smiled, almost despite myself. "For my own sake, or for hers? Be honest."

He hesitated, looking down at the crystal in his hand. "Both?"

I chuckled. "You are such a Libra and so am I. I know what you mean, though."

"No," he said firmly. "I… _do_ care about you. Differently. But… you mean so much to her…" He swallowed, eyes flicking to the ground then back up to me. If he knew he'd confirmed my suspicions this was for her, he didn't show it. "I don't want the two of us to be strangers, and I don't want you to ever be worried about who I am."

"I'm not. Truuust me, I'm not worried about the two of you together. I have been actively _encouraging_ her to go to you, which would not happen _at all_ if I mistrusted you." I gave him a sardonic smile, the cynicism directed at myself. "I'm just an overprotective, mistrusting _witch_ who doesn't believe people easily even though all logic dictates you're fine. Nothing personal."

He blinked, unsure of what to make about my excruciatingly blunt statements. "So… you're alright with us together?"

I nodded. "I don't think I would've even let you follow her if I didn't trust you."

He stilled, looking down and drawing one leg up to his chest again. "I— I would've gone, regardless. And gotten myself captured again."

I shrugged, simply filing away his words to confirm my suspicion he'd done it on purpose. "Turns out she needed you there. It ended up working out."

"I— I couldn't stop it from happening. _Being there_ was the least I could do…" His jaw clenched. "I hated holding you back."

"I could tell." I put a hand on his shoulder. "It's alright."

He looked at me and his whole posture relaxed, shoulders dropping. "I keep doing this, don't I?"

I laughed softly. "You and her both. It's alright." I pulled my hand back, wrapping my arm around my knees again. "I'm here to help you two, if you need somebody to lean on. I'm almost never falling apart so much I can't support another person. Or two." I thought of Sage. "... Or three."

His smile was small, a mix of relief I was alright and concern at implications in my words. "Do _you_ have anyone to lean on?"

I pulled my knees closer, trying to close up again and knowing anything I did or said would just make the implications of how alone I was in this knot of support clearer. "A… few."

He put a hand on my bicep. "And one of them is downstairs, isn't she?"

I nodded.

He gripped my arm, now, tugging me forward. "C'mon. She wants to talk to you, too."

—/—

Rowen quickly took my place in the Super Smash Brother Brawl match I'd had going against Kento and Ryo. Alexa didn't even make it off the middle landing before I turned her around to go right back upstairs, guessing why it was she looked so conflicted—and of course remembering that I'd wanted to have yet _another_ conversation with her.

"I guess Rowen told you…" I said to her as we stepped across the threshold of my room.

Her smile was small, but not disheartened. "That you were upset you didn't talk to me the way you wanted? Yes."

I returned the gesture ruefully. "Yeah… And I know you're going to say it's okay, cuz you always do, but. I _need_ to hear you say things are alright. Or not, if they aren't." Even I noticed the pleading tone that crept into my voice, emphasized by a step in her direction. "Because I know you're hurting. And Rowen… Rowen told me—that we're all only human. It's _okay_ not to be strong all the time. Please, just... _talk_ to me, sis."

Alexa looked away, seeming to struggle with the duality of defender/protected. "I want to make sure _you're_ okay, first. I could do worse and you could do better."

The Marianas Trench lyrics clicked, and a brief review of the words leading up to that statement had me shaking my head. "The line before that is "I'm just trying to keep it together". Sis, you can't really patch someone else up when you're falling apart, yourself." Realizing how that could apply to myself, I snorted self-deprecatingly. "I should know…"

"I'm _tired_ of falling apart." She murmured, still refusing to meet my gaze.

I knew exactly how she felt, though I tended to have more difficulty showing it. I wrapped her up in a heartfelt hug, letting Dawn radiate the warmth and hurt I felt _for_ her brokenness. "We'll figure this out. In the meantime, just…" Words to more deeply explain the concept I had in mind eluded me; I settled for a single word instead. "Kintsugi."

Apparently that had been the _wrong_ thing to say. She immediately tensed in my arms, a soft _growl_ rising in her throat (though it didn't seem to be directed at me). "I already told the guys I'm tired of every conversation with me being a breakdown, and they're going to be worried about every interaction now, and I _hate_ that and I don't _want_ to be like this. I don't _want_ to need to heal. I just want to go back to _myself_."

The sheer pain behind her anger had me tightening my embrace, again. I let my own anger at what had been done to my sister—and maybe a bit of desperation—color my response. "You _will_ , I promise. It's just...going to be rough. This situation is _beyond_ the pale. It's practically a fantasy story. You can't expect it's just going to go away." More desperation, wishing just _so badly_ I could find a way to get the concept across to her that she wasn't alone and wasn't _hated_ , even though she seemed to hate herself enough for the entire Roman army. "We're just— We— I don't want you to hurt. It will go away eventually, I promise."

I felt something else wanting to come out on the tip of my tongue, but again I found my vocabulary abandoning me. Alexa managed to pick up on Dawn's confused emotions—Dusk helping me sort through exactly how deeply I felt for her situation, wanting to erase the lies she had been fed and to fill the claw-marks on her soul with molten gold. If it could work overnight I'd make it do so in a heartbeat, but I knew the sheer _brokenness_ she felt would take probably a whole lifetime to heal. In the meantime I remained helpless to make her understand that I would be there for her and _always_ be beside her, and I honestly trusted the guys to do the same already.

I wanted her to know _nothing_ she said or did was going to push us away, even if she deliberately tried to keep us at arms' length. I just couldn't seem to find the right combination of words to get that across.

Her armor soaked that all in. But she still needed to talk through this—her voice flat as week-old soda. "You know how trauma was treated, around my mom…"

Oh yes, I remembered _all_ too well the hours spent late at night trying not to break something because of how callously _our_ mother had dealt with the pain. _She_ had absolutely no concept of time, convinced that brushing off pain was as simple as telling it to go away. Convinced that it wasn't her problem and she shouldn't be dealing with it even though she had caused the pain to _her own child_.

The sentiment that because her own _mother_ had gotten tired of her, no one else could _possibly_ love my twin enough to stick around, no matter how difficult she thought she could be.

Heartbroken tears slid past my lashes. My embrace turned from comforting to clinging in a heartbeat, Dawn echoing so much sorrow at the fact that there could be _so much pain_ in one small body. Alexa kept saying things like that, that resigned her to the hand she'd been dealt and I just wanted to shake her and yell " _stop it!_ " until she understood she could trade in her cards or even start a whole new round of poker.

Instead I managed to get out, "I will _never_ get tired of you, sis."

Her breathing turned shaky, the telltale pinpricks of moisture on my clothes betraying her own tears. "What if this is the time you _do?_ Now that…"

The implication of the same worries she'd had a few days ago—that I'd abandon her in favor of Rowen—flared my dragon temper. Despite myself, I pulled back with my hands on her shoulders and _glared_ , thinking _'You've_ got _to be kidding me.'_ "You've known me _how long_ and you think a guy is REALLY going to stand between us." Initial spike of anger subsiding, I reiterated more softly, "I already told you. Rowen has a _different_ part of me. _You are my sister_. No one and no thing can change that. Ever."

Alexa ripped herself away and stalked toward the window seat at the foot of my bed, anger in every line of her frail frame—directed at herself. "And I'm the incompetent one who doesn't understand friendship. _I already know that_. I'm not somebody who's easy to be around."

And there it was, again, the same sense that I'd had just a little while ago when talking to Rowen. She felt she was so messed up that she could never do anything right, and who would want a friend that could hardly ever do anything for them?

I ignored the next few tears rolling down my cheeks. "That is not your fault. Your mother— _our_ mother, may she rue the day I found out who she is—screwed that up. You can know something without _truly_ understanding it. I 'knew' Michael wasn't the greatest guy. How many times did you have to tell me to break up with him before I had the courage to admit it and actually _do it_?"

She fisted a hand at chest height and stared down at it, the tendons easily visible through papery skin clenched too tightly. "I'm just _useful_. I've been _waiting_ for the day you find somebody else who can fill my place. Just like everybody else."

 _That_ was the straw that truly broke my heart. How could any person place their worth completely and totally in their usefulness to society? Words she'd sharply typed out over Facebook about productivity and how she felt worthless when she was so broken down and unable to function she couldn't 'put out' flashed behind my eyes.

I don't think I'd ever tried to make my words any softer than they came out now. "No one can ever take your place. I only _have_ one sister." I swallowed, barely able to make my voice work around the cascade of tears now threatening to fall. "And I don't want to lose you."

Her character Kavita was foremost in my mind, the one I knew the most out of all of them and the one I knew embodied the most of Alexa's personality and history. Just like the Indian-inspired warrior, I knew she was too liable to want to sacrifice herself _because_ she cared so much. Sometimes she acted as if that meant no one else could possibly care for her, because she was so scarred and marred by the dark things she'd had to do to survive.

But it wasn't Alexa's fault, and people _did_ love her, and if she ever in real life felt like she had to make that choice, I wasn't sure I'd survive the pain of the aftermath.

Dawn seemed to funnel this all straight to her. Finally, my sister deflated—fist lowering to her side, chin dropping, chest collapsing. "You know blood doesn't mean anything to me, Tessa. Not the same way it does to you."

The dragon came back, but I tried to dull it with a begging question. "Then what do the last five years mean to you? Hm? _Nothing?_ "

The growl that rose in her throat matched mine; she whirled to face me. "They mean _everything_ to me! But my everything is…"

I almost didn't care I obviously interrupted her. Jumping the gun and to conclusions was a bad habit of mine. "Significantly more complicated? Broken? _Worthless_?"

"No!" The frustration was clearly directed at herself.

Again with the interruption, but this time more quietly and with a tone of just wanting an answer, to better understand this person I'd spent so much time getting to know. There was at least one more layer I wanted to unwrap, to be able to rebandage the wounds that lay hidden under blood-soaked gauze that hadn't been changed for years. My hands came up, palms toward the ceiling, emphasizing the need to understand."Then _why are you fighting this_?"

"My everything doesn't _mean_ anything to other people. I _don't believe you_ when you say you'll stay." Every line of her body said she felt incredibly apologetic about that, sorry that she was made that way and couldn't ever seem to get around it. And I'd been around for so long through so many major parts of her identity being formed that she didn't seem to know what to do with it all, now.

I sighed, also deflating, and swallowed as I cuffed tears away. "I've seen you give your everything. I've seen how deep and precious that is. And I really do understand because I am so giving of myself on a normal day, too, that sometimes I get selfish and just want someone to give to _me_ , for once." I hazarded taking a step closer, wanting to hug her but not yet certain it would be welcome. "Your everything is so beautiful. And there _are_ people who appreciate it, even though it's hard for you to see because you've lived in a place that doesn't acknowledge that for _so long_. One day, you'll have been out of there for longer than you were in it, and you _will_ believe us." A thought came to mind, a desire for her to share the load even if it wasn't with me. But considering how she'd reacted previously, I wasn't sure it would be appreciated.

It was worth a shot, at least. "If… If you don't believe me, at least believe Sage? Please?"

Her answer was a murmur. "I believe him even less…" I'd guessed she would say that, but it still sent a twinge of pain through my chest. I looked down and closed my eyes sadly, fist clenching at my side. I heard her swallow, tears flowing more freely now. "I… don't have anything to give, right now, and if I'm not giving… why would anybody even keep me around?"

So _that_ was the underlying problem. "You don't need to give, right now. Others want to give to you. People need to be needed. Guys especially—they feel fulfilled when someone wants to lean on them, because it means they have strength that someone values." Once again, I knew I was rambling, but I was just _praying_ whatever I tossed at the wall would stick. "The guys have told me that some of the lowest points of the war were when they felt they'd failed those who depend on them. It gives them meaning to be able to take care of others when _they're_ at their weakest."

It _finally_ struck me what exactly I was trying to say. "You don't have to be _useful_ to be _valued_."

That hit home. We fell together, her clinging so tightly I could feel my circulation slowly starting to go in some spots. We were both crying, her almost openly sobbing. "I don't want to ever lose you."

The soul-deep confession had me burying my face against her neck, feeling just as desperate. "You won't, ever. Never never never, I _promise_."

I practically held her upright, now, her words barely coherent through her tears. "I believe you."

All the tension drained from my body, replaced with overwhelming gratitude I'd gotten through to her. _"Thank you."_

Seeing as both of us were about to fall on the floor with the strength of emotion passing between Dawn and Dusk, I managed to tug Alexa with me to the mattress. She didn't protest, her grip not failing once as I settled in against the headboard and let her cry, my tears quickly drying up although the empathetic ache in my chest didn't go away.

She was still crying a few minutes later when her voice reemerged, small and pained. "I… I need you. I've needed you for the past five years. I didn't want to find out you didn't need me back."

The reminder of how I'd felt in our early interactions made me sheepish. "At first…I didn't really realize it, to be honest. It wasn't until I noticed how much you'd become a part of my life that I could actually _appreciate_ that. And I loved you all the more for it." I tightened my arms around her briefly, emphasizing the strength of those feelings. "Now...I can't imagine what it'd be like _without_ you."

I lifted a hand to brush more tears from her face as she spoke. "I needed you from the start… you were my everything after I broke up with my ex. I met you… right after we stopped talking and I had too big a hole in my life."

If this had been a romantic relationship, I'd be as red as a tomato. Even platonically, though, that confession warmed me to the core and rouged my cheeks. "I'm glad I could fill that for you," I murmured shyly, suddenly feeling like I had to live up to such a huge role. It had never quite _clicked_ how much my being there for her meant.

She hardly acknowledged my comment, continuing to unload everything now that she'd been assured I wasn't going anywhere. Even so, the vulnerability in her tone still stung. "I—I'd been terrified, when I just saw Sage. When you first got me out. Because I was scared… I was scared he'd hurt you, and I'd been wrong, and I'd put my trust in the wrong guy for you."

Another realization clicking, something I hadn't had time or the mental processes to notice while it was happening. I drew back to study her from arms' length. "You thought he was part of the cult." A beat to recall the scene, cult members scattered across the floor. "Even though he'd beat up the guys around you. Because you saw his dangerous side. Even though I'd explained kendo and bushido principles to you."

My sister snorted at that. "Codes of ethics don't mean much to me, remember? They can be twisted. And factions in the cult fight all the time…"

I sighed and rolled my eyes at myself, thinking I should have guessed that. The reminder did get me somewhat back on the track of what I'd _initially_ wanted to discuss. "Speaking of Sage…" One eyebrow popped up in a meaningful gesture. "I take it your conversation went well?"

An uplifting nod. "We're… close. But I'm still…" A sigh. "He's too _new_ for me to be comfortable with him, completely, at least."

Sympathy had me pulling her back into a hug. "I understand. You do you. I just…" Sheepishness rose again, the sense of a sweatdrop transmitting to Alexa. It had been bothering me that I hadn't been able to put what I _really_ meant in a way that actually _helped_ her. "When I said "throw him a bone" all I meant was just for you two to get this out in the open. I didn't mean…"

Her small laugh helped...a little. "That wasn't the part I was upset about… it was 'don't lead him on'."

My chuckle was rimmed with nervousness—of the "oops, shouldn't have done that" variety. "Yeah, that too… I still mean that I meant it to mean for you two just to _talk_. I'm so sorry that didn't come across that way…"

The overpowering sense from before, that she felt so _strange_ and Different, came through Dusk as she sighed and burrowed under my arm. "It didn't help I didn't even know I _was_ being romantic…"

I didn't quite know what to say to that right off the bat. Instead I just sighed, rubbing her back comfortingly. After a few moments, I offered, "Well, I'm glad that's behind us, now. As long as you're okay—that's what matters."

Another period of silence as she mulled over what she wanted to say. "I'm… not okay, though. Like I'm fine about all that stuff but. I'm not— I'm not any _semblance_ of okay."

 _That_ worried me—she'd always been the empathic type, not me, so this seemed a bit out of the blue. Then again, she _had_ gotten very good at projecting the facade that she was totally fine, living with our mother. I leaned away to look at her, again. " _Talk to me_. I want to know what bothers you so I can help...if I can."

Her hands tightened in my clothes, still the image of a child needing comfort from the monstrous nightmares. "I never thought Mom would go this far."

I practically folded my body around her, feeling a bit like a mother dragon with her dragonet and trying so hard to block out the outside world so she could rest in peace. So she didn't have to fear whatever words needed to come out in order to finally reach equilibrium and come to terms with herself without a judgemental world peering in. The comfort seemed to soak through to her soul; more words came spilling out. "I always knew she was _dangerous_ and I always knew I had to get out but just. How she went after you? How she showed up here and how she did all that and how she _doesn't see it_ and— then the thought of filing charges and it means I'll put my _own mother_ in jail and I know it's not supposed to be like this and I wish it were different."

I let that digest for a while, carefully mulling over where I wanted to go with this—reassurance, metaphor, personal experience, or something else entirely. Quietly, I said, "Liv could tell you stories about the number of parents she's seen in jail for things they've done to their children. There...isn't _really_ a 'normal' for people like her, and those in her life." My forehead rested against her hair. The next words somehow didn't rise in pitch or tone. "She needs to pay."

Of course, _then_ I made a connection in my mind and _then_ I got growly. "She and _Michael_ at least need to pay for imprisoning Rowen and me."

It was her turn to hug me tightly. "They will. Between all of our testimonies they _have_ to."

And it was my turn to cling, the two of us wrapped up like the twins in Gemini or the fish in Pisces, nearly inseparable and distinguishable only by our polar opposite traits. The comforting quiet that filled my bedroom was a much-needed catharsis, the only sounds to penetrate our little bubble being gentle breathing and the occasional twitter of a bird.

We probably could have drifted into a nap if it weren't for Ryo poking his head in the still-open door. "Interrupting anything?"

For once, my sister was the one to answer, us having traded places of comforted and comforter. "No, c'min."

Still not able to overcome the embarrassment that I wasn't a pretty crier, I subtly tried to rearrange myself so he might not be able to tell I was on the tail end of a fairly large sobbing session. The Japanese, luckily, rolled right off my tongue: "Dooshta ka, Ryo."

"The guys and I were wondering..." He threw a glance over his shoulder; I almost stifled an amused snort at their obvious gathering on the middle landing of the stairwell, eagerly watching their spokesperson approach the two dragons in their den. "We've all… not really had a break. Think you'd be up to going out, tomorrow?"

The suggestion flooded both of us with a welcome release from tension; I could tell Alexa was perking up at the chance for a change of pace after the doom-and-gloom of the past two weeks. "Did you have anything in mind?"

He seemed amused at that, chuckling shortly. "You're the one who knows what to do around here."

Leave it to my boyfriend to throw in a _helpful_ quip. "Although we've figured we should steer clear of movies, for a while."

I guessed that was one reason I loved him, though, because I laughed at the jab directed toward the last time we'd been in that vicinity. It was easier than remembering what came _after_. "Well, where _else_ do you go in the summer but to the pool?" I suggested with a grin, arms expanding in a triumphant, magnanimous gesture.

Cye immediately perked up, seeming to radiate happiness like the sun. Kento jabbed a friendly elbow into his ribs, not needing to verbalize the joke that of _course_ Torrent would love the opportunity. Alexa glanced over at her suitcase wonderingly; I was happy to see she anticipated the idea almost as much as the resident water elemental. "Did you guys even pack my bathing suit?"

I'd thought it would be slim chances—at least, _my_ bathing suit wasn't an oft-used item—but leave it to Rowen to have thought of _everything_. "I packed it, considering it was on the shower curtain rod. But I'd go get it for you, if I hadn't."

That made her pause, but when she spoke it was with amused exasperation. "Next time, let me give you my _keys_ so you can get in the place _legally_. I don't even want to know how you got in the first time…"

That cheeky grin. I could have kissed him were he not twenty feet away. "Balcony."

She sighed with even _more_ exasperation, directed at herself. "Of course… leave it to me to have my patio door open. Normally people aren't waltzing up to the _fourteenth floor_."

The heavy tease in those words regarding Strata didn't escape my notice; I nudged her shoulder with mine and fluffed her hair fondly before turning to the boys. "What about you guys? Somehow I don't think you'd anticipated "swimming" on the list of "things to do when we go rescue damsels in distress"."

Of _course_ Cye would (meekly) raise his hand. "Actually…"

Apparently used to the predictability that Cye would _always_ be prepared to hop in the water, his friends just rolled their eyes. But then Rowen shot me a Look along with the mental image of his own swim trunks tucked in the bottom of _his_ suitcase, and I discovered I was dating a closet water-lover.

It was almost too tempting to spill his secret, but I let it go. This time.

Once the remainder of the not-quite-Three-Stooges informed us that they in fact had been fairly average human beings and _not_ thought to pack their swim gear—then Rowen volunteered, as he had with Alexa, to go retrieve the said items from Japan—I clapped my hands together in finality. "Well, that'll tide us over for a few hours… Think we'll want to be out longer?" I asked, already sliding off the opposite side of my room-bed and headed for my dresser. A mental checklist of Things starting with sunscreen, sunscreen, and sunscreen danced through my mind.

 _But first...one-piece, or bikini?_

Dawn gave me eyes in the back of my head, the sense that Rowen shot my twin a concerned look but she nodded _vigorously_ in reply to my suggestion. "Longer sounds good to me."

Of course, if it had anything to do with Kento, it would involve breaking a sweat. "Got anything more active to do? Like maybe a park. We could get some pick-up games of sports together."

Rowen perked up. Did the nerd have a secret athlete side? (I guess he had to, to have as much muscle definition as I'd caught glances of.) "I could go for baseball—or basketball?"

I mulled that over. "Well, maybe… But I don't particularly feel like playing sports after swimming."

"What about bowling?" Leave it to Ryo to come up with the perfect compromise. "Anywhere nearby for that?"

I was pretty sure an actual lightbulb could have sparked on over my head from my 'aha' moment. "Yeah, there's one not far from the pool, actually. _And_ they do blacklight bowling on Saturdays. That'd be awesome!"

The suggestion struck a chord with Alexa. "I did blacklight bowling as a kid! My grandparents and stepdad hated it but it's so fun." She paused, a question obvious in her demeanor. "Five or ten pin?"

I couldn't say I'd ever heard of there being fewer than ten pins—from the look on the Ronin's faces, I guessed they thought the same. _Must be a Canadian thing_. "Ten pin." Sensing favor for the motion, I paused packing my day-bag for tomorrow's activities and glanced up at the members of our little posse. "All in favor of bowling, say "Hai"!"

It was only half-surprising to hear Alexa join in the Japanese chorus. Then she shook her head. "I'm _so_ going to get creamed."

Sage—having been silent the whole time—finally piped up. "If you get tired, I could probably throw a round for you."

The offer was only half-teasing, according to his tone and posture. I couldn't help joining in on the humorous side. "Hey now, if he gets to throw for you, Rowen gets to throw for me!"

Kento raised an eyebrow and half smirked, half grinned at me, hooking a thumb in Rowen's direction. "You really sure you want to say that before you've seen him bowl?" My boyfriend faked a look of indignity and tried to wrap the shorter warrior in a headlock, but he nimbly twisted away to hide behind Sage's wide shoulders. Though they did little to hide Kento's even _wider_ build.

Alexa lifted a hand into the air meaningfully. "Ten pin's a _little_ hard with these wrists."

I stuffed down the twinge of guilt at the reminder by turning my sights on Kento and Rowen. Decidedly done with my packing—for now—I sauntered around my four-poster canopy bed to the doorway where Rowen stood. "Eh, yeah, you got a point there, Ken…" A finger hooked in the open collar of Rowen's sweatshirt clearly indicated I spoke to him, now. "Sorry, hun, but I think I'll do alright by myself on this go-round."

The fact that Strata suddenly pulled back from Dawn should have been my clue something was Up. Not two seconds later, that "something" ended up being me—over Rowen's shoulder. "Not if I have anything to say about it!" he declared.

Dawn got the distinct impression of amused, exasperated laughter from the other armors as my crazy boyfriend ran off through the house with me.

* * *

 **Translation:**

 _Dooshta ka_ : What is it?


	20. Chapter 20

So... Things have gotten fun around here! Hence no update on Friday. And because I'm going out of town for the holidays, too, there will likely not be an update this Friday, either.

In the meantime, please enjoy this update. See you next week!

 **Warnings:** Distorted eating/restricted food, weight loss talk, parental abuse, autism "treatment"

* * *

 _Chapter 20_

I watched Rowen take off with my sister and said the first thing that came to my overprotective self. "Okay, so who's gonna follow and chaperone those two?"

Ryo laughed. "That's assuming Rowen doesn't just fly off."

"The guy's better at avoiding people than Sage, when he wants to be," Kento tossed in.

Sage rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that because we can always find you in the kitchen, Kento."

I managed to laugh along with everybody else, the sound quieter than even Cye's softness. Sage shot me a glance, feeling Dusk's retreat more than the others from Halo's apparently omnipresent watchfulness. As the conversation had gone normal I hadn't been able to hold off memories. It was only my very well trained mind keeping myself from going off on yet another spiral of self hatred; honestly, I was simply too tired to continue thinking about it.

"You gonna be the third, Sage?" Ryo asked, tone sounding like he knew it was a longshot but still asking.

Sage shook his head.

Kento deflated. "Awww man, now we'll have to start the game _again_."

Ryo rolled his eyes. "You wouldn't say that if you were losing."

The two continued talking about the possibilities of how to handle whatever game they'd been playing as they went back downstairs, Cye following in an apparent referee position. Sage stepped into the room, closing the door behind him before coming to sit next to me on the bed. I was already a ball again, turning my face away from him even when he put a hand on my shoulder to try and draw me out of my shell.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

I _exhaled_ , squeezing my knees up tighter against my chest and trying not to give in to the anger and rage at _life_ that was threatening to come into my personal relationships. It was bad enough I'd exploded at Tessa, and I didn't want to keep exploding. "I'm just tired. Of everything."

He waited in the silence I'd left, an unspoken prompt to keep going. I grit my teeth together and curled up more, trying not to bristle as his hand went up and down my back. It helped and both of us knew it. I forced myself to accept the affection, my heart crumbling again. Of course he knew it had been about to, and I wanted to pretend it wasn't. I had just had four fantastically reassuring conversations and stabilized basically all my relationships and I was _still_ upset.

"I…" My voice caught in my throat. I reached around him for the water bottle I'd left on the bed. Drinking only helped in the sense the liquid stuck around in some semblance of saliva, my mouth still bone dry under the application. "I've lost so much weight."

"You _have_ gained some back." He took my hand, thumb trailing along the faint tendons rising out of the back. They'd been practically jutting out of my skin two weeks ago. "Thanks to Cye taking care of you."

I gave a very soft, very small smile at the reminder I wasn't as bad as I had been. "And you."

He gripped my hand tighter, bringing it up to his lips almost like an apology. "Halo— can't actually heal the effects. Not as much as it normally can, at least."

I closed my eyes, voice quieting from a lump in my throat. I recalled how his armour worked, the way it simply restored a previous, assumedly-healthy state. "Let me guess. I've been sick for so long there isn't enough _in_ me to heal?"

He nodded, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "I can heal the worst of it, at least in regard to any potential permanent damage because that builds over time, but…"

"My body's natural state is starvation," I murmured. "I understand."

His lips met my hair, staying even after the light kiss was over. "The more you recover the more I can help."

I chuckled dryly. "The more I recover the less I'll need you."

"Good." He nuzzled my temple. "This is one time I don't _want_ to be needed."

I interlaced my fingers with his, staying in his arms and trying to reconcile how much I _loathed_ my body with how much he seemed to love it. He was at least aesthetically attracted to me, despite the skin pulled tight over visible bone everywhere my skeleton rested near the surface. My ribs were always the last place to fill out, first place to drop, with my hips not far behind. My already slender legs had lost almost every trace of muscle definition and even my shoulders stuck out in an unnaturally _sharp_ way. All of that would be on display with a bathing suit that showed my whole hip socket, the seam resting just above my protruding bone, and would likely gather around the stomach because there simply wasn't enough _to_ me to fill it out.

Most women worried about spilling _out_ of their bathing suits. I knew thousands would kill to have my problem, but here I was, almost willing to kill to have theirs.

Sage sensed my turmoil, pulling me closer. "I'm sure you're beautiful, regardless."

I shut my eyes against another wash of tears. I had lost count of how many times I'd cried today. "That's not the _point_."

His concern rose, just barely there in our armour connection; thankfully he kept it out of his voice. "What is the point, then?"

I licked my lips. "I always told myself I'd never get an eating disorder. That I wouldn't be stupid enough to get one. Like intelligence had something to do with it. Every 'girls help' book out there told you not to fall for diets and to not listen to the media about what your body shape is supposed to be and I thought I was fine because I _am_ thin and everybody told me that and I listened and…" My voice choked up, face pressing into his chest to hide. "Nobody ever said what I was doing was _dangerous_. That you could starve yourself for _other_ reasons than wanting to change how you look. I hid how I felt about how I looked so much I didn't even _realize_ I hated my body and its need for food, and I didn't snap out of it till my heart nearly gave out from low blood pressure and one of my friends told me to eat now _or else_."

He pulled me into his lap almost instantly, formerly-loose circle of his arms pressing tightly against my back. His utter protectiveness masked bone-deep heartbreak I had been through that.

And I hadn't even mentioned the worst yet.

' _Tell me,'_ he said. ' _I_ want _to know.'_

I gripped his shirt, too worn down to resist anymore. ' _My mother put me under the restrictions that nearly killed me as an autism cure, while denying I was autistic.'_

An overwhelming wash of _rage_ flooded me, his nails digging into my skin with unbridled desire to murder her. Any sense of calm he'd been gripping previously was completely unbalanced, him thinking of nothing else but wanting to avenge me.

' _No no no no_ please _no. Don't. It's not...'_

Before I could finish my statement, his anger cooled back to manageable levels, woven in with guilt he had become so emotional. He pulled back and stroked my hair with a trembling hand. "I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and brushed the hair away from his face, using the grip to get his forehead against mine. "Don't. Please. I appreciate it. I just…"

Our eyes met, his filled with tears he was holding back. "Don't want to hurt her, because she's your mother and raised you." He brought me against him, me nodding into his shoulder. He massaged the base of my neck, relaxing back into comforting instead of protecting me. "I understand."

"Your grandfather?"

Now it was his turn to nod. "Rowen has wanted to at least _hurt_ him, before. For what he's done."

Thoughts of Rowen brought up some of Sage's memories— he had last been this wrathful when his might-as-well-be-brother opened up to him about his own upbringing. I soaked up the protectiveness he had towards those he loved, much to Sage's relief. The fear at showing his anger ebbed away, his own issues around displaying emotions revealing themselves.

"Others' anger validates me," I said into his neck. "Lets me know it… _was_ wrong."

He let out a breathy laugh at the extent of his reaction, fingers tangling in my hair. "I can… certainly tell you I am angry at what happened to you."

I smirked. "If that hadn't been obvious…!"

His laugh was stronger, now, breath on my neck and still _holding_ me. He didn't reply right away, _his_ uncertainty at the past two weeks coming to the surface. He adjusted his grip to reflect his desire for comfort, face in my shoulder and cradling me against him. "I'm… glad we're keeping this platonic. For awhile, at least. Both of us…"

The way we were the same, in this regard, thinking first and feeling later, filtered through our armours in place of words. Following our hearts was next to impossible, with too many hangups and questions for either of us to simply put aside. For all I encouraged Tessa to trust her instincts and dive into whatever felt right, I couldn't apply the same advice to myself.

"I'm not used to trusting others," he said softly. "Not this much. Not this soon." I rubbed what I could reach on his back, encouraging him to continue. He let out a breath and burrowed into me. "It's like you're teaching me how to feel all over again."

Memories of how he'd come to trust the guys, his brothers, rose to the surface, his cold outer layer melting away as he had to rely on them, fight beside them, and in a sense mentor them because he knew the most about his armour thanks to what he'd been taught. But despite the bond he shared with them, the bond with me was so different he was at a loss for what to do.

Without meaning to, I demanded he feel the deeper reaches of his heart, places he'd thought locked up in permafrost for how scared he was of revealing them. Of disobeying what he thought he was supposed to do, staying collected and in command of his emotions. Me in his life turned his mental processes upside down, giving him a space to love so fiercely it melted what he thought was immovable.

It was hard not to shrink back under the weight of such responsibility.

' _You do it effortlessly,'_ he said, cautiously drawing Dusk to Halo again. ' _I wouldn't have shown you if I didn't… already believe you could continue. Even at your weakest.'_

I closed my eyes, trying to settle back into his grip but feeling uncomfortable like there was sand in my shoe. ' _I'm scared you just love saving me. Of having somebody_ to _protect. I'm… I'm not like that. Most days, at least.'_

He shook his head. ' _I know there's a wildfire that rivals Inferno in your skin. I want to help you find it again. And… guard what sparks you can draw, in the meantime.'_

I swallowed, our roles shifting as I curled up into him. ' _I won't believe you for awhile. I… believe you, in a sense, but I don't… I don't know for sure if you're telling the truth. Because you haven't experienced me long enough.'_

He kissed my cheek. ' _I understand. In a way, I don't believe you'll continue to be here, myself, the more you see of me.'_ His mental voice quieted. ' _I want to try, though. To keep you in my life for as long as I can.'_

' _So do I.'_

For once, I was _comfortable_ with uncertainty. This didn't feel like unpredictability, but simply two people who had never experienced somebody there for them with so much feeling behind it. Despite the solidity of our past relationships, of knowing we had at least one person behind us to support us through thick and thin, the possibilities between the two of us made everything a dangerous unknown.

And yet still worthwhile to explore. Slowly, tentatively, full of backtracking— but done together.

A knock on the door pulled us apart. Sage let me sit up before sending a flicker Rowen could come in, neither one of us having the strength to withstand being seen with our hearts on our sleeves, when normally they were wrapped up in three layers of bloody, iron-clad defenses.

"Need anything?"

The implications of 'from Japan' hung in the air, but only as an external front. Sage looked at him and for once hid something from me, Dusk picking up on _loneliness_ and me filling in the rest. Just like I needed my sister, he needed his brother.

"I should probably get dinner…" I said, half looking for an excuse to leave them alone and half genuinely hungry.

Sage raised an eyebrow. "Yes, you should."

I got up and brushed past Rowen, leaving him and Sage alone to talk for a few minutes in private. Cye had, of course, already cooked something and left it aside for me; I grabbed it and went to the living room, flopping on the couch next to my sister and feeling more comfortable with the guys since this whole thing had started. Her arm went around my shoulder and she pulled me close, Dawn open and Dusk returning the transparency.

I couldn't express how much I'd missed that.

She had questions but kept them to herself, not wanting to accidentally trigger me with a comment that I'd just spent quite a long time alone with Sage. I mentally waved off her concern, answering her unspoken question. ' _He… kinda picked up I was worried about going to the pool, for all the weight I've lost.'_

Her concern only intensified. ' _Do you still want to go?'_

' _Yes. I'll honestly feel worse if I don't.'_ I curled up into her a little more. ' _He… also found out_ why _I have an eating disorder.'_

Her temper flared, still as intense as when she first found out that little factoid about my hellish upbringing. May our mother rue the day we became friends, because Tessa had been there for the past five years, hearing about details for the past four. I'd told her everything for validation, her listening because she didn't want me to be alone.

Secretly, I'd told her quotes in case the abuse ever went to court. I could not express how happy I was I'd done that, now that charges had been filed.

She squeezed me tighter against her side.

We stayed like that for awhile, watching Ryo and Kento play _another_ round of games, until Rowen and Sage came down. Both of them felt reassured the same way Tessa had after I'd talked to her, a fact that made me relax. I'd hoped Sage would reach out to Rowen soon, ever since I found out he'd been hiding from him the previous day. Had this really all happened in just over thirty six hours?

 _When it rains, it pours, I guess…_

Rowen gestured to me against Tessa. "Mind if I borrow your pillow for a few hours?"

I shook my head and let her stand up, a sing-song "Have fu-un!" escaping.

She turned beet red and to my surprise so did Rowen, him clearing his throat before wrapping an arm around her waist and vanishing outside.

Cye shook his head and jerked his thumb towards the two men returning to their game. "And I thought _those_ two were bad."

I laughed, shifting so Sage could take Tessa's place as my pillow. "Oh I'm sure they're worse. I really only tease her."

We stayed quiet for awhile, until I'd finished and Kento had won, him leaping to his feet with a cheer.

Ryo sighed and dropped his head down, hiding a glare at his friend. A moment later, he twisted around to me. "Wanna play?"

I blinked. "Um."

"Promise not to do that when I win," Kento said in an attempt at placation. "Too much, anyway."

I snorted out a laugh, putting my empty plate aside and grabbing a controller. I'd never been allowed to play video games, to participate when people were playing, thanks to the cult's ridiculously warped ideas of what happened when you played. But around these guys, and their honest attempts at trying to include me, I wasn't worried about being triggered or appearing like a total, incompetent fool. "Sure. Just teach me how to use this thing, first."

—/—

The moment Rowen mentioned 'borrowing' me for a few hours, I should have put two and two together. But it wasn't until we stepped outside and his subarmor shimmered into existence that I realized he was taking me with him on his 'errand' run to Japan. Dawn flowed across my skin almost immediately after, power thrumming through my veins.

Warmth chased away the chill of summoning when Rowen looped his arms around my waist. I leaned against him, hands splayed over his chest as he dipped his head to nuzzle my nose. "Can I finally take you on that date I'd asked for?"

I grinned, remembering the awkward conversation from the car-ride to my house that long week ago. "I was starting to wonder when you were going to bring that up…" A thought popped into my mind unexpectedly. "Wait. Have you ever taken someone else with you, before?"

His nonchalance was almost unnerving. "Just Ryo, that one time Talpa scattered us and I got stuck in space. But he figured out his own way up—I just helped him down. And to be honest, I was still unconscious, so I don't remember any of it..."

My hands slid around his torso as the full Tenku yoroi materialized, fitting perfectly between the breastplate and his underarms. With my cheek nearly pressed against the cool metal, it was practically impossible to miss the shallow slice that parted the normally-smooth surface. The breath caught in my chest, instantly understanding where it had come from.

"R-Rowen…"

He gently took my hand away from the blemish, pressing his lips to the back of my gloved fingers. "I'm alright. It's not as severe as…" Images of Dusk's wounds flickered behind his eyes. "Dragonfang actually helped." He let go of my hand, his own fingers lightly brushing over the damaged armor. "It _is_ healing. Should be good as new soon."

Despite his assurances—despite Dawn's once-over telling me he was right—I still had to swallow down sorrow. He never should have had to be put in that position. "But you got hurt, because of me."

Rowen tipped my chin up to look me in the eye, almost more serious than I'd yet seen him. "I would not be able to live with myself if I let _you_ get hurt. This is hardly a scratch, compared to some things I've experienced." When I attempted a wan smile at that sentiment, he pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. "C'mon; let's think about something happier."

My arms tightened like a vice around him when I felt his knees tense and coil for a leap. Weightlessness overcame my body as our feet left the ground, the disconcerting sensation of gravity dispelling at the apex of his (enormous) jump. The higher we got, the more I couldn't tear my fascinated gaze from the earth far below—despite the faint fear-flutter in my heart. A transient worry poked at my brain, wondering how I would be able to _breathe_ when Rowen was the one with space powers, but I decided to trust him and simply marvelled at the view. Once we'd cleared the treetops, he picked up speed until we were shooting like a bullet through the clouds.

I attributed the fact my ears popped—rather than _exploded_ —to Strata's protection.

My heart raced almost as quickly as we flew, a giddy grin plastered to my face. It was tempting to test Dawn's own abilities, to dart between the clouds and up through the highest layers of the atmosphere under my own power. Considering our errand and the fact this was our first trip, however, I contented myself with nestling in Rowen's embrace and peering out in awe at the world rushing by.

Almost before I knew it, then, the curve of the Earth gave way to the vast reaches of black space. The silence was so profound that the blood still rushing through my ears seemed like the roar of a waterfall.

I couldn't bring myself to break the vacuum's spell—though something told me the faint blue shell that had appeared close around us would have transmitted sound waves, if I'd been so inclined. " _It's so...still, up here."_

Rowen, nodded—noticeably more relaxed than I'd ever seen him, every worry and care seeming to slough right off him as if they'd never existed. Harsh sunlight and sharp shadows threw his face into high relief, but somehow it only enhanced the intelligence in his dark eyes and the handsome planes of his features. More than ever, now, he looked _himself_ , reclined like a king in his element and certain in his strength. He practically glowed as if made of starlight.

A hand lifted of its own accord to trace the curve of his eyebrows, eyelids sliding closed under the gentle trailing of my fingertips. They stopped at the cheekpiece of his helm, a suddenly-unwelcome intruder in the tender moment.

I hesitated, again reminded of the too-close-for-comfort, oxygen-less environment that lay beyond our thin shielding. " _Can you…?"_

Not opening his eyes—simply half-smiling—he spent a moment concentrating on his armor. The offending article glowed for a split second before dissolving into tiny blue sparks and then fading out entirely.

He opened his eyes, still half-smirking at me. " _Better?"_

I returned the smirk, the faintest trace of a pleased purr in my tone. " _Better."_

We floated in silence for a long moment, my cheek resting against Strata's breastplate and his settling against my hair. From where we 'stood', I had a clear view of slowly-turning continents on one hand and the distant moon on the other. If I really focused, I probably even could have picked out Mars or Venus.

" _I came up here often, after the war."_ Rowen's demeanor was as quiet as the ambiance. " _The silence helped me think—the vastness of space humbling all the problems I thought were so insurmountable."_

I rubbed my cheek against his armor, feeling very much cat-like but enjoying the closeness. " _I can see why—it's stunning."_ Another wave of awe washed over me at the thought of just how small a fraction of the universe it was that I surveyed. " _God's creation is truly incomprehensible. So much detail, so much_ precision… _The mere fact it's_ possible _for us to be up here right now. The fact that even in flimsy space suits, astronauts can come walk through a place where no living thing breathes…"_ I could only come up with one word for it, at the time. " _Incredible."_

A hand came up from my waist to rest at the top of my braid, fingers split over Dawn's circlet. " _I think_ you're _incredible."_

There were no words to describe the warmth that lit in my soul, a place that had always been inclined to downplay compliments. Seeming to sense my embarrassment mixed with gratitude for the kindness, Rowen shifted his hand to my cheek in such a way that I had to look up at him. Even the unfiltered light of the sun couldn't burn away the softness in his eyes.

Without fanfare, or further elaboration, he slowly leaned in to kiss me. It was all at once the most caring and the most sensual kiss we'd yet shared. The feeling of being frozen in time while the world literally kept spinning below our feet made it lazy; the depth of emotion behind his lips gave it passion I'd never known could exist. Without fear of interruption or of going too far—armor coming off meant certain death, after all—we were free to explore without triggering bad memories.

Telepathically, Rowen dropped every defense. It caused me pause for a moment, pulling a hairsbreadth back with mouth slightly parted, but reassurance came in the form of his hand drawing my lips back to his. His affection bordered on smothering as my brain worked to process the feelings I was sensing from him.

The uncertainty and awkwardness stemming from how _different_ he'd been compared to other kids his age. His struggle with abandonment from a neglectful father and a ditzy mother. Wanting to fit in but not having a solid group of friends to share _life_ with until the Dynasty War. Determination to see the mission through when he and Ryo alone stood against the whole might of the _youjakai_ , death seeming certain yet averted thanks to Strata.

His realization that now, he had something he'd never had before, something more than precious—some _one_ he could never live without ever again.

Someone who had seen more of _him_ than any other on the planet.

It wasn't until Rowen separated us, pausing for breath, that I realized I'd begun crying. I could barely find breath to stay upright, let alone speak, clinging to him in absence of my own strength. Cold metal—his fingers—whisked across my cheekbones, flicking the moisture from my skin and into open space. " _That is why I would take a thousand strikes from those swords for you."_

A not-quite-sob wormed its way out of my throat. My arms snaked around his neck, my forehead dropping to his collarbone. " _...I love you,"_ was the only thing I could think to say.

Strong arms held me close, his face buried against my neck so that his breath warmed the skin below my jaw. " _And I love you."_

I almost jumped just the tiniest bit when he lipped at the curve of my throat, following the natural guideline up to my earlobe. Teeth nibbling at the flesh sent shivers radiating through my body, my head twisting either to avoid the sensation or encourage him...or both. Air expelled sharply through my nose, barely controlled like my too-wild desire. " _I swear if we weren't in the middle of space…"_

I didn't have to see his smirk to know it was on his lips. " _We can fix that…"_

As tempting as that possibility was, the fins of dark sharks that represented my ex circled in the waters off our cozy island's shore. I squeezed my eyes shut against the image, turning my face back into Rowen's neck. " _No."_ That did remind me, however, that we had errands to complete. Reluctantly, I added, " _We should go…"_

He sighed, one arm slowly running up and down my back in a soothing rhythm. " _Yes, but… Not yet."_

The unspoken plea to just rest in the serenity of our orbit settled me. We practically melted together, the spike in tension from that subtle conflict evaporating as if it had never been. Slowly, incrementally—though it took me a while to realize it—Strata sank into the upper reaches of our planet's stratosphere. My first hint was the faintest beginnings of gale-force winds whipping past when Rowen tipped backward into Earth's gravity.

This time I did let out an adrenalin-filled whoop of excitement as we dropped like stones into the atmosphere. Strata's shielding was again the only reason we didn't lose our hearing after the long silence of space. I had a sneaking suspicion the next ten minutes were a deliberate delay in our reentry, both of us having too much fun on the armor-fuelled rollercoaster in the sky.

The last half of the descent turned lazy, floating just under the clouds while Rowen searched for familiar landmarks. I could almost fall asleep to the gentle rocking of our flight, the cocoon of his arms making it soft like a drifting feather.

Before I knew it, we'd twisted upright again, the quiet _thump_ of armored feet muffled in thick grass announcing our arrival on solid ground. I opened my eyes and surveyed the scene to find we'd landed adjacent to a small pier that extended into a gorgeous lake, the first hints of pink and orange dawn darting across the mirror-like surface. The scene was so idyllic that—just as in space—I couldn't bear to voice a sound for fear of shattering the beauty.

My unspoken desire to know where we'd come was soon answered. With a theatrical sweep of his arm, Rowen gestured toward a grand house just beginning to materialize in the sunrise. " _Welcome to the Koji estate."_ He turned his head to glance over his shoulder, then grinned. " _And may I introduce the greeting committee, Sir White Blaze of Wildfire."_

A faint flicker of thought—how was my boyfriend _not_ a closet thespian? The number of times he'd hammed up something just like this…—was quickly extinguished. The name I'd heard once before connected in my mind with the vision of a white shadow stalking our direction.

My squeal of excitement fractured the dewy air. Rowen's amusement reached me unfiltered as I darted around him to get a better angle on the approaching tiger. An idea popped into my head, and I powered down Dawn to grab my phone from my shorts pocket. One single-armed hug around his neck and a selfie later, I was firing away a text to Alexa with the most evil grin on my face ever.

Rowen knelt down in front of White Blaze for his own greeting, the tiger growl-purring up a storm and rubbing his face all over my boyfriend's. "Hey now, only I get to kiss that handsome mug," I teased the tiger, scrubbing a hand up and down the huge animal's spine.

The aforementioned human raised an eyebrow at me and got a feline nose butting his face for the trouble, since he'd paused in his scratching of tiger ears. "Sorry, I have a confession—White Blaze was my first kiss."

His obvious joke got me laughing heartily, a sound that carried a long way in the early morning atmosphere. My phone buzzed; a quick glance at the message preview doubled my mirth. At Rowen's "What?" I lifted the screen to his eye-level.

" _I hate you,"_ Alexa had texted back, after a long and meaningful pause.

He chuckled too, but hauled me to my feet by my forearm as I tapped out a reply. I voiced the message as he and White Blaze escorted me up the hill to the pretty-much-mansion I still didn't have eyes for (pony-sized tigers were _way_ more intriguing, in my opinion). "Y'know, we could almost bring him back with us…"

That elicited a snort. "Ryo sure would like that, but White Blaze might not make the space oddessy. I'm not entirely convinced the only reason I could take _you_ was because you also have armor—same deal with Ryo, during the war." He threw a teasing smile over his shoulder. "Besides, I have enough worries lugging you along without trying to lift _this_ eight-hundred-pound beast of a cat."

"But you know it would make Ryo happy," I wheedled, using every ounce of my not-exactly-considerable wiles to get my way.

He shook his head, still amused but mostly tolerating my attempts rather than playing along or outright ignoring them. "I don't think he'd be thrilled to end up with a tiger skin instead of the real deal, _koibito_."

I sighed and glanced down at my phone again, opening it to see and respond to Alexa's next text. " _I think Dad would have a heart attack."_

A snort. As if the last week hadn't been enough to induce one… I told her as much as we crested the hill and stepped into the stone entryway. A quick glance around at the architecture told me this wasn't a traditional Japanese house; it felt far more European, but still had traces of Japanese influence in the fact it at least sported a _genkan_ inside the front door.

"I doubt Mia's up yet," Rowen commented as we kicked off our shoes in favor of the house slippers left in the _genkan_ for just this purpose. (It was a habit I had a feeling I'd start adopting in my own house, and at school if there were space and time to do so. I'd already noticed the behavior sticking during the week I'd been at home.) "But since Cye isn't here, guess we could make her a surprise breakfast…"

That got a raised eyebrow at him. "I hope you don't mean "me", because Cye already told me he's perma-banned you from the kitchen due to the fact that unlike Kento, you actually _can't_ cook; and I just make things explode, so I'm sure Mia would appreciate if I also stayed away."

He paused in the breezeway between the kitchen and living room, returning my arched eyebrow look. "...Is this another opposite thing with you and Alexa?"

I sighed. Heavily. "Yeah, yeah I suppose it is…" Another set of vibrations from my phone heralded Alexa's retort.

" _First five Japanese boys with armour and now a white tiger for a housecat?"_

I smirked. " _lol can you imagine Tazer's reaction?"_

Not two seconds later I busted out laughing. " _... Tazer might have a heart atta— OUT :P"_

The hilarious normality of the conversation absorbed me. I zombie-walked to a chair—any chair—and plunked myself down to engage in text kendo with my twin. " _*sticks tongue out at* Never! *heart*"_ Realizing my brilliant plan to drag a nearly half-ton tiger to the US without going through more _orthodox_ methods wasn't going to work, I assured her, " _...Rowen put his foot down. :( Said he's got enough to deal with lugging ME back and forth xP"_

A familiar set of arms draping over my shoulders and chest brought me back to reality. "What's so funny?" Rowen breathed in my ear, gently pressing his lips to the skin behind it.

I simply lifted the phone so he could see the two nearly-identical messages separated by no more than fifteen seconds. My head tipped back against his neck, my nose nestling almost perfectly against the line of his jaw. His chuckle breezed across the sensitive skin of my throat, making me swallow self-consciously.

Leave it to the twin to save me my hormone-ridden predicament. I levered my head back to a normal orientation to read her message. " _Then he needs to get ME to Japan next!"_

I sensed more than saw Rowen's eye-roll. Laughing quietly, I pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek. "It's okay, I won't let them turn you into the Strata Orbital Express."

"...Rowen?"

Externally, my boyfriend was the coolest cat on the block; internally, I could sense his kid-in-the-cookie-jar attitude. He casually stepped back from my chair, arms oh so carefully extricating themselves from around my chest. There was just the tiniest mix of sheepishness and apology in his word. "Surprise."

I turned in my seat to spot Mia standing at the top of the stairwell, a pink robe wrapped around her slim frame and pink house slippers on her feet. She exuded the air of someone who'd just been woken, rubbing her eyes and speaking in a groggy tone. "What're you doin' back? I thought you were in America with the others."

She must not have seen me in the barely-light living room. I stood so she could as Rowen explained, "I was. Just had to pop over for a few things the guys forgot. I figured while I was bouncing around from here to Sendai to Tokyo, Tessa could meet White Blaze and hang out with you."

The woman blinked and at last seemed to focus on me. Her mouth shaped a small 'o', then twisted into a grin I was sure she'd picked up from the guys. "Oh. Well, it's nice of you to finally bring a girl home, Ro."

I couldn't help laughing when he blushed at the teasing. Wrapping an arm around his encouragingly and leaning against him, I said, "At least it's not like we haven't met, already." Following Rowen's lead with his comment about sticking around while he ran errands, I added, "It'll be nice to have more time to spend with you, to be honest—we didn't exactly have a lot of time for pleasantries when we were introduced."

She genuinely smiled at me, moving down the stairs so as to better speak with us. "That will be nice, I think. And seeing as I'm up already, might as well get started… Would you like something to drink, or eat?"

Thinking of how time really was a funny thing, I chuckled. "I'm good—we just had dinner not an hour ago."

"Ah. Right." Mia chuckled at herself, then on the way into the kitchen said, "Rowen, would you mind starting the coffee? I'll have blueberry pancakes waiting when you get back…"

He grinned one of the largest grins I'd seen on him. "You got it, boss," he acknowledged, giving her a two-fingered salute before following.

I blinked, shaking my head as I, too, made my way into the kitchen. "I may not always know a bribe when I see one, but I think that _definitely_ qualifies…"

I entered the spacious, joint kitchen-dining area in time to see Mia throw a smirk over her shoulder. "You know what they say about the way to a man's heart."

Her secretive, knowing wink got me laughing again. "Y'know, I like you. I think we'll get along just fine."

Rowen faked a nervous glance between us as he finished prepping the very expensive-looking coffee pot. "I think that's my cue to skedaddle… You ladies have a wonderful time." On his way past me, he paused to kiss my cheek affectionately. "Don't blow up anything while I'm gone."

My devious, playful smirk was all the answer he needed. A few moments later he was through the door, never having bothered to change out of his subarmor since he'd known he'd be leaving shortly after arriving.

"I'd bet fifty yen he'll not bother knocking on the front door and just sneak in to everyone's places." I turned to see Mia shaking her head in amusement as she set a skillet on the stove. "He gets way too much enjoyment out of his armor powers…"

I grinned, sliding into a chair at the table. "Can't say I blame him. There are some pretty sweet fringe benefits to being able to save the world from evil with magic armor." Thinking of another time he'd pulled a similar stunt, I rolled my eyes and added, "And considering how he got into my sister's apartment...I wouldn't be surprised if your deduction weren't a common thing, for him."

She waved that off, though it was in an attitude of agreement followed by a subject change. "So what's been going on in the great North American adventure? Sage's the only one who's really managed to keep me in the loop at all, and that not very often."

That got a dry chuckle. Thinking of one potential reason he might've been unavailable, I smirked. "He's been a little...busy, lately. We all have."

Since I couldn't be certain when he'd last updated her—as well as to not allow her the opportunity to completely clarify what I meant—I asked her just that. Once she said the last she'd heard had been about us arriving at my father's house, I took a deep breath and launched into a long, rambly, storyteller version of everything that'd happened in the past week. Five minutes in, when she realized this was going to take all through breakfast, she plunked a full glass of water on the placemat in front of me. By the time a steaming plate of pancakes landed beside it fifteen minutes later, I'd already drained it halfway.

Even leaving out some of the far more _sensitive_ details—such as deeply personal things about Alexa, most of the stuff related to Sage crushing on her, and the fact Rowen and I admitted we liked each other—it still took that long to reach the point in the telling where we gave statements at the police station.

Mia's quick glance upward at something behind me was my only clue before something covered my eyes. I quickly recognized it as a very large hand. My lips twisted into a quirky grin. "I know that's you, Ro."

He didn't remove his hand; I felt him drop his head to my shoulder instead. "I still snuck up on you. You only know it's me because you weren't expecting anyone else."

I laughed at his teasing and pried the natural blindfold from my face. "Just you wait. One of these days I'll sneak up on you, too." There was a hint of a purr in my mental words. " _And I won't be so merciful."_

One blue eyebrow lifted. " _Oh really. You sure you wanna start that?"_

Mia purposefully clearing her throat drew our attention back to the conversation that'd been interrupted. "I thought maybe it was just because I was half-asleep earlier, but I'm pretty sure my eyes aren't deceiving me now—you two are together, aren't you?"

Cue the oh-so-predictable blush. I saw Rowen's half-accusatory glance in my mind, but protested, " _I didn't tell her anything! Promise."_

Instead of addressing me, he just chuckled nervously. "It's that obvious, ne?"

Mia gave him an almost motherly look, something amused but also soft with happiness. "Like I said. I'm glad to see you bring a girl home. The guys were going to start planning your wedding to your textbooks if you stayed single much longer."

Rowen's other arm joined the hand that had fallen from my eyes to my shoulder, forearms crossing over my collarbone in a modified hug. His response was just as half-teasing, half-serious. "Yeah, well, just had to find the right girl, that's all. I mean, we can't trust just _anyone_ with the responsibility of the armors, let alone having to defend the world from evil."

That reminded me where I'd stopped my story. "Speaking of…"

The other two settled back to listen as I finished summarizing what would happen from there—the day off we were giving ourselves; the hunch that the cult had been set back on its heels for at least a little while; the pending wait to decide our next move. Mia raised an eyebrow at the reason for our errand. "So you're telling me you used Strata to fly all the way back here...just to get swim trunks." She shook her head at our silent answers—unapologetic grins. "Sometimes I wonder what god in the universe decided it was a good idea to give _teenagers_ as much power as you five…"

Rowen laughed, chin resting atop my head (he hadn't moved from behind my chair, yet). "Someone has to balance out Sage's stuffiness and Ryo's angst and Cye's shyness."

She just kept shaking her head, a smile on her face nonetheless. "Regardless, it sounds like you all have a lot of rest to catch up on." Gesturing to the pancakes stacked in the middle of the table, she said, "You go ahead and eat up as many as you like, and take the rest back for the others. Tell Kento I said he gets two, and no more."

Laughing, Rowen sat in the chair beside me and did as instructed, the remainder of our time at the Koji residence spent in laughter and more normal breakfast conversation.

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _genkan_ : an area immediately inside entryways of Japanese houses used to take off outdoor shoes before entering the house proper.


	21. Chapter 21

This chapter is far fluffier than the rest. Figured we could use a (long—"9k words" long) break on the hard and heavy stuff...for a little while.

 **Warnings:** Parental abuse, sexual coercion mention/discussion

* * *

 _Chapter 21_

"So," Sage said as he dealt out another hand of 21, which I had already oh so patiently explained as not blackjack despite the shared name. "Is that why you wanted to play against Rowen?"

I grinned at remembering my very large stack of won cards from the previous round, about three times the stack he had. "Something like that."

Sage shook his head. "I still wouldn't let you talk him into a game of _go_. He's reached amateur _dan_ rank in it, which is extraordinarily difficult to accomplish."

"That just sounds like a challenge…" I said, picking up my cards. Not the best hand on the planet— very few small cards, very few opportunities to slip in and grab the winning pair— but not like I'd let that show in my face. A moment later I laughed. "Honestly, I just read people's game strategies. Once I figure out preferred moves and timing of them, and how they evaluate the board, then it's pretty easy to determine how they'll play."

That breath was almost a sigh. "You even _sound_ like Rowen. If you two do ever get around to playing, don't be surprised if the guys watch to see him get knocked down a peg."

Hazarding a guess at Sage's strategy— I had, after all, only played one game against him— I placed down a six and left my larger cards in my hand. "So long as they don't expect me to _win_ first time, sure."

He played a ten. "Unlikely. It is, after all, Rowen."

I let the point go, hoarding my cards for later. "I'm almost relieved by that. As much as I'd like to beat him."

He chuckled and took the cards. "We all would. He's fifth amateur _dan_ — only two ranks below the highest, for amateur levels at least. We keep telling him to try for professional, but he seems satisfied with where he is. I have a feeling he'll only increase his level when I reach _my_ fifth _dan_ in kendo."

I drew a card to replace the one I'd lost, trying not to laugh, myself. "I take it the two of you are in competition?"

His reply was cut off by the back door of the house opening, Rowen's "You guys are _still_ playing?" coming up the stairwell.

Sage rolled his eyes. "Give him ten minutes and he'll join them."

I looked at my wrist in a mime of checking my watch, smirking. "Give Tessa five."

Rowen's footsteps clearing the stairs two at a time preceded him, him going to toss a few things in the boys' room before looking into Tessa's. "We're going to play some two on two, if you wanna watch."

 _'Told ya,'_ I said to Sage. I shook my head at Rowen. "I think I've watched enough games for today."

He shrugged in a 'suit yourself' way before going back down the stairs.

Sage and I kept playing mostly in silence, him trying to give me a sense of the familiar and a break from people without me actually being alone. My emotions were an exhausted knot, wanting to do something but being unable to handle anything relating to potential triggers. Even this game was threatening to bring them crashing back down, recalling how I had played against my stepdad and how I'd quit when my mom was amused at how crestfallen I'd been after she beat me. How she played in an unpredictable way and how I couldn't read her and couldn't figure her out.

Her pride in those statements. That she'd outsmarted her genius child.

Sage reached out and gripped my hand as I placed a card down. "Want to stop?"

I looked between the two stacks, mine _slightly_ larger but not a landslide, and sighed. "Sorta…"

He quirked a small smile. "I should go to bed, anyway."

I managed a laugh. "The downsides of being a morning person?"

He actually blushed softly, casting his eyes down. "I suppose."

We put away the cards together, me reaching for my iPod to occupy my time between him leaving and me going to sleep. A moment later, I let out a breath. "And here I'd wanted to show you Porcelain."

He paused mid-stride, coming back to sit on the bed. "I can stay up a little longer."

I pulled up Marianas Trench on the player, cranking the volume up so he could hear the first few notes that were almost inaudible at a normal level. The slow, deep melody that sounded like it came from underwater began playing, Josh Ramsay's soft, high voice— the absolute antithesis to Sage's— piercing the air a few moments later.

The world dropped away at the instruments and words mixing together into something that felt physical, something I had used as a shield against the outside world and a sword against demons. I hit pause as the staccato notes of _Fallout_ started playing, the way the songs of this album faded in and out making it almost impossible to stop at the very end of a song.

"It's beautiful," Sage murmured, drawing my attention back to him. I looked up and the gleam in his eyes _very_ much indicated 'like you' were the next words on his lips.

I ducked my head, hiding the bright red blush warming my cheeks and ears. "And they call _me_ a flirt."

He laughed. "You do it without even trying. I have to think about it." He pressed a kiss to my hair, brushing away any potential upset I could have. "The guys actually teased _me_ about how much I could not talk to girls until around two years ago."

I raised an eyebrow. "You seem to do a _plenty_ good job now…" Thankfully, I bit my tongue before any comment about _how_ I knew came out. I was pretty sure Tessa would've killed me for spilling that secret to her old crush.

He rolled his eyes, but a blush was still visible across his nose. "Being the highest-ranking _kendoka_ in high school had… interesting hazards."

I burst out laughing. "I'm guessing you had _quite_ the fanclub…?"

He cleared his throat and nodded, blush getting darker. "Women _and_ men. I simply avoided them all."

"I would, too," I said, still chuckling. "I'm sorry but the thought of you hiding from a crowd of adoring fans is too funny."

Sage rubbed his forehead. "The others called my life a harem anime. In hindsight, it _is_ funny. At the time…!"

I snickered, hand going to cover my mouth.

"With _that_ ," he said, standing up. "I shall go to bed. Sleep well."

I slipped off the bed and hugged him goodnight, his arms wrapping around me a moment later. He pressed his cheek against my hair, letting me absorb the affection I was still craving.

"Want me to leave Halo?"

I shook my head into his shoulder. "I'm alright."

Neither of us pulled away immediately, me only doing so when I heard commotion downstairs.

I went back to the bed. "Sorry for keeping you up so late."

He reached down and stroked my hair. "Please don't be."

I swallowed and nodded, him lingering nearby just in case. I didn't wave him off, nor did I make any indication I wanted him to stay. Neutrality to ease my guilt at receiving support, no matter how freely it was given. He pressed another kiss to my hair before finally leaving.

Tessa watched him from the top of the stairs, coming into the room and closing the door moments later. "Would you kill me for saying how adorable you two are?"

I smiled despite myself. "Naw. Even _I'll_ admit we were flirting." I shook my head. "Apparently he only started talking to girls two years ago…?"

She chuckled at how very different that was from his current behaviour. "I could believe it. I've seen his fanclubs—they'd turn _anyone_ off of flirting after a week."

I brought my knees up to my chest, resting my cheek against the bone. "And he still picked _me_."

She gave me a wry smile, getting changed for bed. "Maybe because you're one of the first people who haven't instantly wanted a piece of him. That can be a bit of a turn-on for some people, I'm told. Can't say I'd blame him—must be a nice break from being eye candy twenty-four/seven."

"The advantages of being aro and ace spec?" I said, shaking my head at myself. "I should ask him, one of these days…"

That smile turned into an evil grin. "Ask whether he's basically the embodiment of Everyone Wants Him?"

I snorted at her oh so obvious teasing. "Oh I already know _that…_!" I kept quiet as she laughed, figuring out how to clarify my implications. "No— I meant why he likes me."

"Ah," she said, inclining her head thoughtfully. It didn't take long for her lips to turn up again. "Maybe you two can get a few moments at the pool tomorrow…"

I groaned and flopped back on the bed, trying not to laugh at Dawn's oh-so-obvious prod that she'd do just that. "You're _terrible._ "

She _giggled_ in the way she always did when she was being a complete and total _brat_.

"So how was space?" I propped myself up on my elbows, bound and determined to turn this situation around in my favour. "Plenty of alone time?"

Just as I thought, she blushed bright red. Snatches of the adrenalin, the closeness, and just how _open_ Rowen had been filtered through to Dusk, her absolute wonder at the scene the dominant emotion. She finished getting changed and eased herself down beside me on the bed, flopping back as thoughts of deep kisses and stillness she never wanted to end came in.

My smile softened in response to her mood, me no longer playing my part. "I'm glad you got that with him."

"Me too…" she said quietly. She was silent for a few moments. "Part of me wonders if I could have flown on my own. I keep feeling like Dawn is drawing a lot of power from Strata." She turned on her side, head propped up on her elbow to look at me. "Do you ever get that from Dusk?"

I paused, rubbing the space between my eyebrows as I thought. "I… honestly have no idea. She's never really had armours to draw _from_ before. She did lightning tricks long before I met Sage, and she's always burned like I'd guess Wildfire does. Plus I broke you out of the commune when only you and I had access to our armour. So unless it was subconscious on _everyone's_ parts…" I paused, thinking over what— or who, maybe— Dusk had encountered ever since I'd had it. "Although I _did_ always feel this sort of… protective spirit, growing up… Sometimes I'd even see someone."

She perked up, silently prompting me. I sighed and tried to remember. "White hair, eyes covered by the shadow of a hat. He always had a staff." I smirked. "Might be why I like them so much, now."

She laughed quietly at my aside comment, sitting up a moment later after she'd had a chance to think. "I think that's Kaos. Or at least, someone that _looks_ exactly like him. I saw him in my dream a few days ago."

"If he made our armours… it'd make sense. Especially since Dusk came out so early." I closed my eyes at the memories still right under the surface. As bright a light as he had been, his appearances had always been tainted by darkness I didn't want to remember right now. "He would teach me how to use it, sometimes."

She smiled, happy I had gotten some instruction on how to protect myself in the cult by actually knowing how to use Dusk. We stayed in silence for awhile, me going to put on my pyjamas, while she paid more attention to her hands than me.

"I feel like painting my nails. What about you?"

I glanced down at the absolute lack of colour on my hands. While I enjoyed nail polish, it lasted for all of a day and a half when I was _particularly_ nice to it. But she looked so _interested_ in it and the thought of having a sisterly nail polish painting time was too tempting for me to resist.

"Sure."

She _brightened_ , indicating just how much that meant to her. "I'm glad we're going out tomorrow."

"So'm I," I said, tugging on my PJ top. "Nice to get away."

She laughed, folding her hands behind her head as she lay in bed. "Yeah. Lots of my friends _have_ said that coming out here feels like going to the country to them… I just laugh and say "you don't even know the half of it", usually."

I returned her laughter at her tease. "Lucky me I've been on an _actual_ farm and know what country looks like…?"

She smiled in response to my own light tone, radiating contentment and relaxation. "Yeah…"

I felt the same emotions myself, Dawn and Dusk exchanging the feeling and amplifying it. After the past few weeks this was much needed time off, all of us acting as _friends_ instead of confidants and security blankets. As much as I liked having people I knew I could rely on for those purposes, it got exhausting always using them that way.

We said goodnight and I curled up beside her, finally feeling like I could sleep.

—

She practically bounced up the stairs the next day, grabbing my hand immediately after breakfast to get ready. If Rowen was awake, I was sure he would be shaking his head at his girlfriend's enthusiasm. She kept her energy up as she grabbed a shoebox full of nail polish colours that made my eyes sparkle at the possibilities. She rummaged through them. "What colour should I use?"

I scanned over everything, catching a glimpse of an oh-so-familiar colour despite how little I'd seen it. I held up deep, dare I say _Strata_ blue for her to examine, face straight as I could make it. I was, after all, simply replying to her question.

She stared at it. "You gotta be kidding."

Now, I grinned and shook my head. That was _exactly_ the reaction I'd been looking for. "It'd look good on you."

Her smile had a shy edge as she took the bottle, turning it over in her hands to catch the light. "It _is_ my favourite blue…" she said to herself. She looked at me again, then down at the stuff laid out on top of the bag. "But it won't match my bathing suit. It's green."

I raised an eyebrow at her, _bound_ and determined to get her into this. She was _already_ flirting by wearing a bikini. "It's not like you'll be in your bathing suit all day."

"Oh. Right…" She glanced at her closet and the potential clothes for the day, the one thing she hadn't settled on. "And I _do_ have a fairly blue wardrobe, come to think of it…"

I nodded with a sure of myself smile, both of us knowing she'd just signed her name on the deed. "So. Blue it is."

She sighed in mock suffering, seeming resigned— until an evil grin broke out, matching gleam in her eyes. She pulled the perfect _Halo_ colour out of the box, holding it up for me to examine. Her voice had an absolutely drippingly sweet sing-song. "Mkay, your turn."

She plunked it in my hand so I could turn it over. I snorted. "Only way I'm getting you in that blue is if I wear this green, isn't it?"

Her evil grin hadn't budged.

That was _that_ answer.

She turned around and grabbed her supplies before hopping over to the bed and sitting cross-legged. I ignored her expectant look to examine the bottle again, admiring the green and actually amused at this particular comment about Sage and I potentially together— for one reason. "The look on his face if he notices. _Both_ of their faces."

Tessa snorted and laughed. "I think they'll blush."

Our scheming tones matched. Now it was my turn to give an absolutely devilish grin, grabbing the blue before she could protest. I made sure the supplies were in reach in case I spilled something, rummaging through to see what she had. I was quite impressed she had some finer detail brushes, pens, and generally what a person would need to do a really _good_ job with nails. "You, first."

She rolled her eyes and pretended to be irritated, sticking her hand out for me to paint. The act didn't last long, her breaking out in a smile as I started. "It's nice, having someone _else_ to do mine, for once. Now I don't have to worry about dripping or splatting or globbing the stuff on my right hand."

"Yeah, _I'm_ the one who has to worry about dripping," I said, laughing along with her. "But I agree it'll be nice to have _two_ good hands for once."

She cocked her head to the side in confusion. "But I'll do yours—or did you really think I was going to let you get away with _not_ letting me do your nails?"

My laughter increased. I thought my syntax had been clear, but apparently not. "No, I meant how I'm the one with the brush so I have to watch not to get it everywhere."

She rolled her eyes at her own mistake. "Oh. Duh."

I returned to her nails, smiling, going over the sheer depth of colour present within what could've been just a simple blue. I finished one hand and moved onto the other, noting her slightly dazed and hesitating movements in giving it to me. I kept Dusk open, encouraging her to talk but not pressuring her. At least, trying not to.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, only to sigh. "I'm...not sure you'll... _identify_ with this, but… I have to talk with _someone_." She paused, gathering what she wanted to say. "But I'm...struggling, a bit. With...being with Rowen."

My reply was the single most _me_ reply you could get, consisting of a simple, encouraging "Mhm?" brush not even pausing.

She chuckled softly. "My hormones might say otherwise, but… I just can't seem to bring myself to _relax_ , physically, with him." She frowned in a way that reminded me of when I had an intrusion. "I keep...remembering…"

My voice and whole demeanor softened. "I actually do understand that. Maybe not the same way, but I've experienced it."

She tilted her head to the side, looking me over in a silent debate over whether I had more, or if she should continue.

I carefully brushed another nail before pausing to tell the story. "My ex would push me farther than I wanted. It was just in _text_ , but it still… left me feeling gross. It's weird thinking about romantic physical affection, now. Platonic I'm obviously fine…!" Thankfully, she responded well to my teasing, her body relaxing slightly as she laughed. I sighed and moved onto her next nail. "I'm honestly not thinking about it with Sage. I mean, my ex wanted us to sleep together after three months, so… yeah just safe to say I get it."

She kept her attention on her nails. "I'm...not really worried about that, to be honest? I… Even with Michael, we never got past him _trying_ to kiss me." She smiled wryly. "I can be a stubborn butthead when I want to be. And Rowen is way different than Michael." She blushed at something in her memory. "He, uh, kissed me. In the compound. And when he found out that was my _first_ kiss, he acted as if he'd murdered someone, almost, he was so apologetic." She sighed. "But we are mutually attracted to each other, and in this stage right now…"

"You still remember," I said softly. "You… haven't really known him long enough _to_ relax around him. I get that, myself, honestly… if it wasn't obvious from the past two weeks I've been a stressed out wreck with the guys. It's not as extreme as mine was, but it's still… you don't have enough experience right now to really _believe_ he's different. You might know, intellectually, but you don't actually _know_." Not wanting to drag her hand out much longer— the pool awaited and I could sense restlessness in the house— I continued on her nails. "It's okay. If he's a good guy he'll wait it out, and from how he broke down all of Strata's barriers so I could read him if I wanted, when he came to talk to me, just to make sure _I_ trusted him, I'd say he's a pretty good guy."

Her smile— and the emotions woven into Dawn— very much indicated just what she thought of him. And all of it was positive. "Yeah, he is…"

I swore, our life was enough of a novel already. Rowen chose that _exact moment_ to wake up, PJs still on and running his hand through bedhead. He glanced around and noticed us in the room, eyebrow going up at what he spotted us doing. His confusion only intensified as he leaned against the doorjamb, arms crossed.

Now I wondered if he got it from Sage or vice versa. Regardless, I made a mental note to point this out. When my sister hadn't beaten me to the punch in answering his implied question.

Tessa raised an eyebrow right back. "What? Can't a girl be multifaceted without being put in a zoo exhibit? Just because I go to a military school and act brave and aggressive and tomboyish doesn't mean I can't also kick ass in a dress with perfectly painted nails."

His expression softened, and with one hand stroking his chin I could see a monogram on his chest, over his heart. I'd seen it before on his armour. "Come to think of it, you didn't seem to think twice about wearing a skirt in the barn…"

I glanced at all the nail stuff _right_ in reach as they kept talking, bantering back and forth, getting an absolutely terrible idea.

Tessa responded to his comment. "Yeah, that's kind of my trademark. I like to think of them like tunics, sometimes—makes me feel bold and adventurous."

His lips curled up in an affectionate smirk. "Sounds kind of like you're a Zeruda no Densetsu fan."

Well, he'd just said the _exact_ thing she wanted to hear. She perked up straight, thankfully not jerking on her hand I was still painting. "...Did you just say what I think you said?"

I glanced back at Rowen, noting the similarities between the monogram and the design now drying in gold on her nail. I smiled and held up the blue. "Honestly, I thought you'd notice the colour she was wearing, first."

He blinked, apparently being more oblivious in the morning than me, before throwing his head back and laughing. "You really are a good match for Sage. Sneaky devil…"

Tessa was trying to pout at me, not able to display much irritation I'd drawn attention to my little trick. If she didn't like _that_ , well. I couldn't wait to see her reaction to the ring finger I lifted up slightly. She must've known something was up, the way I was practically swallowing down a canary, my grin was so big.

Both her eyebrows shot up, jaw dropping down, before she _glared_ at me. " _Brat_!"

I nearly fell back on the bed, I was cackling so loudly.

Rowen took a moment to notice, but had an appropriate quip for his girlfriend. "I think she got you on that one, _ryuko_."

She deflated at the affection, teasing him right back. "Oh, go read a physics book, _otaku_."

It was my turn to make an emoticon face, my expression every inch _pleased_. "What're older sisters for?"

She rolled her eyes.

Rowen chuckled and straightened, the draw for coffee finally winning. "Well, I shall leave you ladies to it." He bowed an _English_ bow, arm out like a bard. "I take my leave of thee, fair damsels."

I snorted and called after his retreating back. "Remind me to talk Shakespeare with you!"

He reached a hand back to wave in acknowledgement, equally amused.

She shook her head. "I swear, he's a closet thespian. One of these days I _will_ catch him!"

Now that I wasn't under a time crunch to draw my little sneaky design, I finished off her nails. I eyed my handiwork, oh so proudly placed on her wedding ring finger. "Want me to do a second Strata symbol or is one enough?"

She smiled and resigned herself to it. "Might as well make them match…"

I gave a triumphant flourish as I went back to the gold and pen I had used previously, going to her now dry other nail. She simply wrinkled her nose and stuck her tongue out. "Oh hush, you don't have to gloat."

I chuckled and bent down over her hand, oh so carefully making sure the symbol was as close to identical as I could make it. Once I was done— along with a topcoat— I put the supplies down and stretched my arms above my head. When that failed to make a single muscle budge, I sat on my ankles so I could properly reach my arms behind me, arching and upper back muscles deciding now was the perfect time to lock up and remind me I had been curled up in a ball for the better part of two weeks. My shoulder blades could barely touch.

"Ugh I haven't danced in forever." I sat up on my knees, bending backwards so I was looking behind me and feeling something finally crack. "My back hates me so much right now."

"Heh. I feel you…" She also stretched, her range of motion indicating she was not a dancer. "My ol' joints sooo hate sitting in one place for too long but I get waaay too comfy to move…" Memories of how long she'd stay in one place during our online conversations came through. "Or distracted."

I rolled my right shoulder in a circle, trying to pop it back into its socket, the old dislocation and injury coming through loud and clear after so long of not actively exercising it. Wanting to actually _use_ my spinal muscles, I rolled to look at the ceiling. "I'll let you do my nails in a minute…"

She simply nodded, having long ago gotten used to me stretching in the middle of a conversation over Skype. I pushed myself up into a shoulder stand, neck and upper back pulling with the strain.

"Got it." Her weight lifted off the bed, fingers oh so slightly lifted to be careful of the not-quite-set polish. She held up my bottle and a glass. "Want water? Just tap water from the bathroom."

"Yeah, probably a good idea for my muscles…" I let my legs ease back over my head, feet touching the edge of the mattress. "Thanks. Oh! Run your nails under cold water while you're in there to set it all, if they're mostly dry."

"Got it!" she chirped, back to bouncy as she left the room. I shook my head and stretched my legs in various poses, one curled to my chest while the other stretched forward. Alternate. Straighten the leg and see how far I could get in splits without my body weight forcing my legs down.

"What are you doing?"

I laughed at Sage's absolutely shocked tone, turning my head to see him at the entrance to the room, looking about as puzzled as when Rowen had seen Tessa do her nails. I didn't even lower myself down from the stand as I waved him inside. "Stretching. My back is killing me."

"Sorry to hear that," he said, leaning against the doorway and once again, it was a case of which Ronin got it from who, for how Sage and Rowen's poses were identical. "Anything I can do to help?"

Now I rolled up, trying to pop my mid back and still failing as everything about my shoulders hated me. "If you could get my shoulder back in place, that'd help."

He straightened, coming over to the bed. "Actually, yes. Part of both my kendo training and kinesiology curriculum."

 _Of course_. I shifted so he was in reach, still rolling my shoulders in some attempt at loosening the rock hard muscles. With him beside me I could smell his sweat from whatever morning exercise he'd done, finding it, to my surprise, not entirely unpleasant. "It's _just_ out. My tendons are hyperextended, aka I'm double jointed, and I've dislocated it before. The two together don't mix all that well with relapse…" I smirked to myself, wondering what his reaction would be. "I mean, when your hands can do _this_ you know your joints are loose." I lifted up my right hand and flexed it, the first knuckles of my fingers bending at nearly thirty degrees _backwards_ and the second knuckle bending in the opposite direction. My thumb popped out to complete the demonstration, my hand in a very, very unnatural position I'd been using to freak people out as long as I could remember.

Any and all manipulation of my shoulder stopped dead, him focused on my hand. "Are all your joints like that?"

I switched from impish tormentor to simply smiling at his _interest_ in this little party trick. I lifted up my arm to show the ten degree angle my elbows could go backwards. "Hinge and ball socket joints. I don't mind hinge so much, but ball sockets hurt like _hell_ when they fall out. I think I've had to pop this shoulder back in like three times in as many weeks…"

He gently pushed my arm down, pressing on the muscles to gauge the severity of the dislocation and how best to handle it. "Well, the past two weeks haven't really helped…"

I chuckled. "Actually, they have." Before he could ask, I continued. "I rely on muscular strength to hold my joints in. Once my muscles are actually fed properly, they tend to hold it in place just fine. Just… have a few growing pains as they rebuild."

He didn't respond past a small amount of acknowledgement through Halo. He pressed in on locked up muscles near my spine and around my collarbone, finding the knots that were preventing it from releasing. His voice was the gentlest I'd ever heard it. "Alright. Relax…"

I forced the muscles in my shoulder to go along with him, keeping unnaturally calm as he pushed my joint back into alignment, fingers forcing the knots undone. I hissed with the final part of the rotation, bone lifting out of where it had incorrectly been sitting, and everything fit back together with a pop.

"Sheesh, Sage," Tessa said by the door. "Practicing for class, or something?"

I lifted my arm up to test motion through throbbing chest muscles, making sure it wouldn't slip out the moment I did anything. Everything about my spine did not like me right now, muscles readjusting to the biggest shift I'd had in what felt like years. "My shoulder was starting to go out. Figured before the shooting pain started…!"

She placed the water on the bedside table in front of me, chuckling. "Fair enough." She climbed back on the bed, this time her closer to the supplies. "Alright, ready for your nails, or still wanna stretch?"

I shifted to face her and put my legs out in second, leaning forward in the empty space between them so I was effectively in half. "Both."

She simply grabbed the green and took my hand, Sage watching me curiously. "Is this normal, for you?"

I nodded vigorously. "I'm a dancer. Comes with the territory. If you spend enough time talking to me you get used to it." I gave a pointed head jerk to the completely unphased Tessa to prove my point.

He blinked at me, mulling that over. "Something tells me you'd have no trouble whatsoever with the full lotus…"

I checked how far along Tessa was with my nails, and when she dipped the brush back in the bottle for the next, I demonstrated just how far I could get. "I can't stay in it _too_ long or else my ankles hate me… but." I grinned with a very proud and borderline kid-like 'I did it' smile.

He smirked back. "Might just have to test you on that…" He glanced back at the door. "I should get changed before the others yell at us that they want to leave, already."

Tessa laughed, going back to my nails. "I swear, Cye resembles a Thoroughbred at the starting gate for all _his_ excitement to get to the pool…"

I smirked, squirming despite my ridiculously awkward position to do so. "I'm just patient because I wanted you in that blue."

Sage shook his head at us and left, my sister continuing to talk about nails with a roll of her eyes, amusement at Cye's water-loving tendencies switching to mine. "Well, you're in luck—this is my sixty-second quick dry stuff. And knowing you and base and top coats… You'll be done in like five minutes." She raised an eyebrow. "Unless you'd like a design, too…?"

I raised an eyebrow back, wondering just _what_ was behind that oh so hinting tone. I brought my legs back out and folded in half again, ankles already protesting at being in lotus that long; when she didn't elabourate, I prompted. "Like…?"

Her grin — which I'm sure matched mine when I had done her design— and twirl of the nail pen was all the answer I needed.

I swallowed and watched her do more of the green, sinking farther down to the mattress. It was such an obvious statement of togetherness, but at the same time. "The look on his face would be… hilarious, probably."

She chuckled in her throat, still with that wicked edge. "It would be _so_ worth it."

My sister was enjoying this _far_ too much; I sighed and folded in half completely, chest to the bed, as I sorted through my very mixed emotions. Eventually, I wondered why everything had to be so serious all the time, with a hidden meaning I had to be _afraid_ of. I snorted and offered the thumb of the hand she'd just done. "Go for it. Supposed to have fun today, right?"

If she could've bounced while sitting, she would've. Her "Mmmhmm!" was very much one of my verbal ticks she'd absorbed over the years; it gave way to humming as she finished off the green and drew Halo's emblem on both my hands.

I smiled to myself, thinking of showing him both the colour and the design. The guys' absolute amusement at my own prank. _Swimming_.

Today was going to be a good day.

—/—

Triumph at the success of Operation Halo Nails was my dominant emotion as Alexa and I tromped downstairs, an All Time Low song half-formed in the back of my throat. Untold joy warmed my heart at the thought of popping my iTunes playlist into the auxiliary jack of my Explorer and cranking the Future Hearts album up to full blast. Before we'd gotten involved in this whole mess, it had pretty much been the soundtrack to my summer, and I had missed hearing it everywhere I took my music with me.

A thoughtful frown put a damper on those imaginings as I recalled the sheer number of passengers I'd have to drag along. My small SUV held only four plus driver—unless one counted the storage area as a viable seat. Deciding the guys'd have to figure it out (I was tired of going everywhere in that stupid minivan, since it seemed to have become the symbol of all our adventuring), I just shrugged to myself as we walked in the kitchen.

Sage already had the keys to the damned rental in his hand, offering them to me. "I assume you'll drive, since you're the local resident this time."

I smiled a bit at his dig about me being the host sister, but shook my head and fished the familiar camo-tagged keychain with my car's keys off the rack by the front door. "Let's not take the minivan, today. We said we were taking a break, right?"

I turned to survey the puzzled atmosphere that developed behind me. Rowen raised his eyebrow at me. "Are you suggesting we take your car? It won't fit all of us."

"I know…" I sighed. "Technically, Liv would kill me if she found out, but… We could just pile everyone in. There's space in the back for someone to stretch out, and someone would have to sit on a lap." Anticipating the too-predictable jibe, I narrowed my eyes at the others with an amused smirk. "And don't say me and Rowen, cuz no one else's drivin' my baby." My lips twisted further into a wicked, full-toothed dragon grin. "If anything, Alexa'd sit on Sage's lap—since she's the smallest besides me."

That got mixed reactions ranging from amusement to scheming to "Oh _god_ "—the last being my sister's expression. Alexa shook her head, and dare I say I thought I saw the tiniest blush poking at her skin. "I've _been_ the sixth person in a five person car. It's not exactly an experience I'd like to repeat, although it was four people next to each other in the back row…"

I just laughed, thinking of some cadet antics from the past three years I'd been at military school. "I don't think you can beat being the thirteenth person of twelve in a seven-passenger minivan...and sitting folded up in the storage area in the back." I hitched a thumb over my shoulder to indicate the Explorer. "At least in my car you'd be able to stretch out a bit."

"With my flexibility, it's not like that'd be all that hard. I had one six foot two guy in the back, the other two in the realm of five seven, and it was a _compact_ _Toyota_."

All the guys except for Sage blinked and glanced at each other in regard to her flexibility comment. I couldn't resist poking at their unusual heights with a comment about Japanese cars. "I guess those designers never met these guys while they were working on it…" I teased, gesturing at the five of them—though primarily Sage and my boyfriend, who both topped out at or near six feet.

She laughed brightly, the two of us getting lost in memories and good-natured banter while the boys watched in consternation. "Yeah, the front seat was taken up by two bears of guys. One was Kento's build, so needless to say _he_ wasn't going in the back… The over six foot guy at least had Rowen's build."

Over our ensuing giggles, Rowen piped up, "See, my people are good for _something!_ "

Ryo took the opportunity to join the conversation. "Yeah, like popping over four continents to go get our swim trunks," he joked. "Thanks, bud."

"As long as you just don't make a habit of turning him into the Strata Orbital Express!" I quipped, feeling a little prophetic from having told Rowen something similar. Noticing Cye's growing impatience on his face, and realizing we'd gotten off-topic, I said to the group at large, "So, all in favor of the Explorer, say _hai_!"

They all piped up, Alexa taking a bit longer as she sighed and blushed at the thought that she'd be relegated to Sage's lap. I just winked at her. "S'alright, I think you'll just make every girl within a ten mile radius jealous."

Kento—naturally—took the stage, flexing both arms like a bodybuilder. "Hey, you'll _both_ have all the girls jealous. Five studly foreign guys who can speak English? They'll be all over this." Part of me wondered if he hadn't gotten a bit of the ham-it-up attitude from Rowen when he mock-kissed his biceps.

The guys groaned; Alexa didn't really help, simply pointing out, "Don't forget the light accent…"

Cye finally outlasted his patience. He rolled his eyes at his close friend, but him shoving Kento toward the door was playful (not to mention belied the strength in his slight frame). "Oh get over yourself, Kento. You can't swim worth a damn. Speaking of, can we _go already_?"

We all laughed as Kento deflated, everyone following him out to the driveway. A few minor scuffles broke out regarding seating arrangements, but Rowen managed to dodge it all and sprint for the front seat. Cye and Kento were next, Ryo and Sage following almost lazily behind Alexa and me. Minutes later I was starting the car over Kento's muttered complaints from the back seat.

"Why does _Rowen_ get the front seat? I have to be stuck back here squished between Cye and the door!"

"At least you're not the one in the _middle_ of you two wide-shouldered dudes!" came the brunet's protest, referencing Sage sitting on the right side.

"Because Rowen's the tallest," I returned, glancing in my mirrors to back out the driveway.

"By an inch!" Kento pointed out. "Sage should be in the front—better than him and Alexa both back here. There's so much cuteness going on I might go cute by proximity."

I almost laughed at Mr. Big Teddy Bear worrying about being perceived as _too_ sweet. "Hey, would you rather we got pulled over by the locals? I for one don't want to explain this to my step-mom!"

Alexa didn't seem to mind the arrangements. "For once, _I'm_ not the squished one…" Another glance in the rearview told me there was likely a second reason, considering the way Sage tightened his arms around her and she turned her cheek toward his nose.

 _'So my girl-crazy sister's fallen for a guy.'_ I smirked, unable to help jumping on the bandwagon. "C'mon, you two, cut it out—you're distracting."

I hoped the liberal coating of "I'm so kidding" made it through, which it seemed to when she simply grinned back and said, "Hey, _you're_ the one who suggested I be in his lap!"

"Speaking of distracting…!" I took on the air of an airline captain, still grinning; it had been a long time since I'd gotten to do this schpiele. "Rules of the car! Shotgun gets to be copilot, so they have default control of the radio unless I veto something. If an argument breaks out I _will_ turn this car around, no questions asked! Also, no distracting the driver—this includes any and all poking, tickling, grabbing, hitting, and "Are we there yet"s. Wakateru ka."

After their chorus of mock jeering and complaining, and my asking Rowen to plug my phone into the aux jack to crank Future Hearts up, the topic turned to everyone's expectations for the pool trip. Sage groaned and tried to hide his face against Alexa's neck when Ryo popped his head over the back of the seat and joked about him starting an American fanclub. That dredged up my sister's innate protectiveness, teasing though it was since it was directed at our friends.

Kento _oh_ so helpfully chimed in—"Yeah, starting with the twins!"—and I vociferously protested with a loud " _Hey_!" that nevertheless broke into laughter as I glanced at Rowen. He'd twisted in his seat to _death-glare_ the shorter Ronin, a wicked, scheming gleam in his eyes and smile.

Cye poked Kento's shoulder, laughing as much as the rest of us. "Watch it, Ken, I think you got the hawk's eye on you with that one."

Ryo chuckled. "And I thought he was defensive about his textbooks…!"

Luckily it was no more than twenty minutes to the pool; even with the noisy passengers, it felt wonderful to be driving _my_ car again. Alexa and I belted out Future Hearts songs at the top of our lungs, telepathically trading notes on how we thought each song might fit one of the guys after the _obvious_ application of "Satellite" to Rowen.

I really wanted to point out that "Edge of Tonight" felt so very much like a Sage song, but kept my mouth shut for fear of bursting into gleeful, evil laughter.

Excitement sparked like static electricity through everyone as the Explorer shut off, doors opening even before I could properly turn the key in the ignition. Cye practically shoved Kento through the door cartoon-style when I pulled the key out, shaking my head with an amused smile on my lips. Rowen followed at a more sedate pace, Ryo a bit behind by sheer virtue of having to unfold from the cargo area.

In gathering my things together before stepping out, I had the fortune to witness Sage lift Alexa out of the car at the same time he exited, her yelping a bit in surprise and clinging to his neck for balance. "I could've gotten out _just fine_ , thank you very much."

It was impossible to resist moving slowly to hear Sage's response. The tease was obvious in his voice, clearly saying he _wanted_ to carry her. "Oh just let someone, for once, please?"

I smirked at Rowen across the hood of the car, where he'd waited patiently for me to lock the doors. He returned it and offered an arm for me to take. Leaning affectionately against him, we marched off toward the entrance.

Since all of us already wore our swim attire—Alexa and I with swimsuits on under street clothes, the boys in their trunks—we bypassed the locker rooms in favor of claiming a fair-sized swath of the seating. This early in the afternoon on a Saturday, open spaces were hard to come by; but with as large (and creative) a group as ours, we managed to carve out a little haven toward one corner of the deep end.

Cye wasted no time dumping his things, yanking off his shirt and sandals, and swan-diving into the deep end. Torrent practically sang through the armor connection, which prompted telepathic laughter. Rowen wasn't too far behind, pausing only for a glance at me as if to say "Coming?" before getting a running start and gracefully plunging through the ripples left by Cye's passing.

Kento, of course, cannonballed with a joyful whoop—Ryo following right after.

Tempting as it was to join them, I'd jumped whole-heartedly in while wearing a bikini on one too many occasions. This time, I took the more leisurely route, plopping down on the side with my legs hanging over into the water. I smiled at the four boys' antics as a splash war broke out toward the five-foot area, letting my feet kick back and forth as my body adjusted to the temperature. It felt just right, luckily, the sort of just-cold-enough that I wouldn't mind jumping in immediately.

A splash drew my attention to Sage diving in, though he avoided the Ronin war a few yards away in favor of staying under in the deep end. Relaxing back on my hands, I gave myself permission to secretly stare at our friends—I might've crushed on Sage first, then ended up with Rowen, but the others were nothing to sneer at physically. For instance, Kento seemed a softy, but the thin outer layer betrayed the sheer rock of his very large muscles. Cye had a much more slender frame similar to Rowen, but clearly had a swimmer's sharply-defined build. He cut quickly and agilely through the water, smooth as a dolphin when he snuck behind Ryo and leapt up, shoving down on the other Ronin's shoulders and dunking him. The black-haired leader normally wore fairly baggy T-shirts and shorts, but going shirtless showed off a barrel-like chest that reminded me of White Blaze's mass.

And it was refreshing to get to see Sage in something less than slacks and button-downs, for once.

 _'I think someone needs to change the Urban Dictionary definition of "eye candy".'_

I let my mind and eyes wander across the poolscape, watching my twin as she padded over to the shallowest spot—a natural ramp into the water—and carefully walked in. Once she seemed satisfied with the temperature and depth, she carefully took a shallow dive under the surface. Her shadow beelined for the guys' tussling, and I smirked at how similarly our scheming minds worked.

Sometimes it was just a little _scary_ how alike we were.

A sharp shriek of surprise escaped when something broke the water's surface in front of me, hands reaching up to grab me around the waist and pull me into the pool. Luckily my attacker had the decency not to drag me the ten feet to the bottom, or I might've started choking pretty quickly. Instead I was pressed tightly to Rowen's chest, his arms supporting me as he half floated on his back at the surface.

"There, isn't that better?"

I stuck my tongue out at him, able to laugh at his prank now that the initial adrenalin rush was subsiding. "I was coming in! Just...taking my time."

He nuzzled my nose, eyes half-lidded. "What? Afraid of the water or something?"

That wasn't _entirely_ true, but it did remind me of the few times I hadn't had quite so nice an experience with the element. Glancing down at his chest—just so I wouldn't have to look him in the eye—I said quietly, "Well, I _have_ nearly drowned a few times… Or at least it felt like that."

His arms squeezed me comfortingly, lips brushing against mine in a brief kiss. "It's alright. I won't let you drown today." He chuckled. "Besides the employees here, Cye's also a lifeguard on _top_ of being an EMT. You're in good hands."

"Literally," I teased, drawing back enough to poke his nose meaningfully.

That soft laugh in response made me melt. Lazily kicking away from the edge of the pool and glancing to his left at the Three Stooges, he asked, _"What say you we go hunting?"_

A sudden, sharp exclamation of surprise—sounding suspiciously like a yelp—drew our attention to the fifth Ronin. _"Sounds like someone beat us to the punch,"_ I thought with a smirk as Sage recovered and dove after Alexa, who seemed to be half running away and half trying to surface.

Rowen simply seemed shocked. "I don't think I've ever heard him make that sound before."

I simply thought of the parallels between him and my twin and shook my head. "You Libra types, I swear…"

He grinned impishly. "Hey, makes for great pranks."

"Speaking of…" I mirrored his look.

A telepathic sense of agreement was all I needed. I paused only to note Sage's head breaking the surface—Alexa held tightly in his arms just like Rowen had had me, squirming to get free—before continuing to sneak up on Kento.

I probably should have picked Cye, being more my size, but sometimes I enjoyed the futile challenge of tackling larger fish. (In the off-chance I actually bested them, or had a few good moments, I would have some neat stories to brag about later.)

At one point in the tussle, Kento managed to get an arm around my chest, back pinned to him and one of my flailing hands grasped in his free one. Something about it caught his attention and made him pause, not even having to think to be able to keep me from squirming away. He held it up toward Rowen, who'd paused in wrestling both Cye and Ryo when he noticed the warrior of earth had caught me.

"Geeze, Rowen, marking your territory already?" he teased, wiggling my fingers to indicate the Strata-blue polish.

I sighed, rolling my eyes and ceasing my kicking and struggling. Apparently Alexa had managed her own escape handily—or had really good hearing—because she responded, "Nope, blame the bratty older sister who used a moment of distraction to her own advantage."

Kento gave off the sense of raising an eyebrow at her, impressed. "Never would have pegged you for it." After releasing me, he turned toward her to offer a hi-five—which she returned, albeit blushing. "I like the way you work." With a wink and resting his elbow on her shoulder, he propositioned, "Y'know, you could ditch Ice Man over there, and we could go wreck havoc on the poor innocent civilians of this here 'stablishment. You and me—I think we'd make a great team."

Sage just rolled his eyes, Cye and Ryo quietly releasing a evil-plotting Rowen while Kento's back was turned. Alexa mocked a raised eyebrow and pretended to evaluate him. "Oh we can do that without ditching anybody. Let me have my fun." She winked to take the bite out of the rejection, teasing as it was.

He mock-pouted and sighed. "Alright, fine, I'll go terrorize poor fish-boy all by myself—seeing as your sister stole my partner-in-crime." With a grin and one last conspiratorial wink, he turned to make good on this threat to Cye—only to find Rowen tackling him. The two of them went down in a massive spray of water and noisy splash, drenching the rest of us nearby with their tussling.

My gleeful laughter made my side nearly split with the effort.

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _dan_ : a rank system used for higher-level practicioners of kendo (or, in this context, _go_ ), above the student ranks of _kyu_ (a similar comparison may be grade levels versus going to higher education institutions).

 _Zeruda no Densetsu_ : Japanese name for Legend of Zelda

 _otaku_ : geek, nerd; often used as an insult, similar in rudeness to baka (if memory serves me right)


	22. Chapter 22

FDD Episode 22: The Fluff Continues. :P

 **Warnings:** None!

* * *

 _Chapter 22_

 _'Let's get 'em both.'_

Sage simply smirked in a way that said they wouldn't know what hit them. While he went after the guys, I darted off towards my sister and shoved her under water. She sputtered and windmilled her arms in an attempt to get away, me letting her with a laugh. She tried to glare at me when she surfaced.

I probably shouldn't have teasingly flicked a few drops at her in the pause that followed.

She _shoved_ water at me, quickly avoided as I ducked under and pushed off the pool's floor to be behind her. My wave was smaller in the haste to get her a second time; she just whirled to splash me back, apparently not caring if she got wet so long as _I_ did. Much to her annoyance I simply dove _again_ — prompting her to follow and try to grab me.

All that Marco-polo practice came in handy as I quickly kicked my feet away from her hands and surfaced, only to be pinned by tall, lanky, and _very strong_ arms. Tessa _grinned_ and properly splashed me, not caring if she got her boyfriend as well.

Before she could dive in to tickle me, Sage snatched her in return. I couldn't resist bringing my leg up to flick water at her again with my foot.

"Truce?" Rowen said, still holding onto me.

I glanced up at him, then my sister, and when I noticed her relenting, I exhaled. "Truce."

 _For now._

As the adrenalin wore off, I found myself taking deep breaths from the exertion. Rowen loosened his grip to give my ribs more space, staying close in case I lost the ability to tread. Everyone else around noticed me swimming to the ledge, arms folding onto the pool deck and head resting on them.

I hated relapses. Even with all the food I'd been eating, it still wasn't enough to get my athleticism back. That would take another month or two, at least, _if_ I kept up my current schedule which was majority enabled by not having to cook for myself with Cye around. The likelihood I'd be able to was slim.

"You okay, sis?"

I nodded, opening my eyes to look at her beside me. "Just tired. Go have fun."

Her smile didn't seem completely convinced, but she none the less left to swim off after Rowen. I dragged myself out of the pool just as Sage took her place, him leaving the water moments after I did.

 _'Too much?'_

I went over to where we'd kept our stuff— wringing my ponytail out as I walked— and grabbed my water bottle. _'In what way?'_

He didn't seem to realize there could be multiple ways, pausing before he clarified, _'Physical, I suppose.'_

 _'Yep.'_ I sat down in a chair and took a long drink. _'It was fun, don't get me wrong, and I'm not triggered for once, but I still tire really easily.'_

He put a hand on my shoulder and rubbed the still bony joint softly. "Want me to get you anything?"

I glanced up to see his single eye unusually soft and compassionate, quickly covering my face with my hand and blushing at the care.

He laughed softly. "What?"

I peeked out at him from between my fingers. "The way you're looking at me…"

"Ah." He brought his hand under my chin, forcing me to look at him. His eye had only gotten more intense. "Unfortunately, I can't help it."

I blushed darker, lifting my water bottle as a way to change the topic. "Refill this for me?"

He smiled and took it, going over to the water fountain. Almost immediately as he turned to come back, a group of girls about our age intercepted him, them giggling and blushing in an oh so obvious we-like-you way that set his spine rod-straight.

It was difficult not to be a _little_ jealous. What I wouldn't give to have three athletic brunettes, one with blue eyes and the other two with brown so rich they looked like they hid whole worlds to top it off, fawning over me. Their smiles were a little too practiced to truly _sparkle_ , but I could see potential in the lips of one, her muscle definition the most prominent out of the group.

Of course, I would have to be in the right mood for it, and Sage very much was not. I saw how unflappably _polite_ he was as he gestured towards me in an apparent indication he was busy, and from the way they kept talking they were having none of it.

Now that my energy was a little more stable, I thought I'd continue having fun.

"Thanks for filling this up for me, love," I said softly, taking the bottle from his hands with a kiss to his cheek. I glanced over to their shocked and borderline jealous looks. "Who're your friends?"

Hopefully that last bit hadn't been _too_ suggestive— it was already hard to keep my eyes off those gorgeous bombshells in bathing suits that indicated they'd come to the pool half to swim, half to flirt. I simply doubted they were looking for any feminine attention. Besides. If they were disrespecting Sage's boundaries, that meant I wanted no part with them.

Still. They were hot as hell.

"We were just talking," he said, snaking an arm around my waist with Halo radiating gratitude. He inclined his head towards the three. "Nice meeting you."

I wrapped my arm around his lower back, leading him away with a subtly possessive grip that let those girls get the message. My lips met his jaw as one _final_ sign to leave him alone before I settled into walking beside him, him returning my two kisses with one on my temple.

"Arigato gozaimasu."

I laughed softly, resting my head against his shoulder. "No problem. I'm That Person who'll play jealous girlfriend if you need an escape."

He pulled me closer and didn't let me sit down, instead turning me towards him and resting our foreheads together. "I might take you up on that, for today…"

It was impossible to miss the implications in his voice, but his eye spoke of hesitancy, giving me room to back out and pull away and generally turn him down. My hand went to his jaw. "I would be more than happy to. For today."

He broke out in a grin, kissing me just _beside_ my mouth but in such a way his budding fanclub would think it was an actual kiss. _'I don't want to kiss your lips until you're sure.'_

I nuzzled our noses together. _'I appreciate that.'_

Relief lit his eye and I found myself brushing the damp strands away from the other. He let me despite the slowly rising tension at being seen with both; it was an insecurity he could ignore around me, but in public it was a source of skittishness. Despite myself, I smirked. _'You know, that little group probably couldn't handle it…'_

He shrunk for a moment before realizing what I'd implied, matching my expression once he did. He turned his head so the absolutely crestfallen girls could see both, alight with mischief. I glanced over to see them jump and scatter.

 _'Well, I think that takes care of them.'_

He brushed the hair back over one eye and nodded. _'You seem disappointed about that.'_

I felt my blush in my ears. His acceptance at whatever Dusk had tattled, a veritable flood of reassurance he'd both picked up on what I'd found attractive about them and that he was alright with me talking about it, unfroze my mental voice. _'They were cute. Sue me.'_

He chuckled, relaxing into holding me. "How're you feeling?"

"Better," I said. "Although it would be nice to sit down…"

He laughed and eased down in the chair next to me even though these were not meant for two people and I was in his lap again.

"You're enjoying yourself today, aren't you?"

His laugh brightened, nose going to my neck. "You could say that." He brought a hand down to mine, running his thumb over my nails. "Don't think I missed these."

I pulled my hand across my waist, effectively forcing him to hug me. "When I picked that blue for Tessa, she picked this green as payback." I looked back at him, smiling softly. "Can't say I mind the colour."

"Green actually isn't my favourite colour," he said playfully, eye alight. "It's purple."

I laughed, throwing my head back against his shoulder. "You're _kidding_."

He grinned and kissed the available skin on my neck. "Nope. Pink is a close second."

"Pink is _my_ favourite," I replied. "And purple is a close second."

"They mean different things, in Japan," he said, softly massaging my hands. "It's always a little strange, hearing the difference. Cherry blossoms are pink from the blood of fallen samurai."

I nodded. "It's changed in the West, too… pink used to be nothing more than a washed down version of red, so it was considered very masculine. Then stuff happened and I'd _love_ to find sources to back it up but needless to say that changed!" I cleared my throat. "I may or may not have an interest in colour psychology and history…"

He tightened his arms around me. "If you want to… infodump on it?"

I twisted to look at him properly. "Did Rowen tell you that term, or Tessa?"

He chuckled. "Rowen. You should see the amount of research he did."

"Oh good lord…" I collapsed back against Sage's chest, hand over my face. "Are you sure _he_ isn't autistic? The guy has special interests to rival mine."

Sage pulled my hand down and kissed my cheek. "I honestly have no idea. I've always thought it was because he grew up in a university."

I looked over at the easy-to-spot Ronin; if it wasn't his height, it was his bright blue hair. He and my sister were thoroughly engrossed in conversation, far away from the others who were still causing havoc and drawing many a lifeguard glare in the middle of the pool. They had apparently found a group of girls to hang out with— looking suspiciously like Sage's former fanclub— Kento in particular showing off by treading water with one of them in his arms. Of course he'd ended up with the girl with the most muscle definition.

"Reminds me of the time a family friend took lifeguard training and had two 20 pound bricks in his hands at once," I murmured, attention going back to Tessa. They looked just a little _too_ comfortable. "I know we said truce, but…"

He smirked in that absolutely devilish way again. "Rowen and I, however, do not have one."

I carefully got off his lap and offered a hand. "Shall we?"

A moment later Sage had slipped into the water with barely a sound. He dove under and rocketed towards the couple, closing the distance in the time it took me to sit on the edge of the pool and _watch_.

Rowen yelped when Sage dragged him down, releasing him once he was soaked again. Sage shielded himself from Rowen's return splash with his arms, _laughing_. Tessa pouted at him, glancing up when my laughter pierced the air.

And I thought _Sage's_ death glares were intense.

I simply gave a wiggly fingered wave in return, standing as she and Rowen got out of the water. Sage followed, albeit at a safe distance where he wasn't at risk of being pushed into the pool. This did not escape Rowen's attention, if the annoyed frown over his shoulder was any clue.

Tessa wrapped her arms around me as an indication she wasn't actually that upset before saying, "Sis, I love you, but you and Sage need to break up."

I raised an eyebrow. "Whyyyy?"

"Cause he's never pranked anyone _this_ much since meeting you," Rowen said.

I laughed. "To be fair, I don't think I've pranked anyone this much, either…"

Everyone else joined me, Tessa letting go to return to her boyfriend's readily waiting arm. They parked themselves down on a pool chair the exact same way Sage and I had, me wondering if it was worth drawing comments about parallels.

Sage wrapped an arm around my waist and dragged me down to where we'd been sitting. _'Relax. It doesn't have to mean anything.'_

After the initial bristling at being forced along, I settled back into him and tried to forget my triggers. They were incredibly irrational, but the initial thrill of panic was sometimes difficult to overcome without help. I turned to _face_ him this time, curled up into his chest and his fingers lazily going up and down my spine.

He kissed my hairline. _'Thank you for trusting me.'_

I smiled and nuzzled closer as a response.

"I thought Tessa and Rowen were bad," Ryo said, coming out of the water. "Comfy, there?"

I snorted at the guys' teasing looks, all of them coming out as I spoke. "Very."

Sage kept his hand on my lower back. "You look about ready for a nap."

I chuckled. "Kinda am."

"I could go for one," Tessa said, looking back at Rowen to make sure he'd be alright not moving for awhile. Soon she matched my pose, curled up on top of him. I scrunched my eyes shut at the background noise of the pool, twisting around on myself to get my iPod out of my bag. My senses were worn down and the water would help, but I was still too physically tired and didn't want to push it. I scrolled through to find the songs I'd collected over recital season, missing dance something terribly. My DVDs hadn't arrived yet, and they wouldn't for another week. Of course, the address I'd put in was my apartment, and I wouldn't be there for the foreseeable future. So I'd be even _later_ getting them.

The first song I came across was "Don't Look Down", one that had punctuated our intermission shows. I hit play, listened to all of forty seconds before pausing and turning to look at Tessa and Rowen. "Hey, sis?"

She stirred, lazily opening an eye. "Hm?"

I unplugged my headphones, cranked the volume up, and started the song over again.

They hit the _exact same point_ I did and looked at each other, saying "Our song!" in unison.

"Jynx!" Tessa said a moment later.

Rowen tried to glare at her, smile too visible on his lips for it to have any bite. She leaned their foreheads together and her lips barely moved around the word "Rowen", indicating he could speak again.

He leaned in for a soft kiss, right as the music asked 'will you follow through if I fall for you?'

From the way she returned, the answer was very much 'yes'.

"Geeze, you had to give them an excuse to be even _cuter_ ," Kento said with an eye roll, plopping down on a chair. "Nice work."

I simply grinned and settled back down against Sage's chest. Halo and Dusk wrapped around my physical senses, dulling out the overstimulation. Dusk was closer to my skin while Sage took care of the particularly strong outside sounds I was having a hard time blocking out. I relaxed against him, hand going to his shoulder in some sign sleep was possible. He wrapped his other arm around me, pulling me closer so my ear was over his heart.

A "You lot coming?" from Cye drew my attention an undetermined time later. In my half asleep state I heard a splash, followed by a much _larger_ one— Kento canonballing again no doubt— before pushing myself up. Sage glanced over to Ryo, the latter's eyebrow going up with an unspoken agreement to get them. Sage gave all of a half fleeting kiss to my cheek as he helped me off him so he could follow and torment the others again.

Tessa was lazier getting up than I was, drawing out as much time beside Rowen as possible, before muttering about how she was going to the washroom. Rowen kissed her temple before she left, eyes following after her before he looked at me.

I waved my hand to dismiss his 'I want to talk' air. "Just say it."

"I like you," he said with a smile. "You get straight to the point."

I snorted. "I'm godawful at small talk. Comes with the whole 'autistic' thing. I can participate in it if forced but I'd rather just… _not_."

"Funny you mention that…" he said, looking down. "I— how did you know you were autistic? If you were never told."

I chuckled. "When you meet three medically diagnosed people and think the same as all three of them, that's usually a sign." Picking up on where he'd wanted to lead the conversation, I said, "Yes, I know it's often genetic."

He blinked, looking back to where Tessa had gone. "Does she show signs? I think she does but I've not known her as long as you have and I could be seeing what's not there. Just because I knew you were before I even met her and I've known you were twins before meeting either of you and I've been wondering if it's possible for twins to _not_ have different brain wiring, especially since you are fraternal twins instead of identical so there is that chance she's not autistic."

"She does," I said softly, in case she came back. "I've spotted it for _years_ , but I'd… honestly rather not tell her unless she asks because I don't know how she'll react. Autism is… really not well known, and pretty hated in the States especially, and I just… she knows we think similarly but she sees herself as _weird_ , not _disabled_. I'm incredibly good at spotting it and I keep it to myself, just in case… they get upset, or something."

He mulled that over, rubbing his arm. "Do… _I_ show signs?"

I swallowed. Hard. "Yes."

"Knew it," he murmured. "I always _was_ a little too different." He glanced up at me and tried to smile, seeing me retreat into myself. "How can you tell?"

I drew my knees up to my chest. "I hate telling people what I notice about their behaviour. I really really really hate it."

"C'mon," he said softly, hand going to my foot. "I'm not shocked _or_ upset. I've done enough psych reading to know I had _something_. Especially… as I tried to understand her. The both of you, really."

I smiled. "You're a good guy for her. Not many people try."

He blushed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "It's the least I can do. Really. When I found out you were autistic, and under that much stress, I wanted to help."

"So you were the one who…" I struggled for words, remembering the aftermath of when they rescued me. At least, what snatches I could grasp through a fog of dissociation. "Made sure they didn't upset me?"

He nodded. "For lack of a better term… I told them not to do anything sudden and even if we did everything right, you'd likely still be upset until you calmed down because your senses would be overwhelmed and there was a strong possibility everything would hurt you in some way. We'd hoped Tessa would be the first to find you just so you'd have something familiar at the start."

Cye's comment about how I didn't have to make eye contact suddenly made one _hell_ of a lot more sense. "I appreciated that…"

He quirked a smile. "Anything else I should know? I tried to do my research but it is always better to hear directly _from_ a person."

"You're asking for an infodump."

He flicked his fingers forward, like 'hit me'.

Tessa came back to the both of us thoroughly engrossed in all things psych, me on a tangent about the built in cultural context of IQ tests and how you couldn't actually apply them in other cultures because of those biases.

Knowing it was absolutely futile to join in with our motor mouths, she shook her head and went over to the pool.

I didn't _quite_ catch what prompted it, but the next thing I heard was, "I've just lost my boyfriend and sister to psych for the next two hours."

I paused to call out, "Sorry!"

Rowen, on the other hand, said, "I'm not!"

"Of course you're not!" Ryo said from the pool. "Don't let him give you another headache, Alexa!"

I laughed. "Oh I'm more worried about giving him one."

Tessa rolled her eyes. "You Libras!"

Rowen's raised eyebrow was a challenge too good to refuse. I didn't even respond to my sister past a dismissive flick of my hand, going back to explaining my _next_ tangent of cultural biases in anthropology which would eventually lead to how autism would have different stressors depending on culture.

By the time Ryo dragged us away so we could go bowling, Rowen was rubbing his forehead. "Okay, now I have _some_ idea how people feel after I talk…"

I looked up at him and smirked. "Headache?"

He snorted. "Nope!" The triumph didn't last very long, however. "Just pretty damn close."

Sage raised an eyebrow. "Looks like you've finally met your match, Rowen."

"You and her," he said. "I swear, you know more about feudal Japanese war strategy than I thought possible."

Both of us just grinned at him.

We broke up the group to get changed into street clothes— without bathing suits under, this time— and piled back in the car. Tessa turned to me in the seat. "Mind giving up your iPod?"

I reached into my bag and handed it over. "You're gonna repeat Don't Look Down the whole trip, aren't you?"

She smiled and nodded vigorously, getting Rowen to cue it up.

I settled back against Sage, reaching out to Rowen only. _'That_ can _be an autism thing. Same song all the time.'_

It was hard not to burst out laughing at his, _'Well that explains a lot about_ me _…'_

 _'It's called auditory stimming,'_ I said. _'When everything hits you just right and it makes you feel better.'_

 _'Yep,'_ he replied. _'Does it work for… needing a certain type of silence?'_

 _'YES oh gosh if I don't have the right type of silence I go_ nuts _!'_

He was quieter, now, a single small chuckle. _'That's space, for me…'_

 _'Does…'_ I hesitated, not wanting to go too much farther but he seemed open to continuing the conversation. _'Does Strata help cut all the "extra" out? Like when you're so overwhelmed with your senses that you can't take it and Strata just calms that down so you can focus? Dusk does that with me. Just_ did _that at the pool.'_ I kept a fleeting thought that Halo had also cut the extra, and seemed to work from experience, out of the connection.

He gave a mental nod. _'Yes… yes it does. Every time I put it on, really, or go out in space. Although…'_ The impression of a blush was unmistakable. _'It_ was _nice to share it with Tessa.'_

 _'It's always nice to be able to share safety like that.'_ I gave a mental gesture to Sage, careful not to include him. _'I… wish there was something I could share with him, though.'_

 _'Wanna know a secret?'_

A dubious impression, having sensed that teasing tone. _'Will it make him kill you?'_

Rowen internally grinned. _'Want to, at least! But that's if you bring it up.'_ A wink. _'He dances. Ballroom, specifically. I dragged him into it. He_ took _to it. I dropped after a few classes.'_

I really hoped my blush wasn't physical. _'I've always wanted to try ballroom…'_

He gave me a pointed mental shove towards the aforementioned person and returned his attention to the conversation around us, which had progressed to never seeing Sage cut loose _that_ much.

I heard my name and almost startled awake. "Hm?"

The car broke out laughing, Sage turning his head to kiss my cheek. "Having a nice nap?"

I chuckled and nodded. "Yeah… you could say that."

"I was just asking," Ryo said casually. "Got any spells we should know about?"

Cye clarified, "For how you seem to be impacting… certain people."

The implications the two referenced were Sage and Rowen— Sage for pranks and Rowen for nearly giving him a headache— were _crystal_ clear. I laughed. "Nope. I don't cast spells like that. Unless you count how I charm basically everyone."

Sage's lips met my neck, brushing the skin under my ear. "I'd say that qualifies."

His words were formal but his tone was very much not, and I found myself blushing profusely— much to everyone's amusement. I turned my face towards Sage's and generally tried to melt into him, my smile the only indication how much I'd enjoyed that little confidence boost.

Now I reached out to just him, glancing up so I could see his eyes. The way he'd oh so slightly brushed his bangs aside and how our heads were tilted meant both were visible. _'Normally I'm too autistic for people to look at me twice…'_

He kissed the bridge of my nose. _'Safe to say I've looked a lot more than twice.'_

Kento ruined any moment we could've had with a groan. "C'mon, you two… you're killing me over here!"

Cye joined in on the teasing, lightly shoving Kento to give himself more space. " _You're_ not the one in the middle! Shut up!"

"Hey! Rules of the car!" Tessa said from the front. "We're almost there, anyway."

"I vote musical seats— everyone switches on the way back," Ryo said from his admittedly very curled up position in the back. "Except Tessa, of course."

Again, I simply grinned at not being squished like I normally was in games of 'let's pile everyone in the car'. "Pretty sure you don't want _me_ switching, either, cause otherwise…"

Kento nodded. "Yeah you stay right there. As disgusting as you two are."

Cye followed up with, "Sage might impale us if you had to sit with anybody else…"

From the way Sage's arm tightened protectively around me, that was very much a yes.

Somehow everyone else stayed quiet on the drive, the still-present repeat of Don't Look Down the primary background noise. We pulled into the bowling alley's lot in another five minutes, tops, everybody scrambling out albeit a little slower than the pool— namely because Cye wasn't itching to get to the water, this time.

I slid off Sage's lap towards the middle seat, giving him room to leave _before_ he had the option to scoop me up again. He simply shook his head at my avoidance and got out, only to turn and bow with a hand offered towards me.

I took it. "You're going to insist on helping me get out of cars today, aren't you?"

That damn teasing light in his eyes and lopsided smile. "For a princess? Of course."

Rowen lingered behind for apparently the sole purpose to tease us, reaching out and ruffling Sage's hair. "Cut it out, Sage, I think I might puke…"

Two could play that teasing game. "Says the guy who's barely let go of his girlfriend since you two got together…"

Ryo was just exiting, walking beside us and tossing in, " _Before_ they got together!"

Tessa went around the car, laughing at our banter. "Hey, I think 'kidnapping' is a legitimate excuse!"

She wrapped both arms around Rowen's waist in a hug that still showed echoes of 'I need to know you're alive'. He twisted in her grip and got an arm around her, pulling her to his front so he could hug her with the same lingering feeling.

Sage's arm around my waist tightened, him picking up on that as much as I was. I was sure had his crush formed before _I_ was kidnapped, we'd be in the same boat.

We went inside to blacklights already on, various articles of clothing lighting up. My nails practically glowed in the ultraviolet, as did Rowen's royal blue headband, the white on Ryo's shirt, and Kento's bright orange decal across his chest. The only one immune seemed to be Sage, his pale violet polo shirt brighter than it had been outside but not day glow.

"Good thing you didn't wear your usual _white_ dress shirt," Kento said with a meaningful shove of Sage's shoulder. "Otherwise we'd need sunglasses right now."

Cye laughed. "You'd be glowing brighter than Halo."

Sage rolled his eyes. "Oh shut up."

Once we had adjusted to the darkened space and gotten our lane, the group broke up into those ready to bowl and those looking for the perfect weight for bowling balls— which was to say, Tessa and I were on the hunt for the single lightest ones we could find.

We returned right before our turns were cued up, me holding a three pound ball and Tessa holding a five. Lucky us the lanes had weights this light, even if three pounds was still pushing it for me. Sage's glance let me know his offer to throw a turn or two for me was still valid. To my surprise, he'd brushed the hair out of his eyes a little more, the right half visible even when I looked at him head on.

"Perfect timing," Rowen said. "Lane's nearly set up."

Now that the balls were queued, with some suspiciously high numbers in line, I could actually listen to the radio playing like it always was during blacklight at home. The mix was a top 40s type station, the Earworm worthy pop blasting over the speakers loud enough two person conversations were plausible, group conversations were very much not. At least, not at normal volume.

I recognized the beat that came on a breath before the lane opened, the happy 80s vibe of the song unmistakable. Shut Up and Dance's first verse playing, both Tessa and I bouncing along.

The beat got to me. I jumped to my feet and started dancing. Nothing fancy, nothing that on a normal day I _would_ call dancing, but it was movement and it was fun and I was trying not to care I was in public.

A hand grabbed mine and spun me, taking advantage of the slick bowling shoes that made the move even possible.

I looked up to Sage standing over me, other hand out for me to take so he could dance along. I gladly did and kept an eye on our footwork, if only so I didn't step on his toes.

He chuckled. "Don't worry about it. You won't hurt."

I blushed. "I've… never partner danced before."

His eyebrows shot up. "Never?"

I shook my head. "Unless you count one ballroom class and the odd 'we use each other as props' section in dances."

His reply seemed to be another spin, one that I somehow fell into despite not having been set up for it at all. "We'll have to fix that."

His softly teasing voice had me smiling and relaxing into the partner movements, me having done just enough practice on my own to pick up. Halo and Dusk resonating with each other helped us fall in time, I was sure. I could even sing along as I moved. "She said 'shut up and dance with me'."

To my surprise, Sage continued, "This woman is my destiny."

The music dropped away, the others dropped away, and all I could focus on were his words. My breath caught and I wasn't sure when I stopped moving, but it didn't take long for Sage to have his forehead against mine.

"Too much?"

I shook my head. "N-no…"

Seeming to pick up on my lowered verbal capacities, he prompted, "Unexpected?"

I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I just… never know how to react to 'forever'."

His hands went to my waist, pulling me closer. "So I'll keep it to right now."

I smiled and kept looking at him, grateful for the lack of pressure. We might've agreed to keep the other in our lives, but that was platonically. This song, on the other hand, was very much romantic.

"Hey, loverboy, your turn!" Kento called out, snapping us out of what felt like a daze.

I looked over, saw my sister's raised eyebrow, and promptly blushed so bright I was sure the black light picked up on it.

—/—

 _"Told ya my girl-crazy sister fell for a guy,"_ I informed Rowen oh-so-gleefully. That blush on her cheeks—poorly hidden under blacklight—was all the proof I needed.

As if everything at the pool hadn't been _enough_ evidence.

 _"We're not exactly more innocent than them,"_ he pointed out smugly. He lifted one of my hands from his chest to press a kiss to its back. _"We just own it instead of trying to hide it."_

I laughed lightly. "Hey, nothing wrong with that! They're more than entitled to keep it quiet if they so desire."

"Yeah, well, they're also entitled to let loose once in a while," he retorted, smile dulling the edge those words might otherwise have had. It softened even more when he lifted his head to watch Sage throw his bowling ball down the lane, nine of the pins falling with a thunderous crash. "It's nice to see him so relaxed. Even if your sister _hasn't_ cast a spell over him, whatever she's done has definitely been good for him."

"I can hear you, y'know."

I giggled, grinning and sticking my tongue out at my sister. It was very much a _teasing_ "see if I care" attitude.

I was incredibly thankful we'd gotten to the point in our relationship where she didn't mind my highly sarcastic, irreverent forms of humor. It was difficult to mistake the beginnings of irritation at the long-running joke for anything else. "How many times do I have to say I'm not _that_ type of witch…?" (I couldn't say I hadn't been waiting for that shoe to drop.) "Besides. I think he's too strong willed for any spell to _work_."

Kento flopped back in a chair as Sage fitted his fingers into the holes of his bowling ball, the warrior of earth folding his hands behind his head. A sly grin crossed his lips, eyes directing the sentiment at Ryo. "Sage might be, but I can think of another Ronin who's not quite as immune."

My boyfriend had by now separated himself from me long enough to grab a water bottle he'd brought, standing close enough to Ryo to poke him with a finger. With a meaningful glance toward Cye and Kento, he agreed, "Yeah. At this rate we're all going to have some sort of new friend by the end of this crazy summer trip!"

As amusing as that was, I couldn't help an eyeroll at Rowen's terrible jokes. Ryo, of course, immediately— _vehemently_ —protested the characterization. "HEY, I just met her _today_ , and already you're trying to set me up? Some friends _you_ are."

The half-amused tone got taken literally by Kento, of course. "You're welcome!" he said brightly.

Alexa got in on the joke with her dry humor, almost in a deadpan. "Yeah, give him at least a week."

Everyone busted out into various levels of laughter. Once that had been eradicated by rising taunts and jokes at Sage completely missing the tenth bowling pin due to holding back his own laughter, Alexa added, "I hope it wasn't one of those three girls"—of course referencing the almost-Sage-Date-fanclub. Kento's pout said just what he felt about her implied disapproval. I couldn't help a mental chuckle at equating how movie perfect it would have been _had_ the Three Stooges each ended up together with one of those three.

But of course that would be too easy. As he stepped up for his first throw, Cye explained, "No, just a beautifully tanned black-haired girl with green eyes named Luna."

I raised an eyebrow at that writer-perfect description. "That's pretty specific there, Cye. Sure you weren't a little taken with her yourself?"

He rolled his eyes and focused on the fresh set of pins at the end of our lane. Kento elbowed Ryo, still with that characteristic toothy grin of his. "Nah, Wildfire tattled on just how much Ryo liked all those qualities."

The blush that came over Ryo's face could have rivalled one of my own—or his armor. Despite his protests, the slight curve of a smile never left his face. "I honestly don't think it's going to get anywhere, even if we do stay in contact… I mean, it'd be majorly long-distance."

I glanced over at Alexa to see her nod, a hint of sadness in her mood as Sage regained his place beside her. She tried to be reassuring—and I suspected it was for more than simply Ryo's sake. "Hey, long distance works pretty well. How I met her." At the last reference to myself, she glanced up at Sage, who gently put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to his side.

It was all too easy to remember why I'd crushed on him in the first place when I saw the look in his eyes. Considering how things had turned out on my end, however, I was immensely happy to see him practically glowing in my sister's presence. It hadn't escaped me how she'd slowly grown to be more relaxed in his company, either.

The moment was ruined by every one of Cye's ten pins dropping in a resounding crash, all of us erupting in some level of cheering and congratulations. His triumphant grin hardly left the rest of the night.

Considering he trumped us all with a score of over one hundred twenty, I couldn't say I was surprised.

A festive air reigned on our return to the house close to sunset. Though the warrior of water had won handily, Kento and Ryo's duel for second had been enough excitement to give us an ab workout with all the laughter. Their antics didn't help, though instead of the usual tussling it was expressed through a battle of words. Sage, of course, tried to remain above it all—though his relaxed manner and occasional quips were enough indication that he was just as happy and relaxed as the rest.

Rowen and I, naturally, ended at the bottom of the scoring heap—luckily, somehow, in a tie. Alexa insisted she would have been there, though, were it not for Sage throwing a few rounds in her stead.

I took a few moments to glance between the road and the rearview mirror. True to Ryo's suggestion, we'd all played musical seats: Sage and Alexa flip-flopped from passenger to driver side; Rowen and Kento traded the front and the right rear seats; and Ryo relieved Cye of the middle, the latter squeezing himself into the storage area. My eyes were mostly for the reddish-black-haired girl in Sage's lap, however.

The scene was about as idyllic as it could get in a car packed full of excited young adult males. Somehow she'd fallen soundly asleep curled up in Sage's arms, himself at least halfway there with his cheek pressed against hers. His large, callused hands easily enveloped her tiny, sore wrist, a holdover from his too-apparent healing.

Five minutes from the house, however, she startled awake with the tiniest jump that resembled an electric shock. It in turn woke Sage, whose arms tightened around her protectively as Dusk spread over her street clothes. Mixed with the very clear feeling of Wrongness that permeated the car was a heavy question whether or not what she seemed to sense was real or simply a nightmare, the dread clinging thickly to her connection with the rest of us.

"Do you feel it, too…?"

Her voice was too small and constricted. The boys went instantly quiet. A quick scan of the area caused my dinner to somersault through my stomach, a curse passing my lips at how we'd let our guard down.

Something was blocking our sense of a fifteen-foot area near the barn.

And it stank of the cult.


	23. Chapter 23

**Warnings:** Cult, assault, homophobia, parental abuse; catatonic PTSD flashback

* * *

 _Chapter 23_

I had to overcompensate for how much my body shook at the thought of encountering _them_ here, my own house. The car came to one of the softest stops I'd ever made, my fingers fumbling at the keys to shut off the engine as everyone piled out. My feet felt like lead as I forced myself to walk around to the other side of the vehicle—and toward my beloved barn.

Rowen met me halfway, sticking to my side like glue. Despite how we'd probably need them soon, our hands quickly found each other. Even had I been able to speak, I wasn't sure I'd have words for all the emotions roiling inside.

Silence reigned as we cautiously passed through the open paddock gate, Alexa taking the lead with Sage not half a step behind. Everyone else fanned out, stringing into a line across the worn grass until we were no more than twenty yards from the structure.

That was when I saw my father, lying on his back in the breezeway beneath the overhang.

"Dad!"

I went to dash toward him, but Rowen's grip prevented me from going more than a few steps. My sister stopped and shoved a hand out in a gesture to halt. "That's _way_ too obvious. Stay here."

We instinctively obeyed, everyone's nerves keyed to high alert. My eyes stayed fixed on Dad, noting his chest rising evenly and regularly, as if simply asleep; but he seemed too posed and in too odd a place for that. Alexa stepped forward once, twice, then put a hand out until it appeared to stop of its own accord, palm pressed flat like it had hit a wall.

Of _course_ invisibility would be one of those things that was possible, with all this magic stuff going on.

She stood quietly for a while, almost meditatively. _"There are Nether Spirits behind here. We would_ easily _be able to get to him, but we'd be caught as soon as we went through the wall. I'm only able to touch it because I know what to look for— it's actually about as resistant as water."_ A deep breath. _"Let me see if I can break it."_

A brief thrill of alarm at the confirmation of Nether Spirits shot between the five Ronin. I squeezed Rowen's hand reassuringly, though just as worried as he about their ability to fight in armor should Alexa and I be incapable of breaking the _youjakai_ influence this time.

Alexa's hand contorted into something reminiscent of a claw; she stepped back to gain some distance, arm snapping forward and performing a heel strike. The impact brought to life a spiderweb of cracks in her target—then lightning and blue fire spurted from the wound and through her fingers. A strangled scream passed her lips, but we were too busy with our own hurts now as the lightning jumped between us.

Our connection grew hazy and staticy, the others' grunts and hisses of pain distant and discordant to me. Rowen gasped and doubled over, free hand to his chest where I could also feel the biting _fire_ of Nether Spirit energy that immobilized us all. Above everything that immediately brought to mind the last time I'd felt such pain, I was dimly aware of Rowen's subarmor melting way and someone dragging him from my side.

My protest caught in my throat at a too-familiar voice I hadn't ever wanted to hear for the rest of my life.

"Hello again, darling."

I nearly choked on my own breath. Fear washed over me like a bucket of water had been poured on my head. I didn't want to look—didn't want to see him—didn't want to confirm what I already knew in my heart. But my body betrayed me, glancing up into the triumphant, gloating countenance of my ex-boyfriend.

Where I felt completely incapable of speech, Alexa was the spitting image of a hissing cat. "She's _not_ your darling." A quick glance showed her on one knee, two cultists pinning her hands behind her back. Despair raked over my heart almost more painfully than the spell had moments previously.

All the Ronin had fallen to their knees, the effect of the Nether Spirits that much stronger on their tainted armor.

Michael speaking drew my attention back to him. "You would know, wouldn't you?" He turned to properly face her, ignoring me for the time being. (It was hard to be grateful for that small reprieve, considering the circumstances.) "You always had been about brotherhood and love."

Her Death Glare was the most powerful one I'd ever seen. Had Dusk been able to harness that power, Michael'd have been skewered on the end of a hot spit. "You don't own that. You never did. You're too wrapped up in being _correct_ you don't bother to see if you're _right_."

Miss Anger Dragon finally found her voice in a righteous snarl. "We're _not together_ anymore. You never had my heart, and you never will." Lacking a vile enough word with which to insult Michael, I settled for spitting at his feet and glaring.

My whole body braced itself for the worst as he faced me, close enough he didn't need to step forward for his hand to reach my chin. Disgust filled me at his touch and the gentle coo in his voice. "Even twin flames have their rough spots. Those relationships are the rockiest, but they're worthwhile, if you stick with it."

The thought of exactly what he'd just implied made me utterly _sick_. "If I join your kooky cult, you mean!" I growled, wrenching back from his hand. Most of the pain from the spell Alexa had triggered had faded, but my motion still caused me to falter and pause in my retreat.

No wonder I had no need of guards—unlike Alexa. _'Probably thinks he can handle me alone,'_ I muttered to myself.

As Michael took an irritated hold of my upper arm, Rowen tried to rise to my defense. "D-Don't you touch her," he growled weakly.

That nevertheless got my ex's attention, dropping his hand in favor of stalking across the short gap between us. "Shut up, _demon_! Your armor is the _only_ reason you're worth _anything_. And you've misused it to the point it's lost all its worth."

Rowen was helpless to resist as Michael dug a hand into his sweater pocket and practically yanked Strata's orb from it. The maniacal grin on his face morphed quickly into a stare when he opened his palm to see the flawless sphere, pulsing with dark blue light that matched Rowen's heartbeat. I swallowed at just how quick that beat _was_.

The pleased smirk soon returned. Michael wedged Strata between his fingers, lifting it toward me as if showing off a trophy. "And here, we find a _properly_ balanced armour." He turned a glare back on Rowen, free hand snatching at Rowen's shirt. "What have you done, to corrupt it to this extent?"

"I think you mean _purified_."

Alexa's correction hardly shifted his attention from his target. Desperate to prevent anyone else from getting hurt—and filled with rage at his twisted view of the world—I jumped on the topic my sister had presented. " _You're_ the one who's trying to corrupt them with the Nether Spirits!"

I stuffed down the wave of relief when Michael dropped Rowen (who slumped down onto shaking arms) and slowly walked back toward me. His words were as deliberate as his steps. "The armours were created by God to reshape the world in His image! They will bring about the Age of Aquarius in the _right_ hands."

Rowen lifted his head to level a glare as keen as a razor on our tormentor. "They didn't choose _you_ , bastard! You have no right to them!"

The magic zapped him again for the resistance; Michael simply raised an eyebrow and turned a half-step back to my boyfriend. I had never wanted to hit him more than when a taunting smirk spread over his lips, Strata bouncing lightly on his palm. "Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't _need_ this...did you?"

Time seemed to stand still for a long instant. Some terrible transformation occurred in Rowen's countenance even as I watched—jaw going slack, eyes widening slowly, pupils dilating, the beautiful blue glazing over as if the world fell away from him. Horror crept through my heart until it in turn engulfed my entire body when a mental prod revealed his consciousness drowning in memory.

 _"Rowen! No, no,_ koibito _please stay with me."_ My voice came out strangled in a sob. "Rowen!"

I could barely process my sister's retort to Michael as I sat in my boyfriend's mind, cradling his unresponsive consciousness. I was helpless to do anything but quietly panic at his struggling, downward spiral. Halo and the other armors tried desperately to join me, but were hampered by the Nether Spirits dulling the connection. (I was surprised to be feeling as much of him as I was, to be perfectly honest.)

"If the armours come from God then how can you ever expect them to be separated from us. With how you're into the higher self," Alexa spat vehemently.

Again, I was nearly overwhelmed by the urge to smack the devilish smirk off his face. Had I not been a bit preoccupied with telepathically supporting Rowen, I just might have. "They are gifts you _earn_ , after some valiant act." The disdain was plain in his voice as he gestured at the Ronin, comment directed toward them. "I don't know what you _boys_ did to deserve them, but I am here to bring them back home now that you've proven your incompetence."

Despite the growl in her tone, I could actually tell she was trying to reason with the lunatic. "Home shouldn't mean pain."

"You of all people should know every one of us are sinners. God has given us the tools but we have to submit ourselves to them." The lecturing tone turned into some corrupted mix of gloating and a sneer. Anger rose at how much I knew he was twisting God's words and the effect that would have on my twin. "Not that _you_ would know what a painless soul is like."

We both froze, Alexa moreso than me. "What do you _mean_."

I could only stand and watch, wanting desperately to do _something_ to fix this nightmare but scared of calling down some awful power on us all. "You always were so dedicated to the masters. Zhaleh, in particular. You even said, as a child, that _you_ might be her twin flame. Shame you did something so terrible in a past life you paid the ultimate price— being unable to be with the one you love as you should, as husband and wife. No purification was strong enough for you, was it? You had to live out your price and your soul cries out to love her like a man. But you cannot, perverted for the rest of your lifetime to love women romantically.

"Speaking of _love_ —" Michael gestured to Rowen and then toward the outer perimeter of the shield we'd come across; a lackey approached and yanked the nearly-catatonic Ronin to his feet. I couldn't process exactly what my ex had just done to Alexa as terror for what he might do to my boyfriend got my heart racing.

"Stop!"

I made a lunge for the cultist manhandling Rowen, but Michael barred my way. His arms snaked around me from the side, pulling my back to his chest in a dark mockery of what I'd become accustomed to—both when we'd been dating, and in my more-recent relationship. My hands struggled to pry his wrists apart, but they might as well have been steel bands for all the good it did me.

"Don't stand in the way of his spiritual progress, dear-heart. That is, if you _truly_ love him."

Now I _did_ freeze. Frantic thoughts darted through my mind, trying to think of a way to get Rowen out of this terrible situation. Blankness greeted me, however, even as he was dragged without a struggle the last few feet to his doom—a dark blue gemstone that had shimmered to life when the invisibility spell fell away with the trap's springing. (It faintly registered later that the others were simultaneously wrestled toward similar stones, of which the blue was merely one in a ring that coincided with the damned wall.)

"Let him go and—and—I'll marry you. I-I'll do whatever you want. Just _don't hurt him_."

My desperate bargain was out before I could consider the consequences. Michael seemed almost as stunned as me by the abrupt offer of surrender.

Alexa flicked a thought through our tenuous bond. _"That's destabilizing his focus. Keep going."_ Despite my misgivings, she wrapped Dawn in strong reassurance she would find us a way out.

For the umpteenth time in the past two weeks, I found myself silently pleading that she wouldn't pull a damn Kavita on us.

I reluctantly dragged my attention back to Michael's cooing. "Don't be trapped by his syrupy snares of sympathy and sorrow." His breath at my ear nearly made me gag. "My dear...my darling. Can't you see he's manipulating you? He's an agent of Satan, twin flame of my heart." A hand twirling in the lower locks of my loose hair had me shuddering; my ex must have interpreted that as a _pleasant_ reaction, because he continued the motions. "I would never do that to you. I'm here to protect you, after all."

 _"He's losing focus on the guys. Just a little longer,_ please _."_ Again, words laced with reassurance that she wouldn't do something drastic, bolstering me with feelings of optimism and strength.

I never would have thought the day would come when Plucky Girl me would need optimism from Determinator Alexa.

Despite my remaining shakiness, I mentally nodded. Michael's arms shifted—turning me to face him—and I tried not to let that new strength flag even as one hand tipped my chin to look at him. My stomach knotted at recognizing the _old_ Michael I'd thought I'd known, the Michael I had dated up until the crazy events of the past fourteen days (give or take). If I hadn't known just what he was capable of, I might have even thought his little act at being flustered and gentle was cute. "It would be a rocky road, but it would mean you would be safe in spirituality. You _had_ been looking for your Way, and you _know_ how supportive I am of that.

"Will you marry me?"

I blinked, staring at him and suddenly realizing I could actually mostly feel the guys' telepathic gagging reactions. Alexa's approval that she thought I was exactly on the right track was in how _thrilled_ she was that Michael had actually fallen for my bait—hook, line, and sinker.

Mentally, I gagged even harder at what I knew needed to be done.

Because there was no way in Hell I was going to _actually_ say yes and let him hold that over my head. Ever.

 _'Time to reel this fish in…'_

Screwing my courage to the sticking place, I shut my eyes and seized his lips with mine.

It absolutely could not compare to any of Rowen's kisses. Michael was at the same time awkward and vicious, trying to dominate and 'lead' instead of compromising with me and actually enjoying the moment. Not that I was doing _that_ , by any stretch of the imagination—I'd wash my mouth out with soap after, if it wouldn't taste almost as disgusting.

I allowed it to continue as long as I could stand before roughly detaching myself from the leech. A brief thought for how Rowen might react if he ever found out I _voluntarily_ kissed my ex crossed my mind. But an even better one had me grinning at an equally-happy Michael.

Too bad we weren't happy for the same reason.

"Y'know, Rowen's a better kisser," I chirped, at the same moment I felt Alexa go for the wind up.

I had just long enough to watch Michael's face morph into some crazy mix of shock and rage before all Hell broke loose.

—/—

 _'Thanks, sis!'_

The cheerful sound contrasted the sheer chaos of the lightning storm around me, Dusk going to snap every bond the guys had been chained to and feeling them drop to the ground now that their primary torture was over. Nether Spirits still dominated the space, blocking their armours and wearing on our connection, but the vast majority of direct attacks were gone.

My attempt at breaking the overreaching isolation bounced off the source of the spell, the willpower of three more than enough to counter the willpower of one— even if I did have enough for multiple people on an average day. But at least it was the only spell left. Adrenalin and strength built up over the past two weeks of recovery flowed in my veins, enough I could struggle when the two people beside me regained their footing. The guys all paused in alarm upon noticing I was the only one subdued, but I simply sent more reassurance out.

Being double jointed had its advantages. Despite them wrenching my arm in a shoulder lock, my tendons simply went along with it instead of crying in agony. The fire licking at my armour was a more effective pain, sending me back down to my knees. Still, I could only _grin_ at Michael's fury, him torn between going after my sister— now beside Rowen— and tearing into me.

Considering the way Tessa looked like a dragon ready to destroy a village, he figured I was the safer target.

"You black magician!" he yelled. "You _dare_ go against the power of God!"

I was a caricature of a subdued victim in my captors' grip, panting from the magical exertion and half hanging against their hands. Still, I lifted my head and met his eyes with wicked amusement. "Have you ever asked who your god is?" I twisted words I'd grown up with back against him, latching onto logic I had spent years unraveling. "Asked where _it_ comes from?"

"Always!" he shot back, furious I had dared question his devotion to the single most important principle of the cult. He glared at my insolence. "You know _nothing_ about God, despite all your years with us."

Before I could answer, Tessa roared out, "This 'God' you worship is _nothing_ like the God _I_ know! How dare _you_ call this warped, cruel, _compassionless_ thing God!"

My smile softened slightly with a glance in her direction, glad she still had some focus on me despite her arms around Rowen and him in her lap. One eye stayed on Michael to make sure he was paying attention to _us_ , ignoring the Ronin gaining strength behind him. I strained against my guards, forcing them to watch and make sure their grip was secure. "I learned God is love. He is kindness. He is _acceptance_. The minute you do this, insist there is only _one_ right way and _hurt_ those who don't follow your ideals to the letter— you've lost all contact with God."

He returned to glaring at me. "If you insist on following this path, fraternizing with these _lower vibrations_ , you'll never ascend."

"Then I'll go to Hell," I said casually, smirk curling at my lips at how well he'd opened himself up for my next taunt. "I already know I can survive, thanks to this."

Before he could make any retort, Sage had Michael's arms pinned behind his back. The same techniques my guards were trying on me actually did debilitate the much smaller man, him yelping at both the surprise and the pain.

I knew it would come, but the Nether Spirit fire along my spine still made me bite back a whine. Michael glanced at me, then Sage. His words were a hiss of malice. "Careful, boy."

Sage was near-completely unphased, instead simply twisting Michael's arm more. The dangerous gleam in his eye rivaled the time he had faced off against my mother. "Hurt her in any way, and I will break you."

 _'Keep holding him. I'll survive.'_

The growl in his mental voice was unmistakable. _'I won't let them hurt you.'_

 _'I know. I'm okay.'_

Little did he know that knowledge was the only thing that had given me the confidence to break the spell in the first place.

"He'll do it, too," I panted, body as straight as I could make it to show I was not about to go down. "I'd suggest—"

My voice choked off at the sensation of a flame-coated blade about to rest diagonally across my torso, ready to slice. Memories pressed down but unlike Rowen, I had _some_ control over their flood. I had to stay awake for the others. I knew there was a chance of getting us out, and I couldn't let illness win. Not right now. Not _here_.

Dawn flooded me with protectiveness, snapping the hold. Ice arrows flew above my head and I fell on my now-unrestrained arms, shaking from fear and barely registering what had just happened. Tessa's overwhelming sense of 'leave her _alone_ ' dominated my mind, muffling everything else.

My focus snapped back into sharp relief when I heard Michael call out a spell I knew _all too well_.

Nether Spirits flew from a gate at his feet, going after all of us. Sage dropped to the ground, so did Ryo and Cye— Kento resisted but he succumbed, and Rowen _cried out_ from the double hit of pain now overwhelming his system.

They were heading straight for Tessa. The only one left unattacked, her on one knee and trying to shield Rowen from the onslaught.

Dusk pushed past all of my mental safety limits in pure, raw protective instinct. I desperately reached out to my twin, my _other half_ , the one person who had been with me for everything over the past five years and was now about to face down a level of hell I had sworn to protect her from the minute I told her about it.

Stillness.

 _'Tessa?'_

Her awe indicated she felt the same level of peace I did. _'Kinkou…'_

I grinned internally. _'Let's show 'em what we can do.'_

She matched my expression, both of us calling the Armour of Balance in the same moment. Pure, unbridled _power_ filled my body and soul, the limits between Dusk and Dawn erased as they fused into a single unit.

A moment later I swung a staff in a semicircle, the combined energy enough to snuff out the candle and shatter the spell around us. Within an instant four of the guys had their full armours drawn, even Strata manifesting in the form of subarmour.

I was about to launch on Michael— the object of my ire— but crackling from either side of me drew my attention to the much older, much more _experienced_ cultists just out of my striking range but me still within theirs.

Sage's shout towards Michael pierced the air at the same time I dove to avoid homing missiles of Nether energy, getting to my knees and turning to face them moments before it hit; I caught it with one end of my staff and spun it around my body before redirecting it, fury amplifying its already potent strength. The residue _stuck_ around my shoulders, Dusk crying out at having to face them again.

Dawn roared, more ice arrows from Tessa flying past as I turned my staff into a single blade, razor sharp wind flowing out from the edge towards my captors at the same time. The attacks hesitated before connecting with their intended targets, my fear turning into a feral grin.

The earth rumbled under me. I leapt to the side as the ground broke open, knocking the two off their feet. I flicked my free hand up and sent another bolt of lightning, this one snaking around their wrists and binding _them_ for a change.

They strained and snapped my admittedly weak hold, before a single voice cut through the chaos around all of us. "Everyone _not_ wearing magic armor, STAND DOWN!"

Liv stood a distance away, gun drawn, the lights of two other cars illuminating what had to be multiple units for the numbers.

"You heard her," Kento growled. "Surrender."

I glanced to the side at another clang, Michael either not having heard, or purposely ignoring the order. I kept one eye on the two remaining cultists now being cuffed, the other on Sage handily overpowering Michael and getting the edge of his ōdatchi along that snake's neck. The gleam in Sage's eyes was barely restrained murderous intent, his code of honour the only thing keeping him from needless bloodshed.

Still, the fire of a samurai wanting vengence burned in his heart.

Ryo wrenched Michael's arms behind his back, forcing him to drop his cursed blade with a thumb to the inside of his wrist. The situation relatively under control, I had a new priority to deal with.

Rowen.

I kept hold of Balance and powered down to subarmour, picking my way through the knot of Cye and Dad and Tessa around his still barely-conscious form. Tessa's arms wrapped around him, her chest pressed to his back, trying to impress on him that she was there and he was safe, but his mind was locked. He was sweating, shaking, and crying, lucid enough to stir at my hand on his shoulder but too trapped in a flashback to respond to her mental prodding. Even her hands on his face and murmurs to come back weren't enough to draw his attention.

Her panic was bubbling between us, me absorbing it into energy and trying to bolster her with the security I felt that I could help.

"Let me reach him," I said softly. Her protection around his mind was a vice, normally helpful but she hadn't dealt with these before, even with me. "I— one of us has to deal with Liv and the cops. It's better if it's you."

She swallowed, eyes still fixed on me before she looked back down at the love of her life. Her reluctance was clear, but she drew back from him both mentally and physically. "Please… _Please_ help him. I…" She trailed off and hugged him again, a brief lapse in her resolve. Her worry and _ache_ for him indicated just how much she couldn't stand to see him in this prison.

I put a hand on her shoulder. "I'll take care of him. I promise."

She eased up and helped me take her place as close as I could manage, both of us feeling Rowen shudder at the change. Overload and flashbacks got to him, me using Dawn's energy for comfort before working my way down with Dusk.

The surface of his mind was absolute black, a void of slick nothingness that most people couldn't crack. Even Sage— Halo's presence was just as strong in Rowen's mind, beside Dusk— ran over the protection that was more self defeating than helpful.

Rowen flinched as I inspected every inch of the glass, searching for a single emotion: desperation. The one part of him that wanted somebody to tell him he was safe. The one place that still believed there was hope, there was somebody to save him, instead of the belief he was absolutely alone against his demons.

A single pinprick of light indicated its presence. I dove deep into the void, Dusk mixing with Strata. The agony was too familiar, something I had learned to navigate long ago. Even his levels of distress weren't overwhelming to me— although being in the middle of a flashback this intense was coming close.

 _'Rowen.'_

He cried out at his name, memories of who _else_ had said those syllables filling our now-joined consciousness. His father, the snapped words that he shouldn't be there, should stay back, should be _quiet_ and _away_ and _not exist_ dominating his mind.

I tried again. _'Strata.'_

Something _shifted_ , confusion growing thick at the unknown-to-trauma word. Parts of him came filtering through, the love for his armour quickly drowned out in self doubt over whether or not he was worthy of something he idolized so strongly. Something that had been pushed aside like he had.

 _'Strata, you're safe.'_

Stars. I tried to reach for them and brighten their light, only for his voice to bring the blackness flooding back. _'It's_ not here _!'_

 _'It's right here,'_ I said, voice staying measured. _'We broke the spell. You have your subarmour on. They're going into custody.'_

 _'He took it,'_ Rowen replied, voice at least a decade younger than his normal tone. _'He always takes it. He never wanted me to have it.'_

I reached into the ink around me, stiffening and trying not to cry when I found what he was referring to. Project after project of Rowen's, destroyed because he'd used too much, used something his father needed, and the words _'You don't need this, do you?'_ cutting across Rowen's soul like a razor. Trying to tell his father how important searching for the armour was, once, in a halfhearted attempt at reconnecting with his history. All dismissed.

Abandonment. Fear. Pain. A desire to have _something_ of his own, something that couldn't be taken, and now it had happened again. The past and present merged in a twisted behemoth of memory that was so entangled he didn't know where to start separating the two.

He couldn't feel Tessa and it terrified him.

 _'She's safe,'_ I said. _'I promise. I didn't let them hurt her.'_

He perked up like a horse wanting freedom. I reached out again and dragged his soul back to the surface, him bursting through the blackness with an internal gasp.

 _'Rowen!'_

His relief at hearing her voice in his mind robbed him of all strength, trauma like chains on his limbs threatening to drag him down. I felt both of their panics as he became overwhelmed with thoughts somebody would take her again, somebody would make his life the hell it had been in his childhood again, and there would be nothing he could do to stop it.

I dove deeper, forcing his flashbacks down and him up enough so Dawn and Strata could touch each other. Her desperate grip overrode any of his weakness— with Sage and the others following not far behind. Rowen sank under again, but now, at least, he had one contact point to the others.

My grip never wavered, only increasing as he wondered if he was too heavy to ever have people keep reaching. _'_ I'm _not going to let you go. And_ they're _sure as hell not going to, either.'_

 _'I won't,'_ Tessa shot back. _'I can't._ Ever. _'_

He shuddered in my arms, overwhelmed and lost and another wave of trauma threatened to break his still-tentative connection with the outside world. I steeled myself and took it in his stead, letting him feel it in filtered increments that he could process, but not so much he lost himself.

"We should get him inside," Cye said, my hearing somehow crystal clear despite all my focus being internal. "This environment can't be helping."

Sage nodded and worked around my grip, using Dusk as a conduit to talk with him more directly. _'I've got you, Ro. We're all here.'_

The reassurance eased Rowen's previous panic when Tessa had moved him, but still he fought the fear at change. At anything different. I tried to fill him with the comfort he needed, Tessa keeping Dawn close since she couldn't be beside him physically. I noted the group around her had grown _much_ larger, but Rowen's continued turmoil forced me to block it out. The minute she noticed us moving, however, she abandoned whatever it had been and went to his side. She found his hand and, despite a shiver, he was able to wrap his fingers around hers.

Sage lay Rowen down on Tessa's bed, Tessa snuggling against his chest the moment she could. He was lucid enough to curl up around her, Strata powering down completely now that it knew she was safe. His tongue was thick in his mouth as it wrapped around his nickname for her. "Ryuko…"

She held him tighter, desperate panic now subsiding that she had at least _part_ of him back. Her next words were in Japanese but with me still in his mind, I could feel how much she was impressing the group's safety and especially her safety on him.

His mother tongue helped and hurt. He could process it more easily, but I felt more memories trip and latch their hooks into him, ones he'd not seen before threatening to rip him away. This time, I went with him, my own memories of speaking in French around my mother acting as a guide. It was easier to share trauma, my constant stream of talk acting as a buffer between the past and the present. Preventing the two from tangling to the point they were incomprehensible.

I didn't know how many times I dragged him back to consciousness. Long enough for Sage to sit on the bed with me in his lap as hours wore on, Tessa having fallen asleep and the others all warily napping. I was awake, albeit tentatively, when I finally felt Rowen return after so many cycles of flashbacks he'd repressed and dealt with, alternating between desperate clinging to my sister and locked in an undertow so strong it had taken all of us to break it. The last waves faded, only echoes remaining. He took a shuddering breath, tension draining from his body now that he knew he didn't have to fight.

 _'Alexa…?'_

I smiled, rubbing his shoulder softly. _'You're alright. I'm here.'_

 _'What are you doing_ awake _?'_ His alarm had Sage stirring, Tessa following shortly after. Rowen picked up his head and looked at the clock. _'It's one in the morning!'_

I kept my breathing even. _'You needed me.'_

Tessa stirred enough to register, attention going straight to the armour we still wore. Almost immediately she severed the connection between us, cutting me off from her energy and causing the armour to recede. Reliant on strictly my own stores, I was forced to realize _just_ how much I had done and how far that had depleted my spirit. I sank into Sage's body, his grip tightening as I went limp from sheer tiredness.

 _'Go to_ sleep _,'_ Rowen said firmly, curling back up around the girl in his arms. _'I'm fine, now.'_ His voice softened to let me know his next words were genuine. _'Thank you.'_

Ryo came in and I didn't hear what he and Sage murmured about, but the next thing I knew, I was cradled in Sage's arms. He took a moment to brace himself before lifting me off the bed and walking towards the door. I wanted to know what was going on, willpower just strong enough to keep staying awake.

 _'Go to sleep, sis,'_ Tessa said softly. _'You've done more than enough.'_

Rowen practically had to detangle from me, my consciousness was still so wrapped up in his. The more he did the more I realized how utterly exhausted I was. Snatches of Rowen and Tessa and Sage and Ryo— so much trauma and I'd tried to at least ease all of it, drag Rowen back out of the throes and let them all know he was safe, he would stop hurting soon, I would make sure of it.

But now I didn't have to. The day was catching up to me, whispers of overload and my own flashbacks and things Michael had said threatening to come crashing down. I weakly curled into Sage's shoulder, him pausing to plant a kiss to my hair, resting our foreheads together a moment later and enveloping me in Halo's presence. He didn't need words to tell me to rest.

I was asleep before he left her room.


	24. Chapter 24

**Warnings:** PTSD flashbacks, parental abuse (neglect, abandonment), cult material

* * *

 _Chapter 24_

Relief that both Alexa _and_ Rowen were now in some semblance of rest claimed me not long after Sage carried her from the room. The unspoken trade-when-traumatized given hardly a thought, I dove right back into my now-undisturbed slumber.

Consciousness returned gradually, sunlight tickling at my lashes and the warmth of another body in my bed (to which I was becoming increasingly more and more accustomed) slowly growing clearer in my senses. Next came sounds—regular breathing, birds chirping, an occasional neigh from the horses, and movement deeper into the house.

Rowen shifted in his sleep, spooning just a tad closer and sliding his hand to rest on my shoulder—all entirely subconscious motions, yet enough to draw me closer to wakefulness.

Dawn instinctively reached out into the room, spreading lazily like a net on water. A gentle murmur rippled those waters, the faint pulsing of an orb resting on the bedside table. Curiosity led to investigating, which in turn led to puzzlement when I found Halo there instead of Strata.

The question was too much of a brain-bender, and none of the other Ronin were awake to ask, so I resorted to snuggling back down into the blankets. Seeming to feel me move, he draped his arm over mine, fingers bending beneath the curve of my ribs. Even fast asleep, he tucked his chin over my shoulder, nose turning to lazily nuzzle my cheek before he stilled again.

It was something that I realized reflected just how much he needed me right now—a thought which both made me sad and warmed my heart at his tenderness. Carefully wiggling deeper into his embrace, I wrapped my hand in his and settled to rest until he woke up.

It was certainly going to be one of those days, the lazy ones where my brain was wide awake but body still exhausted and almost numb from the stresses it'd gone through recently. Balance hadn't exactly been a walk in the park—while it did provide huge reserves for the term we wore it, that use had its toll.

Of course, that train of thought brought the realization I'd helped support Alexa through Rowen's breakdown, which pulled up the too-recent memories, and I roughly tore myself off that track.

Dawn twined around Strata, seeking comfort. A brief flicker told me that its orb rested in the room next door before being drawn into Rowen's telepathic embrace. Dreams spun by like galaxies, a whirl of light and flying and warmth that quickly relaxed the near-fear I'd felt seconds before.

A few more hours sped by; when next Dawn stirred at a change in the house's atmosphere, I found myself still wrapped in Rowen's arms, although cocooned against his chest. Peeking out from his arms to see the changed angle of the sun's rays through my window, I tried to lift my head to glimpse my alarm clock—

Only for Dawn to perk up at three new armor signatures nearby.

"Well now, it would appear we've caught Strata in the middle of some _important_ affairs."

The implication—and the sudden speech (in Japanese) after so long in relative silence—had me trying to hide my blush even though my back was turned to the apparently-open door. Rowen equally surprised me by acting _completely_ awake and pulling both of us upright, bracing on one arm with the other loosely around my thigh. I flipped onto my opposite hip so as to _properly_ look at the newcomers while Rowen gave them an unamused glare.

"Bugger off, Masho."

I blinked, and not at his unkind wording, but at the title he used. My brain was still a little too drunk on sleep to immediately put two and two together. The green-haired one I vaguely recalled as being named Sekhmet merely grinned crookedly, crossing his arms. "Why? So you can go back to having your _fun_?"

Dais—the white-haired one with the eyepatch—rolled his one eye at his comrade's crassness. "Please. Even if they _were_ , you should at least have _some_ decency in asking," he chastised in English.

Apparently he didn't know I could understand Japanese; that finally got my voice working again. With some heat, I explained in kind, "For your information, you've showed up at the tail end of a _very_ stressful two weeks culminating in the battle you saw yesterday. Rowen—"

His telepathic flicker of reassurance instantly caused me to back down. "We were simply resting. Everyone's pretty exhausted, if you haven't noticed yet."

Sekhmet seemed surprised, eyebrows disappearing into his fluffy hairline. "Well then, the girl can speak our tongue. Who would have guessed?"

The third one, blue-haired Cale, cast a warning glare at his compatriot. When he turned back to us and spoke, I almost shivered (again) at the uncanny resemblance to Sage's deep bass voice. "We in fact had not, Strata. Considering this door was the first, and open." He nodded toward the room beside ours. "It's safe to assume, I suppose, that everyone else is in there?"

I debated between raising an eyebrow and simply answering 'yes', but Rowen beat me to it. "If they aren't awake already, yes."

Sekhmet waved that qualifier off. "What Mr. Darkness over here means by "everyone" is Sage and your girl's twin."

"The rest of the Ronin are spread out through the house," Dais clarified helpfully.

My brain did its umpteenth gymnastic of the morning, finally putting two and two together and realizing just where I'd heard these men spoken of prior to yesterday. Before I had a chance to do more than let my eyes go wide in awe and fear, I was reminded of my sister resting in the next room—or was she really resting, still?

Rowen dispelled my thrill of worry with a gentle tightening of his arm and mental flicker of Alexa sleeping soundly. "So I take it you _haven't_ talked to them, already, otherwise you wouldn't be bothering us."

"We had wanted to speak to Tessa's sister about what she had done," Cale said, "but yours was an open door."

I sat up a little straighter at that, Rowen's arm hesitant whether to let me or to tighten protectively. "In what regard?" he asked warily.

" _Something_ has been trying to pull a very large _oni_ from the _youjakai_ ," Dais said gravely, dropping all trace of amusement from the earlier banter. "Lady Kayura stayed behind to make sure it doesn't overwhelm the _youjakai_. We tracked the source of it here, arriving just in time to sense her little display. Quite impressive, her snapping you Ronin from your bonds before the both of them summoned Kinkou."

As non-threatening as the trio had been when I'd first encountered them, the fact they _knew_ about my and Alexa's full armor—and realizing just _who_ they were in that context—frightened me. Rowen twined his arm around my torso at the same time I reached for him, his hand resting at the base of my neck in a not-so-subtle defensive reaction. "How do you know about Kinkou?"

"Kaos isn't the only one of the Ancient tribe, Rowen," Sekhmet said haughtily. (The Warlord of Venom's highly abrasive nature, among other things, was seriously starting to set me on edge.) "I'd think the smartest Ronin would be aware of that."

"Lady Kayura informed us of its existence before we left," Cale translated helpfully. "That, and we felt it from the _youjakai_ when they called it up," he added with a nod to me.

Though awed at his last statement and reluctantly agreeing with the logic, I still found my hand trembling slightly when I set it on Rowen's arm in a gesture to release me. Once he'd hesitantly pulled it away, I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Well then, sounds like we need to call a Ronin council."

Cale raised an eyebrow at that apparently unusual phrase, Dais merely nodded, and Sekhmet concurred with the notion. "We'll meet on the veranda—no other room has the space for all ten of us."

I leveled a very flat look at him as I stretched out my back, arm over my head. "That's assuming Sage and Alexa are _awake_ , and you don't know my sister like I do. If she's resting, she needs to stay that way for a while longer."

Rowen had the distinct impression of wanting to check on the pair himself, but being by the door already, Cale beat him to it. Shoving down a thread of alarm, I quickly rose followed by an unconcerned Rowen as he sought to put his own eyes on his brother-in-arms and Alexa. Giving the Warlord of Darkness a wide berth, I could then see exactly why he'd paused in the doorway.

If I hadn't instantly noticed just how _tense_ my sister was even in her sleep, I would have melted into a puddle at the adorableness.

Oh, and Sage's glare. That counteracted the melt _very_ effectively.

Rowen appearing at my shoulder softened his look a little, but more from snarling wolf down to wary, raised hackles. At least that gave me a few moments to actually register how closely he _held_ Alexa, who was basically half curled up, pressed tightly to him with her hand tangled in his hair. Her body shifting—stirring toward wakefulness—instantly made him relax, his focus returned to her hurts and worries. His hand smoothed up and down her back, reassuring her she was safe, and she drifted back to sleep.

"Alright, _what_ has gotten into you Ronin?" Sekhmet groused; I looked over to see him with an arm propped on Cale's shoulder. (He didn't seem to appreciate that all that much, but tolerated it anyway.) "You're all going soft on us."

Sage gave the impression of wanting to tell-off Sekhmet, but he instead said, "Be quiet. She needs to sleep."

The Warlord opened his mouth to retort, but the other two leveled such intense feelings of "knock it off" that he merely muttered, "Going soft, I say" before turning and heading down the stairs. His comrades followed, and any remaining tension immediately drained from Sage's demeanor.

 _"Why are_ they _here?"_

Even telepathically, the heat behind Sage's words surprised me, almost as much as the mistrust I'd read in Rowen a minute or two before. _"Dais says something's been trying to bring a massive_ oni _from the_ youjakai _to the_ ningenkai _."_

Mild curiosity piqued over the armor connection. _"There's something else."_

So he hadn't missed that Rowen left out their interest in Kinkou. My boyfriend hesitated, glancing at Alexa subconsciously unwinding her hand from Sage's hair and generally no longer _clinging_ but snuggling. _"We'll tell you later."_

 _"Just stay with her 'til she wakes up,"_ I added as he vanished from my side momentarily.

Sage nodded and practically melted back into cuddling Alexa, the very unmistakeable impression from Halo that he had no intention of leaving her. I smiled and leaned against the doorjamb as Rowen quietly walked in, a gentle green glow through his fingers brightening when he swapped Sage's armor orb for Strata on the bedside table.

Smiling at the entwined pair—then at Rowen, who returned the gesture—we quietly shut the door and trooped downstairs after the Warlords.

—/—

It took me a long while to realize the heartbeat in my ear wasn't my own.

The weight and heat around me— arm looped around something solid, rising and falling with a slow rhythm— kept me half asleep for what felt like hours. Every time a flicker of consciousness tried to fight its way to the surface, my surroundings dragged me back down into the sleep I so desperately craved. Sometimes the weight would shift when I awoke, but never very far and everything went quiet the minute I tried to force my body to leave what felt like heaven.

Held. That's what that feeling was.

Sage was holding me.

Well _that_ shattered any sleep fog still left in my brain.

"What'reyoudoing…!"

He loosened his grip to let me pull away, but still kept me in his arms. "I couldn't leave you."

Everything that had been panicking, or about to, stilled at his words. His eyes— both visible to me— were filled with so much compassion I felt like I was drowning. Halo's glow reflected in them and I wasn't sure where I got the intensity of his feelings— his physical expression, or its empathetic one. My whole body felt like air in the least pleasant way possible, nothing about this moment in time feeling real. "What?"

He drew me against him again, resting our foreheads together. "I couldn't leave you with those nightmares. Not when your presence eased mine."

I had always woken up alone. Unless I was having a sleepover, in which case the only reason people were sharing my bed was because they had no other choice. The only person who'd stayed for bad dreams was my mother— the person who had acted as my security blanket until I realized she was poison— and _she_ would leave the minute I was sound asleep. I'd woken up to so many nightmares because she had left too soon, thinking I was fine, wanting to get on with her morning or wanting to sleep away from me because I took too much of the bed and kept waking her up from tossing, turning, and playing with her hair.

He'd stayed. The whole night. And I hadn't even asked.

Sage's thumb brushed under my eye, skating on tears falling unbridled. "Tōgei…"

His apologetic tone, worry he'd done something to trigger me, sent me over the edge. I buried myself against his shoulder and sobbed, everything from before I'd fallen asleep flowing out as if no time at all had passed. I'd tried to convey it was alright, he'd not done anything _bad_ , but I didn't know if that got through amongst the whirlpool of other emotions.

He, meanwhile, simply radiated one. _'I'm here.'_

I _hated_ having intrusions around this. Around sleep, of all things. The time I'd developed chronic pain and could only sleep in my mother's arms— then she put me down too soon and I could still remember the cold knife edge manifested physically from that moment she moved me and I woke up to the nightmare I had nearly escaped. She'd given a heartbroken apology which still rang in my ears, still dredged up guilt that I was hurt over something she hadn't meant.

I'd never been able to fall asleep in her arms after that.

It helped to have other people there. It always did. But her getting up early every night, only hours after I'd fallen asleep instead of staying until she had to wake up like I'd been lead to believe, felt more like abandonment with each passing day. I'd stopped asking, shortly after that revelation, only requesting her for nightmares. When she got angry at me, once, saying I shouldn't have read something with such a 'bad vibration' the night before, I wouldn't have needed her, I stopped even then.

My own memory triggered another, of Michael and me on my knees and pain from every source.

Not for the first time, I damned my interwoven memory, always tying two similar things together regardless of how much it would hurt to do so.

Sage smoothed over my sleep-mussed hair, fingers tangling at the base of my neck. I calmed under his gentle massage, wrapping my arms back around him despite the tremors still flowing along my limbs.

He carefully pulled my arm away. "You should eat."

I nodded as more an automatic reaction than anything. "How long have I been out?"

"Fourteen hours. Nearly Fifteen."

I turned over to look at the clock and saw it was a few minutes until four pm, meaning I hadn't eaten in the realm of 18 hours. Thank God I had been eating plenty, otherwise those tremors would've been too strong to let me sleep that much.

He helped me sit up, keeping a watchful eye on my physical reaction. "Do you want me to get anything for you? Or have the others come here?"

I shook my head. Thoughts of the others coming to see me, of me being so weak they _had_ to, just made me feel so guilty I would find the strength to get up. They'd be relieved if they saw me walking around, I was sure, and I was strong enough to dismiss their concerns.

Before I stepped out of the room, however, Sage put a hand on my shoulder. "There are three new people, here. I'm not sure you saw them last night."

Ever so thankful for the warning, I popped into Tessa's room to change my clothes, with only a small detour to the bathroom to rinse off a little, brush my teeth, and get fresh deodorant on. For one of the first times since this whole thing started I missed my own place and the freedom of being able to walk around between rooms without a shirt; however, I figured the guys would have a heart attack each. At least, Sage would, considering he dressed more modestly than some women. If he had any semblance of traditional morals, seeing the girl he was currently crushing on in shorts and a bra would turn him beet red.

It was very, very tempting to test that theory for my own amusement.

Sage was waiting at the top of the stairs, in case I'd needed him at any point. In the light I could see the dark circles threatening to form around his eyes, a sign he had barely slept. I hoped his insomnia hadn't been from worrying about me.

We went downstairs and I hopped into the kitchen almost immediately, falling back in the habit where I fixed what I wanted. Sage stuck close enough he ended up reaching for almost everything I needed, making it I didn't take half an hour to get a smoothie together. Yesterday still wore on my bones, and it would keep doing so until I got some semblance of enough food in me— and probably more sleep. I munched on cookies while I made it; with how empty I was, my stomach had a strong probability of revolting at liquid calories, first.

I handed one over to Sage as an unspoken prompt _he_ needed to eat, too. He took it with a small smile, biting into it before going to gather something for himself.

For once, I was the one waiting with food while somebody else made their meal.

We walked out to the deck where everyone had gathered, a certain air of displeasure between the three unknown faces. Rowen quickly dispelled it by standing, wrapping his arms around me despite one of my hands being full.

 _'Thank you. Again.'_

I squeezed him in return. _'Anytime. I mean it.'_

A deep voice that sounded far too similar to Sage's spoke when we parted. "We were wondering if you'd live up to your name, Kure."

I blinked at him.

"Dusk," basically everyone else clarified at once.

I shook my head to clear the residual sleep fog. "Oh I knew what it _meant_ just— oh. Right." A hand went to my face to hide my blush. Of course he'd been referring to my armour.

 _'He calls everyone by their armour names,'_ Sage said. _'You get used to it.'_

 _'Oh I_ already _have a whole bunch of nicknames it won't take long…!'_

"I am Cale," the same voice said. It belonged to a man barely older than the rest of us, a scar across his eye reminding me of too many characters to name just one. "Warlord of Darkness."

And everything inside of me froze.

Sage's presence didn't flicker in my mind. _'We made peace. While it doesn't absolve what he did, he has changed.'_

 _'I still don't like him.'_

 _'Of course you don't.'_

The faintest notes of teasing relaxed my countenance slightly. "I take it you already know my name."

He inclined his head. "Kure no Alexa, according to your sister."

I acknowledged by mirroring his gesture before turning my attention to the other two.

"Dais, Warlord of Illusion," the white haired man said. The eyepatch over one eye also reminded me of Sage, except with _his_ gaze I had no intention of ever seeing what damage lay behind it.

The third huffed, irritation once again filling the space. "Sekhmet, Warlord of Venom."

I took them all in, trying to lower my hackles. It was a similar feeling to when Tessa had first started dating Michael, as she tried to reassure me he was fine and I kept insisting that the minute he hurt her, he'd have to face off against me. I'd followed up on that threat once, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

If Cale _ever_ lay a hand on Sage… Hell. If _any_ of them laid a hand on the others.

There weren't any empty spaces left to sit on the deck, unless I sat on the floor. Tessa scooted over on the bench to give me room to curl up against her, Rowen standing to accommodate me. They both likely guessed at how _tired_ I was. Sage thankfully headed to the opposite wall, still able to watch but not so close there would be any comments— only for him to pause and lean against the wall beside me.

In response to my burst of panic, Tessa put a hand on my shoulder. _'It's okay. They know not to say anything.'_

I relaxed back into the chair. Once I'd settled, the Warlords turned their attention very squarely on me. I stared them down expectantly, just waiting for them to indicate _why_ they all looked at me like I contained the secrets of the universe.

Cale, again, spoke first. "Your skills were quite impressive to behold, last night."

Dais nodded along with his companion. "We've been waiting to ask you just _what_ you know about the _youjakai_ , for how you were able to navigate their summonings."

I smiled tightly. "I grew up in a cult that uses their powers under the assumption mastery of Nether Spirits will lead you to God. Solid enough reason for you?"

I should've known that wasn't the only thing they were getting at.

"You're saying it had nothing to do with Kinkou?" Sekhmet said pointedly.

I tried not to glare. "I grew up terrified to call _Dusk's_ full armour, let alone something as powerful as _it_ , not to mention a fourteen hour drive away from the other half of what both of us need to draw that armour. It had _nothing_ to do with having Balance."

The aforementioned other half put a hand on my shoulder as a subtle indication to back down. "She had to learn to defend herself."

Subarmour flowed out over my clothes, me lifting my arm to show the scars cutting across the limb. "Not kidding about the 'had to', here."

To my surprise, they didn't flinch. Instead they simply eyed my armour with fascination, taking in both the still red slices and their golden counterparts.

Not comfortable with the silence, I continued. "They've found a way to channel Nether Spirit energy on swords. Any hit with them is excruciatingly painful, leaving wounds that can take days to heal if you're lucky." Dusk returned to an orb, me taking a sip of smoothie in irritation at nothing in particular. "Most of mine are years old. A decade or more, for a few."

"You still displayed incredible skill," Dais said in his disturbingly even voice. "For one who was so far away from the Dynasty War."

I took a deep breath, trying to lower my hackles again. The implication I'd somehow had it easier, hadn't needed to push myself to learn as many skins as possible, hit a nerve. "Kaos mentored me as I grew up. I'm not _ignorant_ about these things. I _couldn't_ be."

Sekhmet leaned forward, growing impatient with the meandering conversation. "So would you know about how someone might be trying to summon an _oni_ from the _youjakai_?"

I looked at the floor, not in chastisement but in thought. I dismissed Sage's beginning of a translation, already knowing what _oni_ meant from my writing research. I was more focused on the words he'd used versus what I'd grown up learning about. So many terms had been changed to make it look better than it was.

"Well?" Sekhmet said when I finally looked up. " _Do_ you know anything?"

I snorted. "You really think a cult hellbent on power _wouldn't_ have something like that?" I waved a hand at the change in mood in the room. "I'm just trying to remember what their words were, because it's different from what yours are."

Slowly— and very carefully— I unlocked the chest that contained all these memories. Ironically, my mother had been the one to teach me to put my feelings in a box and hide them away. Of course she said 'give them to god' but mental health didn't work that way.

Being in control of what I accessed, under what circumstances, made rummaging through this _slightly_ more bearable. Still, their chants escaped almost immediately and pressed against my ears. Dawn kept Dusk company while Halo acted as a sentinel against the worst, and, to my surprise, Strata joining not even a moment later.

"They… talked about channeling, sometimes. Didn't call it by _those words_ —they called it a dictation— but it was basically…" I paused, eyes closing and brow pulling together in both pain and thought. "They had this concept, that there was a 'higher' version of you. That would come down and talk through you. And how sometimes it got even _more_ powerful because somebody else, one of their… gods, so to speak, they're not _actually_ gods because the cult thinks there's only one, but I don't feel like explaining what they were actually considered—"

Dawn's gentle prodding reminded me to get back on the path that had quickly become hot coals to walk on. The outside force snapped me back along a rabbit trail I didn't want to admit I was following, the very thought a stab in my heart and the words feeling like a wound about to be formed across my chest.

"My. Um." I swallowed, mouth dry. "Some people were working on getting that training, to be able to do what is the highest order of the cult, basically." Eyes closed, cast down at the floor, hands wringing in my lap. The razor was cutting deeper.

"My mother was one of them."

They went tomb quiet.

Dais broke the silence. "If this is her version of her 'higher self', then we're in trouble."

I snorted. "She's got more issues than a magazine, I'll admit that much…"

At least _one_ person reacted well to my jet black sense of humour. Tessa half choked on a burst of laughter, to the mixed emotions of her boyfriend and the extremely puzzled looks of the Warlords. She turned and buried her face in Rowen's shirt, him sighing with the indignity of being used as a muffle to her continued sputtering. I was sure the others didn't help— Kento's amused smirk, Cye shaking his head, Ryo a mix of both, and Sage simply leveling her an oh so slightly raised eyebrow that indicated he thought she knew better.

She finally gasped with fading laughter, regaining her composure. "Mkay, I'm okay. We're good. Sorry."

Dais cleared his throat, apparently the least puzzled and irritated by what I assumed they'd all determined as Odd Human Customs. "The creature is a remnant of the Dynasty War. When Talpa captured part of the _ningenkai_ , his Nether Spirits got stronger. We have been able to defeat most of them, except for this one. It fed off jealousy and obsession, making it _particularly_ prone to breaking loose."

My stomach dropped and I felt absolutely sick. I tried to mentally wave it off as hunger, but the knots were too tight and the gag reflex from pure terror was too strong in my throat. Tessa's arms wrapped around me in what felt like her protective dragon hold, pulling me against her side and Dawn very much radiating nothing would hurt me. Sage sat in the space I vacated, hand squeezing my shoulder and rubbing what parts of my back were available around my sister's arms.

I hated being so scared my mind didn't even register the feeling as _fear_ , just inky, exhausting blackness that was a caricature of the word 'fine.' I full out burrowed into her arms, trying to control my breathing. There were, now, nine people on my side, each one more than able to handle anything the cult threw at us, all of them willing to defend me. And I was still terrified.

Everything went back in a box and I pulled away, although I didn't remove my hand from Tessa's side. "We can't keep running."

Sekhmet raised an eyebrow at the implications of my words. "The logical thing to do is lay a trap for her."

While the Warlords were in agreement— and, if I was honest, so was I— the others in the room were far more hesitant.

Ryo swallowed. "You sure you're up for that?"

"Do we have a choice?" I replied, voice barely controlled away from snapping at him. "Either she surprises us, somewhere, and we're caught off guard again… or we get some measure of control back."

Cye was just as wary as Ryo. "So, how do you propose we set up this 'trap'?"

Cale uncrossed one arm to gesture at open air. "It depends on what she's obsessed over, to draw this particular _oni_ to herself."

That only left one option. "So I'll—"

Tessa's arm tightened like a vice around me. " _We'll_ be bait."

My immediate retort of 'absolutely not' stopped before it even hit my tongue. Her sheer _determination_ cut me off from that tactic. I was still going to try another. "She's looking, specifically, for me. The one she raised. She's been obsessed over _me_ the most, not you."

Tessa full-out glared at me, that same stubbornness manifesting despite my attempt. "And when you told me to break up with Michael you also _insisted_ on being there, no if's, and's, or but's. You've taken the brunt of everything up to this point—it's about damn time I could shield you, for once."

There were a half dozen replies in my mind, most of them some variation of 'I know what they are capable of and I do not want you in harm's way', but there would be no moving her. We were far too similar that way. "I'm not used to knowing people as stubborn as I am."

She smiled at me, voice cheery. "You've known me for how long and you're saying this? And not knowing we were twins is no excuse, we're still the same people we were before then."

Rowen's alarm hummed along the armours like an undertow, the same as Sage's. While all the Ronin were worried, they were the most— for obvious and very affection-based reasons. Rowen's hand tightened on his girlfriend's shoulder. "We shouldn't put any more people in the line of danger than is necessary."

I kept my 'says the guy who got himself captured to keep his crush company' to myself. If only because it would strengthen her argument.

She twisted to glare at him, now. "Don't you dare imply my presence isn't necessary, Rowen Hashiba, or we will have Issues."

Sekhmet looked like he was _about_ to say something, only for the other two Warlords to give him such withering looks I was sure the green in his hair would fade to brown like a wilting plant. Obviously, I did not want to ask what, exactly, he was about to unleash.

I sighed. "She's right, though. Two of us will make it easier, especially since how our mom feels about her is unknown. She can hide things really well when she wants to."

Kento leaned forward, studying me and speaking in an unusually measured voice. "I'm not saying this to cast any doubt on your skills, Alexa—we've seen what you're capable of. But are you _really_ sure you want to do this? No one's going to make you if you're uncomfortable, regardless of Tessa's willingness to sit in the trap with you. It's all completely your call."

"She's not going to come out for anyone but me." I gave him a lopsided smile before looking down at my hand. "You tell me. What options do we have? We either wait for her to learn how to use this power before she attacks us, catching us off guard again and make it we wear ourselves out from stress; we go to her directly and have us be at a disadvantage, because she's likely doing this in an unknown compound nearby surrounded by support and Nether Spirits which means you'd lose access to your armours until Tessa and I can get to the source of the spirits— _if_ we can— or… we lay a trap and have some control. Considering we've already had options one and two happen and the results have been mixed _at best_ — really. What options do we have?"

"Seek her out and jump her?" Kento offered in reply. He glanced around the room at various 'are you serious' looks and shrugged. "What? It was worth a shot."

Dais shook his head at Kento's suggestion. "Our armours are not affected by the Nether Spirits. It is only the Ronin who would have problems."

Tessa seemed all too eager to use that as a final nail in the coffin to the plan. "So we'll have backup. Great! Anything else we need to cover?"

I ticked each point off on my fingers. "Where, when, and how."

Cale had an absolutely evil smile, one that sent shivers down my spine. "And what we'll do with her, once she is caught. We could easily take her to the _youjakai_ and oversee her punishment."

I promptly ignored that statement, half retreating back into Dawn while we all planned how we'd finally end this. Give me a chance to have my life back.

This was all getting too big.

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _Oni_ : literally, "demon"; a fairly general term descriptive of ogre-like creatures that come in various shapes and sizes


	25. Chapter 25

Thanks so much to the anonymous reviewers who've weighed in so far. We can't reply directly to each review because they're anonymous, but they really mean so much to us. Thank you thank you thank you! *heart*

 **Warnings:** Parental abuse, distorted eating, religious abuse, PTSD flashbacks, exercise-based self harm, corporal punishment/assault references

* * *

 _Chapter 25_

We had made plans. I had literally three kinds of backup. I'd have my sister beside me and everyone else waiting and Balance was likely strong enough to break the influence so the guys could use their armours.

Why was I still terrified?

Sage had tried to talk to me, over dinner, picking up on how much I was withdrawing. I'd stayed attempted cheerful throughout, rebuffing him in what I hoped was a gentle way. I knew he was hurting for me, I knew he was hurting for himself, but I didn't have anything in me to give. I stayed out of the kitchen and the main living spaces, trying to avoid the crowds. Cye made sure I had enough on my plate but otherwise left me alone.

We all went to sleep early, needing more rest despite how much some of us had slept. Admittedly, I hadn't slept any semblance of _well_ , neither had the other traumatized members of the group— Sage, Ryo, and Rowen— so the hours of sleep mattered less. I tried not to toss and turn in the bed I shared with Tessa, desiring my own space more than anything.

I probably should've taken ativan, but I was scared of fogging up too much. For how high my anxiety was at this present moment I likely _wouldn't_ , but irony of ironies that the slimmest possibility was overblown thanks to the very thing that ativan would stop. Sadly, fear won out and I was left with a twisting stomach and a mind that wouldn't shut up.

Eventually, I decided sleep was futile. Thankfully Tessa slept like a rock; she didn't even stir when I walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

One misstep on the creaky floors, however, and I couldn't say the same for other occupants of the house. I froze at the top of the stairs upon sensing Sage wake up and slip out of the guys' room. My chest deflated as he came and wrapped his arms around my shoulders trying to collapse on themselves.

His lips met the top of my head. _'I take it you don't want to talk about what's bothering you.'_

I shook my head, one hand going up to his forearm to let him know I genuinely didn't mind the hug.

 _'Do you have any idea what is?'_

Again, I shook my head. A partial lie, but everything that _was_ bothering me wasn't forming into anything I could convey, at least not right now while I was still surrounded by people and feeling the energy of a too-active night.

He turned me so I was against his chest, enveloping me in his arms and holding me just tight enough I was pressed into him. _'At least take Halo with you, please?'_

 _'You'll have an even harder time sleeping, then,'_ I replied, my own mental voice sounding like a murmur for how incoherent my thoughts were.

 _'Strata can act as a night light, with Rowen in the room.'_ Again his lips met my skin; my forehead, this time. _'I'll sleep worse if you don't have it.'_

I wrapped my arms around him, about to offer Dusk only to feel him hush the thought with an insistence he was fine. I squeezed his chest. _'Sage…'_

 _'Please.'_ He pulled back and offered the orb, one hand still on my shoulder. _'Take it.'_

I stared at Halo before doing as he asked— pleaded, almost. His eyes spoke more than his voice, him needing to know I was alright. I almost wanted to ask him to join me, but I couldn't bring myself.

He seemed to understand how much I wanted to be left alone. A moment later, he was back in the guys' room, door shutting behind him.

I crept downstairs past the Warlords in the living room, freezing when Cale shifted. The minute he stilled I slunk out of the house completely, into the night. Dusk's subarmour settled on my body a moment later, the air warm but not warm enough to keep me comfortable. She kept poking me, demanding I let her out and deal with the scars I was about to face again.

Memories I had kept locked up in the name of sanity now about to rip through my soul.

I pulled from my chest and the full armour _hummed_ , the sense of protection literal platemail offered me a welcome relief. She ached for the stars and sky and the quiet I'd seen snatches of in Rowen's memory, a place where the world being big and open wasn't scary.

But I wasn't that type of person. I wanted some place closed off but also away, somewhere I could be a ball, feel safe— feel _something_.

I slimmed the platemail down just to feel like myself again, Dusk now tight and formfitting in such a way I felt held together. Halo pulsed in my hands, sensation reaching my skin through my armour, helping Dusk where it felt weak. The anxiety started melting away, leaving me with nothing more than a desire to explore instead of running. I just couldn't tell if it was to test the armour's limits, or any sort of childlike wonder.

It'd been awhile since I'd felt the latter. A year of stress and pain and realizations, adjusting to work and adjusting to moving out and now _this_ , all forcing me to grow up too quickly. Teenage fantasies I'd shoved aside in the name of impracticality, danger… they bubbled to the surface, now, wanting to be explored.

I'd always wanted to sit on a roof and watch the stars.

Dusk kept pushing _up_ , the feeling of a leap, of swinging. The weightlessness of flight. Not wanting to limit myself, for once, I prepared for a jump, left the ground— and stayed up in a moment of stillness I'd normally only experienced at the top of a swing's arc. If I'd been one to exclaim anything, I probably would've laughed in triumph and sheer glee. As it was, I just looked down to see how high I was then at eye level for the view. I smiled and waved at Sage in the window, his smile in return about enough to melt my heart.

There was another teenage fantasy my brain wanted to indulge in. Strong, positive feelings. Whether or not they were platonic or romantic, however, I didn't have the faintest clue.

I kept floating up, only going as high as I needed to for a relatively safe rooftop landing. While I guessed I could go higher, I didn't want to risk it. Maybe if Rowen or Tessa were there to catch me if this feeling went away and I lost the ability to stay afloat, but not alone.

It was exactly how I'd imagined. The hard roof surface pressing into my back making me feel real, just high and hidden away enough I was safe, but not so high I felt lost from the ground, and the view. God, the _view_. I'd mentally promised not to use Strata's powers for my own whims, but with my hesitation to go higher than three stories, traveling with him was likely the only way I'd get a better one.

I was sure if Tessa were awake to hear those thoughts, she'd make some comment about Libras.

Somewhere in my musings, everything settled back down into the low level melancholy that had dragged me out of bed in the first place. Halo's presence increased in my mind, slightly, and I tried to soothe Sage back to sleep that I was alright. He could tell, at least, that wasn't a complete lie. I wasn't about to do anything dangerous, and I wasn't about to fall into despair. Still, the past three weeks nagged at me to the point I simply closed my eyes and tried to breathe.

Footfalls on the roof had me sitting up rod straight in an instant. I looked up to Tessa coming to kneel beside me, arm going around my torso in a hug to let me know it was okay. In the time it took me to almost automatically wrap my arms around her, I knew her presence— and Rowen's on the ground— had something to do with the orb still in my hand.

She pulled back to properly sit beside me. "So I see Sage has you on the Halo Foster Parent roster, next to Rowen."

I blinked at Halo. "Rowen, too?" Her eyebrow quirked up for all of a moment before she nodded, snuggling into me. I didn't exactly know what to make of that information. It was bad enough that Sage had given up his armour for me twice, now, when he never gave it up for anyone. Now I found out he'd given it to Rowen, as well, meaning he likely felt similar to us both. At least in terms of level of trust.

My voice was quiet when I spoke next. "Ryo said… Sage never gave Halo up. He gave it to Ryo, one night, and… to me the night after we got you back."

She squeezed my shoulders. "He left it in our room last night, with Rowen. Strata was in their room." Her eyebrow went up again, this time with a mischievous air. "How much you wanna bet they've done it before? From what I can tell, they used to share a room at Mia's place, so I'm sure Strata and Halo are pretty used to it."

That just made the thought worse, as much as her statement made sense. "Wouldn't surprise me. I mean— you can probably sense the bond between those two as much as I can. Sage hardly ever uses nicknames, but he used one for Rowen when he picked him up." This time I'd made my own thought worse; I hadn't quite realized he'd only given two people nicknames.

She got quiet, pulling me closer into her side and picking up on just how dark my emotions were getting. "He must _really_ be worried about you, to be willing to let you hold onto Halo more than once."

I sighed, rubbing my face with my free hand and feeling my emotions scurry into corners I couldn't reach into. "Dunno. I… guess I'm upset but. It's small."

Now she squeezed me around the shoulders. "Talk to me, sis."

There was that order again, the four words that demanded an answer and somehow never made me feel triggered I had to reply. I shook my head part in amusement, part in self hatred— I kept needing that order to talk about my feelings— but just like everything else, the emotions slipped away. "I never thought all _this_ would happen after I moved out. I thought… I'd hoped that'd be it. Just between me, her, the cops, maybe extended family. Not…" I trailed off, unable to form words around the concepts coming to memory. Thank God for armour, because I could simply transmit the idea that I now had more blood relatives than I ever dreamed, to the guys and Sage and my feelings for him, now the Warlords were involved, and Michael, and international investigation, and something I couldn't hope to forget about for years. It would keep coming up through the trials.

"Yeah… It all sure is pretty crazy, huh?" She chuckled once. "I feel a bit like we're going up against Ganondorf in Ocarina of Time. We have the Master Sword—now all we have to do is slay the villain."

I thought over the obstacles I knew we'd face. "Except it's probably more like Ghirahim and Demise in Skyward Sword."

She _froze_ , complete deer in the headlights look as she contemplated _me_ making a gaming reference. "How in the… you haven't even _played_ that one yet how do you…"

I snorted. It would've been an evil giggle if I was in a better mood. "One, I talk to you too much, to make _that_ comparison, two, I spend too much time on tumblr, _three_ , you have to admit I'm right considering we'll probably have other cultists to deal with on _top_ of her…"

"Look on the bright side, though—at least Michael's in handcuffs and safely tucked away in my mom's precinct's jail getting taxpayer-funded dinner," she said cheerfully, almost brushing the topic under the rug to continue with the previous metaphor. "And honestly if you take the whole oni thing into account it's more like _Ganon_ than Ganondorf."

I chewed my lip, fears about the upcoming day not eased in the slightest. "But the other cultists will add willpower to the spell keeping the guys from using their armours— if their will is stronger than ours…"

She snorted. "C'mon, if the world ran on willpower, you and I would be somewhere way better off right now. And since that spell _does_ run on willpower—or breaks because of it—that means we're gonna crush it to itty bitty little pieces. I mean, we have the MacGuffin—" She raised an eyebrow, smirking, looking at me out of the corner of her eye; her confidence honestly foolhardy and both of us knew it. "—dare I say what can go wrong?"

I raised an eyebrow right back. "You're asking somebody with clinically diagnosed anxiety 'what can go wrong'. You know I can give a very literal answer to that, right?"

My sister let out a half amused sigh, knowing me far too well."Then it's a rhetorical question and we'll be the Last (Two) Girls Alive at the end of the horror story. Deal?"

But apparently not well enough. The thought of _death_ sent the floodgates open, everything presently filtering through my panic centre first before it had a chance to have any semblance of rationality applied to it. Despite everything my primary fear was still exactly that, the actual parameters of the trope forgotten in favour of literal interpretation.

I hated being both traumatized and autistic, some days.

My emotions must've shown somewhere, although whether or not it was on my face or through Dusk I didn't have the faintest clue. She pulled me even closer and snuggled, the physical manifestation of her incredibly long text based hugs when comforting me. "Geeze, here I am supposedly trying to comfort you and instead I'm joking about fights with not-so-fictional demons and giving you nightmares about horror stories." She sighed, confidence replaced with darkness both of us were feeling. "I'm sorry…"

I scrunched my eyes shut, panic centre's response processed and now thinking rationally. In part. At least enough to know what she had originally meant. "No, it's okay, I forgot the trope allows _other_ people to live besides the last girl I just—"

Every inch of anxiety had taken hold, no matter what I tried to do to stop it. My throat closed up, face turning into her shoulder for the sole purpose of hiding. She pulled me closer and Dawn wrapped around the two of us, silent comfort and radiating the warmth of life.

The fact my night owl sister got Dawn, the force that warmed the world and signified, in many circles, new starts, suddenly made one heck of a lot more sense.

"Sage and the guys won't die. They won't let that happen and I sure as hell won't let that happen and you are braver and smarter and stronger than you think." She rested her cheek against my hair. _'It'll be okay.'_

Well, so much for not crying.

I needed to cry— I knew I needed to cry— but feeling sobs push their way out and tear through my throat was still painful. She lay back on the roof and kept holding me, curling up around me like a mother dragon again. Dusk, somehow, stayed open, Dawn feeling pain I couldn't articulate or even find a source for. Layers of panic, some ancient, some fresh, merged together and twisting around to something utterly wordless but massive like a lovecraftian monster. The terror of horror story protagonists was an accurate description. I knew every inch of this threat too intimately, and I knew what we were up against. Nobody else should have to face that, and here I'd dragged _nine_ others into this with me.

Words eventually pushed their way forward. _'I never wanted anyone else involved I never wanted this to be a huge thing that so many people could get hurt from and I'm just_ one person _why is there so much?'_

She was surprisingly calm in her reply, tone almost cautious, but otherwise level. _'And that's why you need us, and it's_ okay _to need us, and we're all here because we're supposed to be. The armors chose_ us _. This is what they're made to do—protect and defend. We would probably be here regardless of whether or not our mother was involved. I know it hurts—honestly I'm probably repressing the fact I should be terrified for Rowen, but I also know he's more of a warrior than I am and he can handle himself. Just like the rest of them. And even if he'll stumble and need any one of us to help him up—well, we're_ all _gonna need each other, anyway. What's the difference?'_

My emphasis had apparently gone over her head. I reiterated what I was trying to get at. _'But I'm just_ me _. I shouldn't… why_ all this _?'_

 _'_ "Just _you" is a stubborn, fiery, iron-willed assassin with a penchant for dry wit and sarcastic humor who doesn't take crap from any wannabe demon-emperor with designs on ruling the galaxy through fantastical magic objects."_ She raised a mental eyebrow at me. _"And her name's not Kavita."_

That still seemed to ignore my point. _'You know what I meant.'_ Feelings of how if I was really that good, why did I need help passed through our connection, along with a side helping of how I felt like I was taking too much from everyone around me, of this dragging on and no end in sight.

She squeezed me. _'What sort of decent human being would leave someone to the mercy of a legit_ demon _? People are supposed to help other people. No one can go it alone—even if it's as little a thing as saying "I believe in you". Or, yes, as big as flying halfway across the world to tackle some absurd cult leader who happens to have given birth to us and smacking her upside the head to say 'What the hell do you think you're doing?"'_

I dug my nails into her arm, everything she said making sense but I didn't want to hear it, didn't want to open up the sores of realizing just _how_ screwed up my upbringing had been, my energy low enough with the constant self hate under the surface. I'd tried to keep it in from almost week one, rebuffing more and more as I kept taking, kept needing saving, kept needing comfort. I should be _better_ by now. I'd learned, growing up, that I didn't deserve so much _time_. There was always something else to get done, something else _more important_ , and—

She cut off my swirling thoughts. _'You deserve it because you're a human being and there doesn't_ need _to be another reason. So, rest—I'll be here for you.'_

I nuzzled into her shoulder. _'Can't sleep.'_

 _'Then we'll sit and stare up at the stars and talk—whatever you wanna do.'_ A spark of mischief went through our connection, the sense of a smile and a sideways look following. _'I think I might be able to sing that lullaby Rowen uses for me, if you'd like…?'_

It felt good to laugh again, no matter how small it was. _'If I fall asleep, who's gonna carry me to bed?'_

Her grin was back to devilish teasing. _'I can get Sage up here if you like…'_

My cheeks and ears warmed with a blush. _'Y-yeah… I'd like both of those.'_

She squeezed me again, this time in happiness I was feeling at least a little better. "By the way if you'd said no, in all seriousness I'm sure Dawn'd give me enough strength to carry you."

I smiled and snuggled a little closer, settling in as she began singing. I'd heard a few voice clips, a few samples, but I'd never heard her actually _sing_ , even though she'd been in choir for years. However this wasn't any performance, nothing particularly polished— and I preferred it that way. I liked mistakes, cracks, paused lyrics and tripped over tongues. They felt more human, and I wanted nothing more than to feel human. To have some sort of permission I could be imperfect, for once. I kept having to shift as I relaxed, muscles unwinding so much I actually took up more space.

The song ended and I found my eyes reluctant to open, me not quite comfortable enough to fall asleep up here. I sat up and stretched my arms above me. The moment was too soft to speak much louder than a murmur. "I kept wanting a pillow. Let's… just go to bed."

She looked genuinely relieved, but it was along the same lines as before. That I wasn't on the verge of breaking down again. She propped herself up on her elbows. "I think that is an excellent idea."

I stood and went to the edge, glancing down at Rowen watching the roofline and just how small even _he_ looked from two stories off the ground. I looked over my shoulder at her and smirked. "Wanna see how I got up here?"

She grinned in reply, standing herself to watch. "I have a feeling if it's anything like we've done so far, it'll either be exactly like or exactly opposite Dawn. But be my guest!"

Her encouragement was all I needed. I felt my old scars— the slices made to try and remove so-called 'deadbones', painful cramping that indicated to my mother I was too depressed, too obsessed with the potential of entering the afterlife— ache with the thought of flight. In the past few weeks I'd wondered what else, exactly, those bones could represent.

I lept up and felt a gust of wind from a single beat of wings follow me.

She bounced in place, clapping and a long, excited 'oooooh' obvious signs of approval. I arched back, doing a loop-de-loop with the same ease as I did one underwater.

Rowen's utter disbelief was only part of his tone, disappointment and amusement the rest. "Oh come on, now you've _both_ got wings?"

Tessa walked over to the edge to see her boyfriend as she teased him. "Obviously Strata thinks it's okay, or it would've come with wings, too."

Dawn transmitted the bunny hops she followed, from metal suits and flying, to geniuses, to Tony Stark, to a scene from the movie I hadn't seen gifed— to a very bad idea.

She jumped off the roof and before Rowen had a chance to do anything, I'd already caught her. "Sorry sis, I know that would've been romantic for him to catch you, but I'd rather you not break your neck."

I was a writer and _I_ found her grin unnerving. "Nah, s'all good. Just goes to show friends who'll be there to catch you no matter how silly you get are are _pretty freaking awesome_!"

I shook my head as she glomped me again, around my neck this time. My arms went around her in pure relief she was alright, despite how little danger she'd actually been in. Anxiety at potential injury was influencing my actions, mind already desperate to know she was safe.

Rowen still seemed to be sore both of us had more visually impressive flight powers than he did, albeit incredibly amused at this whole situation. His cross-armed posture said 'show off' more than anything. "Especially ones with wings."

I blushed despite myself as we landed, arms tightening around my sister with another swirl of emotions. "The armour feels… most comfortable _without_ wings, honestly. I just wanted to see if I had them in me."

Her pride was unmistakable, Dawn transmitting the visuals of my back… and the now half-healed scars. "I'd say you did."

I smiled, everything settling again as she held me. "I… didn't actually use them to get up. I just thought of floating. I guess like Strata."

Tessa grinned with a smirking edge to it at him. "See. Floaty powers. Wings sold separately."

I shook my head and loosened my grip. "You've been talking to me too much, to make an _advertising joke._ "

She laughed. "Aaaw I thought that one was pretty easy. You haven't grown up in this house—we are _so_ commercialized, I swear! We basically speak in TV ads some days."

Despite myself, a childhood memory came floating up with enough force I vocalized it. "And I used to speak in stand up comedy routines, at my place. Big deal."

Rowen thought for a moment, continuing the topic change if only to ease his bruised ego. "You'd probably love commercials in Japan, if you're in advertising, come to think of it… we all tune them out, but they'd be different, for you."

Tessa's laughter got louder, her walking over to hug him now that I was mostly on my own feet, voice sing-song. "Oh don't worry, I already got that angle covered!"

It took me a moment to put a few topics together, but once I did, I lit up with a grin. "Hey— I won't have to turn you into the Strata Orbital Express to see them in person, now!"

Sage came out of the house, screen door shutting behind him. "Or White Blaze."

He was trying to sound lighthearted, but the late night and triggers were audible in his voice. I walked up and wrapped my arms around his chest, letting him know how much better I felt. Despite what Tessa had said, guilt still nagged at me that he was here and going through his own hell as a result. _'I wish you didn't have to do this.'_

His arms went around me in return. _'It's not 'have to'. It's 'want to'.'_

The rewording, something so simple, helped it stick. It also put less emphasis on my inherent value and more others' desires, giving the voices in my head less to hold onto. Still, his words eased the fear I was taking too much.

It did not escape my attention that Tessa and Rowen were trying to slip around us into the house.

The screen door shut again, leaving us outside alone, Halo still in my grip. I pulled away and offered it to him, only for him to wrap my fingers back around the orb. "Keep it for tonight."

My armour flowed off my skin and into my free hand, half sphere pulsing along with my heart. "Then keep Dusk for tonight."

He sighed. "I told you, Strata—"

"I'd feel better if you had it."

His own words turned against him made him pause, slowly taking the armour. It was almost immediately lost in his fist. "Thank you."

I smiled. "I'd say I don't deserve it, because you did the same for me, but I've forgotten that Japanese."

To my surprise, he laughed. "I'll teach it to you properly later. Right now, we both need to be in bed."

I nodded but didn't move, especially when his forehead rested against mine. _'You do deserve all of this.'_

I swallowed. Hard. _'Still don't believe it.'_

 _'I know.'_ He brought me against his chest. _'You will one day, though.'_

 _'I hope so.'_

He squeezed me one last time before letting go. "Oyasumenasai."

I inclined my head, bowing oh so slightly at the waist. "Oyasumenasai."

—

Cye insisted I eat breakfast. And a snack. And lunch.

By midafternoon, this had all added up to a very bad idea.

I had energy— pure anxiety, what I normally tried to avoid feeling if I could help it— running under my skin in a desperate desire to escape. I wanted to split open again, but not even that would be enough. Every thought about the cult swirled in my mind, feelings I hadn't had time to process in the six months I had left it.

I grabbed my iPod and Dusk's orb, heading outside where I had two things I needed: space and privacy. The armour went from subarmour to full armour in a few moments, only to slim down in what looked like a purple leotard with matching tights and shoes. I also had gloves, the thought of grass and rocks on the bare skin of my palms something I did not want to subject myself to.

Religion talk always got me in the mood for religion-centric _songs_ , the ones I used for catharsis when the very idea of a deity had me running for the hills. I pressed Y on the shorthand alphabetical list, going straight to "The Gates" by Young Empires. The music started and while beautiful, it didn't stir any movement. It was overall a hopeful song, one that had some shreds of comfort and verse and general acceptance.

That was the last thing I wanted.

Press H. Find Hozier. "Take Me to Church", the only song I owned by him and one I nearly hadn't gotten because of the memories it invoked. The first notes began and my hand _lifted_ , wrist flicking along to the rhythm and the trembling in my chest finding an outlet.

I'd listened to this song far too much, for something so painful I couldn't watch the music video— considering it depicted a religion-based, homophobic hate crime— and could send me into a flashback if I wasn't careful. Except today, that was exactly what I wanted.

Halfway through, I paused it and brought it back to the beginning, cranking up the volume and suddenly not caring just how loud it got. This was for me, this was for my own selfishness, and I'd always been called that. No sense in fighting it.

The first few notes were throwaways as I set the ipod down and backed up into a clear space on rhythm, spine bending along the melancholy and refusing to straighten. Everything centred from my torso, a turn in attitude with my spine so arched that my hand nearly touched my foot, Dusk aching in a way I knew far too well.

 _If the heavens ever did speak, she was their last pure mouthpiece._

That was the leader, that was my mother, that was anybody else who was so in tune with who they were supposed to be in God that they could order those of us who were lesser around. I should've been one of those, I should've had that power, I knew it— but not even Dusk was enough to have me earn a place. No gift was great enough that it could make up for the corruption they saw in my heart.

I'd taste that power in moments of obedience. It always puzzled me, why purity was simply parroting, why I couldn't speak my own mind and be respected.

 _I was born sick, but I love it._

It took me too long to realize my brain chemistry was almost unchanging, my temper and anger and the dark corners filled with cobwebs part of who I was. Something that, no matter how much I tried, would always be a natural reaction, always be something that I'd have to fight or else I would destroy everything around me. Pride in my differences, the ones my mother didn't approve of, was not allowed.

I was a force of destruction and I always had to be careful, or else I would cause everyone else to get hurt. Resent me. Know that I was a demon, at my heart. They never said that, but from their actions, that's what they believed.

 _Mend me to be well._

Except I didn't love God enough, except I must've secretly wanted it back because I couldn't ever give it up, couldn't ever put it in a box and keep it there— because it was part of who I was and there was nothing I could do about it. No god could ever help me. They didn't like to hear that.

 _I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies._

And I did. I was absolute in my devotion, letting them do what they wanted, letting them carve into my skin and armour and the pain was supposed to be pennance, supposed to be purification. The list of things I'd destroyed in their name was locked up in a place no person would ever see, because it was easier to move on and forget than acknowledge the abuse I had given to others. It was impossible for me to even wrap my mind around the concept I hadn't known any better. It placed my actions in the realm beyond forgiveness. Beyond any semblance of acceptance. I didn't care. It was the past. The past had no business in the present. Not like that ever stopped me from bringing it up.

At least these memories, I could control.

 _I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife._

The cult never had confession but we always had expectation of purification; the Catholic concept was scorned, quite strongly, because it expected you were sinners and had done something in this life every week. Instead my upbringing was built on the basic understanding _you have karma_ and you are beyond repentance, you must endure hell and its fire before God can ever find you, every thing I did incorrectly a whetstone against those Nether Spirit blades.

Every word I said about myself was a sin, my reactions wrong and my enjoyment warped. Too human, too corrupt, too close to dancing with the devil. Even this music would be condemned, the beat too irregular and the lyrics speaking of heresy. Or of those other churches, how dare I bring it into purity.

 _Offer me that deathless death._

The reward, the be all-end all. The place supposed to represent the afterlife but instead felt more like depression, more like death-in-life that resembled undeath so closely I could never consume anything that even resembled necromancy-based media. Zombies were out, as was everything else.

All of it was too close. All of it reminded me that others could control you and like hell I was going to let that happen. Anymore.

 _Good God let me give you my life._

I reached up before I threw my arms out, back lying flat in midair in a semblance of the ancient Aztec ritual of removing the heart. I didn't know when they'd done it, when this hole in my chest manifested itself in the name of self-improvement.

The song turned into a blur after the first chorus, every line bringing up something and every verse reminding me of more. The ground, the air— I simply moved the way the music requested, almost commanded. Dusk improved my body's vocabulary, letting me translate what was in my mind outward. Even then, she could only go so far when the both of us were stretching ourselves so much. I should be healing, should be using all the calories I had ingested already to make up for yesterday, but they weren't absorbing fast enough and I always had been bad at resisting the more subtle forms of self harm.

 _This is hungry work._

Except I was hardly ever allowed to eat what I wanted because I was already so sick I didn't want to make it worse now, did I?

Every ounce of anger exploded on the next _take me to church_ , firebird leap high and soaring and for once in this past few weeks I felt free. There was nothing but emotion, and yes it was pain but no, it was not painful.

My body kept warming up, muscles going farther every time, and even in Virginia-in-July heat, I didn't want to stop. Dusk radiated it out, my anxiety still running but even it was releasing and everything felt warm. I couldn't say I minded— or even cared— after so long in the freezing cold with fever-like sweats as I recovered, honest _warmth_ was too welcome.

I finished the song on my knees, spine arched so my chest was to the sky once more, one arm propping myself up while the other reached up to a heaven I had been denied and now renounced in the name of trying to carve out heaven on earth. The last notes reverberated and I kept crumpling backwards, hand lowering and torso collapsing back until it was against the earth.

Immediately after I hissed and sat up, hip sliding back in after it had come dangerously close to dislocating again. The screen door opened and shut, Halo reaching for me before Sage went on his knees beside me. I didn't even say anything before burrowing into him, tears pushing their way out now that I had ripped myself open.

 _'Are you hurt?'_

I nodded. _'A little. That… permanent hip damage I mentioned, awhile ago. Flared up.'_

 _'I—'_ He cut himself off, changing tactics. _'Is there anything you want me to do?'_

I thought of what I stored in that knot, the memories tangled in the tendons all things relating to healers, all things that could hurt him. All things I'd refused to let myself feel and had buried down even farther after meeting him, after letting him heal me.

His hand went to the back of my head, holding me against him. _'I understand. I know it's not personal.'_

 _'It's still a lot of anger…'_

He tightened his arms. _'You don't have to be afraid of it.'_

Dusk finally returned to her orb, cloth settling on sweaty skin and making it hard for me not to squirm. Sage pulled back to make it I had less clothing-on-dampness contact. "Let's get you inside."

I nodded but otherwise didn't move, shaking from I wasn't sure what. Dehydration, hunger, and anxiety were all options, along with the uncomfortably plausible "all of the above". He picked me up almost without thinking, after the shortest of pauses to realize I wasn't resisting him.

Exhaustion apparently applied to more things than fighting the negative voices in my head. As much as allowing somebody else to take care of me again would make things come up later on. Hopefully this would be over soon.

There was a suspicious lack of people as he took me to my room, everybody else apparently having scattered after feeling I-didn't-know-what through Dusk. Sage lay me on the bed and rested his hand on my thigh, Halo subtly spreading out along the sore muscles.

"Dusk was… incredibly open, as the music continued."

I sighed. "Of course she was." I turned onto my side, his hand moving to the side of my leg. "How much?"

He tightened his grip. "I'm… not sure I can answer that."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

My expression got a smile pulling at his lips, slightly. "There was such depth to the emotion coming off Dusk, it's almost impossible to describe. I could feel your pain, yes, but that wasn't the only emotion there." He chuckled. "It helped the dancing was beautiful."

 _Now_ I turned beet red, covering my face with my forearms. "I normally don't dance in public unless it's recital."

He slid his hand to my waist. "Why none of us wanted to disturb you. I wouldn't have, except—"

"My hip." I lowered my arms and shifted, the warmth of his hand welcome. "Could you… just massage it? And let Halo… work as it wants without a healing?"

He nodded and softly pressed on my back so I would lay on my stomach, shifting to sit facing me even if it meant his leg was propped up on the bed. I adjusted so my head was resting on my folded arms, wincing when he found on the initial knot in my mid back and almost immediately relaxing upon realizing it meant this would stop hurting.

Halo was gentle, and for once I wasn't sure if I was referencing Sage or his armour. It was so lightly investigating the damage wrought by the previous healers, green light flicking away the shards of glass Dusk had ground up over the years, so they weren't stabbing pain but they were still present, still impeding the flow of energy and blood.

 _'You're shaking.'_

I scrunched my eyes shut. _'Green. For them. It was healing.'_

Halo pulled back, Sage pausing the massage to think. _'I…_ can _change the colour.'_

 _'Could you?'_

His hands began again, finding a knot in my hamstring and carefully going along the whole muscle to release it. _'It comes from a different source. It will feel different.'_

I winced when he pressed the source of the knots near my knee. _'Scared?'_

He paused a second time, digging into the muscle of my thigh and letting my body work on undoing the tangle on its own. _'It comes from my spirit, instead of Halo.'_

 _'So you'd be showing me your heart.'_

 _'In essence, yes.'_

I turned my head to attempt a smile through the pain. _'Just your hands are enough. I already feel worlds better.'_

He reached up and brushed my hair back, leaning his forehead against my temple. _'Do you trust me?'_

I swallowed, remembering my own words from our first night at Tessa's place, where I bluntly told him I did not. _'Y-yes, I do.'_

His free hand went to my lower back. A moment later, golden energy spread between them, carefully picking its way through the glass and spreading out to envelop the rest of my soul. I recognized the feelings, ones that had protected me after his first healing. He'd kept them apart from me, distant and through multiple layers of Halo's energy, but I'd sensed enough I could recognize his heart.

Even in this state I could recognize love.

I didn't even feel any pain as the damage cleared, Sage going over what was the smallest cuts and healing them before I ever felt anything that could resemble blood, could resemble discomfort. His spirit was quiet, tranquil, but with the raw power of nature tended into a beautiful garden that could break free of its confines any minute.

My whole hip socket and upper leg _popped_ with the last of the residue cleared out, spirit able to relax now that I didn't have someone else still influencing my body.

Sage himself left a moment after, hands going back to his sides. "Better?"

The waver in his voice did not escape my attention. I sat up and wrapped my arms around his chest in gratitude. "Much."

He wrapped his arms around me in return. "I didn't press any triggers?"

I shook my head.

One hand went to the base of my neck. "I'm glad."

I swallowed, not wanting to bring it up but also not wanting to let it go. "You're still scared."

His fingers tangled in my hair. "I was worried, after you closed off the minute I said Dusk had been open."

"Oh." I tucked my head against his chest more. "Didn't even notice."

He laughed softly. "I'm not surprised, if that makes you feel better. Halo is the same." He rubbed my neck, hesitating before he spoke again. "I was also worried about what all this seems to be stirring, in you. We all were. We all _are_."

I paused before sighing, sensing everyone else coming in as if his statement was permission to enter. "I was hoping you wouldn't notice…"

There was a very distinct sense of _'how could we_ not _'_ , but he almost immediately thought of the neglect I'd revealed and masking I'd already displayed on the trip. He held me a little closer when he realized I'd tracked his thought, his mind more open than it had been. I hadn't even realized how much he'd been closed. "I shouldn't have thought that, considering how often I do the same."

"It… happens," I said softly. The implications of abuse were clear to the both of us, to the point they genuinely didn't need to be spoken. I swallowed. "I'm scared."

"I kn— I understand."

He'd even picked up on my ribs tensing at the start of words 'I know' in reply to an emotional declaration, something my mother had said once too often. I held him tighter. "The longer we wait the stronger she gets."

"Then we'll go after her tomorrow," Ryo said from the door. He came up and put a hand on my shoulder, waiting until I tipped my head up to look at him— and his eyes filled with protective concern— before continuing. "It'll be over, soon."

I closed my eyes and melted into the resulting dogpile, finding my sister's hand and lacing it in mine. "Arigato."


	26. Chapter 26

And now, for the penultimate Gran Finale.

 **Warnings:** Parental abuse, subtle victim blaming, cult material

* * *

 _Chapter 26_

We had to take the van _and_ my Explorer with the addition of the three Warlords. Rowen refused to let it be as simple a matter as me driving the second vehicle and plopping the _youjakai_ warriors in it—and the rest of the Ronin were varying degrees of mistrustful. Alexa and I had been filled in on just what the status was between the two armor factions; yet while there was hesitant cooperation, the predominant feeling seemed to be that of uneasy frenemies rather than strong allies.

So we played musical seats again, and I couldn't help but think of how each time I'd taken the Explorer out for a drive since this whole thing started, we ended up in some sort of trouble. And now we were _deliberately_ seeking it out.

I was Genre Savvy enough to know this usually meant it was a Bad Idea. But what choice did we have?

The Warlords had tracked the _oni_ 's presence to a horse park with which I'd previously become very familiar. As much as I could get excited about nearly anything horse-related, however, grim prudence decimated my usual reaction when we pulled into the nearly-deserted gravel parking area. No one said a word when we piled out of the cars, though a half-formed telepathic quip from Kento about being on home turf—that must help, surely?—lifted the mood infinitesimally.

Following Cale's wordless direction toward the _oni_ 's signature put us on the cross country course. Luckily I'd only seen one trailer in the parking lot, meaning the chances of being mistakenly squashed on landing or run over decreased significantly.

Not that horses generally _liked_ running things over, if they had a choice.

It also didn't escape my notice the wide formation we fell into—especially the closer and stronger the Nether signature got. Alexa and I may have insisted on going through with this plan, but none of the guys had warm fuzzies about it. Rowen kept close at my elbow, Kento shadowing Dais with Cye and Ryo similarly near Sekhmet and Cale. And despite my sister walking at the front of the pack with purpose, a strong, fast pace I was all too familiar with from my own stride, Sage easily kept up.

Ryo signaled a halt once we'd crossed the main field and ensconced ourselves in the relative safety of the trees. We almost didn't need the command; the armors were picking up an unmistakeable signature and practically humming with the Nether energy, telling us we were more than close enough to put our plan in motion.

Once deep into the woods off the wide, clear galloping lane, subarmors flowed over flesh. A flicker of thought had me pulled against Rowen's chest in a too-brief, tight hug that matched the rising protectiveness and warrior instinct I could sense from him. It was a moment I tried to freeze in my memory, the way his sweater bunched under my fingers and his arms curled around my so-much-tinier frame.

The slightly-elevated beat of his heart, nevertheless loud and strong in my ear.

Strata didn't materialize until after we parted, Dawn following suit a split second later beneath my clothes. A quick glance showed the rest of the group had adopted a similar tactic—the Ronin a patchwork of hidden subarmor or not, and the Warlords of course eschewing blending in for pure subarmor. Naturally, the mixed bag reminded me just what roles everyone would have in this operation.

Somehow the thought of Rowen in Riza Hawkeye's role didn't comfort me quite to the extent that it should have.

Continuing in silence, we pushed on through the undergrowth toward where I knew there would be a wide open field dotted with the huge prelim obstacles and edging the water complex. The near side of that meadow would be where we set the bait, Ronin ringing the target zone and Warlords keeping an ear to the ground for the inevitable _youjakai_ interference. Hopefully Dais' masking of our auras would be enough to draw the cultists into the ambush.

I tried not to let it bother me as everyone slowly split up: Kento dropping into the deep ditch of a trakehner; Cye and Ryo hiding behind a huge table; Rowen hopping agilely into a tree; Sage sticking with us until even the Warlords did their teleporty trick to move closer to a too-eerily-familiar 'empty' space near the edge of the shallow lake. The usual giddiness at being on a cross country course—so near to obstacles that could easily conceal multiple nearly-six-foot-tall warriors—didn't materialize. Instead my cop and military instincts kicked in, pegging each jump, every tree, every branch, every curve of hill as an ambush in waiting.

The irony of ambushers being ambushed by the ambush-ees did not escape me.

Alexa, Sage and I paused by a bench approximately twenty yards from the treeline, myself nervously drumming my fingers against the top planks of wood and glancing back and forth across the silent meadow. A quick peek out of the corner of my eyes showed Sage resting a hand on my sister's shoulder, their foreheads tipping together in a gesture I was coming to recognize as their version of a kiss. The two of them lingered a moment before my host brother reluctantly took his hand away.

When she turned to join me and continue our trek further into the field, Alexa's eyes were ice-cold and determined.

There was no need for words. We both knew—one way or another, everything was going to end here.

Our final destination was a huge log another fifty yards from Sage's hiding place. It was almost impossible not to squirm at the distance between all of us. Were it not for the armors, we probably _wouldn't_ be so spread out.

I debated whether or not to have a seat on the log, instead. Alexa certainly chose to, though it was a nervous perch like a bird anxious for flight. Another quick survey of the terrain decided me against joining her. I was involuntarily reminded of the agonizing times spent standing guard at various hours of the day and night—the first few minutes of a shift characterized by alert attentiveness that slowly whittled away until one was left contemplating how _not_ to contemplate that there were still fifty, forty, thirty minutes left before being relieved.

The thousandth glance at my watch told me it was approximately twenty minutes later when we had our first sign of activity. Strata risked reaching out—exposing the armor's signature—to give us a warning.

 _"Incoming Dynasty Soldiers."_

Alexa hopped off the log, Dusk fully materializing as I recognized the dull drumming of hoofbeats nearing us. I almost had to laugh at her wry quip back to my boyfriend. _"Thanks, Captain Obvious."_

I knew too much about horseback warfare to relish dealing with cavalry without a full square of spear-wielding infantry at my back. We both turned to head for Sage—and the treeline—only to freeze at glowing blue eyes and _huge_ walls of metal blocking the way.

Did I mention they were _huge_?

"OHkay time to try the back door," I squeaked, backing up at the same time I reached over my shoulder for Dragonfang.

There was barely time to finish drawing my sword before the wooden haft of a spear clashed with the blade, flashing metal of a three-pronged halberd far too close to my face for comfort. The bone-rattling blow sent me stumbling back, awkwardly twisting to avoid its follow-through. Sheer muscle memory from too many martial arts to list steadied me and turned the almost-trip into a controlled backpedal, Dragonfang steadying in my hand.

Sizzling _snaps_ whistled past my head and shoulders, impacting the three metal monstrosities in front of us and skating off in sparks where the bolts hit armor. A gout of fire followed as I shifted my balance for a counterattack, cracking the leftmost one's faceplate with instant heat that was intense as a blowtorch.

A golden arrow pierced clean through the nonexistent neck of the right axe-wielding suit, trailing a stream of too-solid blue-black smoke as the contraption shuddered. It began to topple, plates rattling against each other—

Only for the downward motion to suddenly arrest, the soldier jerking back to its full height and stepping around my flank as if it hadn't been touched.

 _"Bloody—_ Guardian spirits _!"_

Anger, annoyance, and an indescribable feeling of "oh _shit_ " told me that was definitely not a good thing. I decided this called for a slight regrouping at the same time that Alexa charged, my first sign of it when she dropped down from over my head and crushed the spear-wielder's breastplate in with a heel strike driven by her momentum.

Her stony focus betrayed none of the frantic tone in her telepathic voice. _"They're the cult's last line of defence. We'll have to sever the connection to the person controlling them before they'll go down."_ Desperation crept in. _"We_ have _to get through them."_

That was when I remembered the hoofbeats. They'd gotten a _lot_ closer since last I registered the sound.

As was the way of most fights, there was barely time to look at and turn toward the new threat.

The _armored_ rider yanked me up onto the horse before I could completely finish the thought that the bastards brought _cavalry_.

Well, I guessed that explained the horse trailer in the parking lot.

Fighting became incredibly awkward but infinitely necessary. With one hand holding onto _anything_ I could reach to avoid falling on my head at twenty-plus miles an hour and a sword flailing in my other ha—

Wait a minute.

As many times as I'd heard _"Don't cut toward yourself"_ with _any_ blade, desperate times called for desperate measures.

I was lucky I didn't impale my own head when I stabbed Dragonfang deep into the Guardian's back, yanking it out to yet more putrid smoke. The bodiless armor began slumping forward over me, but—surprise, surprise—reanimated not two seconds later.

Before it could completely get its bearings, I punched its helmet off and shoved my shoulder into its side as best I could. A kick at the stirrups helped its pointed toes to slide out, and next thing I knew I was slumped perpendicular on my stomach, all alone on a now-trotting horse.

Dragonfang vanished with a simple thought, heart leaping into my throat as I scrambled to right myself in the saddle before it realized its original rider was gone. Noticing just how patchworked and dingy the animal's coat was had me thinking this was no ordinary horse—just as its rider had been.

I'd barely gathered the reins up tight and gotten my toes in the irons before I found myself riding a bucking tornado. Dark energy I vaguely recognized from my time at a cult compound crashed against Dawn's protection, nearly dragging my focus from the wild ride entirely. Shoving it away with a vengeance, I turned my attention back to the horse.

Numerous riding instructors' voices looped on repeat through my head. Weight back. Spine floppy. Yank the head to my knee so they couldn't run off with me. If that didn't succeed, seesaw the bit to get their attention.

 _None_ of it worked.

Lucily my sister recognized the cult's handiwork _far_ sooner than I did. Dusk pointed me toward the dark energy, tracing it along a thread to the human controlling it. Instant comprehension then lead to a mental sword slicing straight through the connection. Dawn's aura filled the gap, and the animal under me immediately settled.

I took quite a few _very_ deep breaths when we came to a halt before grinning. "Alright. That's _much_ better," I shakily muttered, chuckling nervously and patting the horse's neck with a trembling hand.

I allowed myself a few more moments to calm down, using the opportunity to survey the battlefield that had erupted into a flurry of activity. Kento and Cye pulled off Back to Back Badasses very nicely, occupying four Guardians handily where Alexa and I had been a mere two minutes earlier. Towards the water complex, I could make out the multi-toned armors of the Warlords circling the battle, keeping an eye out for additional trouble but otherwise staying in reserve. With no idea when or where the _oni_ might show itself, and the guys more than capable of handling the fight at the moment, there really was no need for them to wear themselves out.

Then a searing flash of light that could have no name other than Thunderbolt Cut caught my attention near the far treeline, in the direction of the forest that circled the lake.

A tight squeeze of the heels and shift in balance had my otherworldly mount surging toward their location. Dragonfang answered my summons, stretching into a long javelin that matched the jagged smirk on my face.

The horse didn't slow as we galloped toward Sage, Ryo, and Alexa's fight. Three more Guardians held their attention, each one a match for both the Ronin and my sister's magic. I zeroed in on Ryo's opponent, couching the javelin in the crook of my elbow to steady my aim.

My weapon's point sliced through the creature's breastplate like butter, my hand sliding back as follow-through and releasing Dragonfang to avoid being entangled in the shaft. Once the damage had been done, I felt it dematerialize and reappear in my hand.

I threw a glance over my shoulder to check the carnage, smirking as I leaned my weight back and hauled on the reins for a quick turn on the haunches. My attention turned to the spear, grin growing as I hefted it happily in my hand.

"Well that's handier than a boomerang," I said gleefully.

Twirling it back against my forearm, I kicked the horse into a trot and surveyed the new situation. With Ryo's foe out of the way, he and Sage could turn their efforts to a single Guardian while Alexa finished off her target.

Of course, the advantage wouldn't last for long—while it seemed we'd finally managed to down the one I speared, the other two still had tons of juice flowing. I rode up beside Alexa when she retreated to gain valuable space, chest heaving at all the exertion; Sage quickly took her spot, preventing the second Guardian from following.

I could feel her strong desire to break through their lines via Dusk. Extending a hand to help her up, I said, "C'mon, sis. Let's try a cavalry charge of our _own_."

I _had_ always wanted to take a swing at horseback combat. Seemed I found my opportunity.

"We have to break this spell. Guardians won't stop until then." The icy, calculating chill to her words almost surprised me, but I'd known her just long enough to have heard hints of it here and there before. There was also the distinct feel of "let's _end this_ " with which I _completely_ agreed.

It showed in my smirk once I helped Alexa settle in behind me—arms around my waist—and kicked our steed in the direction of the lake. The Warlords quickly came in sight, prowling along its edges toward where we could all feel the cult activity's source. Of course, no clear path would present itself into the thick trees. That left a simple bank jump to drop us into the water and then circle around to a beachhead. There turned out to be just two problems with that.

First, I ended up taking _the biggest bank jump_ I'd yet pointed a horse at.

Second, there was a _huge-ass Guardian_ standing not one stride on the other side of it.

I would only truly figure out what exactly happened later. When there was enough time to process that this Guardian was not like the others, and that Dais' surekill was _not_ aimed at it.

The next thing I could make sense of following the whirling, tumbling, very _wet_ landing interspersed with something sticky was being on my knees in water that reached my hip. Thumb-thick strands I soon placed as webbing tangled between my limbs, enwrapped and stuck so tightly that I struggled to reach my feet.

Overpowering Nether Spirit presence at my shoulder flipped me over onto my butt to look up, wondering what was going on. I relaxed a fraction of a second when I noticed it was Dais—

Then it registered that he was in full spider-like battle attire.

And his single eye was glazed over with blue light.

The _gen mashou_ 's armor hummed with Nether energy.

"Oh _shit_ —" I tried to crawl back. Dais raised his six-scythed weapon to strike. _"Ro—"_

Arms hooked under mine, and not a second later vertigo clutched my stomach when we rocketed into the air.

 _"Already here,_ koibito _."_

My relief overshadowed how shaken I could sense he was by the close call. Once we safely landed on a very wide, low branch at the edge of the trees, I steadied myself with a hand on his arm and turned in time to see Cye's surekill—a swirling column of water drawn from the lake—smash into Dais. Ryo appeared under our tree shortly after, having moved so quickly I could hardly follow the red blur. He carried Alexa with one of her arms over his shoulders, webbing strung across Dusk in much the same way it was on Dawn.

As Alexa withdrew her arm, Ryo spat something very long and very nasty in Japanese—along the lines of "gods damned mashou I _knew_ we shouldn't have trusted them." Alexa hardly seemed to notice, eyes narrowing at a point in the trees toward our left. I knew that was near to where we'd been heading before being unhorsed; before Dais had inexplicably stepped in and betrayed us. She had a determined, single-minded focus on that spot.

"She's there. Controlling them." She shook her head, one part anger and one part irritation. "I can't break it from here."

Kento and Sage trotted up just then—presumably having taken out their Guardian opponents, or at least set them back temporarily—as Cye appeared behind Ryo. "We'll clear a path—leave the Guardians to us," the warrior of water said, hefting his yari meaningfully.

"And the _Warlords_ ," Kento spat, glaring in the direction of the still-roiling lake.

Alexa's sudden response sounded almost as if it came from autopilot, for how breezy it was. "It's not their fault," she said, yanking the last of the webbing from her armor.

Confusion announced itself loud and clear over the armor link. Heads turned owl-like eyes to my sister "What do you _mean_ it's not their fault? Dais just _tricked_ you!" Kento exclaimed heatedly, throwing a hand violently in the direction the Warlord had last been seen.

" _No_."

She sounded as if she had more to say, but alarm spiked from Dusk the instant before she leapt ten feet in the air. The rest of the boys scattered a good twenty feet out from the tight circle they'd formed—revealing Sekhmet in predominantly green and brown metal, a bright splash of red down his breastplate and abdomen like a snake's belly. The likeness continued through his helm and the armor's overall smooth profile, echoed by dripping purple venom that turned the grass brown where it fell from his katanas.

My sister continued telepathically as she alighted from her jump, Cye stepping forward to engage the Warlord. _"Look at his eyes. They're not in their minds right now._ She _is."_

Horror danced across the connection, a few flashes of various memories I couldn't grasp. Rowen was the one to respond. _"She's right. It's the same when Anubis was filled with Talpa's Nether Spirit power back in the war."_

Agreement followed his analysis. The group peeled off in various directions, Cye being the first to say, _"I'll handle Sekhmet."_

 _"Leave Dais to me,"_ Kento assured, almost _viciously_.

Sage, naturally, had gone into kendo mode. _"I've got Cale covered."_

Rowen's thought flickered through—only to cut off a few words in when he noticed Alexa had already run off toward the epicenter of this whole thing. Snorting in amusement, he directed the comment to me instead (as I, too, removed the last traces of Dais' attack from Dawn). "Ryo and I will clear the path to your mom." He shook his head. "She's more single-minded than I can be, sometimes."

"Stubborn, too." I hopped down from the branch and started sprinting after my sister (albeit slightly slower, in case of _more_ surprises). _"You should've seen her when she moved out of her parents' house."_

By the time I reached the lake shore, Alexa had slipped past the huge Guardian now climbing out of the water onto land like some European version of Godzilla. Now that I got a good look at it—at the towering eight foot monstrosity—I could tell this was something custom-made and not bought for high dollar amounts at renaissance auctions like the others had been.

A small part of me died inside at the thought of how we'd had to mutilate such historically priceless pieces.

But when one's being chased by reanimated suits of armor hellbent on one's _death_ , one had to do what one had to do.

Rowen's commanding presence brought my mind back to the fight. "G'on, catch up with her. I've got your back, but Ryo might need some help with this little guy."

I nodded, licking dry lips as we split up—him to leap into the air, myself to run for the curve of trees that lead onto another forest-lined galloping lane headed away from the water.

I rounded the turn just in time to see Alexa run _straight through_ a cordon of a dozen Guardians.

The sight was so shocking I skidded to a halt almost without thinking. The very-real-looking creatures glared at me with flickering blue eyes, pointy business ends of a smattering of weapon types directed at me as they charged the twenty yards separating us.

That got my adrenaline racing again. With a feral snarl, I called Dragonfang into my hand once more.

Somehow, something about the twelve armors running at me must have reminded me of a target range. Because I suddenly found the familiar heft of a Glock 19 in my hand.

The snarl turned into a grin.

Which was promptly turned into confusion when Alexa simply said, _"Dais. Warlord of Illusion. Don't waste your strength fighting them. You_ can _sense it— just follow my lead."_

Deciding to trust what I'd just seen my sister do—and the countless times I'd played Ocarina of Time's Shadow Temple, not to mention many other Zelda games—I dismissed Dragonfang and sprinted on after her. (Passing through the Guardians was an eerie feeling, like a multitude of ghostly hands trailing along every inch of my skin.)

Another seventy-five yards put me at the edge of the no-sensing-beyond-this-point bubble. That was when Sage broadcast, _"Hey, I lost Cale. Keep your eyes peeled."_

Not a moment after, I crossed the barrier and got veritably _slammed_ with Nether Spirit energy permeating the area. Alexa _squeaked_ out a response to Sage. _"Found him!"_

Deep magenta and bright red filled my vision abruptly. Dawn reacted faster than I did, the emerald wings unfolding to help me launch over the (very _real_ ) Warlords.

 _"And I found the other two—_ WHOA! _"_

I hadn't jumped high enough. Dais reached out and snatched my ankle in a bone-crushing grip, sharply reversing my momentum. Pain lanced up my neck through my head, shoulders scraping a deep furrow into the hard earth. Stars spun in my eyes even after I felt my body stop moving.

Panic jolted my heart. I had to move but I was still so disoriented, yet it was either that or the Warlords but what if I literally ran into them. An armored hand roughly snatched at my bicep—

Only for my ears to ring like the Liberty Bell as Rowen's Arrow Shockwave ripped through the assailants.

I remained curled up, arms pressed over my eyes _and_ ears to block out the still-spinning galaxies and ringing chords. Strata's presence appeared directly overhead, Rowen scooping me up before leaping away again. By the time we landed, I at least felt capable of standing on my own.

"Mkay, 'm fine. Fine. 'm okay," I muttered to my boyfriend, forcing myself to step away once he set me on my feet.

He, obviously, was skeptical. "You just got ground-pounded and you're still teetering a bit. You expect me to believe that?"

 _'But the fight must go on,'_ I thought determinedly.

A dark shock of electricity ricocheted out toward where we had stood moments earlier—Sekhmet howled in agony and 'poofed' again. I grinned, punching the air. "Nice one, Alexa!"

"She's going to need some backup," Rowen said concernedly. He nocked an arrow to his bow and pulled back, sighting into forest on our left. Despite the twigs, branches, and undergrowth in its way, the projectile flew true. A grey-brown blurr hopped out of its path, revealing where Cale had hidden in the shadows.

Lightning and flame instantly shot after the shape.

Armored footfalls had me turn to see Kento and Ryo jogging up as Rowen readied another arrow. Something seemed a tad off about Kento's stride, but I waved it off as a minor injury to his leg somewhere. "Hey, did we miss the fun?"

"Nope." Rowen spun on a heel to level the arrowhead at Ryo's chest. "Thanks for showing up, Dais!"

I opened my mouth to protest—the arrow left the bowstring trailed by gale-force winds—and _then_ I remembered Alexa's warning about illusions.

The Arrow Shockwave slammed into "Ryo" and knocked him straight back into a tree. The camouflage had melted away by the time we could see Dais again, the Warlord slumped unconscious on the ground.

Kento—or, in actuality, Sekhmet—had also been thrown back by the force. The blue glow in his eyes flickered, his form shaking uncontrollably and shoulders hunching as if with an inner struggle.

An angry shout from Sage distracted us from the mystery of why Sekhmet wasn't attacking anymore. Rumbling vibrated up our toes and feet as the earth began to shake.

"That's not Kento," Rowen muttered, taking off toward where Sage and Cale were now facing off.

Halfway to them, a sudden sharp stab of Nether energy through my whole body gave me pause, breath wheezing in my chest with the overwhelming increase. I blinked rapidly, clearing my blurred vision just in time to see Cale unleash more black lightning—straight at Sage. To my surprise (and probably Sage's), however, red flashes intercepted them and drew them perpendicular away from the warrior of light.

My mouth dropped at recognizing my sister standing in the midst of a whirling tornado of red and black energy.

A few seconds later, she threw her hand out toward one side like a Fire Bender, and a deafening _crack_ filled the forest as bolts of lightning pierced a particularly wide oak.

Of course, that was no real oak. Warping, twisting, and _ripping_ followed by a cascade of sparks revealed a hastily-constructed cult altar.

I shuddered when the faint, ghostly timbre of our mother's voice breezed through the forest. "Thank you, daughter."

The ground heaved under my feet. A veritable hurricane howled through the glade, strong enough to rip a thick branch from a trunk. I dropped to a knee to keep from being toppled; a few paces in front of me, Rowen did the same.

Nether Spirits screamed and howled all around, the barely-tolerable energy from before instantly spiking to the point I saw my boyfriend curl up on himself and put a claw-shaped fist to his sternum.

Strata flickered and faded to subarmor.

Then even the subarmor disappeared, and I knew.

We were in deep shit.

Surveying the scene only confirmed the sinking feeling in my stomach and clenching in my chest. Sage, Cye, Kento, and Ryo had also fallen, expressions mirroring the pain on Rowen's. All three Warlords had regained their feet and were closing in on Alexa, who stood in a wary, defensive stance. I could almost see the gears clicking in her head, options flicking by like entries in a mental Rolodex.

She appeared not to notice Cale creeping up on her flank. Dais seemed content to hang back, but Sekhmet was slowly drawing all his six katanas, magic suspending them in midair before him. My relief was momentary at best when Alexa successfully leapt away from Cale's horizontal swipe with his nodachi.

Horror and adrenaline spurred me to my feet despite the oppressive Nether Spirits. Dragonfang appeared in my hand. I recognized the Warlord of Venom's winding up for a surekill. _"Alexa! Take Balance!"_

I was too far away to intercept Sekhmet's strike—blades joined together at the hilts and snapping out like a whip at my sister. She was in the middle of moving to avoid Cale, primely vulnerable to the poisoned strike.

Sage and I screamed for her at the same time, forcing its way past a suddenly clenched throat as I rushed to where she now knelt. He tried calling to her—something that started with "tou"—but got cut off by a sharp lashing from the Nether Spirits.

Despite my determination, I never made it. I'd forgotten about Dais; he intercepted me not five steps from Alexa, who was gasping and pressing a hand to her chest wound. Deja vu coated my skin at the feel of the Warlord's hands on my biceps, pulling me against him to loop an arm across my chest.

This time our mother's voice came from a more distinct location behind the trees and the altar revealed by Alexa's redirected strike. It boomed much like Maleficent in her dragon form (finally, the analogy of her I'd had in my head all along now matched the real person).

"So you decided to come and support me in _this_ endeavour, did you? After ignoring my trials for so long! I'm so happy you've decided to support me as I continue my journey!"

Blood coated her fingers when my sister stood, withdrawing her hand from the slash in Dusk's breastplate. Despite my worry—and my futile struggles to break Dais' grip—she still didn't acknowledge my idea to use Balance. "I came to stop you."

Mom tsk'd. "Do you really think you're strong enough to go against the Power of God? Your friends here saw the light, and soon the others will, too. Nobody can resist pure Divine power!"

My move toward Alexa had put me nearly level with Rowen. A faint, dark-blue shimmer in the corner of my eye now drew my attention to him—and once again horror flooded over me. Strata was forcing its way through, his eyes pulsing back and forth between the familiar darkness of space and bright glow of controlled armor.

Panic broke through the horror. "No. No! Rowen! Rowen, _koibito_ , please, don't give in."

He barely acknowledged, the faintest tilt of his head toward my voice. His eyelids tightened shut again against more pain, jaw and neck tense with clenched teeth.

 _"Alexa,_ please _, take Balance!"_ I cried to her, looking back up to try pleading with her one last time.

An icy chill gripped my heart. She was frozen in place, eyes flitting nervously—no, in fright—around the clearing. At the guys brought to their knees. At the Warlords holding me and closing in around her.

At our mother's apparent near-victory.

 _"I can't."_

Despair overwhelmed me. Disbelief. Possibly a hint of anger at her. How could she _not see_ what needed to be done? I couldn't hold myself upright and pull against Dais' hold anymore; too much emotion weakened my nerve, doused my will to fight despite myself.

That was when my mother stepped out from the trees, appearing as twisted as I'd first imagined. Japanese anthropologists hadn't been kidding when they described just how grotesque _oni_ could get—she now sported blue skin, and a pair of long horns sprouting above her ears. The blue silk robe she wore only served to accent the new features, hands primly ensconced in the folds of her sleeves.

The one thing I couldn't get over was how much broader and taller the oni made her. It was just a _little_ terrifying (an understatement, naturally) just how much height she'd gained on Rowen. And he felt pretty enormous to me on a bad day.

She withdrew a hand—clawed, now—to point at Alexa. "God granted me the power of Divine Discretion! I have Seen your actions and the wickedness within them." Her declarations grew softer, wheedling and weasel-y. "If you simply accept me as your teacher, you will be purified."

"Alright!"

I was too shocked to register just what my twin had done. She stood bowed over, panting, looking back at me. Sage. The guys. Even the Warlords. "Alright. I'll go with you. Just… _let them go._ "

"Is that your condition for accompanying me?" A tiny pinprick of satisfaction made its way through my numb being, registering just how uncertain—or wanting of confirmation—our mother was.

But it still didn't reverse my paralysis.

Alexa's voice was almost _terrifying_ in its flatness. "Yes. Stop purifying them. Right now. Once you do I'll go."

Instantaneously, the Nether Spirit oppression lifted a hundredfold.

Dais still hadn't released me, however. This didn't escape her notice. "Let her go, too."

The Warlord reacted immediately—stiffly, as if reluctant. Not entirely expecting my support to disappear, I practically crumpled to the ground.

Pain from landing brought me back to my senses, finally. A moment later familiar arms replaced where Dais had restrained me. Subarmor covering Rowen's chest again told me Alexa's gamble had worked—

But at what price?

 _"Please don't come after me."_

There was no way in Hell I was going to just sit back and watch my twin trade her freedom for ours. _"How can you ask that of me? What are you_ thinking _?! We still have a chance—it's not worth you throwing your life away!_ I just got you back _!"_

 _"I'll get out. I promise."_

 _"...Don't pull a Kavita on us._ Please _."_

Too late; my words had hardly reached her before Dusk sealed my connection to her.

Sage's voice pierced my rising grief. _"She's not going to last long. Without an antidote, Sekhmet's poison…"_

The pain I could feel from him—from his overly-triggered mind—matched my own. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I forced myself not to burow against Rowen and instead watch Alexa's last moments free.

Dais, Cale, and Sekhmet approached her; she moved to meet them, every line of her body saying "surrender". The Warlord of Darkness was the first to reach her as the rest of the Ronin moved to gather around Rowen and me. Our mother surveyed Alexa calculatingly, as if judging some invisible character of hers. "After so long away, your soul needs alignment. I do not know if there are any places on _earth_ that could help you now…"

Cale's voice surprised us, both from not having heard it since he'd become possessed and from the stiff, unnatural ring to it. "We could easily take her to the _youjakai_ and oversee her purification."

The response from the guys and myself was universal and unanimous—horror at the thought, despair at losing her for good, and anger at the situation in general. Sage had it the worst, however, Halo channeling every iota of his rage and broken control through the other armors.

I looked up at him in surprise, noting Ryo's and Kento's hands tightening on his shoulder. Ryo looked almost as eager to join Sage in throwing caution to the wind—Cye preemptively putting a hand on _his_ shoulder.

Alexa's next remark shattered the last of our hopes. "I'll go with you."

It took all three of the unoccupied Ronin to hold Sage back, lunging forward at the same time Nether Spirits roared to life over my sister's head. My nails scraped metallically against Strata's subarmor, helplessness drawing the tears from my eyes as I watched her fall to one knee, silently screaming.

Of course, her willpower overrode the pain. Having curled over her bent knee, she now resolutely pushed herself up in defiance. That prompted our mother to yell, "Enough of your resistance! You _will_ submit!"

One hand had dipped into a nearly-invisible pocket of the robe; now it snapped out sharply at Alexa, Kousa Sand instantly recognizable to me. Sekhmet and Dais stepped forward with the cursed strips of silk that eerily matched Dusk's coloring. The moment it touched her armor, she cried out in pain.

 _"They've imbued it with Nether energy,"_ Rowen noted grimly. Flame sprouting from the material only confirmed the analysis.

When I half-sobbed and half-choked at that realization, burying my face in his chest, his arms squeezed gently in an attempt at reassuring me.

Sage shouting in despair drew my attention back to the awful scene. He struggled to break through Ryo, Cye, _and_ Kento's grip to no avail as lightning split the dark clouds beginning to swirl overhead. A towering red gate in traditional Japanese style swam into being fifty feet away behind the altar and brazier of green flame.

The Warlords walked her level with the end of the altar before she was too weak to continue under her own power. We collectively winced when Sekhmet viciously jabbed a toe into her side, only causing her to curl up more—still refusing to stand and walk.

And then Dusk poked Dawn, conveying the distinct impression of a triumphant smirk.

 _"Hey, Sis?"_

Dawn poked back, curious and confused all at the same time.

* * *

 **Translations:**

- _Mashou_ : Warlord, roughly

- _Gen Mashou_ : Dais' Japanese title. (I think "Spider Warlord"?)


	27. Chapter 27

Woohoo, last chapter! =D

 **Warnings:** parental abuse, suicidal ideation, neglect

* * *

 _Chapter 27_

" _I'll take Balance, now!"_

She gave the mental equivalent of a shocked blink, relief taking all edge out of her anger. " _You could have said that_ five minutes ago _!"_

I simply internally laughed, unlocking my protective instinct and letting the armours fuse in a flash of fire and ice. I spun on myself and shot a knife hand out, energy focusing on two fingers as the Warlords— and Mom— closed in on me.

Tessa's roar broke the silence. "YOU _WILL NOT HAVE HER_!"

The power of a surekill swelled in both of our chests, letting our armour's inspiration— the dragon's power of east and west— burst out in a hailstorm.

Fire met the brazier from the other side, and I heard Mom yell as Tessa's attack connected with her monstrous form. The sickly green flame in front of me sputtered, shuddered. I growled and let my anger at her, anger at _them_ , intensify my attack.

They would never have anyone again.

With a deafening _crack_ , the flame imploded on itself, shutting the gate behind me and taking the Nether Spirits with it. The Warlords around me halted, threads controlling them snapped with the extinguished fire. I could only catch a white shape and a few coloured flecks where the guys had been before I spun to face my mother, her already retreating into the sky after knowing this fight was lost.

Tessa was about to launch after her. I threw my arm out, staff materializing in my hand. "She's _mine_."

"I think you mean 'ours'," my sister said far too pleasantly, grinning like the brat she was. I didn't care, so long as I'd get my retribution.

Before either of us could launch after her, Sekhmet placed his sword across my chest. "You'll be useless without this."

He quickly sliced where he had cut before, antidote slipping into my blood and easing weakness growing like rot in my system I hadn't even noticed in my adrenalin-filled gambit. I nodded in thanks. Before any of the guys could register what had happened, I launched into the air after my mother, Tessa a hairsbreadth behind.

I found her hiding in the clouds like the coward she was. I raised one hand, staff flowing into a perfectly curved bow. My heart felt about as cold as Dawn, remorseless and calculating. It contrasted the fire in my veins, burning with the anger I'd held inside with no outlet for too long.

She called up a dark cloud as if that would make a difference. "You promised to come with me!"

I smirked. "Never said how far."

The arrow loosened, lightning exploding the cloud and forcing her out of hiding. "You should _know_ what I mean by now!"

I caught her return lightning— a mime of mine, as if she could pretend I was unjustified and she wasn't angry at my defiance. As if she could pretend she wasn't retaliating and just 'correctly' sending 'my' attack back to me. The crackling burned and caught like webbing between my fingers, but Dawn's influence in Dusk made it possible I could tell the difference.

"And _you_ should know what I think of you by now!"

Every ounce of pain went into _truly_ redirecting her attack. She screeched in fury, eyes turning red as she drew on the _oni_ 's Nether energy. "You witch!"

A half moon of flame arced out like a sword's edge towards her stomach. "Thanks."

"You're taking _pride_ in being a demo—"

Her yelling was cut off by Tessa stabbing into her side with a short sword, her ripping the blade out and zooming out of range of those claws.

A firestorm exploded from my palm, a veritable tornado towards her. If she _dared_ touch my sister, I _would_ kill her.

My own bloodlust terrified me, but the anger under the surface kept me from truly feeling bad about myself. I could never be vengeful for my own sake, but for my sister's? I didn't care who it was.

Not like my mother had ever been my family.

"Enough!"

Lightning flashed around us, our mother drawing up a storm with black clouds that even Balance's light couldn't pierce. I flew up, then down, trying to find her— or Tessa, an ache in my heart screaming about how I needed her at this moment, trying to find my way in the dark— but the storm was too thick.

I knew this blackness, I'd been enveloped this way. It was full of _her_ black tar and sticky pessimism; the wounds on my back were reopening, Dusk's connection with the freedom of flight coming perilously close to severing.

' _Rowen's on the way,'_ Sage said, bolstering me with the sense I wasn't— couldn't— be alone.

Ryo was next to speak. ' _Figured you could use air support more than Inferno.'_

Now _that_ gave me an idea.

Another arrow. I had no target, but I didn't need one. She was everywhere, and this would produce the same result as shooting fish in a barrel. Even if one didn't hit the fish, the shockwave would still kill it. And here we had ten proverbial guns. My plan dispersed among the guys and Warlords, all of them readying themselves as the storm intensified, the sickening sensation of a Gate about to form again providing urgency.

' _Any idea where she is?'_ Rowen asked from the blackness around us.

' _Just shoot and let me handle it.'_

Ten attacks ripped out in unison, dozens— hundreds— of Nether Spirit trails dissolving or shattering from the impacts. The attacks bounced off each other and turned the clouds to lace.

They exploded with a final shudder, the storm turning into a clear blue sky.

My mother's significantly smaller form was in the centre. Cowering, frantically searching for an escape as she was surrounded on all sides.

I snarled. " _Coward_."

Another arrow launched and went straight into the centre of her chest, sending her plummeting back to earth. The three of us dove after her, landing at the start of the furrow she'd carved in the ground with her landing. Rowen immediately powered down, blue orb darting back to Ryo for one final blast.

We were ending this.

Fear immediately gripped my heart.

' _Don't kill her!'_

Everyone froze as my mother got back to her feet, teetering between human and demon. Her face was mask-like but her stature was smaller. Mortal. Losing connection with the cult. The one she'd grown up in that we'd already established could twist minds. Could make people not think.

Maybe…

Sage followed my train of thought faster than the others. ' _You heard her. Don't.'_

Ryo resigned himself to my orders. It took me a moment to steady myself, find my anger again, block out the guilt I was doing this.

' _You're allowed to be angry.'_

Rowen's words set me back on track. Almost without signal I leveled yet another surekill at my mother, but not with an intention to harm. In an ironic echo, I only had one command.

 _Balance, purify her._

The golden magic formed a particularly wide lightning bolt, flames on the edges coming from a place I had thought locked up, thought closed to her. The fact she was my mother, somebody who had cared for me no matter how twisted her ways. Somebody I wanted back and now there was a single glimmer, regardless of how small—

She fell to her knees as the attacks ended, me hazarding a step towards her. The mask-like features she'd worn had become an actual white mask on the ground in front of her, deranged eyes and wide-open mouth sending shivers down my spine. She was shaking, sobbing. Her hands went to her face and I'd only ever seen her cry once before. My throat was already closing up that I'd done this to her, but if this was a _chance_.

Another step. She looked up and issued a single demand. "Why do you _hate me_?"

I froze, every feeling of compassion and affection shattering. I had asked they not kill her. I had every right to want her dead and I couldn't bring myself. Every chance, every action. I'd not pulled my attacks but I'd only surekilled her at the end. Why didn't she see what _I_ had been trying to do?

My throat was too closed up to say ' _I_ don't _.'_

—/—

The best way to describe the scene was static electricity.

Alexa freezing was rarely a good sign. The sinking feeling growing in my stomach was compounded by the sudden void from Dusk. It'd be different if she screamed, cried, hit our mother—the object of _so_ much heartbreak and pain— _something_.

This numb vacuum I could sense was far scarier.

The static feeling came from the tension that a katana could have cut through. Ronin and Warlord alike were braced for any further sign of fight from my mother, Rowen slowly inching his way toward Alexa and I. Beside us, Sage moved as if to put a comforting hand on my sister's shoulder, but hesitated when she took a half step back. My concern continued to build; every line of her body spoke of a primal need to avoid pain, even at the expense of her freedom.

The result of a lifetime of abuse from the woman now leaping to her feet.

"You've never supported me in _anything_ I do! You're always so wrapped up in yourself. Don't you know this is hell on me? You—my _own daughter_ — refusing to acknowledge my struggles. Your father was the same way!"

Sage seemed to grow another foot taller with the ferocity of his icy words. "And you don't acknowledge hers!" He mimicked Alexa's step back by moving forward, directly preventing any opportunity to hit my sister while she was vulnerable. "She _spared your life_ when Inferno could have killed you. She loves so strongly that she put herself through _your_ trap when she has the power to end this herself, without submitting to that pain. All to make sure everyone— including _you_ — were safe. And not just of the pain of attacks, but of your betrayal."

She threw her arms out, almost exasperated and definitely hurt. " _My_ betrayal? Have you ever—"

"You betrayed her the moment you denied her who she was." His fury rolled off Halo like an avalanche. I was glad I'd never been on the receiving end of anything _remotely_ related to this tongue-lashing. "I was taught to respect my elders, but I have learned that respect is an _exchange_. A child respects their parents because their parents teach them how to navigate the world. To be who they are. You, meanwhile, forced her to become someone she is not—all for your own selfish ends."

She pointed at Alexa, now, but stepped towards him. Righteous rage boiled in her eyes as Cye started a slow move toward my sister around the circle that had formed. "I saw who she really was! Not what the world has corrupted her to be!"

The ground suddenly rocked, a harsh wailing erupting from nowhere that raked my ears raw. Fire flared at her feet, the elongated face of a Nether Spirit spiraling up into her hands and then shooting at Sage's chest.

It never reached him. A purple shell sprang to to life, starting as a wall to reflect the strike and then wrapping into a bubble around my mother, amethyst lacing through ruby with the same effect of a cork being stuck in the barrel of a gun.

" _Nevermore_!"

Her shrieking at Alexa's counterattack almost hurt worse than the Nether Spirits' screams. The bubble holding the violent energy in place turned red at its base, reminding me of a bunsen burner. Turning my attention to Alexa had me reflecting the rest of the Ronin's horror at just how ferociously she was redirecting our mother's own powers on her. Dais, Cale, and Sekhmet grimly approved; Rowen wrapped an arm around my shoulders, hand tightening comfortingly.

Silence reigned when the burning finally ceased—but only for a long moment.

The firmness in dagger-like words cut into me almost as much as our mother. "I am _finished_ letting you project your life onto me. God created all types, not just the perfect and mistakes. And the world is better for it." Alexa paused, seeming to consider a realization. "You're scared of me, aren't you? This only comes from fear. That I'll realize I don't need you. That I can stand on my own. That I might go against you. That I'm more powerful than you. Your worst fear has come true and it's all. Your. Fault."

More silence, all eyes on my sister, horror slowly softening in the armor connection as shock faded and the scene sunk in. Apparently Alexa felt the same, taking more steps away from all of us, eyes fixed on her mother. Sage turned to watch her—confusion, hurt, and concern in his eye—but only hesitantly lifted a hand toward her.

"Your fate's in the courts' hands, now."

And before we could stop her, she turned and ran toward the lake.

"Alexa!"

Rowen's hand kept me from following. Despite my focus on Alexa and the arms separating me from her, I was dimly aware of Kento pulling my mother into an arm-lock.

"No, please, lemme _go_ she can't be alone—"

"I'll go after her."

His sudden, immediate response deflated me, unresisting when he drew me further into his embrace. There was barely time to close my still-armored hands into tense fists against his breastplate before he was gone, stepping back and disappearing after my sister.

I nearly jumped when Sage gently clasped my shoulder. "She'll be fine with Rowen. I'm not sure you— or anyone else here— can help, right now. We need you to deal with the police."

That got a snort, feeling my expression form into the epitome of resigned annoyance as I muttered, " _Yet_ again."

Now, with the adrenaline draining from my system, the scene in which we stood finally registered. I could hardly stand to see my mother, eyes skipping past her to take in the rest. The cultic altar nearby had been decimated, reduced to twisted metal, plastic, and cinders. Limbs had been stripped from trees and furrows carved out of the earth. And then, of course, there were still the Guardians and two supernaturally animated horses in the meadow to deal with.

"...How're we even gonna explain _this_ one to the police?" I murmured. "We might have Liv on our side, but that's not likely to be enough."

Sage was equally quiet. "We'll have some time to figure that out. Hopefully no one thought the lightshow anything too out of the ordinary, and your stepmom can get this sorted out without too many questions."

Exhaustion hit me out of nowhere, overwhelmed with the reality of everything that had just happened and the mere _thought_ of what was likely to come next. Before I could completely slump to the ground, however, Sage hefted me up in his arms—against his powerful chest, covered now in the standard button-down shirt—and walked over to a wide-trunked tree. Halo's unexpected openness echoed my weariness as he sat at the tree's base, the release in tension the key to dropping Kinkou's and then Dawn's manifestations.

Halo also told me just how triggered my host brother was, and how he needed the comfort (and _to_ comfort) as much as I did, with Rowen taking care of Alexa.

I couldn't say I minded nestling against him, his hand brushing stray hairs from my sweaty forehead. "But for now, you should rest. Ryo and the others can handle everything else."

Despite my desire to cling to this little slice of peace, I couldn't ignore the protest rising in my mind. Needing rest didn't change the fact I didn't want anyone else to handle one particular thing in my stead. "At least let _me_ call Liv, please?"

He sighed, allowing me to shift so as to reach the cell phone in my pocket and sit up a little straighter. "You're just as stubborn as Alexa."

I responded with a smirk. "What did you expect? We _are_ twins, after all."

He merely chuckled as I hit Liv's speed dial and pressed the phone to my ear.

—/—

Cold. This high in the sky— above the clouds, the air so thin Dusk had to richen it— all I could feel was this bone-chilling, knife-edged _cold_. It stuck to my eyelids and my lungs, everything about this moment quiet. I'd only flown higher when Balance vanished, needing to get as far as possible from the scene I'd just left.

What I'd done.

' _You'll die up here if you don't get_ some _armour protection on.'_

I spun to face Rowen, anger flaring at the nerve he'd pressed. I hid away my immediate reply of 'what if I want to' and just stared him down.

' _I understand.'_

Dusk flickered, cold growing in my chest like Sekhmet's poison had earlier. Everything _slipped_ and I felt myself falling, exhaustion too much for even adrenalin to compensate for. My eyes closed as the wind whistled past my ears.

I'd always wanted to experience freefall.

My descent lasted all of ten feet before my body slowed, sinking into a warm bubble. By the time shivering— me realizing just _how cold_ I was— settled in, Rowen had me against him in a very soft, very gentle hug. His helmet was gone and he'd tucked me into the curve of his neck, one hand behind my head and the other around my waist. Despite being against metal, it was still warmer than I'd been just a few moments ago.

Almost immediately, I started sobbing. Rowen entered my mind like ink, diffusing out into the void I felt I had become. He didn't try to reach out to me like the others, to counter the feelings swirling in my mind— he was simply there.

' _You were all horrified._ I'm _horrified.'_

" _That doesn't change how we think of you. It was just the immediate shock. None of us would blame you. We've all been monsters at one time or another, especially with the armors."_

' _I just didn't want her to hurt anyone else… I didn't mean to hurt_ her _.'_ I curled up into him, hands fisting against his breastplate. ' _Except… I_ did _want to hurt her. I want her to hurt the way she's hurt me and feel what it's like for a change. Stand up in court and hear_ she's _the monster.'_

He kept his gentle touch, contact deepening in my mind as my internal barriers broke down— but still, he didn't directly try to reassure me. ' _There's no shame in wanting that. Making someone pay for what they've done is usually called 'justice'. Just ask Kento.'_

I couldn't even acknowledge the teasing. ' _I was never allowed to_ seek _justice. That I should just trust it would happen. I wasn't allowed to get angry, let alone_ retaliate _out of anger.'_

"'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing' _. If we never got angry at injustice, no one would ever do anything to change it—to make the world a little less painful."_

I flinched under the words. ' _That doesn't change the fact I was called evil and vindictive for doing it. That it would impact my job prospects and turn friends away and how I should never try to fight for what's right because the cost for doing it is too big.'_

Strata remained open despite the depths Rowen was reaching into my mind. I shuddered and borrowed into him more, everything hurting and words not forming and I didn't talk about this because I never wanted to admit what rested in my heart.

' _Feeling pain is human,'_ he said softly. ' _No need to hide it.'_

I choked on another sob, mind going straight to one too many lectures that felt too much like flashbacks for comfort. ' _She always said how insufferable anger made me and how I needed to get over my temper because everybody would leave me if I didn't get it under control and how much it hurt her and how it was unjustified—'_ Another sob, dam of feelings flooding out under the unfailing acceptance and understanding Rowen projected. ' _If my own_ mother _can't stand me how good a person can I_ be _?'_

Matching pain— what I'd sensed in his mind when I'd helped him not even a week ago— met mine. It worked better than comfort or placation; instead, it was simple solidarity I wasn't alone in feeling this way. I kept crying into his neck, wanting to show him the inside of the black hole near my heart but him holding me away from it, refusing to let me fall into the deeper parts of despair that parental neglect could cause. His own knowledge it was a lie acted as my anchor, something to grip despite how much I wanted to let go.

' _Sometimes the people who are supposed to love us are bad at loving us.'_ He directed my attention to what felt like the bottomless pit we stood on the edge of. ' _When it's our parents, it leaves a hole like this. I wish I could say it left, but it hasn't for me. I don't know if it ever will. But I do know you can make it appear smaller, or at least, less significant.'_

Now it was his turn to pull me into his mind, straight to the edge of his own pain. The inky blackness was so familiar I shrunk back; he continued the action much farther, letting me see far more of his soul— and the area around that loveless place.

The four armours rested like sentinels around it, Dawn and Dusk joining on the outsides albeit much weaker out of fear we wouldn't stay. Still, he kept us there, along with a patchwork of memories from the war, and university, and how professors took him under their wing. In this light, the hole appeared so much smaller than its edges indicated, the whirl of stars around it drawing too much attention to itself for the void to be the focus.

' _We might not ever recover,'_ he said, easing me back into a space between our minds. ' _But that doesn't mean we're loveless. There are other sources of love that mean just as much as our parents, or, in our cases, more than.'_

I wrapped my arms around his neck and _clung_ , the reassurance this wasn't all-consuming almost more than I could bear. Already, he was helping me collect my own galaxy of positive memories. I smiled at the little tidbit of knowledge he added in this context— how there was a supermassive black hole in the centre of the Milky Way, holding it together and making life possible.

' _I knew that, but I like that metaphor.'_

' _It helped me.'_ The twinkle of amusement he'd said those words with continued to shine, to the point he pulled away. ' _Want to see the stars?'_

My jaw dropped, thrill of joy leaping across my heart. ' _You mean, see space?'_

He nodded.

I was about to say yes before a thought struck me, somewhere between teasing and serious. ' _So long as this isn't_ cheating…'

He laughed. ' _No, considering I have no intention of kissing you.'_

The joke eased away any fears and I let my ache to go be my confirmation. We flew up higher, and higher— sky dropping from brilliant blue to almost white, to finally, blackness.

The scene took my breath away.

Sunlight crested over the earth, an image that made any photo I'd seen of space pale in comparison. There were stars around the moon and everything was so _vast_ it was almost beyond comprehension. I felt so small, up here, insignificant under such a scale.

Unlike Rowen, the thought brought more anxiety than comfort.

' _Do you want to stay?'_

For once I felt relief somebody had read me. ' _Y-yes… a little…'_

' _I'm not insulted, if you're worried. Or even surprised.'_

I blinked.

' _My… shut downs make me feel suffocated. Coming here helps remind me there's room to breathe. Yes, I know the irony that this is a vacuum.'_ He paused to allow my chuckle, glad his joke had hit the mark. ' _You, though. This whole trip you've needed closed off environments. We can come back when you've…'_

I nodded and looked around, taking in the opportunity while I had it. Even with the thought I'd see it again, it'd be different, and this felt too special to pass up. I was genuinely awed, genuinely in love with this place, but my heart was still shivering at being exposed. It was nice to know I could come back once I no longer felt like a worthless speck already.

The earth was a welcome marble under my feet, a place I wanted to return to. I hesitated telling Rowen I wanted to leave, now fixated on the clouds swirling across the blue and green sphere. The patterns captured my attention and helped calm me down.

He followed my gaze. ' _We can go inside one, if you want.'_

' _Can we?'_

Before I could blush at my own squeaked-out-from-excitement reply, he simply smiled and nodded. The descent down felt artificially slow, but after my suicidality-driven freefall, I appreciated easing back down into the Earth's atmosphere.

From the way his hand carefully stroked my upper back, he'd picked up on exactly that feeling.

He found a particularly large and fluffy cloud, sinking into it and letting me watch our little bubble go from clear to fogged, like glass. Sunlight filtered in but not enough for it to be bright, leaving me feeling like I was in a cocoon. My soul relaxed at being hidden from the outside world, everything around me soft. Soon, water droplets beaded and flowed off, tracing patterns in the pale blue. I reached against the surface and ran my fingers along where the rivulets formed, transfixed at the actions of water like I always was. Strata's aura wasn't flinchingly cold like glass against rain was, drawing a smile that I could have a completely positive sensory experience for once.

' _You and Cye really should talk more.'_

I burst out laughing. ' _I'm almost surprised Dusk has fire powers, considering how much I love water.'_

' _Must be reflecting the fire in your heart.'_

I raised an eyebrow at him. ' _I thought you said this wasn't cheating.'_

' _Can't a guy give a compliment?'_ he said, grin betraying just how much he enjoyed flirting. Typical Libra. ' _Besides. Sage might've said a few things.'_

Now I blushed. ' _I didn't know he_ talked _about me…'_

He chuckled. ' _More than he does about poetry.'_

I groaned and facepalmed. ' _And from how the guys made comments about that!'_

Rowen shifted from teasing to reassuring, hand returning to stroking my back. ' _He's just happy you're in his life. He doesn't care how.'_

' _Good.'_ That single word betrayed too much emotion and I knew he sensed all of it. Thankfully, he didn't press. I wasn't exactly in the mood to explore that tangle, especially half asleep.

The water against the glass-like protection sounded just enough like rain it was soothing. He tipped back until I felt like we were both reclining within the cloud, me curled up against his chest. I settled into the hold and felt my body exhale, the emotional and magical drain of today catching up to me.

' _Rest. We can stay up here awhile.'_

I nodded just to acknowledge I'd heard, closing my eyes and entering into a semi-lucid state where I heard the water and his breathing, but otherwise let myself drift in and out.

The next thing I became aware of was my sister's voice. ' _She okay, Ro?'_

' _Both of you need to get down here, soon,'_ Sage said a moment after. ' _We agreed to tell the police I took you two back to the house because you were exhausted, but I don't know when they'll drive everyone back.'_

' _Comin' right down,'_ Rowen replied. ' _She fell asleep.'_

I muttered something about how I was actually awake, thank you very much, but from Rowen's amusement it hadn't reached them. ' _You_ were _sound asleep a few minutes ago.'_

I continued a variation of protests as he flew back down to earth. When we nearly landed he paused to get an arm under my knees, effectively making it I wouldn't collapse upon landing. Strata stayed in place until another pair of arms could take me. Sage's grip was already becoming familiar, especially the way his forehead rested against mine. I nuzzled back, letting him know I was awake.

He laughed oh so softly. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

My eyes fluttered open, not wanting to be but I wanted to see him. ' _I'm just sorry I can't help you.'_

He was quiet as he carried me inside the house, as if silence would allow some sort of denial. My ear against his heart told me otherwise, beat different than it normally was and him making no effort to control the rapid pulse. He eventually settled in a bed with me in his lap, arm slipping out from under my knees so he could brush my hair back with his now-free hand. ' _Having you back helps.'_

' _I still hurt you.'_

He sighed, hand sliding down my arm. ' _And just like the last time you did, I forgive you.'_

Before I had a chance to respond, not like I knew what to say anyway, there was a knock on the door. "How is she?"

Sage responded to my father for me, having taken the hint when I purposely didn't move at the voice. "Exhausted. She ended up engaging in fights the most."

I stirred when my dad smoothed my hair back, not expecting the touch.

"Easy," he said. His fingers went under my neck to my glands, and I recognized the beginning of a vitals exam. "I just want to make sure you're okay, alright?"

Unease rose in my throat. ' _Cye?'_

' _I'm right here,'_ Cye replied. ' _Neither of us will let him hurt you.'_

With that reassurance I nodded, letting my father take my pulse and check my breathing. He made a sound I couldn't quite identify the emotion of, even his voice a puzzle. "Her heart rate is irregular."

"Likely hypoglycemic, knowing her history," Cye said. "Give me a moment."

I had a feeling Dad wanted to ask, considering I'd kept my eating disorder a dirty little secret since I'd arrived, but thankfully he didn't. He smoothed my hair back again, the motion far more relaxed than other times he'd touched me. I couldn't help but wonder if I reminded him of Tessa, right now.

"Still awake?"

I hesitated momentarily before nodding.

He took my hand. "You always were my daughter, and I always loved you."

I turned my face into Sage's chest to hide my tears; Sage's hand lifted from my stomach to wipe them away, only for Dad to beat him to it. More flowed out to replace the ones removed. Dad pulled away, stroked my hair one last time, and stood. Cye replaced him a moment after and nudged my hand with a glass. I swallowed my emotions down and took it, polishing off the sweet liquid in what felt like record time.

This time, Cye's fingers took my pulse. "You should feel better, soon. Be able to rest."

I nodded against Sage's shoulder, already feeling my heart settle and muscle tension ease. Cye pried the glass out of my hand and placed it on the bedside table, Sage enveloping me in his arms and Halo warming my still-freezing body.

Stars twinkled around the loveless pit, reminding me she was wrong and I wasn't alone.

—

I stirred under a pile of blankets, shivering. I turned on my side simply to get off my back. A distinctly sweet taste on my tongue made me pause and screw my nose up. I never woke up like this, I never fell asleep like this, and I was so cold. My stomach churned from sheer exhaustion, and I wanted to go back to unconsciousness.

A large hand went on my shoulder, Kento's voice permeating the sleep fog. "Take it easy."

I brought my knees up under the covers, nausea from hunger and anxiety from yesterday coming in waves. My body was clearly telling me I'd done too much, pushed myself too hard. I was empty but felt far too sick to fix that.

His hand tightened. "Shh. It's okay. Cye's coming up."

As if on cue, I heard footsteps. Kento carefully manipulated me so I was on my back and propped up. A glass met my lips and the mystery of where that sweet taste had come from was solved. I drank the contents, trying to get used to the feeling of not holding it myself.

Kento leaned me back against propped up pillows. "Sure is easier to do that when you're awake."

I chuckled, stomach slightly eased from the juice. "How long have I been out?"

"Nearly a day," Cye said, sitting on the other side of the bed. "We've been taking turns watching you and Tessa. She was out for sixteen."

"Everyone except Rowen. Tessa wouldn't let him leave." Kento kept his hand on my shoulder, laughing softly. "We practically had to drag Sage out of here."

I snorted and offered my wrist again. "Not surprised. At either of those."

Cye carefully pressed on the skin, gauging for something I couldn't see. "Especially after he had to heal you from the Nether Spirit burns on your wrists." Once he'd determined they weren't bothering me, he began taking my pulse. "Think you'll be able to eat, or do you need more juice?"

I paused to evaluate how I was responding to that single glass. "Food sounds fantastic right now. Omelettes in particular."

Both of them smiled. Kento stood and stretched. "Well, should probably leave the medic here to take care of you. Back up with your order in a bit."

I smirked at his retreating back. "He's just trying to get out of watching me, isn't he?"

Cye laughed and shook his head. "Oh, he'd watch you almost as closely as Sage, if given the chance. Comes with being the oldest in his family. I think he's tired of not cooking."

I raised an eyebrow, only to promptly lower it again. "I was going to ask how, only to remember I'm the same."

Cye ruffled my hair lightly and settled down in the chair Kento had occupied. "I might have also found out Rowen showed you the inside of a cloud. Magical, isn't it?"

Before I could open my mouth to retort, Tessa knocked on the open door. "Hey, sis? Liv dropped this off for you."

My nerves went on edge almost instantly. I swallowed non-existent saliva and nodded for her to come in.

She dropped a folder in my lap, silent as I read the name. My mother's.

Inside were mug shots, the fingerprints, the complete lack of bail, and the charges. She wasn't getting out. Not any time soon. 'Too dangerous to release' came across loud and clear on the documents. For once somebody believed that.

I sobbed into my hand, unable to breathe from _relief_.

Cye carefully removed the folder from my grasp, freeing up the space for my sister to hug me. I could hear the smile in her voice. "You're free. She can't hurt you, anymore."

Thoughts of what this _meant_ — a trial, a potentially agonizingly long process that would take over my life intermittently for an unknown time— all of them paled in the realization she was gone.

Sage came in a few moments later and wrapped his arms around us both, his hand going up and down my back. "Now you can move on."

His words struck a cord. I could stop looking over my shoulder. I could stop wondering if she'd find me, if I'd run into her somewhere, if I'd have to fight for my life against her. About how I could put that behind me.

She was in prison.

I was finally _safe_.


	28. Epilogue

_Epilogue_

"Christmastime."

"No way, Cye, Sage won't wait that long."

"But he doesn't want to scare her off or be pushy, Kento. I'd say sometime in the week after Homecoming."

I raised an eyebrow at Ryo. "Really? Mr. Innocent believes in hopeless romanticism after all?"

Kento laughed loudly—and was promptly shushed by the four of us. In the same sort of conspiratorial whisper we'd been using throughout this conversation, he continued, "What does _Luna_ think of that?"

True to form, Ryo's face went as red as his armor. "Not what _you_ think, Ken."

Before this clandestine meeting could get off on a tangent about someone else's love life, Rowen brought us back to the topic. "C'mon, guys, focus. Sage can't Skype with Alexa forever."

Cye glanced over at me. "So? When do _you_ think they'll get together?"

"Hey!" Kento protested. "She's an insider, she gets an unfair advantage over us!"

Rowen again filled the role of mediator. "Then she can be the bookie." Slinging an arm around my shoulders and grinning slyly, he said, "I bet Sage and Alexa will get together by the end of the dance."

All around our little circle, eyebrows jumped up foreheads. "Don't you think that's a tad bold, Ro?"

"Not as bold as Kento is betting!"

"How do you know what I'm betting?"

"Face it, Kento, you're so eager you're not shielding it from the rest of us. You're going to bet they start dating in the next thirty days."

All eyes went to the warrior of Hardrock. He attempted to keep a firm expression, but quickly slouched and pouted. "Yeah, yeah, alright, you got me…"

I straightened and reached for the planner I always stashed in my purse, Rowen's arm never leaving my shoulders. Flipping it to the notes section and clicking my accompanying pen open, I glanced back up at the gathered Ronin. "Alright, y'slackers, book's is open fer bettin'. One at a time, no need teh crowd d'stand."

—

The remainder of my study abroad seemed to pass like water of a receding tide—each wave came and left quickly, but the level changed in such small increments any significant drop crept up on whomever watched it.

Saying goodbye to them all left a bittersweet ache in my chest—and parting with Rowen was the most difficult, as was to be expected. We spent quite a few (perhaps too many) of the hours before my departure back in space once more, wrapped in the comforting silence and each other's arms.

It was almost impossible _not_ to count down the days to Homecoming, when Alexa and I would see them all again. The fact we'd be holding a huge birthday bash for the resident October babies—and the fact the pool on Sage and Alexa getting together was down Kento—made the thought maddeningly distracting.

As was the way of my school, however, time both inched by and flew like one of Strata's arrows. Days dragged on, yet weeks vanished in the blink of an eye.

Finally, I found myself standing beside my sister in our hotel room bathroom as we prepared for the big dance. The sense of surrealism that had followed me since the day before—when I'd gone to pick up first Alexa, then the guys from the airport—slowly dissipated until completely disappearing the moment I zipped up my dress.

Alexa paused applying her makeup to give me a sideways look, her grin matching my excited giggle and bouncing. "Gorgeous as always."

I blushed and _simpered_ , studying my appearance in the mirror with palms pressed to my cheeks. The girl that grinned back at me hardly seemed recognizable, dark green eyeshadow pulling the emerald highlights in my hazel eyes and dark blue nail polish matching the blue lace-and-satin sleeveless dress. Knowing Rowen like I did, I was certain we would be nearly twins, practically.

Kicking up one rhinestone-studded strappy heel experimentally, I then turned my attention to my twin. "Think we'll get the guys' attentions?" I questioned with a cat-like grin.

Leave it to me to go reconning for the boys' bets; there was a reason Rowen had wagered like he had.

Alexa nodded, humming in the affirmative and matching my own _wickedly_ devious expression. I took a moment to eye her dress, a cap-sleeve number in deep purple which had been its ultimate selling point, as it matched Dusk perfectly. Of course, where I had swung toward fun and flirty, my somewhat predictable sister had gone absolutely stunning and _sultry_. Smokey eyeshadow; eyes lined in black in such a way as to resemble a cat's; dark hair half pulled back with a purple-studded butterfly-shaped hair clip; and a for-obvious-reasons emerald pendant warming her chest just below the collarbone.

Bright, Wildfire-red lip stain rounded out the ensemble. As she capped the bottle, she admitted, " _My_ goal, at least, was to make Sage weak in the knees." The devilish grin returned. "What's the point of him being my date if I can't have _some_ fun?"

That brought barking laughter to my lips. "Are you sure you aren't part cat?" My brain hopped to another thought. "Although I'm _pretty_ sure Sage isn't a mouse. Might wanna keep your eye on that one."

At my teasing, she winked. "Well, witches _do_ often have cats…"

And there went my easily-amused self with the laughter again. It felt wonderful to be so relaxed, the mirth bubbling up from the center of my chest and setting my nerves to humming with the bright energy.

Of course, just as I managed to get my laughter under control, Alexa indulged in her own light cackling. "Oh gosh they're right. Here."

She swiped her phone off the counter and held it up for me to read the Facebook conversation from one of her friends.

 _how many birthdays are you celebrating again?_

 _Three. I had a few more parties and fb messages to send out, too, lol Birthday season!_

 _that's too many fucking libras. where's the balance in that? fucking valentine's day_

And I fell victim to the most side-splitting of side-splitting laughs, arms hugging my stomach in a vain attempt at holding myself together. The irony was too perfect.

Just like the rest of this whole crazy adventure of a summer.

But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

—/—

We stepped out of the hotel bathroom and I got my heels on, preferring _not_ to wear those three inch numbers while getting ready. Eyeliner this good required a steady hand and lots of shifting weight. Once again our shoes were opposites— while hers had glitter to match the magpie she was, mine were solid black with a strap across the middle of the foot, a rose on the side where the strap connected.

My feet would hate me by the end of the night, but gaining three inches on Sage so I could get a _little_ closer to looking him in the eye would be worth it. Not to mention they were taller than my sister's heels, increasing our already noticeable height difference.

We both grabbed our little purses, the primary difference between our two black pieces being hers was plain satin while mine was leather with a garden design carved into it. I opened the door so my sister didn't have to wrestle with the weight, letting her _properly_ walk out.

Or, in the case of right now, sashayed. I couldn't see the guys but I could hear all the chatter die down as she stood facing them, hip popped out, raised eyebrow only she could do, oh-so-obviously teasing Rowen for the happy-stunned expression I could feel through Strata.

"So? You like?"

His reply was going over to wrap his arms around her and give her a short but, from the firmness and wash of passion through Dawn, powerful kiss.

After a moment she pushed him back, giving me room to step out— and Sage a clear view.

He _had_ been about to push off from against the wall, only to fall back against it as he took me in. The rest of the guys had similar stunned expressions, Rowen apparently the only one immune. I smirked and turned to the side, one knee popping and a hand on my hip. Sage sunk down a little farther, looking over all of me at once, while the others got over themselves.

Everyone else laughed at his star-struck reaction, Tessa into Rowen's chest; Kento clasped Sage's shoulder. "Having a little trouble standing, there?"

That seemed to pull him out of it. He finally pushed himself off the wall and walked over to me, taking my offered hand and kissing my fingers. "Absolutely stunning."

My flirty side dropped away, replaced by shyness at just how that kiss felt in comparison to the ones from a few months ago. I quickly reached up to half brush his bangs from his eye so I could see hints of both. He smiled, only enhancing the twinkle there.

"Uh, Earth to Sage and Alexa," Ryo said, voice absolutely teasing. "Got a dance to go to…!"

I glared at him around Sage, causing Ryo to mockingly jump back in fright.

Tessa was still grinning. "Look out, the Snow Leopard's got you in her sights."

"If she messes with Ryo," Rowen said, same tone as everyone else, "White Blaze is going to have _his_ sights on _her._ "

I snorted. "If I don't work my magic on him, first."

Tessa's expression hadn't changed. "Yeah, she'll have that kitty rolling on his back for a belly rub."

I matched her expression. "I've had some pretty grumpy, people-hating cats demand petting from me. So there's that."

Cye shook his head as we waited for the elevator. "Oh, right. Forgot we're dealing with a witch here."

"How could you possibly forget?" Rowen asked. He jerked his thumb to my date. "Just look at Sage."

The hand around mine tightened. I looked up to see Sage level him a _glare_ , spine rod straight. "We haven't had a kendo match in awhile. I'm sure we can go to the dojo when we get home."

Rowen went pale. I simply giggled.

We got on, Ryo pressing the button for a different floor almost sheepishly. I noticed Kento in particular eye him and couldn't help but feel a certain amount of relief. _'Sorry for Ryo but at least we're not the only ones the others can torment.'_

Sage chuckled. _'Small blessings.'_

To my surprise, it was Cye who made a comment. "G'on, Ryo, we'll meet you at the dance."

He sealed it off with a wink, and from the look on Ryo's face as he got off, Rowen wasn't the only one who'd get payback.

In the quiet that followed, I couldn't help but notice just how many glances Rowen stole at his girlfriend. I couldn't exactly say I blamed him, considering what she normally wore and how gushed up she was in this present moment.

She noticed, too. "What? Am I so beautiful you have no words left? I'm still me."

He smiled at her, still very much awestruck at just how she looked. "Pardon me, I'm just feeling a bit unbalanced right now."

She blinked. "But you're a Libra, you're supposed to be balanced."

"You seem to have this knack for throwing that off _completely_ , for me."

She paused and went "oh" before snuggling into his side, smiling shyly.

I smirked. "Funny. She balances _me_ out well enough."

Rowen shook his head before kissing her as the elevator reached the ground floor. Kento gagged as we all left.

I was purposely avoiding looking at Sage because I had a funny feeling he kept stealing glances at me. Instead, I continued addressing Rowen. "You were the only one not surprised at _me_ walking out and I'm more tomboyish than her when I want to be."

He snorted. "I saw you had a makeup brush, perfume, and lipstick next to your toothbrush and deodorant."

 _… Right._ I blushed and ducked my head as everyone turned to look at me, having _completely_ forgotten Rowen had been in my apartment the most. Sage in particular had his eyebrow up, arm snaking around my waist. "I think even if I'd known that, I'd have been surprised."

For all Tessa complained that she blushed easily, I'd most certainly inherited my fair share of the 'turns bright red' genes. Sage's lips met my temple. _'Sorry if that was too much. I… couldn't help myself.'_

I smiled and wrapped my arm around his waist. _'I may or may not have been trying to get a reaction from you.'_

His internal laugh was loud and bright. _'You and your sister…! Safe to say it worked.'_

The six of us drove to the dance in relative silence, Rowen and Tessa in the back, Sage and I in the middle, Kento beside Cye driving. Considering who could drive this was suspiciously looking like a setup, but I couldn't exactly say I minded. For once I got to _look_ at Sage, noticing just how well tailored his suit was and just how much he'd dressed up for this dance. Despite always wearing semi-formal attire, it worked for him. This suit in particular looked incredibly formal, black and white with pale purple accents; he was the only one who hadn't worn a tie that matched his armour colour, and I couldn't help but notice how it complimented Dusk just like my sister's outfit complimented Strata— not to mention his eyes. The knot of his tie almost looked _braided_ , something I had never seen before outside of referencing men's fashion for writing.

He noticed me looking and flashed me a smile. _'Your turn?'_

I stuck my tongue out at him, not dignifying that with a reply. Also hiding the lingering daydreams I'd been having of his clothes hanging in my closet, daydreams I had very rarely had. Only a handful of people had ever been close enough I could picture that. Of a life together where we shared a much closer space.

The dance itself was a blur of sights, sounds, and military uniforms. Sage stepped a little farther out on the open floor before turning and offering me a hand. "Still never partner danced?"

I ducked my head and placed my hand in his. "Past a few ballroom classes…"

His eyebrows went up in surprise. "Classes?"

I laughed and followed him into the space, almost able to get in a proper frame along with him. "Couldn't let you upstage me now, could I?"

His voice was soft as he brought our faces closer together. "All you have to do is follow."

I swallowed, nodded, and kept trying to ignore the fact he very much had not gotten this reaction out of me the last time we'd been together. I was sure his cologne didn't help— unlike his usual scent, the wood tones were emphasized and the cherry blossoms had more depth. I didn't know what else was mixed in, but it complimented him well.

Safe to say, with how distracted he made me, I was glad I'd taken those classes.

Sage was a _dancer_. His movements were more fluid than mine, a near-constant string of the steps floating through our armour connection to guide me. Somehow I managed to avoid stepping on his toes although I came perilously close a few too many times for my own comfort. He was simply amused and oh so slightly impressed.

 _'Tessa was right. You do pick up dancing quickly.'_

I blinked at him. _'What?'_

He smiled. _'When I first asked about you, before even meeting you—past Dusk, that is— I asked if you picked up skills quickly. She said you danced extremely well.'_

I cast my eyes down, blushing again. _'Thank you.'_

He picked up on how _uncomfortable_ compliments made me and turned his attention elsewhere. _'I wish I could say the same for Rowen.'_

Well that got my interest. I cast a glance over at my sister and her boyfriend, them dancing but with a few more laughs as she explained to him how the steps went. _'He mentioned how he was not a dancer.'_

Sage's smile only got bigger. _'And he's the one who got me into it! I forced him to take classes again because Tessa does and_ he's _the one who has to lead. He mentioned you weren't doing that for me, and I said you were already a dancer and you'd be following.'_

I chuckled. _'Little did he know…'_

He kissed my temple. _'I'm sure you would have been fine.'_

I quieted and looked down at his shoulder, already struggling to differentiate the music from chatter from his presence in my mind. The dancing most certainly helped me focus, but thinking of the steps while also trying to have a conversation took its toll.

He spun me once, then twice, bringing a smile to my face. _'I should've gotten a better dress for twirling.'_

 _'Next time.'_ We returned to a frame. _'I can't say I mind this one.'_

I swore my skin was going to dry out from all the blushing I was doing.

The music changed from slow dance appropriate to more on the club side, something that got the _others_ happy— Rowen in particular, because he could stop ballroom— but had me unsure. Sage pulled me off the dance floor and towards a quiet space opening up, giving us room to breathe.

"Want to leave?"

I looked back at everyone having fun on the dance floor, hand tightening around Sage's. "Just for a little…"

He smiled softly. "We can come back when the music's changed. Or when you're ready."

I nodded, tongue not wanting to respond to any words. He led the way through the crowds until we were outside on the parade field, watching the last rays of sunset side by side.

He wrapped an arm around my waist, nose against my temple. "You must be happy…"

The poke at Dusk made me smile. "Quite."

My return poke at his chest made him blush.

I leaned my head against his shoulder. "I missed you."

He found my opposite hand and gripped it, bringing it up to my collarbone. He hesitated speaking a moment, picking up on undertones in my words I'd left for him to find. "And I, you."

I tipped my head up to look at him, brushing the hair out of his eyes completely. He turned to face me, his hands sliding to my waist and mine to his chest. I swallowed and kept my eyes on his shoulder, not able to look him in the eye after seeing the trepidation and _hope_ in his gaze.

"Tōgei…"

I adjusted the lapels on his jacket. A few phrases caught in my throat, me torn between admitting my feelings outright or trying to deny them a little longer, to be absolutely sure. "I've never fallen for somebody _this_ quickly, before…"

He brought one hand to my jaw, turning my face towards him. The hope had grown, as had the gleams I'd seen before he returned to Japan—only more intense. "You're… sure?"

I couldn't hold his gaze and I hoped he wasn't hurt by it. "Yes." My eyes flicked up to see the smile growing on his lips. "I am."

Halo simply radiated joy as he leaned our foreheads together, hand cupping the back of my neck. His feelings were just as intense as his gaze, snippets of poetry he'd already begun associating with me drifting half-formed between the connection. Dusk tried to match the emotions, both of us a little afraid, a little trepidatious, but willing to try.

Willing to be in love.

He leaned forward, mouth coming closer to mine. My breath caught, causing him to freeze.

"May I?"

My "please" was half lost against his lips. He pulled me closer with a hand now on my lower back, my arms going around his neck and foot popping as the kiss continued. For all I dealt with magic, I'd never experienced this kind before.

Our armours twined together, lost in each other and simply absorbing affection and desire. All the care, the protectiveness— it came forward in a different way, now, the relationship we'd had expanded upon to include romantic love. Something I had always been so afraid of.

As the kiss ended, I realized I didn't have anything to fear.

My foot lowered as my breath returned, but otherwise, neither of us moved away from our bodies pressed close and foreheads together.

"How was it?"

The best response I could think of was to kiss him _back,_ only for me to realize I very much did not know how to do this. Despite how close we were, our noses bumped and both of us pulled apart. I would've melted into a puddle of embarrassment had Sage not laughed quietly and brought me against him again.

"I made the same mistake at first," he said, fingers once again going back to under my chin. "It takes practice." He tilted my head oh so slightly to the side, leaning in but stopping an inch away from my face. His voice had gotten even softer, barely a whisper and still every ounce gentle. "Try now."

 _This_ time, I got our lips together. The pride he took in my sense of accomplishment, no matter how small, simply made me tighten my grip. Mine wasn't as long or as sweeping or as deep, but it was a kiss, and the way he smiled through it let me know he'd enjoyed it as much as I had.

"So this is love," I murmured, hand going into his hair.

He was still holding me as close as when we'd been kissing. "And I am overjoyed I can experience it with you."

—/—

"You're running out of time, Rowen," Ryo pointed out lazily, smiling like I imagined White Blaze would before pouncing on his next meal.

The Three Stooges, I saw as we joined them, had somehow managed to claim one of the many round tables dotting half the gym's expanse all for our group. Only the three of them sat there now, however; Luna had presumably excused herself for a moment, and Sage and Alexa were _suspiciously_ absent.

That tidbit made me grin slyly. "Oh, I think there's plenty of time left. The night's yet young, and wouldn't you know? No one's seen Sage and Alexa for a little while," I said, delicately plucking my fruit punch from the table and taking a sip.

"What was that?"

As if we were living a movie, the aforementioned pair showed up right that instant. The teasing tone in Alexa's voice had all of us turning to look at them, and me laughing.

"We're right here," she continued.

Glances passed between the three Ronin still staking money on where this conversation might go. Kento _helpfully_ tried to be subtle. "Sure, _now_ you are. So…where'd you vanish to?"

I could have slapped him across the face were I standing on the other side of the table—as jovial and good-natured as his dig was. Instead I shot him a Stand Down glare, hoping the practice I'd had on insubordinate freshmen was enough to get the point across.

To my surprise, however, Alexa simply rolled her eyes at him. Sage, naturally, was cool as always and merely raised an eyebrow at his comrade-in-arms. "I think you're mistaking us for Rowen and Tessa," my sister said. Smiling in amusement, she added, "Although it _is_ funny that the Libra got together with one half of Balance, and the Gemini got together with the oldest twin."

We were all so focused on what she was implying about Libras and Geminis that it took a few moments for the subtle realization to sink in. Grinning and laughing triumphantly, I looked up at Rowen to see him matching my expression with an almost _evil_ glee in his eyes.

"C'mon, boys, pay up," he demanded in a pleased laugh, stretching an open palm out and wiggling his fingers meaningfully.

The Death Glare on Alexa's face was almost _priceless_. "You had _bets_?!"

Sage's was worse, however. The deadpan way he responded turned _all_ the boys pale with fright. "I believe there's room at the dojo for all five of you."

I started to smirk at Rowen, a tease on my tongue about how he was getting a double dose of Date-style punishment—before realizing he'd said _five_ of us. My eyes got wide as they met Sage's all-too-serious violet eyes. "Wait, _what_? I had nothing to do with this I didn't bet anything they wouldn't _let_ me—"

Rowen not-quite-slapped a hand over my mouth. "I don't think you're going to talk your way out of this one, _ryuko_."

I huffed and pouted at him as he took his hand away. My sister's slightly amused, slightly affectionate "I hate you" just turned everyone else's mild chuckles into genuine mirth. It distracted Rowen as he laughed brightly and turned his attention on Ryo, the nearest bet-loser. His hand dropped to my hip as mine rested atop his vest-clad chest.

Eyeballing his loosened tie got me a _very_ bad idea.

With his guard dropped, it was far easier than I thought to yank his head down to mine and surprise him with a kiss.

Cheers and hollers went up from the Three Stooges; I could sense Alexa and Sage's resigned amusement through Dawn. Luna's confused voice cut through the chaos as she returned to the group, but I hardly paid attention. Rowen was getting over his shock and unashamedly returning the lengthening kiss, arms wrapping around my waist. (And damn my hormones _yet again_ , I blushed profusely but welcomed it.)

All I could think about in that blissful moment was happiness. For just a while, no matter how short, it felt amazing to forget the world—legal proceedings, armors, cults, nightmares come to life—and just soak in the love of my closest friends and new-found family.

Little did I know just where this road would take us all.

 **FIN**

* * *

 **A/N:** Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, everyone!

We've _finally_ reached the very end of _From Dawn to Dusk_. It's official—and this epilogue is our Christmas present to you, everyone who has been reading/following along.

Of course, as we've been hinting at—this isn't the end of the road. The sequel is finally ready for unveiling. Tune in next week (same time, link will be in the profile ;)) for _Nightfall (And Everything After)_.

Thank you for sticking it out this far. We hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed writing. See you next week!

~ZeldaMoogle (and Co-Author)

P.s. We've been noticing a trend beginning to grow and would like to clarify a misconception: These characters are self-insert, NOT OC's. As a result, they are not up for adoption. While my coauthor and I are flattered there are those of you who want to use our characters, these characters _are us_ and as a result are not for use by anyone but us. Obviously material belonging to the original creators is free to anyone (the Ronin, Warlords, Mia, White Blaze, etc.), but all other characters in this story are off limits. However, if you'd like to use our specific headcanons (autistic Rowen and Sage in particular), please feel free. Thank you. (*This disclaimer now also appears at the beginning.)


End file.
